"Stick your hands inside,
pull out the core of the pain
that is holding you in your past,
the memories and make peace with them. "

◈◈◈

"That's it for today, ladies!"

I watched as the women slowly dispersed before taking a seat followed by my mom as well.

I sighed taking a sip of my water before lying back after a draining barre session, "so are you planning on heading to the arena later?"

"I want to but not quite sure its a good idea..." I mumbled as I had flown in to spend the weekend with her, but of course as luck would have it, Clash of Champions was today in Phoenix. I hadn't seen Joe due to them only flying in this morning but I was proud to say we had kept in contact over the last week.

I had gone to the Troops believing I could just be calm and pretend like I hadn't been affected by him going off the grid with me but once I saw him it was hard to do that. All I saw when I saw him was the love of my life and it made me go into panic mode due to him distancing himself. Especially when he knew all my concerns, it didn't make sense why he would do it but of course while I was wrapped up in my own emotions Joe's mind was all over. His heart always ruled with the care mixed with the love he had for everyone. And while it always frustrated me because he unintentionally ruined things when I knew perhaps he had a point. He always found a way to just make my anger disappear and once I was in his arms I knew that was it.

So now, I Nicole Garcia-Colace was officially the girlfriend of Roman Reigns. Or Joseph Leati Anoa'i, well Leati 'Joseph' Anoa'i...

I always tended to mess it up and he would playfully narrow his contacted grey eyes at me in annoyance and nudge his nose over mine, and to think that was before us...

"Why not?" I heard my mom as I slowly stood to my feet, deciding it was best we headed to the showers before I passed out on the floor.

"I'm a bit hesitant because well, its different now, I'm Joe's girlfriend." I couldn't contain my smile at the last bit which led to my mom giving me a knowing smile as well.

While I wasn't exactly shouting it to the world, I had been smiling brightly as soon as I walked into the door. Not only because I was ambushed by little Winnie but due to his brown eyes somehow reminding me of my pup daddy.

I had been trying to shut out the concern over the last few weeks as Joe ignored me but whenever I facetimed my mom she had been able to spot the concern in me so I might have spilled some things. Not exactly Joe's avoiding me but just my fears concerning us being apart so she had been the first person I told, it was weird. Joe had a way of making me feel like I was a teenager who got asked to be the girlfriend of the most popular guy in school, he was truly the love of my life and seeing him last weekend confirmed I was his and washed my doubts away.  Well most of them, I couldn't control my constant overthinking but I was trying.

"But no one knows that.." She pointed out as we sat on a bench in the locker rooms, reminding me slightly of work.
"Yeah but I know myself, I'll just want to be all over him. It would be our first time backstage after our talk. I'm just weak in a good way when it comes to him and while we've always been affectionate backstage. I don't know, now that we are officially more I'm more aware of how its actually PDA and not two close friends in denial.." I giggled at how inappropriate my friendship with Joe had probably been at times, yet it hadn't felt wrong.

"Oh I know, I'm just happy you guys finally figured things out. Johnny assumed it would never happen with how slow Joe tended to be or I guess cautious would be a better term." She smiled as we packed up.

My cautious Joe...

"All good things come to those who wait I suppose" I shrugged and smiled before grabbing my things and heading to the showers debating on whether I should head to the arena despite the fact that it was a Red Team only paperview.

MY Joe 😍: I miss you, needing your arms wrapped around me right now. I'm stuck with Sasha complaining about how much she misses Jimmy...

I giggled not only because I knew he didn't really enjoy listening to it as he didn't know how to respond but the fact that I had thought they had been together? I had seen so many posts by Jimmy, loving posts about Sasha and it made me smile. Especially after he had been a bit hesitant to move on even after Trin and Xavier got together.

I shook away thoughts and focused on the screen, I wish my arms were around you and my lips on yours. Don't start texting about physical contact because I will not be able to control myself, boyfriend. 😭 And tell Sasha she shouldn't get too close! 😉

MY Joe 😍: And if you weren't controlling yourself, what would your texts entail?
(Sasha was never here, just wanted to get my woman riled up)

"And that smile?" I jumped slightly and bit my lip setting my phone on the table, my mom didn't really get annoyed with my tendency to be focused on it for most of the time but I did see her for less now that I was on the road so I decided my boyfriend had to wait.

Boyfriend...

"Its the smile of a woman who knows she's on her man's mind." I giggled sipping from my cocktail.

I debated whether I should give him some of his own medicine and ignore him since I was with my mom but I hadn't seen him in a week and after him making things official it was safe to say I was weak for Joe even more.

Nothing good for the PG-era

I received no response as I glanced over to see any flashing light and rolled my eyes, of course Joe would leave things silent.

"So Joe doesn't know you are in town?" My mom questioned after we had caught up, mostly her wanting to hear how I felt about Brie's pregnancy. Perhaps if I were still with John, hearing her having something I couldn't would have stung but I knew I would have whatever I ever wanted in my future with Joe. I still felt like I had unfinished business within the company though, so I doubt any further steps would be happening soon. So yes I was happy and quite amused due to Jon becoming a father when he was a bit of a kid himself...

