"When you find your reason for living,
hold onto it.
Never let it go.
Even if it means burning other bridges
along the way."
Rush Finlay, Fallen too Far

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BATTLEGROUND

"You see anyone yet?" She questioned as Jojo was napping in order to catch the main event due to it airing quite late there.

"Nah. I mean I saw Jon at the live event Friday but haven't seen anyone really. I'm pretty much alone back here I can sense it, I'm not sure what changed since I left I mean there are hello's but everything is weird maybe its just me coming back here after being home for so long." I shrugged wishing she could be with me because I needed her on my lap as I buried my face in her neck with her words calming me.

I had gone a year without it, a year without her support before each match. A year without her waiting at the gorilla to pull me into a comforting embrace if the crowd was real rough or to beam if they happened to be enjoying my presence. And I had managed, well as best I could because there was nothing I could do, she had been injured and being back here would only hurt her and it would do the same now. Hurt both of us because if she were in the arena she wouldn't have been preparing me for the match but obligated to be with Seth.

Seth...Colby, the man I would now be alongside on a roster where most men probably hated me because to them a month at home wasn't really punishment when I was able to come back for a championship match. I wouldn't get it back, that I knew but I also knew Vince and despite the hiccup, he had plans for me. His last words were that he still had faith that I was the future, the same words he had told Nicole when she had walked backstage after claiming the title in a unconventional way.

I guess that's what made The Guy and The Fearless Queen resented by many and drove them into each other's arms. You have your share of friends yes but in the end everyone is clawing to the top and once they see you're up a step? Even the best people may have some hate for you, that's why I would never treat anyone differently if they showed me the same courtesy but I mostly stuck with family. Sure maybe you couldn't trust family but my family I knew I could. All we wanted was to see each other succeed, we were all aiming for different things...

But now I was alone, no family with my cousins over on Smackdown as well as Jon and Brie, Renee...

I was alone because I couldn't stand looking at Colby knowing all that I knew. I'd have to force myself to, that I knew but it wouldn't be easy...

"Joseph!" I blinked and saw her roll her eyes.

"Its only been a few days and you're bored with my company, Joe? " She narrowed her eyes and I chuckled not sure how my mind had gotten away with me when it was her that I wanted with me.

"Never ..." She cut me off and I knew by the look on her face that she sensed my concern and my slight anxiety.

I hadn't even known the roster arrangements when I returned a couple days ago, mainly because I had decided to just go radio silent with Nicole, that was until I received a call from Vince on Thursday of course.

"I know that it feels like the world is against you but you have gone through worse. Royal Rumble last year, we expected the crowd to be ecstatic because they saw you as the future but they weren't and it was horrible but it was okay because you pulled through. They're going to try and tear you down, they're going to say you suck, say you can't wrestle, say you should leave but if you listen to them you're only letting them win. If I could I would be there.. I honestly wish I was but I'm here with Jojo and once they start with their crazy chants just keep in mind that you have us back home going crazy for you, Superman. Oh and Winnie.." She moved the screen and I chuckled seeing him.

"I miss you so much and I promised myself I wouldn't say it because I didn't want to bring us down but I do miss you. I hated saying goodbye to you and I want to be back home waking up to you and Jojo making me breakfast in bed with Winston trying to steal half of it off the plate..." I smiled shaking my head as I heard my name being called.

I loved wrestling, I loved putting smiles on people's faces but in the end I loved having someone to share it with the most and she was miles away.

She glanced away before running a hand through her hair as she rested her head on her knees, "Don't do this to me, Joe. I miss my Samoan especially those strong arms, here we thought it would be weird going from best friends to more..." She sent me a small smile and I knew she didn't say much as the emotion filled her eyes at us being apart.

"We were always more babe. I have to go I love you, give Jojo a big kiss from me"

"I love you too and please go kick butt. "

♣♣♣

"What the fuck was that about?" I glared as soon as we got back to the locker room which happened to be Dean's causing Brie who had appeared from the bathroom to frown.

