Chapter 28
"I will always want for what my words dream of."
**
"If I fall to my death because of you, my last dying wish is that you get so much acne no other makeup artist will ever be able to cover it!" I shout at Luke's back as we trudge up a slippery hillside.
"Please shut your Venus flytrap Mckinnon!" Luke shouts back at me and I groan even louder. I hate him.
He told me he had a surprise for me this morning when he brought me breakfast, I thought it would be some kind of a theme park or some other fun thing like that. But instead, here we are, hiking up a slippery muddy path filled with bugs. There are trees covering the entire pathway on the sides and if I teeter a little to my left, I will fall to my death.
"This is so high up, Luke!" I whine again. Heights were pretty high up on my list of fears.
"It will be worth it." He says, laughing at my complaints. We had managed to sneak out of the house without waking anyone up. He made the driver park by the side of the beach and told me we had to get to the top of the hill.
"I didn't sign up for a hike. Look at all these death contraptions!"
"You mean pebbles?" He laughs again. I was scared of the height but I honestly didn't mind the hike. I just wanted to keep hearing him laugh at my stupid jokes.
"Here, give me your hand." He says after awhile and intertwines our fingers together.
"What is up here anyway?" I ask out of curiosity. I haven't seen anyone walking up this hill so I'm starting to think it's a forbidden place that he's sneaking us into.
Luke stops all of a sudden and jerks himself towards the left, pulling me a little with him and we almost fall over.
"Are you crazy?" I scream, swatting him with my hand when he doubles over with laughter.
"Your-your face!" His face is filled with so much joy while I cross my arms in front of me and try my best to scowl, my heart still beating fast with the scare he gave me. I thought we were both going to fall to our deaths. I would have said no to this if he hadn't charmed me with waffles this morning.
"Can we go if you are done being a child?" I ask when he straightens up and swings his rucksack over his shoulder again.
"We're here." He nods to the right. There is a thick covering of trees so it's almost impossible to see what's on the other side. I can only hear the sea gulls far away and the crash of waves against rocks.
"In there?" I point and he nods. Was he going to kill me and hide my body there so no one finds it?
"Are you going to murder me?" I ask him out loud.
"Don't you think I'd wait till the bones in my fingers are fully healed to do that?" He shakes his head at me.
"I don't trust you." I joke but realise my mistake a second too late.
"I know. I'm not going to kill you, promise." He says sadly, turning right from the straight pathway.
"I meant it as a joke, Luke. I wouldn't be here if I didn't trust you." I try to reassure him, following him through overgrown grass that comes up all the way to my hips.
He comes to an abrupt stop and I almost walk into him. "I haven't given you a good impression. I haven't given you anything. It's okay to not trust me. You would be stupid to trust me."
"But—" I start to speak but he starts to walk again.
We walk for about two more minutes and the trees start to disappear and I see the ocean over Luke's shoulder, further away. "What is this place?"
"It's my place." He replies vaguely not elaborating on how he found such a secluded spot. Australia really is its own world.
"Through here." He points and takes a sharp left turn. He stops near a huge rock that is like a miniature cavern. The sun is shining through the cracks and there is one open spot, looking over the sea. It looks like a hole in space, like a spot you can stand on and dive down to the depths of the sea from.
"We have to jump down." He states the obvious.
"I was afraid you'd say that. What is down there?" I ask worriedly.
"I'll jump first and then you can follow." He says and sits down on the ledge, dangling his feet over the edge.
"You jump, I jump remember?" I mumble quietly, smiling to myself.
"I never got around to watching that movie." He says.
"Then how do you know where that line is from?" I ask but he jumps off the ledge and disappears. I walk over to the spot that he was just on and look out.
Oh, my god.
The cavern opens up to the side of the hill that overlooks the sea. The waves are crashing against the side of the hill and rocks, frothing and spraying upwards. The sun is beating down against the water mercilessly. It is breathtaking and the wind is strong but not too strong.
