They whispered that time would heal my wounds as they tucked my hair behind my ears and soaked up all my fallen tears. But time never filled your absence, it simply tried to sugar coat my nasty truth.
- Merceades Bennett

**

Luke's Point Of View

Michael pulls up at our house and I get out, banging the car door closed and hoping it falls off the hinges.

The hotel security kept me in their damn office for an hour for causing trouble and beating up one of their guests. They shut up when I told them my band was the one paying for everyone staying there and if they notified the police about this like they threatened they would, I would give them the shittiest review over social media that they will eventually have to close down in a week. Fuck their five stars.

But more than anything else I'm relieved to be out of that small space in the car. The summer air hits my clammy skin, stinging. Michael kept asking me questions that I didn't want to answer. He told me he didn't want to drive me home but then I gave him a very detailed description on how I would drive his precious car into a tree if he didn't.

Now that I let her go, I have nothing else to lose. I have no one to make happy, I have no one to satisfy.

You let her run all over your sick heart.

"You can't just not talk to me you know?" Michael follows behind me while I climb up the steps and push open the front door. My patience with him is ceasing to exist. Thank god we have years of friendship between us or I would have driven his head full of colourful hair into the ground by now.

"Do you ever fucking shut up?" I growl, hearing murmuring voices from somewhere in the house when I stalk in.

So much for hoping the damn house would be empty so I could grab a few things and get out of here until tomorrow when we have to fly to Perth. The further I am from human contact till we leave, the further I am from going to jail for hurting someone in the place I grew up.

But I'm not that fucking lucky.

Calum and Ashton are seated in the living room with their girlfriends.

"Woah—" Calum's eyes widen at the sight of me but I ignore him, walking towards the kitchen to get an ice pack for my hands. Both of them are throbbing like there's no tomorrow and I'm a second away from chopping them off.

"What the hell happened?" Ashton questions, coming into the kitchen after me, the rest of them following him like puppies. 

I ignore them and pull off the cast on my left arm. This shit doesn't heal crap and only gets in the way. My knuckles are bruised and bleeding again and I'm sickeningly satisfied that most of it weren't my blood. I think I cracked one of the healing bones again too. I don't feel it now because of the adrenaline in my bloodstream but when I come down from it in a few hours it's a trip to hell for me.

"He beat up Ross Lynch," Michael answers for me.

"You what? Why?" Adelaide asks in her annoying voice and it hits my last nerve. I should have let her stay with Sierra last night. I shouldn't have slept by her side, I shouldn't have watched her sleep. I shouldn't have fucking medicated her cuts because that only pulled me another inch closer to her. An extra inch of hell I can rest in when I finally leave this shit hole of a life.

"Your best friend was kissing him in the hallway while I was asleep in her bed. That's fucking why." I coldly laugh at them and grab my ice pack, pushing past them and jogging up the stairs. I feel their stunned gazes on my back, thick silence filling a house that is never really quiet.

"She didn't kiss him." I hear Michael defend her before I shut my bedroom door behind me.

It doesn't fucking matter. She didn't fight for me.

--

I stare straight ahead at the screen in front of me and watch the list of planes that are about to take off or waiting to board. I read them over and over again, anything that would distract me. There is a child sitting a few seats next to me and she is crying loudly into her mother's shoulder, restless.

My connecting flight to London is about to board in ten minutes but even the minutes felt like they stretched on for longer. The world is moving faster than me, my slow, painful thoughts running to catch up.

The ring tone from my outgoing call finally stops and the line clears as he clears his throat. I hear the usual sound of the bedside lamp clicking on through the speaker.

"Hello?" He groggily answers. It's the middle of the night in London now and I must have woken them up. But I don't feel that sorry about it right now.

"Dad?" I sigh into the phone, closing my eyes at the sound of his voice. He was always calm, even in the hardest situations, he always knew the right things to say and he always knew when I was about to break.

"Hey, sweetheart. Is something wrong?" He can always tell, even when I'm on the phone on the other side of the world.

"I'm coming home, daddy." A sob leaves me before I can stop it. My throat tightens and the TV screen in front of me blurs with tears. I try to calm my breathing down and not think too much.

My dad is quiet for a second and I hear a muffled sigh.

"I'll be there to pick you up when you land darling." He assures me quietly, not questioning me or forcing me to elaborate on why I'm calling him saying that I'm coming home in the middle of work. I know him enough to know that he meant more in that one line.

"Okay. I have a connecting flight from Dubai." I sniffle.

"Alright. See you soon. Have a safe flight." His calm voice makes me feel a little better. I need my family more than I thought I did. I don't think I have ever felt this homesick before.

"Thanks, dad. I love you."

I feel the smile in his voice. "Love you too, sweetheart."

A sense of déjà vu hits me when I end the call. I called him when I was about to board the plane to New York City two years ago to follow my dreams and to run away from the life that was draining me. And now, I called him again, because those dreams have been shattered to the tiniest pieces and I need him to help me pick them up again. I'm not strong enough to keep it together.

You let another boy in your head. Don't let them in. It's ugly in here.

While I sit here, my mother's words start to make sense, the ones she told me all those years ago. She cared and she knew this would eventually be the outcome, she said it without really saying it, that I'm not strong enough to take on the world, not yet.

