"If you love something, love it completely,
cherish it, say it,
but most importantly, show it.
Life is finite and fragile,
and just because something is there one day,
it might not be the next. "

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Tribute to the troops 2016

"I'm getting way too comfortable with this view right here, baby girl.."

"Call me that one more time and you'll definitely not see it" She stated clearly annoyed at me disturbing her yoga moments in the backyard.

I had been upstairs with Jojo, attempting to understand why drinking empty tea cups was so much fun but then the smile on my little girl's face as I played along reminded me.

She was now watching her favourite movie while I had meant to prepare lunch but of course looking out of the window afforded me the view of Nicole.

I sat down on the grass beside her, "Besides the fact that it degrades your views on being a woman, is there another reason you despise that name?"

She slowly opened her eyes and briefly shielded them from the sun before peeking at me, "No, Joe."

She shook her head as she brought her other leg around and rested her chin on her knee, slightly pouting, even without the cute face I knew the no had been a lie.

I raised my eyebrow...

"You call every one baby girl or baby doll. I don't want to be thrown into the masses Joe, I want to be different. Wanted to be different then too and I wasn't then and you doing that and going on calling Renee or Joseann the same, it was like 'Nicole, its obvious he's just not that into you' "
She narrowed her eyes and then stared down at the greenery surrounding us.

"I'm pretty sure its obvious that I'm very into you.." I leaned forward slightly lowering my voice further as I did, "I wouldn't be able to get up right now just from seeing you like that, babe."

"Joseph Anoa'i! Control your hormones" She giggled loudly. "I'm serious though, Joe. I don't want to be another person..."

"Nicole, am I in love with anyone else? No. Do I plan on marrying anyone else? No. What I call you doesn't define how much you mean to me. You are mine, now, tomorrow, forever and ever and ever and.." I chuckled as she cut me off with her lips on mine.

"I'm sure she'll love Blue!" Renee's eyes lit up while I shook my head having zoned out on the times when Nicole and I weren't forced onto different rosters but were just at home ignoring the inevitable.

"Oh no I'd rather she not. The last thing I need is her requesting another dog." I rolled my eyes as while Jojo had seen pictures of Blue she had yet to meet the little guy and then it would be another puppy request.

"She has what, like three, its Galina's and then Winnie?"

"Winston." I narrowed my eyes despite her only seeing him when I was home due to him being at Kathy's house.

"Winnie is manly!" She rolled her eyes before giggling as we sat on the bus. I had hoped to talk to Nicole but by the time I had gotten on she was seated with Jon and Brie.

"I guess its better than a colour" I shrugged and received a slap to my shoulder which led to me narrowing my eyes before staring out of the window.

Colby had opted to get a rental to avoid any awkward tension on the bus and while it was hard for things to be awkward for me with Renee beside me. I wished I had taken him up on the offer. I guess I would have if I had known just how upset Nicole would be...

"You guys are so cute" I heard Renee and frowned until she showed me a post by Nicole which made me smile despite the concern filling me. "You really should get instagram"

It wasn't the first time I had heard that but I honestly didn't see the point when I had Twitter. The last thing I needed was to post pictures with every post, my selfie days were restricted to being obligated into them by fans or Jojo and Nicole.

Yes in the Shield days I had had my fair share of those selfies but that was along the time I really began feeling more comfortable with my workouts and putting in the labour to have the correct physique and showing it off felt good. I was also more liked back then...

"And post what? I have no life and I am not a good photographer at all, ask my gi... Ask Nicole"  My eyes fell on her in the distance as I actually didn't.

I was proving myself despite knowing Vince didn't doubt me I wanted to silence anyone who believed I let it all get to me. So I hadn't been home in awhile, I always made time for Jojo but it was basically flying, training, and work for me. Now that was no excuse for me ignoring Nicole because I would stop everything for her but I knew how much being back in the ring meant for me and I feared being associated with me would bring her down further.