"Are you coming?" Luke asks me from somewhere below and I look down to see a huge empty slab that you can easily jump down onto.
"What if I break a leg?" I laugh.
"I'll catch you. Come on."
"No. Not with your hand. Step back I can jump by myself."
"Okay." He shrugs and moves to the side, putting his backpack down and unzipping it. I slowly lean over the ledge and grip my hands on the stone, lowering my body down. I swing in midair for a second and then let go of the ledge, dropping onto the ground.
That wasn't so bad.
The wind whips my hair around me and the sweat on my body starts to cool slowly. Every time the waves crash against the side, droplets of water spray upwards and land on my skin. I can see boats floating around far away. Other than that, there is nothing else. It is a secluded part of the world that no one has found yet, except for us.
"This is amazing. How did you find it?" I ask Luke who is busy spreading blankets on the floor.
"When I was in school, our biology teacher brought us here to find some rare kind of sampling thing. I wasn't interested in his bullshit so I wondered off and found this place."
"It really is beautiful up here. Who else has been up here?"
"Just me." He says.
Really?
"Why did you want to show it to me then?"
"I told you, I want to make it up to you. Yesterday you told me you loved to watch the sunset. This place has the best view of the sunset." He is hesitant as he says this.
"That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you." I smile, walking towards him to help spread the blankets.
"So what do we do for four hours?" I ask him as he empties the rest of his bag onto the blanket. Candy and lots of junk food.
"I have a lot of things on my mind, doubt you'd approve, though." He winks, laughing at my horrified expression.
---
Addy's Point Of View
I'm moving here just because this coffee is good. Damn.
"Morning babe!" Montana greets, skipping into the kitchen. She always had so much energy in the morning, no one had any idea how she did it. It was past lunch time, but morning to people who appreciated sleep.
"Morning!" I sing-song and pour her a cup too.
"Where is S?" she asks, pulling a box of cereal out of the cupboard.
"Still asleep. I didn't wanna wake her up so early."
"She's not there," Ashton says, coming into the kitchen, followed by Michael and Calum. Those two are still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes and glaring at Ashton for waking everyone up so early to go on Adventures.
"What do you mean she's not there? Did she go back to the hotel?" Montana asks me.
"No. She told me she was sleeping over." I put my mug down, starting to head towards the guest rooms but Ashton stops me.
"Luke isn't there either." Ash laughs.
Oh
"No way!" I gasp, pausing. They are sneaking out together!
"Yes. They snuck out like two hours ago. They thought no one heard." Michael rolls his eyes, checking the pizza boxes from last night for leftovers.
Everyone is smiling at that. Luke is bad for her and as her best friend I want him to be as far away from her as possible. But I couldn't deny that he made her feel something, I can see it in her eyes. She breathes a bit more freely and smiles a little wider.
"Don't be happy! They ruined my plans!" My boyfriend whines like a five-year-old. He was such a child sometimes.
"They deserve alone time," I say, walking up to Ash.
"So they can get at each other's throats?" He argues.
"Maybe, this time, they'll just have hickeys left over from it," I whisper in his ear and wrap my arms around his neck, pecking him on the cheek. He hums, pulling me closer. I love that I can always calm him.
"Sneakalicious." Montana giggles through a spoonful of cereal. We all scarf down some breakfast and I leave a message for Sierra in case they get back before we do.
"We have a tour to get to people, let's go!" Ashton yells and we all cheer, following him out the door.
---
"I live for these," Luke tells me with a mouth full of Cadbury Twirls.
"I don't like them." I scrunch my nose and biting down on some sour candy.
"Have you tried them?" He looks at me like I'm crazy.
"Once," I admit. Addy had bought some at the airport one time and I had tried it. It wasn't that great but Luke seemed to love them more than oxygen because he is getting through a whole pack of them, wrappers littering the floor around him.
"They are Cadbury Twirls. How can you not like them?" He scoffs, making me laugh.
"Say that again." I laugh.
"Say what?"