"You can run from everything else Sierra, you can run from the places and people that remind you of things that you don't want to be remembered of. You can make new memories and push the old ones away. But you will never be able to run from yourself. You are your worst enemy, darling."

At the time, I scoffed and ignored her because I was a delusional and broken teenager who believed that her own mother hated her. I thought she was trying to hurt me and discourage me from following my dreams.

But now I need them. I even need my mother, her sad ways of showing love and her judgmental words. I hate that I need people. I'm not supposed to need anyone. Not ever.

"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight QF001 to Dubai. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Boarding will begin in approximately five minutes time. Thank you."

I gather my things and check my phone one last time before I turn it off. I don't want to check it later on the plane and possibly have an anxiety attack. My phone is blowing up with messages and calls from both Addy and Montana. I know they'll be worried sick if I don't leave them a text message in the least so I open up a group message with both of them and Michael in it.

"Going back home. Boarding now. I'll call you when I land in London. Please don't worry, I am fine. I will contact Lillian and tell her my decision. You guys can do this without me. I can't do it anymore and I hope you understand, I know you understand. It's either the tour or my sanity and I'm picking my sanity this time. I love you, See you soon."

I send the text message and turn off my phone. Standing up, I wipe under my eyes and grab my carry on bag off the chair next to me. I'm going to forget any of this happened. I want to start over. I will eventually go back to New York when I'm ready again. I will work somewhere else and I will be fine. I won't think of Luke. I won't let him be another person that haunts me for the rest of my life. I have enough of those.

But walking across the jet bridge, I linger, I let myself wonder for a second if this is a mistake? Am I giving up too easily?

No. I have the right to give up.

My memories gave up on me, Heath gave up on me. So did Luke. I'm giving up on this so that for once, the most important thing won't give up on me too, and that is myself.

I did that once, the giving-up-on-myself thing. It was the ugliest. It was so ugly that I still rub my skin raw whenever I take a shower because I still feel those ugly decisions matting my skin and weakening my bones.

So much has happened in a few short months that it almost feels like nothing has happened at all? So much has changed. I have changed, I just don't know if it's for better or for worse.

--

Luke's Point Of View.

I jog down the stairs, shoving everything in my backpack. The house is quiet again so I move as fast as I can towards the door, hoping I don't encounter anyone.

"Luke?" A voice calls from behind me.

Fucking hell.

"What?" I snap at Sammy. I didn't know he was here.

"Where are you going?" He questions me. Why the fuck does he care? I choose not to answer him.

"We're flying to Perth early in the morning and you were supposed to be at the meeting fifteen minutes ago." He points out like he is a teacher and I'm a tardy student. Turning around, I glare at him.

"I don't answer to you. You work for me. I'll go wherever I want, whenever I want."

"I see, well the problem is, I don't work for you son. I work for your record label, so if you don't get in here for the meeting, I'll tell them that you have been messing up big time."

I haven't been messing shit up. Screw him. I turn around and open the door.

"Don't take a step out of that door Luke Hemmings. You might be a rock-star now but don't shit on the people who brought you here. If you have any care for those people, get your ass in here. We have things to discuss."

"Let him go." Another voice snaps loudly. I look over my shoulder from the doorway to see Addy angrily stalking down the stairs, Montana and Ashton close behind her. Her blonde hair is a whirlwind and her face is beet red.

I turn around, amused at her expression. Someone was in a mood.

"You son of a—fuck you!" She screams, stalking towards me. She better not have completed that line.

"She is gone! It's your fault! She fucking left. It's all your fault. This was her chance at getting over everything, this was her chance to be happy and you screwed it all up. Are you fucking happy now? I will never forgive you!" She spits with rage.

Sierra is gone? Already?

"She probably couldn't wait to get away. Did I ask you for forgiveness? No. I don't need shit from you, or your stupid friends. The only reason you're here is because you let him in your pants." I point at Ashton.

"Luke," Ashton warns but Sammy gives him a warning look.

Addy continues her raging. "You think what you're doing is making you a great person? That it's making you stronger? It's making you weak! You are weak and you need someone to take care of you. You say you don't need forgiveness, but guess what, Luke! You'll need it. You'll need us. You'll need someone, someday. And when you do, it'll be too late."

A bitter laugh leaves me. I don't need anyone. I don't need people.

"Laugh at me all you want. But we both know this wasn't what you wanted. You felt something for her so you pushed her away and you broke her, you broke my sister." Her eyes fill with angry tears. I don't let her words break through my shell. Words don't hurt me anymore, they can't.

"She could have saved you from yourself. She is capable of loving people more than your ugly heart can ever fathom. She is too great for people like you, she deserves better than this. It's why I'm not on the next flight out to try and get her back here. I'm letting her leave because she doesn't deserve this hurt you think you can inflict on her. You can push us all away. But believe me when I say this Luke,"

Everyone is quiet. Even the voices in my head. They are listening to her every word because these words that are leaving her lips can be used against me later, on repeat.

I know I don't deserve her. I don't even deserve myself, the filthiest of them all.

"-If you have a heart somewhere in there, it will break. And it will break for her."