Yes maybe it was Vince's words which caused me to think and even Colby's but over the last week I had tried figuring out my thoughts and in the end that's what it led to. I wasn't much of a favourite and she clearly was, but the way the crowd could easily turn their back on you wasn't what I wanted her to experience.

"Let's go put smiles on people's face. Where's my life partner?" She glanced around for Bryan causing me to smile slightly as she soon found him placing a brief kiss on his cheek.

As I glanced past her I saw Nicole's eyes on me before seeing a small smile appear on her face which caused me to cautiously move towards her.

"Hey Stranger" She whispered and I immediately tried recalling why I had ignored her calls.

I expected the silent treatment and the blank look before seeing the hurt in her eyes, but I didn't bother searching them as I wrapped my arms around her.

I held her tightly in my arms as I felt her fingers squeeze into my lower back even with me wearing the black coat she had gotten me, causing her to giggle slightly, "I missed you too. You have some explaining to do, I know the road is rough but I mean.. We'll talk about it later.."

I sighed pulling back knowing despite her playful tone, confusion was filling her and I hated that I left her not knowing where she stood, "I'm sorry but yeah later.."

I let her go before we moved to join the sea of superstars.

I hadn't seen Nicole for most of the day, with me heading out on the chopper and boats with the guys and it made me more anxious despite her relatively good mood this morning. She had seen me and with that it could have been like a ticking time bomb as the anger filled her.

We stepped off onto the docks and I literally had no one to fall back on with Colby and Jon hanging out inside while it was a few guys and well Nicole hanging out in the cold to get an experience.

"You're awfully far from me on all the pictures."

"I didn't think you'd want a picture with me, Joe?" She shrugged and moved on making me sigh as I followed watching the others head inside.

"I don't want to fight with you, Nicole. You're the most important person in my life besides Jojo, you know that right?"

"No I don't, Joe.." She sighed and glanced behind her before moving closer to me. "What's going on? Tell me if I'm that important to you why haven't I heard from you? Its been three weeks and not a word from you, Joe. You know I have just been telling myself you're on the road; you're in a routine you know you need to contact Jojo so that's why last month it was easy to keep in touch with me as well. I've been making these excuses and smiling when Jon and Brie are confused because they have spoken to you. But I don't get it, we're supposed to.. I'm in love with you and you're supposedly in love with me, why are my calls being ignored? You know how much it hurt being separated from you before and now we're on different brands and once again I'm not there and its like I'm being shut out by you. I can't go through this again I..."

"Don't cry, Nicole." I cut her off briefly closing my eyes knowing that not seeing her physically had made it easier for me even though the longing feeling within me nagged at me. But now she stood before me showing how she had been affected over the last few weeks due to my actions even though she had tried putting on a brave face before.

"I'm not fucking crying" She glared as her eyes glistened. "It just feels like deja vu, you hurting me and you don't even realize it. You have a good heart Joe, so you believe you have good intentions but sometimes people don't need you babying them. I get it, you see me as this fragile woman who has been hurt by guys in the past but I hurt guys too. For you! And it just seems like when push comes to shove I'm always tossed to the side. While I'd do anything for you..."

"That's not true, Nicole." I whispered as I slowly shook my head refraining from wrapping my arms around her to not draw attention to us and so she could speak.

"Last year, I was mad at you, very well. I ignored you but you could have tried harder even after I was with Colby. You're so quick to take charge on things 'for my well being' but why couldn't you do that when I was lost without you? Hurting without you? The only thing you're good at is providing distance between us by thinking you know what is best for me. I needed you to contact me, and now you're over there with Colby and you guys are best friends again. Hanging out and I'm clearly being pushed aside..." She shrugged briefly patting her eyes with them not leaving mine.

"That's not the reason, Colby and you need to talk and that has got nothing to do with me. He wronged you and I do not agree with that but my actions are... Well it doesn't matter, because yes I did ignore you over the last few weeks and I am sorry." I stared deeply into her eyes hoping she would see how much I meant it.

She frowned a bit before speaking, "You can't just admit that and not tell me why? Why you would shut me out when you love me? Make me think I did something... "

"I..."