"No he doesn't, I didn't want to mention it to him. He has an important match tonight and knowing him he would end up staying at your house with me until he was needed. I want him to be focused..."

"I really think you should consider surprising him though. Unless there is something else holding you back from seeing him at work?"

I traced my fingers over the glass set in front of me and knew there was, one key factor would be there, Vince. He had made Joe doubt our relationship and yes one could argue it hadn't even been a month of silence between us but if it weren't for Tribute to the Troops bringing us together I wasn't sure if Joe and I would have been able to actually speak or if he would have built up the courage to admit why he had been so distant.

Its what I hated about the man who was so perfect in every way. He always believed he knew what was best for you and while his intentions never failed to be good, the outcome was usually bad for me. Okay, maybe him going behind my back to discuss my neck wasn't, considering how rare my injury was. But him not making a move, thinking I was with Colby and now listening to Vince... It was clear I needed to be the one to take charge when it came to certain things because my Joe would just let people walk over him.

"Maybe I will go, I do miss my man."

◆◆◆

I love how you just do not respond to me.😒

Figured you were not into riling me up before my match😄

I didn't think my gym clothes were that attractive but maybe this is?😘

I sent a picture I had taken before I left.

Anything is attractive with you in it but that's pretty..pretty good. 😜😏

I giggled shaking my head as I wasn't expecting more from him, don't get me wrong, Joe had a guttered mind. I just happened to be the one to speak his thoughts for him most of the time and the times he was vocal I usually teased him.

I miss your touch, what would you do if you could have your hands all over me?💋

I giggled hearing his music erupt throughout the arena and realized he wouldn't be able to let me know which I suppose wasn't needed. Watching his match would allow excitement to fill my craving body either way...

Watching Roman was like watching an animal unleashed to be honest, he was unpredictable, despite his moves being similar. I knew he struggled to incorporate new moves in as he felt uncomfortable with most. He believed certain moves weren't meant for a guy of his size and therefore stuck with what he was comfortable with and I had no problem with that when it worked for him. He was quick on his feet and you don't see many 250 pound men do a suicide dive, I didn't understand why my boyfriend was criticised so much.

I felt the need to feel offended as I knew what it is was like. Joe and I were so alike, I wasn't the best wrestler out there with skill sets like Bayley or Trinity, same with him when compared to Jon or Colby who wrestled for all their life. We weren't the best wrestlers out there and we never claimed to be but yet we were constantly compared because we were pushed when we weren't as talented. I had dealt with it during my title reign and he helped me grow a thick skin to it all. Not that thick but if ever I needed assurance he had never been too far, his strong arms had never been too far. And now for the most part I was loved by the crowd, I mean who would want to hate on a woman returning from career-ending surgery.

I guess that's why he wanted to push away from me, afraid his heat would transfer onto me. I've been hated before so I didn't care, he had been there through it all and I was happy through it all because of him. And when he needed someone throughout his reign I couldn't be there for him, we wanted to be on top but knew we couldn't survive there without each other. I suppose that's what angered me the most, not being able to repay him when I knew the amount of pressure being champion put on you. So I didn't care who decided we weren't a good fit, I wouldn't let anything come between our bond and now relationship.

I smiled brightly, watching as he delivered a spear to Rusev, sending him down and the count was music to my ears. He was so happy, seriously happy as he was handed the belt and I knew why. He had been anxious about returning, even though he tried to hide it so we could enjoy our last days together but I knew Joe. He felt disappointment within himself and I liked to believe this championship would help him redeem himself.

"Nicole.." I heard Colby and briefly glanced behind me with a sigh as Joe continued his celebration in the ring with the mixed crowd.

"Hey.." I mumbled, of course when I raced over to the arena to see my boyfriend I had forgotten the man who was on the roster with him as well. The man who hadn't bothered speaking to me because he believed I betrayed him by telling Joe when he had been the one to lie to me all along. I insisted Joe make things right with him because it had been nearly three years overdue and Joe didn't need to hold any hate within that sweet heart of his.

"Look.." He began and I slowly turned to face him, he had cared so much while I was injured. Driven me to appointments, listened as I vented about Joe but then he lied and broke my heart. Made me believe something that wasn't true, made me hate an innocent woman because I believed she had taken what I needed to go on.

"Colby, I would consider speaking to Vince before I spoke to you." I snapped as I of course couldn't help being pissed at Vince for getting into Joe's head and silently torturing me.

"Vince isn't here tonight though." He pointed out and I shrugged, moving on to find Joe and do what I had intended.

"I am sorry for what I did. It was wrong of me, so wrong.." He pleaded beside me which caused me to stop.

