Chapter 15: Couponers, Cumbias, and Cold Calls
The squeaky wheel of her cart announced her arrival three aisles away.
"Please don't pick my line. Please don't pick my line. Please don't pick my line," Rowena chanted as an older woman with pink cat glasses and an oversized khaki tote pushed her cart toward the checkout line.
"You're saying that a little too loudly," Rolando, her manager, hissed.
Sylvia Finch, the assistant manager, stood next to him with a clipboard in her hands. She shook her head, making a disapproving clucking sound before jotting down some notes.
"What are you doing?" Rowena asked, while trying to stifle a yawn. She had spent her night in Howler. During the full moon, she'd been alone while Cross stopped his wolves from causing too much havoc in his town.
She created a list of questions she wanted to ask Little Mikey.
1) What secret did Karen have, you secret-keeping cara de papa? 2) Did you cheat on Gina with Karen, you cheating cara de lechuga? 3) Why haven't you broken Gina out of jail, you law breaking cara de pollo?
She created the list after too many glasses of wine, which explained all of her questions calling him a potato face, a lettuce face, and a chicken face.
The woman with the squeaky wheel smiled and waved at Rowena. She shouted, "Robin! I'm so glad you're working today!"
"Robin?" Sylvia repeated.
Rolando nodded. "That's Libby. She is a Sweeter Homes regular."
"Can I please go on a break?" Rowena whisper-yelled at Rolando.
"You don't greet your customers?" Sylvia asked, her pen poised above her clipboard.
"Of course, I do. Robin doesn't." Rowena turned to see Libby scuttling forward.
"I'm so lucky," Libby squealed. I got a haul today." She gestured to her cart filled with laundry detergent, home goods,, and fabric softener bottles. "I'll probably make a video for all my social media. Maybe you can share them later, Robin. I know you're a loyal follower."
Rowena forced a smile. She didn't own any social media accounts, but she wasn't about to tell that to Libby. "You must have a ton of laundry, Libby."
The older woman cackled. "You know me, Robin. I want to be ready for when the apocalypse comes."
"The apocalypse? I thought that got cancelled," Rowena said, scanning an ice cream scooper.
"I have a coupon for that." Libby pointed to the scooper.
Rowena smiled. "I'm sure you do."
Sylvia cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow.
"She isn't trying to be rude," Rolando defended. "Libby is a master couponer."
Rowena stopped herself from grimacing. Customers who used coupons and points usually held up her line just as much as the customers who insisted on paying with a check.
Libby turned to Sylvia and grinned. "I sure am. There are a lot of people following me on the social medias. I teach people how to save money with coupons and prepare for the apocalypse. You can follow me."
A customer pulled their cart in behind Libby. Rowena gave them a smile as another customer rolled their basket into her lane. She stole a glance at Rolando. He didn't seem concerned with her growing line.
Rowena scanned the last item and said, "Libby, your total so far is three-hundred and seventy-five dollars even."
"What an auspicious number," Libby gasped. She dug into her tote and pulled out a worn leather wallet with a broken zipper. A few coupons burst out of it.
"I have some coupons," Libby said. Pulling out a stack of clipped papers and placing them on the counter.
Rowena looked at her line. "Sorry for the wait, folks. If you'd rather go to another line, I'll understand."
No one moved, but someone did mutter about Rowena being a slow cashier. She ground her teeth together in a forced smile. "I'll be right with you all."
"Can you just move it along?" A customer yelled. "I have to clean my toilet. I don't have time for this."
"I'm sorry, I don't want to keep you from your date with your toilet," Rowena said with a fake smile.
"Complaints about speed," Sylvia said, once again taking notes.
Rowena glared at her before she scanned the next receipt.
"I hate people who come in with a million coupons," a man said loud enough for everyone to hear. "If you can't afford to buy items without coupons, then you shouldn't be in the store."
"Yeah," a woman shouted.
Libby turned with a shaking fist. "I'm getting ready for the apocalypse! And couponing is a way of life. Don't knock it until you try it!"
"Let's all settle down," Rowena suggested, her hands spread out in front of her.
A plastic napkin holder came flying at her head. Rowena ducked, and it slapped Sylvia on the shoulder. She stepped forward. "Who threw that?"
Rowena scanned another coupon.
"I asked a question!" Sylvia shook the napkin holder in her fist. No one looked her way. She narrowed her eyes at Rowena. "Control your line or you'll lose all your customer service points for the pageant."