"Twirl."
"Twirl?" He says, raising an eyebrow as I double over with laughter. It sounded so funny with his accent.
"What's so funny about Twirl?" He looks at me incredulously.
I take deep breaths to calm down so I can explain it to him but it takes me three tries.
"My ballet teacher...ballet teacher used to scream at me... to twirl faster," I explain, huffing.
He snickers. "You took ballet?"
"Yes. I used to "Tweeerll" I mock in my old ballet teacher's Spanish accent. That woman will always and forever haunt me.
"That sounds horrible." Luke states.
"It was." I agree.
"Tell me more."
"More of what?" I look at him, the sun is slowly going down but there is about two hours before the sun will actually set. The light is reflecting off his golden hair that for a second I forget that he's talking.
"...your childhood."
"You want to know about my childhood?" I repeat.
"Yeah. Your family, friends, pets and all that rainbow stuff kids have in their lives." He smiles up at me. We are laying down on the blankets he spread out. Me, leaning against a rock and him sleeping next to me with his head propped on my knee. I didn't think too much about the fact that he had naturally just laid his head there.
"Well, it wasn't that eventful but I was a very happy child," I say and he nods, urging me to go on.
"I have a little brother. He came when I was ten years old. My dad travels a lot for work so it's usually just the three of us at home. My mom thinks I'm a failed abortion but she loves me in her own way." Luke cringes a little at this but listens quietly and I wanted to keep telling him because not a lot of people really listen.
"We moved a lot. I was born in London, Addy lived next door, we are literally best friends since we were in diapers." I say and he shakes his head with a grin. "She's annoying."
I give him an accusing look but I can tell he likes Addy. Everyone likes Addy.
"When I was seven, my dad got a more permanent transfer and we moved to the Middle East for awhile."
"That's a total opposite change in culture." He observes.
"Yeah, that's why I'm more of my own person. I'm not that British, to be honest. I'm a mix of everyone I've ever met." The wind starts to pick up a little.
"Then my brother was born and we moved back to England when I was thirteen. I never really had any permanent friends except for Addy."
"You haven't moved after that?" He asks and I wonder which parts I should leave out of this conversation.
"No. We stayed there and I moved to New York for university two years ago."
"Did you always want to become a makeup artist?" He asks.
"Not really. At one point all I wanted to do was study literature. I love books and it has always been a constant in my life. Even with everything else always changing before I can stop it."
"Why didn't you do it?"
"Well, at one point, I found fashion and it just hit me that it's what I wanted. I just hadn't known till I found it."
"Makes sense." He nods again, absorbing my words.
"I did take literature for awhile. But then I realized that, when I read those books, I loved them because I understood them in my way, they related to me and they were my own. But when I started studying it and I started to hear everyone else's explanations and opinions on it, my views on the stories started to change. I didn't want that. I wanted to hold on to my own explanations on why the stories happened the way they did. Books saved me and I didn't want anyone else to ruin it for me or tell me that what I had made of them was wrong."
~
Luke's Point of View
"... What I had made of them was wrong," Sierra explains.
I was right about this girl. She has so much, so much to give. She's looking down at me like I probably didn't understand a thing she said, but I did.
"You know what? That actually makes sense to me than anything else ever has. I've felt that way about music too. Like how you sometimes find an amazing song and you fall in love with it because you can relate to it in your own way but in reality, it has a completely opposite meaning and you just don't tell people like Ashton about it because they will ruin it for you." I laugh.
"Exactly!" She throws her hands up, eyes wide.
"Is that why you gave up studying it?" I question. I wanted to know everything about this beautiful woman. And I selfishly wanted to be the only one that knows.
"Yeah. I felt like, if I kept going, I would end up fighting an internal battle with myself for the rest of my life." She looks out at the sea, following a seagull with her eyes.
"But don't you want to know what it must really mean? Maybe you might like what it really means."
"It's not that I haven't understood the stories. It's just that I have changed them in my head, to fit me. I don't think I can let those words go. Reality has always sucked."
