Chapter 37: Rumor

I felt better a day later. I didn't exactly know what caused the sudden fever. Maybe I was just too tired from the field work or being drenched from the rain the other day.

I was waiting for Anabeth in the breakfast hall that morning. While waiting, I couldn't help but stare at my palms, remembering a strange dream I had in the middle of the fever. It was Zackary... touching my face... holding my hand.

Umiling ako sa naisip. Silly dream. Why would Zackary see me?

Dumating si Anabeth sa breakfast hall at agad umupo sa silya sa tapat ko. "So have you decided what to do in your day off?" she asked, excited  for me.

The senior staff granted me a few days off to recover. According to  them, I had accomplished a lot of things these past few weeks and I deserved a rest from work.

"I might visit downtown to buy things I need," I told Anabeth.

Her lips pulled out in a tight pout. "Gusto ko din," she blurted. "Pero ubos na ang leave ko for this month."

"It's okay," I assured her. "Sasamahan nalang kita sa susunod."

"Are you sure you're okay heading out alone?"

Bigla kong naalala ang nangyari sa mansion ni Lilian. Their wide eyes staring like I was an attraction in a circus, their high pitch laughter ringing in my ears.

But I'm far from them right now. "I'll be fine."

Umalis ako sa apothecary bago magtanghali. I grabbed my small brown bag and a few things I needed before heading to the bus stop near the apothecary.

I had a small notebook with me where I listed the things I needed to buy including study materials and a new coat dahil napunit ang sleeves ng coat ko noong nasa village kami.

Umupo ako sa pinakamalapit na bakanteng upuan pagdating ng bus. Tumunghay ako sa labas ng bintana nang magsimulang umandar ang sasakyan.

Large white clouds lazily roamed the cobalt sky. It was a good day for a walk in town. Absentmindedly, I clutched my chest. I badly needed diversion, to shift my attention, because it seems like my heart hadn't settled for days.

Pagdating sa downtown, napansin ko ang mga tingin ng mga taong kasama ko sa bus na hindi ko napansin kanina. They've been talking in whispers, shaking their heads in my direction before they stepped out of the bus.

Pilit ko itong hindi pinansin. The approach wasn't new to me. Ilang buwan na akong nakatira sa Van Zanth, pero may mga taong hindi ko mapipilit na tanggapin ako.

Pagbaba ko sa bus, I checked my list and decided to go to the stationery shop first to buy some notebooks and pens. I walked slowly, watching kids from a nearby fountain chased each other.

Pagdating ko sa tapat ng shop, the owner was talking to another woman in front of the shop. I greeted them with a small smile. Ilang beses na akong bumisita sa shop na ito kasama si Anabeth and the shop owner  was nothing but kind to us.

Kaya nagulat ako nang sa halip na bumati tulad ng dati, umirap ito sa direksyon ko. The customer with her whispered loud enough for me to hear.

"She's the one I'm telling you about..."

Hindi ako nakagalaw nang pareho nila akong titigan mula ulo hanggang paa. "Sigurado ka?" the shop owner asked the woman. "Mukha naman siyang hindi ganoon."

"Don't let the innocent face fool you," the customer insisted. "My daughter said it herself... this woman from the apothecary is trying to seduce the alpha..."

Natulala ako at hindi agad nakagalaw. Maging ang ilang dumadaan sa tapat ng shop ay napatingin sa'min dahil sa sinabi ng babae. Umatras  ako palayo at agad umiwas ng tingin.

"I heard she badly wanted to be a resident here... What a desperate girl..."

Mabilis akong naglakad palayo, notebook clutched in my chest beating loudly in fear. Sandali akong huminto sa tapat ng isang street lamp at humugot nang malalim na hininga.

It's okay... it's okay. Pilit kong pinakalma ang sarili ko. I'm not any of those words.

I raised my head once again to face the downtown street before me. I forced a smile to forget my trembling state. I'll just come back to the stationery shop later. I'll just buy a coat first. It's still a good day. Everything will be fine.

Muli akong naglakad sa sidewalk na pinaliligiran ng iba't-ibang mga tindahan. But the more I see faces staring at me, the more I wanted to hide and make myself small.

Nakarating ako sa shop na nagtitinda ng mga coats. I immediately saw the new coats displayed from the large glass window mostly in neutral colors or in dark greens or maroons.

I walked to the open front door while checking my bag, preparing the money I had to spend, but I suddenly left frozen on my spot when the shop owner showed up and flipped the sign on the doorway saying the shop was now closed.

"Sandali..." pakiusap ko. "Pwede ba akong bumili. Hindi ako magtatagal... kailangan ko lang talaga."

The owner gave me a sharp gaze. "Hindi mo ba nakikita? Sarado kami ngayon. At wala kaming coat para sa mga tulad mo."

I bit my trembling lips. "Pero... may nakita ako sa bintana..."

"Shameless girl... hindi ako magbebenta ng mga gawa ko sa tulad mo..."

I stepped away, my head ringing with her words. People on the  sidewalk started staring at me as though they knew something I didn't. Hindi ko maintindihan. I was welcomed here a week ago.

"I heard it from my daughter..."

"The family I've been serving said the same thing..."

"Quite a wild reputation for someone so innocent looking..."

Unti-unti akong umatras palayo hanggang sa isang tao ang mabangga ko. Hindi ko magawang lumingon dahil natatakot ako na maging sila ay pagiisipan ako nang masama. I hide my face from them, brimmed with tears.

"May problema ba dito?"

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses. Napansin ko ang pagbaba ng tingin ng mga taong nasa paligid namin. Some of them scattered and walked away from us.