My cousins were trailing behind as I questioned my brothers but by Dean's silence I knew he hadn't been too keen about what happened either.

"What was that about? You're gone for a month, its a fucking show. People saw Jon and I work together at live events why not do it at a PPV. Please don't tell me you're going to whine about it." He simply said before sipping water.

"Why should I whine? I'd expect nothing less from the man who constantly finds ways to turn my life upside down." I snapped feeling the adrenaline taking over, I didn't mind losing but having them take me down on top of the cheering crowd drove me crazy.

"We slammed you through a table, you're the one who lost your title by being stupid." He eyed me and I chuckled for a bit trying to stop myself.

I promised Nicole I would keep my distance, keep away from him because we both knew that I was close to breaking point with him but the way he seemed not to care told me I would end up breaking it and destroying him by the end of the night.

"Yeah more stupid than fucking cheating on the best damn thing that happened to you with some random chick after she stood by you through all your little scandals. Did you know about this powerbomb the Samoan plan, Jon?" I turned to my other brother who stood with Brie.

"Well not really but..."

"It was a spur of the fucking mome.." Seth cut him off but I wasn't going to hear him out. I didn't need him throwing my suspension back in my face when he had done so much worse.

I moved closer to him, "Bull shit. You fucking have a problem with me and I have no idea what it is but we're stuck on the same fucking show so.."

"Of course I'm the fucking bad guy in the picture. I'm the one who cheated on Renee, I'm the one who betrayed every person in this room. I'm the only one who has fucking screwed up, if only that were true, but that's okay guys. I'm fine being the bad guy so all of you can be the fucking saints." He wavered over everyone else who stood in silence in the room seeing where we would end up.

I guess the confrontation was inevitable, I had sucked it all up for the sake of keeping the group together but now we were already split and I was stuck, stuck with the worst person I could have been with so there was no point in pretending. No point in his nice act when he knew how I felt and no point in mine when I knew he was the same man who betrayed me years before.

"Especially Joe Anoa'i, the man who can do no wrong right?" The sarcasm wasn't lost on me.

"Colby come on man quit this shit. Uce just be coming home and y'all wanna be fighting. Colby just say sorry for putting his ass through a table and we gon get some beers" I felt Jey pat my back but my eyes remained on Seth who shook his head.

He chuckled, " The only one here who should be apologizing is perfect Joe. I mean aren't you fucking my girlfriend behind my back? Wanting to throw my infidelity in my face when Nicole's fucking cheating on me with you. How fucking stupid are you? Going out with her and Jojo, gyming with her, letting her drop you off at the fucking airport. Are you trying to make a fool out of me?"

There it was, her name from his mouth when she was mine...

"A fool of what. All the world has is pictures of you working out together. They know nothing and now they have pictures of us hanging out together, she is my fucking best friend. Am I not supposed to see her just because she's 'with you' " I spat as he was fucking pissing me off with Jon and Brie frowning between us.

"No you're not. Especially when she's not telling me about it"

I felt my jaw clench as he tried to play the poor fucking boyfriend. I closed my eyes trying to remember Nicole's reason for him doing this.

"Last time I checked she hated everything associated with you. Said she never wanted to see you again and the moment you're home you have her wrapped around your finger like you do everyone..."

And it faded as soon as it entered my mind.

"Hated everything huh? Well I'm sorry your grown ass girlfriend doesn't tell you every detail about her fucking day. Doesn't call you up to tell you she's with the man you know she's in love with, doesn't call you up to tell you that she doesn't want to fly out but wants to spend time with me in my house. Your girlfriend? That's a fucking joke of a relationship and we both know it bitch!"

"Joe man come on..." I shrugged Jimmy off because I wasn't leaving until he made sure they knew Nicole wasn't his.

"What?" I heard the couple in unison as Colby didn't seem surprised.