"It does. It sucks a lot." I come to the conclusion that she is the definition of eccentricity.
"Tell me about you now," Sierra says.
"Don't you already know about me?" I smirk.
"I know what the media knows, Luke. I don't know you."
"I'm not that different from how they know me."
"Bullshit." She deadpans.
"There isn't much to know anyway, I'm just an asshole in a band."
"That song you sang at the ARIAs says otherwise." She says, not making eye contact. Smart girl.
"That song was just... was just something I wrote. There are so many people that piss me off, usually, it's for some stupid reason. I want to give them a piece of my mind but then at times it's someone I love, but I've found out that you can't really trust anyone in this life. No one can trust anyone. That's why we have so much pain and heartbreak and war and just... Death. I want to fix all of it you know? I got this letter from a fans brother in Manila. She had cancer," My voice cracks and I feel her delicate fingers moving through my hair.
"I want to make it better. I could have made it better for her. But I have to find peace within myself and it's just hard. I'm always so angry. If I can't fix myself I can't... I can't fix anything else." I clear my throat and stare up at the sky. Sierra is awfully quiet next to me so I turn my head to see there are tears filling her green eyes.
I said too much. Fuck. I always say too fucking much.
I sit up quickly and pull her to my side.
"I'm sorry if I said anything wrong. Please don't cry." I beg.
~
"Please don't cry." He begs, pulling me closer to his side.
"You didn't say anything wrong." I sniffle. My heart aching for this man.
"Then why are you crying?" he asks, worried and confused.
"You have people you can trust Luke. You have your family, you have your band, your amazing fans and you have Addy and Monti and you... you have me. You can trust me." I lay my hand on his cheek.
"It's not easy." He whispers, his eyes clouding.
"It's not. I know it's not. But if you want to fall, Luke, we will catch you. We will pull you back up and help you put all those broken pieces back together so you don't have to be angry. You can have peace, Luke."
He stares at me, his mouth slightly gaping. I can see the wheels turning in his head.
"I—okay, um...Can we not talk about this now?" He finally says, running a hand through his hair.
"Sure." I give him a wary smile and look out over the sea. I wanted him to talk to me, not change the subject but I won't dare push him. The sun was setting. Orange, pink, yellow and purple hues blend into the sky and the sea far away. It was stunning and I quickly click a picture of it with my Polaroid.
"I have something to give you." Luke breaks the silence.
"Me? You have given me two amazing days in this country. I really don't need anything else." I say, watching him dig around his backpack.
"Here it is." He smiles, pulling out a tiny box. His earlier sadness is nowhere in sight. He can win an Oscar for this act.
"What is that?" I point at the tiny blue box, eyes wide.
"Open it." He opens up my hand and lays it on my palm, it was almost weightless.
"I can't take this. Whatever it is." I say, trying to hand it back to him.
"Just open the damn box, Sierra." He growls.
"Alright, alright." I roll my eyes and lift the top of the box. Inside, between a thin sheet of white tissue paper, is the identical necklace of the one I bought yesterday from the market. A delicate silver chain with a tiny glass bottle the size of my fingernail. It has sand and seashells inside it and I hadn't been able to decide between a blue one and a green one.
"Oh my god." I look at him and back down at the box. He has gotten me the green one. I had bought the blue one because it had been the same beautiful blue as his eyes.
"Now you can wear both of them. Side by side." Luke tells me, taking it out of the box.
"May I?" he asks and I nod, not knowing what to say.
I pull my hair to the side and turn my back to him so he can put it on. The tiny bottles clink against each other softly as they both settle down together at the hollow of my neck.
"Thank you so much. It's beautiful." I turn back to him, running my finger over them lightly.
"Blue and green. Side by side." He smiles brightly at me, his eyes shining brighter than I have ever seen.
A/N:
My OTRA concert was on Saturday you guys and post concert depression is kicking my arse. I still refuse to accept that Harry Styles is real.
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