"It was so fucking wrong, Colby. I thought you actually cared, not only about Renee but our friendship. That the months you were beside me was because you knew how lonely I was and that you were being a friend. I believed that we were helping each other not only work through our injuries but with the loss of our loved ones as well. But I wasn't needed to be a good friend to you, I was just used." I shook my head as the hurt resurfaced, not just the hurt and being lied to by someone I put my trust in. But knowing I had been so angry at Joe for 'moving on' that I shut myself off from him. Let him suffer while I was suffering as well and the man standing before me enjoyed watching it.

Watching my eyes glisten as I spoke of how I envisioned things happening, stood beside me as I watched Joe from a distance. Wanting to speak to him but seeing the hard look and being confused as to why he had any reason to be angry, when I had in fact betrayed him by allowing him to believe I was with Colby when he hadn't given Sasha a second thought.

"Nikki..." He sighed, slightly frustrated.

"Colby, I appreciate your attempt at apologizing but staring at you now. I need a little more time, don't worry I'll be sure to let your big brother know about your attempt." I shrugged as I figured him coming up to me would be enough, seeing his sincerity would be enough. But it wasn't...

"I'm not doing this for Roman.."

"So he didn't tell you to apologize to me?"

He rolled his eyes and folded his arms, "He pointed out something I knew had to be done."

"Which is?"

He shook his head and ran both hands through his hair, "I knew he loved you, knew it and I couldn't stand seeing it. I was angry because he hadn't forgiven me for a mistake and since he hated me I figured I might as well hate him as well. So I blamed everything on him, him telling Renee when he had every right to, you guys being hot and cold with me..."

"I wasn't though, Colby. Despite my loyalty to Joe I have always been there for you and that's honestly what hurts the most. You say you had no one, but what the fuck was I? You did it to anger the man I love, why did I stick by your side? Because you're like a brother to me and I cared. I always cared but you didn't care enough about me to see past your own selfish needs and see how what you were doing was not hurting the man you believed turned his back on you. But how hurt I was.." I croaked.

His eyes widened slightly and I knew why, I never broke in front of anyone other than Joe. Not even my sister since he had been in my life, I found comfort in that he wasn't obligated to sit through it all but wanted to. And I wouldn't break in front of Colby, I would push back the tears mixed of hurt and anger..

"I honestly don't know how to fix it. I saw how hurt you were, I saw it and I ignored it and it wasn't because I didn't care about you, Nicole. I love you and care about you, you know that. I just figured deep down you were using me as well, why the hell would you actually care about me when Renee is one of your best friends?" He sighed and I hated the weak part in my heart that defeated the stubborn part as sadness filled his eyes at the mention of her name.

"I've made mistakes too, I guess to some extent we are alike. We betrayed our family and we cheated."

He frowned and I stared down into my lap, "I was in love with Joe while claiming to be in love with John. You stuck your dick in someone else and I fell in love with someone else. Which do you think is worse?"

I questioned even though I knew to some extent mine was, I had never truly admitted it before. I screamed it to Joe, let him know he was the reason but that was anger and this was defeat and shame.

"I don't think you can measure it, Nicole. I mean we broke their hearts, but they're happy now. Renee with Bryan..."

"And John with April..." I smiled and he nodded. "Its okay to stop punishing ourselves, you know? And be happy. Karma did me one with John finding love with her while I was still pining after Joe. But here I am, emotional because of your annoying behind but happy. Because somewhere in this arena is the man who owns my heart and who knows? Somewhere here might be the woman who owns yours..."

"Everyone is fucking taken" He groaned causing me to laugh out but before I could respond I felt a kiss on my cheek and his arms around me. "I truly am sorry, Nicole. I made so many mistakes but I'm trying and I'm sick of hurting people."

"Then I better be the last one. Come on, let's find our lover" I hooked him in.

"Correction, he's Jon's lover, not mine." He said seriously and I giggled and shook my head as Joe soon came into view. He was so serious, posing with his championship.

"He doesn't know you're here does he?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Him complaining for an hour over here that he wasn't sure when he would see you.."

I smiled and my eyes fell on him again as he finished up and as he did. His eyes briefly fell on me and he glanced away before focusing his eyes on me again.

"Babe." He smiled, his brown eyes filled with happiness and I immediately jumped into his arms.

I might have felt guilty for emotionally cheating on John but I could never regret my feelings for a man who could make me smile so much that my cheeks hurt just by him squeezing me in his arms...

◆◆◆◆

I HONESTLY HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS.
COLBY + NIKKI MADE UP!
IF I'M HONEST I'LL ADMIT I AM A BIT LOST WITH THIS BOOK RN BUT I AM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I WANT TO GO FROM HERE: )
I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS STILL LIKE THIS BOOK CAUSE MOST TIMES I FEEL LIKE I JUST MESSED IT UP. I HAVE SOME MIXED EMOTIONS LOL BUT HOPEFULLY MY BRAIN SPARKS SOMETHING SOON !

ITS A FLASHBACK CHAPTER AFTER THIS? SO ANY IDEAS FOR THOSE ARE WELCOME 😉😉😉

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!!! ♥♥♥