"What?" Rowena's mouth fell open. "Jeremiah just taught me how to dance a cumbia for the talent portion! You can't disqualify me."
"I can do whatever I want," Sylvia argued.
Rowena jerked her head to Rolando, who closed his eyes and gave his head a slight shake.
"Robin, you're in a beauty pageant?" Libby asked.
"She's definitely not going to win," a customer in her line muttered. "Her hips are too big. I bet she got one of those Brazilian butt lifts all the reality show stars get."
"How dare you! I've never gotten a Brazilian butt lift in my life! I earned this figure through too many Doritos and ice cream sundaes." Rowena huffed. She turned back to Libby. "The store is having a pageant, and the winner gets a trip to Hawaii. Despite what others think, I do have a chance of winning."
"No, she does not," Sylvia muttered.
Rowena stopped scanning the coupons. "Rolando, I think your assistant manager is biased against me."
Rolando looked up from his phone. "If you want to win, you need to be faster." He pointed to her line of customers.
"This is ridiculous," a woman in line shouted. "Why is this taking so long?"
Rowena pointed to the other cashier's stations. "They literally have no people in their lines!"
One person left her line.
"We've been waiting," one of her customers said. "We're invested."
"Robin, you're the most popular cashier here," Libby complimented her.
"Lucky me," Rowena said with a deadpan expression.
"I cannot believe the day I'm having," Carmen, Rowena's cousin, growled from the end of her line. She was holding a bottle of water and a candy bar.
"Carmen, if you only have two items, you can use the self-checkout." Rowena pointed to the self-checkout area.
"I know," Carmen said smugly. "But all day I've been getting cold calls from companies asking if I want to extend the warranty on my motorcycle."
"You own a motorcycle?" Rowena asked.
"No," Carmen snarled. "I also had a call from a woman yelling at me in Cantonese. I'm not sure what she said, but I'm pretty sure she thought I was sleeping with her husband and she's going to slit my throat."
"How did you figure that out if she spoke Cantonese?"
"Because she mixed in some broken English. It was mostly curse words, but I understood the gist. She called me a slut-face. I can't prove it, but I know it's your fault. Just like I know it's your fault they towed my car yesterday, and it's your fault I received dirty magazine subscriptions!"
"Oh, please. You know you probably loved those dirty magazines." Rowena rolled her eyes.
"That's not the point!" Carmen pointed a finger at her. "You need to stop messing with me, Rowena!"
"Do you two mind fighting later? Some of us want to leave this line sometime today," a customer said.
"There are other lines open," Rowena reminded him, waving her arm to the other registers.
"You tell them, Robin!" Libby cheered. "I hope the apocalypse gets them first."
Sylvia was staring at her with a perplexed expression.
"That's it! The last coupon," Rowena said, holding it up. She scanned it and read the new total. "Two dollars and seventy-five cents. That's a new record, Libby."
"What? You brought it down from three hundred and seventy-five dollars to two dollars and seventy-five cents?" Sylvia asked. "Impressive. Maybe I will follow you on social media."
"Finally, this line can get moving," the man behind Libby grunted.
"How will you be paying?" Rowena asked.
Libby grinned before pulling out her checkbook.
Rowena held in her groan just as a maniacal laugh danced behind her. Rowena's eyes widened. Bubbles and Raven, the two fairies Gina befriended, were in Sweeter Homes. Rowena could never forget Raven's laugh. They were also friends with the fairy princess, Rose.
Rolando's eyes widened at their appearance. "You two are here early. The pageant's practice isn't for another hour."
"They're in the pageant, too?" Rowena asked. "What is going on? Is it your mission to hire all my enemies?"
Roland frowned. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but these two ladies are hosting the pageant."
Rowena froze, scanning her memory, as Libby continued writing her check. Had the two fairies mentioned they were hosting the pageant? She couldn't recall, but this wasn't good news. She didn't trust them.
Sylvia stepped forward. "Ladies, I am so glad you're here. Please. Come to my office. I have so much to discuss with you two."
She didn't know why, but there was something very suspicious about the three women walking to the back of the store. She'd have to tell Cross about Sylvia being friendly with the fairies. Rowena wasn't sure, but she was suspecting Sylvia had something to do with Karen's murder.
NOTE FROM SHEHOPES: Be awesome and vote for the chapters in this story so I know you're enjoying it. The next update should be on Tuesday. THANK YOU for reading, sharing, and commenting, and for all of your support! :)
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