"You know I actually had faith in Nicole. I saw the pictures, saw her being distant saw the looks between you two at that poor excuse of a BBQ. I even saw you two disappear but I actually thought she would be able to be a good friend but that's the thing about the two of you..."

He shook his head, "You fucking get everything and you're still the good guy. So yes I took away Nicole, its not like you were making a move. It was as clear as fucking daylight how in love with you she was, she'd stare at you like you were a fucking God or something. When you weren't around she would be like a sad puppy waiting for their owner to return. She'd sit there watching your matches ready and waiting with a towel and a water bottle. You guys were practically fucking married but no,  you weren't making a move"

I sighed feeling the emotions fill me recalling my old routine with Nicole. I was angry but I had so much regret due to waiting and him bringing it up didn't help it.

"I have a daughter, Colby. I can't just bring in someone less than a year after I leave my fiance. I have other people to think about.." I reasoned but he cut me off while I wasn't sure why I even wanted to explain myself to the man who just admitted he took Nicole, took her away to stick it to me.

"I told her you were with Sasha so she could move on and realize that she deserved better." He stared at me trying to see a reaction but got one from my cousin instead.

"You told her he was with my girl?"

Seth rolled his eyes as I stared blankly at him, he wanted me mad and as he continued I felt the aggression grow within his voice.

"They were close, why do you think she was more ruthless in her matches with Sasha while she was still here. She was jealous because she's fucking needy and craves your attention, the perfect man had a woman ready to bow at his feet and he friendzoned her but nobody saw that. Nobody saw how she left John to be with you and you left her hanging. No one saw how you forced her to leave what she loved and she simply forgave you. You betrayed her trust when you went behind her back to Vince but no, Joe was being selfless so its okay. But I'm fucking forced into doing shit and I get ditched by my brothers..."

"Everything I did was for the love of my daughter and Nicole. I didn't know how she felt and that love between us has got nothing to do with you but you used it, you fucking knew she loved me and you lied to her and you wonder why you are selfish."

"I screwed up, I made a mistake. Jon forgave me why the fuck couldn't you? Why did I have to fucking beg for forgiveness, have most of the group fucking turn their back on me because Joe wasn't having it." He pushed against my chest as he got in my face and I pushed him back forcefully but he quickly moved closer again.

"So I'm a fucking ring leader now? You fucking destroyed our trust, my faith in you as a brother the moment you drove a chair into my back when I thought we would stick together. When you fucking called us the true definition of brothers after we fucking fought to get where we were, you gave it all up. You ask why Jon forgave you so easily? Because he wasn't the one you attacked first, he wasn't the one who had to fucking explain to his daughter why his back was destroyed. Why Uncle Colby hurt Daddy when she watched the next day because she missed it the night before, to see us standing tall. Why Uncle Colby hit her dad with a chair over and over and over again. You weren't the one who had to assure his daughter that it was all fake and it was a game, that daddy was fucking okay when he felt himself torn inside. You were forced? Forced to be pushed? Forced to get the champion handed to you? You knew what you were doing you destroyed what we were for a rise to the top. "

I saw the confliction in his eyes as I mentioned Jojo, I had never told any one of them that she saw. I hated that she had and Galina had been upset with herself for it, she didn't understand why he was attacking me and I had to put aside my anger and let her know it was all okay when the pain was evident physically and emotionally.

"You know how much I love Jojo and I would never want her to think any less of me. But what the fuck am I supposed to do when I am backed into a corner? It all happens at one point in everyone's career, one day Jon or Josh will turn on each other. Dean will say fuck that bromance and turn on you. Everybody has their turn including the person you love. How did you explain to Jojo  what Nikki did to Brie later that year, just a few months after. You were laid out beaten, I was laid out, Jon was laid out. Only Stephanie and Brie and then Nicole comes in. Brie's waiting for her to double team on the Billionaire princess as planned and what happens? Nikki fucking punches her dear sister and what does she get? You welcoming her with open arms like the love sick idiot you are.."