"Hey guys we're starting now" I glanced past her and nodded towards Bryan as she stared down instead.

"I love you." I whispered while her eyes focused on the concrete.

"Well I'm finding it hard to believe when its always so easy for you to make decisions that cause us to become distant." She mumbled still hiding her eyes from me and while staring into her eyes and realizing the hurt I had caused tore me up in every way possible? Having her not look at me scared me.

"Look at me, Nicole..." I placed my hand on her cheek but she didn't lift her head. " You're the only monkey for me, I don't want to argue right now. Bring this up while we're meant to be doing our jobs but I just want you to believe that I love you"

She sighed and moved closer to me and peeked up at me, "I want the truth even if it is stupid."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead and nodded before kissing her lips briefly. I could feel her tense but sighed as I followed her into the hall to join the rest.

"Maybe I should just shoot your head off." She smiled holding the rifle and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You'd be trying to heal my wound again as soon as you did it." I smirked as I took the sword away from her before attempting to use it myself.

"Shut up, Joe." She smiled causing me to chuckle as we continued the rest of the day with me having high hopes the day would end off on a good note.

▨▨▨

"Nicole.." I called her back as she was about to walk past me and sighed as she took the seat beside me.

"You're really mad." I eyed her before glancing out of the window instead of watching everyone else make their way onto the bus.

"More hurt and confused than mad. I would have liked to avoid you until we have a moment but it seems you're drawn to me today." She whispered but placed her hand on mine before resting her head on my shoulder which led to me placing a brief kiss on her face.

It had been that way with us being divided into groups and her basically being the only woman ending up with us. I hadn't minded much though, except for the moments she tried to distance herself from me, in the end she was mostly beside me and the temptation within me to hold her hand or kiss her let me know that I needed her, loved her and there was no doubt about it.

"We can get your things and you can come up to my room. Or I can just stay here" I whispered as I followed her into the room as she had fallen asleep on the ride to the hotel room so we hadn't spoken. I doubt it would have been best to do it in a vehicle filled with superstars anyway especially with the screaming matches we had, had over the years.

"Just be honest with me, Joe. Have you really been that, busy or is it just the fact that you are seriously regretting ever admitting you loved me? We can go back to being just friends, well I guess that's what we are so if that's what you want we don't have to be more." She shrugged as she tried to hide any emotion in her eyes when she should have known that was pointless with me.

"Nicole, there is never a time when I would regret anything when it comes to us except the time we wasted." I closed the door as I followed her into the room.

"Then why do you have time for everyone but me?"

I sighed and slowly took off my coat and took a seat on the edge of the bed, deciding not to stand across from her as she paced up and down because I wasn't here to go at it with her. I was here to raise the flag and get back what we were meant to have at this point. "The reason you're on Smackdown is because of me."

"What?" She whispered, stopping and staring over at me.

I shook my head, "Vince heard about the fight between Colby and I and knows you were, for the most part, the reason. He doesn't want any conflict so you're there and I'm here.."

"You listened to Vince? And to avoid any conflict just shut me out" she laughed slightly not happy with it as she turned away from me and took off her cap and jacket.

"Nicole, you just got back on the road, I didn't want to risk anything for you."

"So you want to not be with me? Is that's what's going on here? " She staredat me with emotion which couldn't be hidden this time.

"No, that's not what's going on here." I felt my jaw clench realizing just how far her thoughts had gone. I made her doubt my feelings for her and having seen how Nick had done that to her, I never wanted to make her question my love for her. Because unlike with him it would be there and would always be there...

"You don't take my calls. I thought being on the road would be great but it turns out you're just back to trying to go on like I don't exist and that hurts Joe."

I closed my eyes and rested my elbows on my knees as I ran my hands over my face.

"I'm sorry Nicole, I let Vince get into my head. He doesn't even know we are together, he just sees what we always were and he knows we've always been joined at the hip. He thinks business while I'm hopelessly in love with you and that should be the last thing on my mind."

"Are you sure its just Vince?"

"Nicole."

