Kissing Rose, in the state that I was in, was a thoroughly foolish idea. I knew that. But I had never been one to think clearly in anything involving Rose Granger-Weasley, and the way she said anything you want like she really meant anything was impossible to resist. So I kissed her.

She responded to my touch more quickly than she ever had before, and it was clear from her body language and the way she kissed me back that she was completely willing to give me far more than a kiss. Oh, fuck it.

For the most part, I had always been very gentle with Rose, because Rose wasn't like other girls. Rose was more than an attempt to distract myself. Rose wasn't someone I fucked for the sake of fucking. Rose was someone I made love to. Someone who I really, truly loved. That thought had always kept me from losing myself to the more basic animal instincts of the thing.

But that night, I wasn't really thinking. I was consumed by the desperation to assure myself that I still felt the same way about Rose as I always had, and therefore not thinking about holding myself back. I may have gone a little crazy...

• • •

"Scorpius? What time is it?"

I blinked at the drowsy voice, which greeted me in very close proximity, and quickly realized that we had fallen asleep on the sofa. I glanced down for my watch, but remembered I had left it at home. "No idea," I mumbled, sitting up to look around. Then I immediately looked down, blushing. Rose hadn't put her shirt on, and the numerous hickeys on her chest and neck were a reminder of the tomfoolery we'd gotten up to before falling asleep.

"Oh, don't act all bashful, you silly boy," Rose laughed.

I blushed harder, but forced myself to look back up at her. Her hair was rather a mess, but I tried to brush it out of her face. "You okay? I think I got a little carried away last night."

The redhead smiled. "I'm perfectly fine, although I must admit I'm not certain I'll be able to walk normally."

I wince. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Last night was wonderful, Scorpius. Well worth a bit of limping." She stared into my eyes as she said it, a little too adoringly for my taste in the moment. "Though you were a horrid tease," she added dryly. "Took you long enough to get around to the thing itself."

"I couldn't help teasing; you were simply too desperate to let the chance go."

Leaning forward, Rose kissed me, right on the mouth. "I simply adore you, darling. Shall we venture upstairs?"

I chuckled. "Yeah... although, I would recommend putting on either a scarf or a turtleneck if you're intending to see your parents."

She laughed merrily. "Yes, I suppose I'd rather not deal with their questions. Although, Mum will know I never came to bed... she probably had to get up for Willow at some point."

I tried not to wince. Her mother would know; there was no stopping it. I wished she didn't have to... "Let's just hope she doesn't mention it to your dad," I said dryly.

"Now that would really be a disaster," Rose giggled. "Well, I'm going to go up to my room. You're welcome to go home, unless you fancy staying for breakfast."

"Quite impossible, I'm afraid. Wouldn't want to arouse your father's suspicions. Shall I drop by later?"

The redhead shrugged. "You needn't unless you wish to. Why don't you take the night off? You've been spending a great deal of time here, and I suppose I don't need you. Although..." - she placed her hands on my bare chest and leaned close, making my breath hitch in my throat - "wanting you is something else altogether." Her lips brushed my cheek, and then she got up from the sofa and began to collect her discarded clothes.

I stared at the floor while she dressed. She was beautiful, and always would be, but part of me couldn't bear looking at her.

"I don't think my parents are up yet," she said softly. "You'll have no trouble going out the front door."

"Thanks, Rose."

The girl I'd loved for so long smiled. "Don't thank me, Scorpius. It's no more than should be expected from someone who loves you."

She disappeared up the stairs, but I stayed for a moment, frozen by her words. What was this game the fates were playing with my heart? I didn't like it one bit.

---

I couldn't go home. It was only six o'clock in the morning, but my father would be awake, and I knew I couldn't face him. I didn't want to lie to him, but if I told the truth I feared he would share in the shame that had tightened its hold on me the moment I was left alone. Being ashamed of myself was one thing, but my father being ashamed of me was something I couldn't have borne.

So I went to the Potters'. Al was an early riser; always had been. He'd be awake, and willing to listen. I went around to the side of the house, where his window faced, and threw a stone at it. A patronus would have been better, but in my mental state I knew I had no chance of being able to cast one.

After a second try with a rock, the window opened, and my best friend leaned out. "Scorpius? What on Earth?"

"I... I didn't want to apparate right in, in case you were, you know, naked or something."

Albus laughed. "Well, I'm quite decent, so come on up."

I disapparated, reappearing in his room as he shut the window. He turned to look me over curiously. After a moment, he spoke. "Care to tell me why you came straight here after spending the night at the Weasleys'?"