I immediately connected my fist to his jaw because he knew that was far from the same thing and he chuckled, stumbling back, while Jon helped him. He raised his hands indicating he wouldn't fight back while I shrugged off my cousins yet again.

"So what? You hurt her by telling her I'm with Sasha when you know she's in love with me. You put her through so much pain thinking I'm with someone else so you can get back at her because she wasn't hated like you were? Did you not fucking see the hate she got back here after she did that?"

"Yet you loved her? She blindsided all of you at Summerslam that year. You were a team, you were her partner and she betrayed you and sided with the fucking Authority to humiliate her sister and get a title shot but you were still there. You didn't bite her head off, you didn't fucking lock her out of your room. You didn't tell her to fuck off or you would beat the shit out of her. No, poor fucking Nikki was pulled into the arms of the man who was her best friend while my best friends turned their backs on me even when the world hated me. I had fucking no one and you didn't give a damn! All I had was Renee and I screwed up and you fucking should have kept your mouth shut but no, Joe can't do that so she finds out. She's hurt and I'm hurt and you tell me to give her time and now where the fuck is she? Do you see her here? Cause I don't. That's why I fucking made the woman you love my girlfriend because you were my friend but the moment I fucked up I was trash but with her you have this fucking pact with her of Never Alone. She is your fucking Kryptonite, Superman, and I know you love her but we are fucking family. I made a mistake."

"A mistake? A mistake? One fucking mistake huh? No, you keep fucking up Colby every fucking time I think I can trust you, you just destroy everything. The brotherhood? Destroyed. My championship? Destroyed. You use Nicole, giving her some bullshit reason  because you're angry when if you really loved Renee you wouldn't stick your dick everywhere. Fucking man up and stop being a fucking pussy you.."

I felt him punch me and I immediately went at him. Seeing her tears in the back of my mind all the times we had fought, all because of him, all because of some twisted fucking idea of revenge.

"I'm not a fucking pussy and I fucking love Renee more than you could love Nicole. Because when I realized I wanted her, I fucking took her. I fucked up, Renee never did but Nicole has probably fucked up in this group just as much as I did, but you keep crawling back. The only pussy here is you for that bitch!"

"Say that again" I breath kicking him before feeling more arms on me and tried my best to push them off but two fucking Samoans holding me back was not working in my favour.

"Both of you please calm down. You're arguing about people who aren't even here and about the past. You've both just fought in a match, you're tired and..." Brie was cut off as he shrugged Jon off but she stood in front of him and he sighed.

"We were fucking brothers who make mistakes
Fucking hypocrite. I was Alone!"

"So you don't care about Nikki?" I questioned when he had known her for as long as I had yet found it so easy to use her.

"I do but not the way you do. You're in love with her and because of that she is your fucking weakness! You knew she agreed to this arrangement but what were you doing this past month? Fucking her right? Not caring about me and now I smash you through a table and you're mad. I saw how it was eating on you this past year and I fucking loved it, she saw it too but how long did it take her to tell you the truth? Six fucking months!  Yet just like that she's forgiven. I did this not because I wanted to see you suffer but I wanted you to feel the pain I fucking felt when I lost my brothers... when I lost my family!"

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Okay so this chapter seems just a blur of arguing. I haven't edited it like I usually do. Simply read over it which made me even sadder seeing the talks about family and brothers. I wasn't planning on updating but looking at this chapter and the main contents I just had to share it now.

It's all over the place but basically I wanted to reveal Colby's reason for it all and his emotions and hopefully you guys were able to grasp that. 😢

With that, I just want to say RIP to Joe's brother MATT ANOA'I AKA ROSEY ♥♥♥♥ I honestly hope that the Roman haters are respectful to him and his family. Still can't believe this but let's keep him and his family in our prayers Roman Empire. Especially Matt's kids, Jordan, Koa and Madison who have been featured in all my Roman fanfics 😢😢😢😢💗💗💗

THE WRITING ON HIS TEE ❤❤❤
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