"I'm all the way over on Smackdown, alone with people who are scared to work with me. I don't have Brie, I have no one the way I had you and you're with him. Okay you're the reason I'm on a different brand but in what world would I want you to ignore me when I'm all the way over there? I need you so much more! And I know I asked you to push things aside for Colby but now it just feels like I'm the thing being pushed aside so you can repair things with him. He hasn't called me to apologize and yes its between me and him but you are the reason he used me and you love me so don't you think I deserve to be apologized to?" She stared at me and I realized that had been bothering her as well. Another thing I hadn't fought for, yet I stood my grounds and had ignored her due to the words of our boss.

"Why did you take so long?" I blurted out before I could stop myself with Colby's reasoning filling my mind.

"What?"

"To tell me that you and Colby were a lie, Nicole? I don't get it, six months of suffering." I mumbled wishing I hadn't brought it up because it didn't actually matter to me. We were at the point we needed to be now so that was all that mattered but I knew she would drill what I meant by it out of me as well anyway.

"Because I didn't know that you wanted me Joe, you didn't let me know you loved me the way I loved you until you saw I was with Colby and I believed you. But I also believed that maybe it was just because I was with Colby and you hated the idea so much you would use the love I have for you to pull me away. And it really seems that way now cause you are buddies so what purpose is there for me?" She bit her lip as her eyes glistened again, I raised my head to look at her.

I stood up and slowly made my way to her, not needing more distance when I knew having her in my arms was what she wanted, what we both wanted. "The purpose for you is to be with me, to be with me for the rest of my life. "

"So what, ignore me when I'm out of sight and fall back on me when your bed is cold?"

"Nicole..." I groaned wishing she would understand but I wasn't even sure why I had done it and the doubts were there for her.

"Roman..."

"I went fucking almost two years without anyone in my bed besides you and that wasn't anything more. I will always have a purpose for you Nicole, in the past as my best friend and now as my best friend and girlfriend."

"What?"

"I'm sick of saying we are more, why can't we just say it?" I shrugged and I saw the slight relief fill her eyes before I rested my forehead against hers.

"You just said we're conflict and now you want to make this official?" She tried to hide her smile which I saw as I leaned back wrapping my arms around her. I wasn't suggesting it just to make her doubts fade away but for me as well, for myself to know that I officially took what I wanted and made her mine.

"Because I'm here to fucking let you know I don't care what Vince says, you're right I keep trying to look out for what's the best for everyone. But when you're taken from me I don't know what to do with myself but I push you away and I'm sorry Nicole. That isn't fair to you, I love you and you're all I want. So yeah I want you to be my girlfriend. Half the people believe you are with Colby and having you be mine is the only way I see to make it clear."

She eyed me and slowly wrapped her arms around my waist letting me know any words following wouldn't be meant to doubt me but to torture me, "and this has nothing to do with you needing someone to vent to about Clash of Champions coming up?"

I chuckled, " I might make history on Sunday, so maybe I do. But I just need to know that you know you're always on my mind, babe. Always.."

"At night too?" She mumbled into my lips as I nudged my nose over hers simply happy because I felt the tension leave between us somehow.

"At ni..." I laughed out, "get your mind out of the gutter woman! Nicole, I'm sorry, when we were at home it was easier. It was just us and not everyone giving their input and now its people assuming things and their opinions are added in. Whether its Colby or Vince.."

She nodded slightly, "I understand. But they're wrong about us needing to be independent. I can't function without you, its silly but I'm so dependent on you. I need you, you make me better and I am not ashamed of that. I don't make sense without my best friend, without my Joe. " 

"And I don't make sense without you, so I guess we're officially booooooyfriend and guuuurlfriend" I mused pushing my body against her.

"Yeah I'll be dumping you over text if you ignore me again, Leati!" She narrowed her eyes playfully.

"I'll be throwing on my cape and flying across the world to beg on my knees to get you back"

"On your knees huh?" She giggled between kisses and I tightened my arms around her and lift her towards the bed.

"Whatever it takes to get my woman back.."