My eyebrows shot up. "How in the world did you-"

"Elementary, my dear Malfoy," my friend said in a dry tone. "You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Besides, your hair's a bloody mess, and you'd hardly dare to leave your house in such a state of disarray, which serves to suggest that you haven't been at your house at all. And the only place you ever spend the night, discounting with me, is at my cousin's. How'd I do?" He chuckled. "I've been reading some Sherlock Holmes; can you tell?"

I nodded absently, sitting down in Al's desk chair. "Pretty spot on."

He frowned. "You okay, Scorp? You seem... distracted."

Shrugging, I bit my lip. "I guess that's one way to put it. I'm a bit too concerned with thinking that I suck to take much notice of things."

With a sigh, Albus sat on his bed, legs crossed. "You gonna tell me what happened?"

"I had sex with Rose last night," I said numbly.

"And that's... a bad thing?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Al sounded so skeptical that it could possibly be bad... "Yeah. Really, really bad."

He must have read in my eyes how serious I was, because he didn't try to joke. "Why?"

"Because I-" My voice cracked. Swallowing hard, I continued. "Something changed, Al. Without me realizing it. I used to look at Rose Granger-Weasley and think about how much I loved her. But I..." I ducked my head, afraid to say the words. "I don't... I don't think I love her anymore."

There was some understanding now in Albus' eyes. "But Rose doesn't know, does she?" He sighed. "And you slept with her anyways."

Tears sprang into my eyes. "I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew it was wrong... but I did it anyway. I thought that maybe sleeping with her would make me remember... make me love her like I had. I was so desperate to feel something for her... but I didn't. Not a thing. And then this morning she... she said something about love, like she was saying that... that she loved me. So now I just..." I ran a hand over my face, trying to get rid of the tears. More came. "I don't know what to do, Al. I'm such a fucking idiot."

Al chewed on his lip, not saying anything for a moment. "I dunno, Scorp. You know a lot more about these things than I do. I mean, if you asked an outside observer, they'd probably say it's in your best interests to talk to her. Explain things. Apologize."

I let out a strangled sob. "I can't just explain. She's not going to forgive me. She's going to hate me. She- She could take away my visitation rights, Al! With the snap of a finger! I could never see Willow again..." My hands were shaking terribly, and my vision was blurred by tears.

"Hey, calm down, alright? You know Rose isn't going to do that."

I buried my head in my hands, feeling thoroughly miserable. "You can't promise that she won't."

"Merlin, Scorp, didn't you just say that she loves you? Nothing is going to stop her from being upset, but she's not going to go crazy and throw you out of her life. She cares about you far too much to do that."

Sighing, I leaned back, as if searching for answers in the ceiling tiles. "I don't know..." I said. "I just don't know."

Al was silent, and I knew why. He could keep talking to me for hours upon hours, but he couldn't determine what I would do. That choice was up to me and me alone. What was I going to do? I had never felt so torn by uncertainty. It seemed either path would lead only to pain. Unless...

"Oh, no you don't." Albus was staring intently at me.

I blinked. He must have been using Legilimency, and I hadn't even sensed it. I was so distracted. "There would be no harm in it," I said pleadingly. "Just a few days to think, Al. That's all."

He looked like he wanted to argue with me, but deflated after a moment. "A few days has a tendency to turn into a few weeks," was all he said.

"Maybe a few weeks away wouldn't be so awful..."

At this, Al crossed his arms. "What about Lucy?"

I had almost forgotten about Lucy. "I- I could apparate back to see her. I just... I've got to get out of here for a bit. Don't you understand?"

"Running away from your problems is hardly the way to overcome them."

"Oh, you're one to talk," I snapped. "You say that like it's not all you've ever done."

Albus' head jerked up, surprise and hurt clear on his face. I winced, knowing it was a low blow. "Goddamnit, Al, I'm sorry-"

"Just go, Scorpius," he said, a weary tone to his voice. "I'm tired of trying to be a voice of reason to someone with no willingness to listen."

"Al-" I started, but the look on his face shut down my apology before it began. "I'll see you." That's all I said. What else was there? He didn't want to hear it. So I left, without another word.

I was being an idiot; that much I knew. But, I thought, we all have to be idiots sometime, and this was about the best time I would find to meet my stupidity quota. Besides, they'd hardly notice I was gone. I'd be back before they knew it...

A/N: oh gosh guys I'm so sorry for the long wait! Things have been kinda crazy getting back into school. Thanks for reading! :)