"Are you refusing service to a customer?"

Bumaling ako sa taong nabangga ko. It was Alexander.

The shop owner's eyes shifted away, uncomfortable with Alexander's sharp gaze. Maging ang mga taong nasa paligid ay hindi mapigilang manahimik at bahagyang yumuko. But I could hear the scorn in their whispered voices.

"Acting like someone big since becoming the beta..."

Pero walang pakialam si Alexander sa mga ito. He was raging mad, his every words snapping like whip. "I'm asking you, are you refusing service?"

The shop owner failed to make up an answer.

"I hope you have valid reason for breaching one of the rules of the town."

I grabbed Alexander's arm before he stepped closer to the shop. "It's okay, Alexander..." I knew for a fact that Alexander had wild temper if prompted.

His hands remained in tight fists, trembling in indignation.

"Hindi ko pa naman kailangan..." I told him. "Let's just go..." I pulled him away from the crowd of onlookers.

The remaining people scattered away, muttering to themselves. "Two train wrecks surrounding the alpha..."

My hand trembled at their biting words. Napansin ito ni Alexander so he grabbed my wrist until he was the one pulling me away from the  crowded part of downtown.

Hindi ko alam kung saan siya patungo. The cobblestone street became patches of grass under my shoes. I raised my head, realizing we have arrived at a park near downtown.

Hinila ako ni Alexander paupo sa isang bench sa ilalim ng makapal na sycamore tree. Nanatili akong tahimik mula noong makalayo kami sa downtown.

Bumuntong hininga si Alexander sa nakikita. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

I raised my head to stare at him, confused. He walked away and I was  left remembering the stairs of people earlier in front of the shops,  almost similar to the disgusted stares people cast at me when I was still serving owners.

"What a lowly creature..."

"Look at the dirt on her face..."

"Look at what she's wearing..."

Their whispers... it's the thing that haunt me the most... it's like they were trying to keep it to themselves while making sure I could see how pathetic I was in their eyes.

Unti-unti kong tinakpan ang tenga ko na tila naririnig parin ang mga salita nila. Hindi na ako babalik sa dati. I'm better now. I have the apothecary... I have people who cares for me. They're mistaken... I'm not a bad person... I swear I'm not...

"Eleanor..."

Alexander came back, standing in front of me. I stared up at him with my tear-stained face. "Alexander... am I a bad person?" I mumbled, voice trembling. "What should I do now? I don't want to be a bad person... Alexander..."

Tuluyan akong nanghina, ang mga luha na pinipigilan ko kanina pa, sunod-sunod silang dumaosdos sa aking pisngi. A sob started until I could no longer control it. I was sobbing, eyes in tears in front of Alexander who stared at me with an unreadable expression on his impassive face.

But I couldn't help it. My emotions could no longer hold seeing their stares, hearing their mocking voices. It was like I was back from the beginning... back to who I was.

Binaba ni Alexander ang hawak na maliit na paper bag sa bench at umupo sa tabi ko. He reached for the back of my head, pulling it gently for my face to rest on his shoulder.

He let me sob on his shoulder so people around us wouldn't see me crying. "I don't want to go back... I'm not a bad person... I swear I'm not..."

Hindi siya nagsalita. Hinayaan niya lang akong umiyak sa tabi niya. I could feel his heavy hand over my head, his sharp breathing as though trying to calm himself.

It took me several minutes before I calmed down. I pulled away from Alexander, wiping my tears with my palms. "Sorry..." I mumbled. "I didn't mean to cry..."

Inabot niya sa'kin ang brown paper bag na hawak niya kanina.  Nagtataka na kinuha ko ito at tinignan ang laman sa loob. It was a pastry... and base on the smell it was an apply pastry.

I blinked back tears, now completely calm. "Where did you get it?" I asked him.

It was my favorite pastry... because the taste of it reminded me of my childhood. I always look for it whenever I'm in a new place or city. I  also searched for it the first time I visited the downtown without much luck.

"It's my favorite pastry," I told Alexander like a child. I stared at the slightly warm pastries in my hand, the shape of a pillow with apple fillings inside.

"Alam ko..."

Before I could further asked him, muling nagsalita si Alexander. "You're having a hard time because of him." I could easily tell who he was referring to.

Muli kong binalik ang tingin sa pastry na hawak ko. "It's not his fault."

"Eleanor..." His voice was heavy, almost sounded like a warning.

I raised my head to stare at the clear sky which remained unbothered by the little problems of the world below.

"Did you know I first met Zackary in the lobby of a hotel..." I started. "Even then, his status was too far and overwhelming for me. He was a known guest that even the other important hotel guests were familiar of him."

Napangiti ako sa alaala.

"I was serving an owner back then. But I like to think that there's something that pulled us to meet each other, like those story books  about destiny. But in reality, I was only one of those people he had helped... I was one of the thousands of people who look up to him...  who was lucky enough to be close to him."

Huminga ako nang malalim at sandaling pumikit, feeling the breeze on my red face from crying. "The only thing that's hurting me right now is that... I could no longer look him in the eyes. I could no longer face him... talk to him like I used to. I got used to him being there for me... and now I couldn't even look him in the eyes without breaking. It  hurts... so bad I could feel my heart ripping."

Humarap ako kay Alexander, trying to smile despite the pain digging  into my chest. "But it's okay... I'll get used to it."

I noticed him gripped the edge of the bench, knuckles white with the bench squeaking lightly as though it would crack any moment.

"Can I ask you favor, Alexander?" I mumbled. "I could no longer help Zackary up close like before... but if there's something I could do to help... you can tell me."

I smiled. "Look after him for me, okay?"

***