There's a monster living inside me, keeping me from my dreams so I feed him my thoughts and now we're both insomniacs.

- m.razon

**

Addy's Point Of View

Ashton lifts off of me a little, supporting himself with an elbow, his face inches above mine. His hair is a tangled mess, falling over his sweaty forehead. His pupils are still a little dilated and his hazel eyes looked a deep intense green. I love how they always looked a different colour but was so familiar to me at the same time. He smiles down at me and pushes my matted hair out of my face.

"I love you," I can't resist giving him another kiss.

He smiles into my lips. "I love you more."

He lays down next to me with a comforting sigh and pulls me on top of him. I put my head on his chest and rest my palm on top of his heart so I can feel it beating. We stay quiet for a while listening to each other's breathing. The silence between us was always so comfortable, it didn't have to be filled with words.

"What are you thinking?" He asks sometime later, rubbing my back in slow soothing circles.

"Sierra. I'm really worried about her." 

"Why? She's doing well. She looks happy and content." He furrows his eyebrows.

"She is pretending to be happy and content. There is a lot she isn't telling me now, I can sense it. She's not that great at dealing with her emotions alone."

He hums. "Try asking her maybe?" 

"I did, but she simply ignores it or changes the topic. I'm worried that she will stick to her original plan where she said she will only tour for a month, tomorrow completes a month." I worry.

"You really think she'll leave?"

"I'm not sure but I will have to bring it up."

"You're the greatest friend anyone could ask for," Ashton says, kissing my head.

"She's my sister Ash, she has been through so much and I just want her to be happy." I sigh, wrapping my limbs tighter around him. He was my comfort.

"She is happy because she has you and Montana and she has us now. She will be happier than she is now one day too." 

"What else is on your mind?" He asks. He reads me so well.

"Just how much I love you," I say, lifting my head off his chest so I can see him.

He smiles his beautiful smile at me.

"Me too, as cheesy as this sounds, I can't get you out of my head either. You're just running around in circles and circles...naked." He laughs when I swat him on the chest playfully, laughing with him.

 "If I get dizzy I'm throwing up all over you."

"Throw up all over me any day baby. Your messes are mine to clean up."

"I don't deserve you," I tell him quietly.

"Huh?" He gapes, his eyes going big. "Where is this coming from?"

"It's the truth Ashton, you're too good for me. It's what everyone thinks." I mumble. His fans were all over, telling me that I wasn't good enough for their angel boy and I agree with them. Ashton deserves so much more than I could ever give him.

"Addy, listen to me." He says sternly, cupping my face in his hands.

"If there's anyone here that doesn't deserve anything, it's me. I don't deserve you. You are the greatest thing in my life right now."

"None of the girls that I have ever been with in the past compares to what you make me feel. You're so perfect for me, in so many ways that will take me years to list. I love every single thing about you and there is nothing that I would change. Just because people say so it doesn't make it true. They don't know what we have. They don't know that you were the one thing that I have been missing for twenty-two years of my life." I feel my breath hitch in my throat, tears threatening to spill over.

"Ash—"

"I'm not done." He cuts me off and I nod my head, the tears spilling down my cheeks.

He wipes them off with his thumbs and continues. "I haven't been this happy in so long. No one has the right to tell you that you don't deserve me. I am nothing compared to you Adelaide. I-I want to make so many memories with you. I want to take you to meet my mother and my sister and brother, they will love you so much and when this tour is done I want to get away with you. Just us. It's only been a short period of time but I've never felt this way about anyone before and I'm so sure about this Addy. I'm so sure about us. Please don't let them cloud your mind." 

"How is it that you always know what to say at the exact right time?" I shake my head, sniffling. I didn't know how I could possibly say anything to that so I kiss him.

"I don't know what to say," I whisper.

"You don't have to say anything. I feel it in everything you do. I want you to be mine forever."

"Yours. Forever." I nod my head vigorously and kiss him on the forehead.

---

"Can you please stop jumping on my bed?" I yell sleepily, whacking at the closest person I could get a hold of.

"Ow! Sierra!" Montana shouts, jumping harder on the bed.

"Wake up! We're having a movie marathon since we have nothing else to do." Addy shouts, pulling the sheets off of me.

They were gone all morning and now they were back, cutting my precious sleep short and annoying the hell out of me. I groan and push myself up to a sitting position.

"You're so cute when you're sleepy," Ross smiles.

"Be quiet." I groan again, pulling my hair into a ponytail.

"We got lots and lots of snacks!" Rydell says excitedly.

"Good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught!" I hear a crowd sing from far away. My sleepy eyes snap open and I jump out of the bed, going towards the window and parting the curtains.

I swear under my breath when I see what is going on. The fans must have found the hotel we were staying at. This information was always kept on the down low now because of the uncontrollable amount of mobbing but they managed to find out sometimes like they have right now.

There were about three hundred fans or more right under my window. I didn't know how many more were on the other side of the hotel doors but they had put up barricades thankfully.

"Yup. Now you see why we can't leave." Addy points out.

"Where is the band?" I ask, wondering if they were still here or on the way to Australia for the ARIAs. Sammy had told me that the band was leaving before us.

"They left through a back exit to go to a radio station. We tweeted the fans saying the boys aren't here but you know fan girls." Rydell rolls her eyes.

I get slightly offended by the way she says "fan girls" because I'm quite defensive when it comes to my brethren but I choose to ignore it instead.

"Now that you've interrupted my precious sleep. You better have a good movie for me to watch." I tell them, pulling a sweater that is lying on a chair over my tank top. Walking over to the bed I sit in between Addy and Ross.

"Tell me you got berry juice for me," I whine, looking at Addy with pleading eyes.

"Yes, of course." She smirks proudly, handing me a bottle and I thank her gratefully. Before I can take a swig, Ross picks out a red packet out of the bundle of food on the bed and hands it to me.

"Got this for you too." He smiles widely and my vision blurs for a second when I look at it.

"Hey, can I have some of that please?" A tall boy with long wavy light brown hair asks me, pointing at the bowl of chocolate covered jelly beans I was holding. I loved these so much and it was the only thing soothing me at this party I was currently at, filled with obnoxious high school students.

"No. They are mine." I tell him sarcastically.

"It's there for everyone really." He says. He was ridiculously handsome for his age and I've seen him around school before.

"I got to it first, I called dibs," I say, shoving a handful in my mouth. Talk about graceful.

"But it's my favourite." He pouts adorably.

"It's my favourite too," I say, eyes wide.

His smile grows even wider if that is possible. "Really? Girls usually hate the stuff for some reason."

"Yeah. That's why I'm inhaling the whole bowl alone." I giggle.

"So can I have some or not?" He asks again and I shake my head. I needed to stop acting half my age when I'm around hot guys. I hand the bowl over to him and he takes it from me with a wink. He had a beautiful smile

"It's nice to meet you, my fellow hogging-all-the-chocolate-covered-jelly-beans-friend. I'm Heath." He extends a hand to me.

I take his hand with a giggle, "Nice to meet you too, jelly bean stealer. I'm Sierra."

"Oi! You gave them to me willingly!"

"I did not!" I gasp mockingly, my eyes going big. I take the bowl back from him as he laug-

"Earth to Sierra!" Addy says, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Where did you go?" Ross asks with a worried look.

"Uh, nowhere." I give them a weak smile, looking back down at the pack of chocolate covered jelly beans in my hand.

A higher being was messing with me today.

"Sierra, can we talk?" Addy whispers in my ear and I nod, not really paying attention. She stands up and walks into the bathroom and I follow her in while the others give us weird looks.

"What's going on?" She asks when I shut the door behind me.

"Nothing is going on Addy. I just saw the jelly beans and remembered...Him." I mumble, folding my arms against my chest.

"Oh. Okay well, are...are you taking your medicine now?" She asks nervously, knowing how much I hated talking about my pills. I had to go to therapists for awhile to help me basically start up and function after Heath passed away. They have me on antidepressants and a tonne of other shit that I really never take.

"Yes, Addy, I do. Stop worrying about me I'm fine." I smile at her for good measure. 

"I am worried about you. It's my job to worry about you. You've been distant since Tokyo."  

"I'm honestly fine. I'm just really tired all the time now. You guys keep interrupting my sleep!" I joke, trying to lighten her mood.

"You're lying to me." She shakes her head.

"I'm not!"

"Yes, Sierra, you bloody are! I know every move you make!" She hisses back, her cheeks flushed.

"No, you don't, Addy! That's the problem! You think you know me, everyone thinks they bloody know me but no one knows me! I am fine! Now let. It. Go!" She shakes her head at me with disappointment and I realise that I just told my life long best friend that she doesn't know me.

"I'm sorry. That came out the wrong way. I'm so sorry." I move closer to hug her. I didn't want to fight with her too.

"It's fine. But does this mean you're staying?" She asks and it takes me a second to understand what she is asking. She was asking me if I was staying on the tour.

"It hasn't even crossed my mind... I-I think I'll stay." Other than the occasional weird encounter and fights with Luke, I liked the travelling and meeting new people part and just being able to share it with my friends.

"You mean that?" She grins widely, the earlier stress about me not telling her things forgotten.

"Yes. I'll call Lilian now too and tell her I'm staying." I say as she hugs me tightly.

"God that was easy. I was prepared to give you a long and hard speech on why you should stay."

"Save it for another day Thornson. You'll need it." I ruffle her hair and we join the others in the bedroom.

I didn't want to explain to her that the memories were coming back again, that it was slowly eating me up alive. I couldn't go back to New York and be alone either. The travelling and the busy schedule was finally keeping me sane, barely, but it was good enough.