"You know what sucks?
Watching the person that
makes you happy,
be happy with someone else."
●The Carrie Diaries●

■■■

January 2016

"You nervous?" I heard my mom and slowly nodded.

"You know you could just call him. I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to drop everything and be by your side. If he knew..."

I sighed, "why would I wanna ruin his happy life with Sasha"

"You're acting like a kid!" I heard JJ while Seth chuckled.

Seth and I had been helping each other for the last few months since we were both out injured having to give up our titles. While the world saw me lose it in a match, backstage I had so many arguments because they told me there was no other choice.

"This means I could possibly be headlining Wrestlemania as champion. I mean its far off but just imagine!" I squealed.

I heard him chuckle, "sit still"

I smiled back at him as he gently massaged my neck so I scooted back against him as we sat on the floor in my locker room, me seated between his legs and I pulled his arms off my shoulders, pulling them around me.

Joe's arms always made me feel safe, secure, everything I thought I felt with John. I guess I did but it just wasn't the same, most of the time I felt like I was forcing myself to enjoy John's touch the way I did Joe's because he was engaged and the world saw me head over heels with John.

I thought I was, most of the time wished I was, but I knew that the smile I had when Joe was around wasn't the same as with anyone else but I wasn't sure when or how, maybe when he came up to the roster or maybe last year when we were put into a storyline. I honestly wasn't sure, I just knew that no one could make me happy like Joe could.

I felt him kiss my shoulder, to him it was just a sweet gesture to his best friend, to me it was the worst thing he could have done because it went right through my body and my grip on his arms tightened.

"You don't need to be nervous" he chuckled, "you're going to kick ass. You are the longest reigning Diva's champion and it doesn't matter what happens tonight they can't take that away from you."

I turned and moved onto his right leg, resting my head on his shoulder. "How's your neck?"

"Fine." I simply answered the question that wouldn't stop coming from his mouth or Brie's.

"Fine?"

"I don't feel like a lecture, Joe. I'm fine, it will be fine. All I have is this reign and I know you're going to get your shot soon and I just need to hold out longer for us."

He sighed kissing my forehead, "Us... Nicole I.."

"Nikki you... Oh I'm sorry" Renee giggled making me smile as I reluctantly stood up from Joe's embrace.

"What's up?" I heard Joe behind me as he stood up as well, picking up his vest.

He had this thing about not liking showing off his body much even though he had the body of a Greek God. I didn't mind it, I wasn't sure what I would do if I wasn't the exception.

"Vince just arrived and wants to see Nicole."

Normally my heart wouldn't stop but with my neck acting up which I made sure they knew nothing about. Maybe they noticed in the ring and there was nothing I could do.

I nodded and picked up Joe's hoodie hearing Renee close the door and as soon as it slipped over I felt Joe cup my face and kiss my forehead, sensing my anxiousness.

"

Remember how much your best friend loves you and how there isn't a thing on this world he wouldn't do for you.."

"I know Joe. I love you too.." I whispered, staring up at him and he smiled a bit but I saw the look in his eyes, an apologetic one. He kissed my cheek while I wished it was my lips before I left.

"Nicole..." I heard him as I walked down the hallway. "Remember how much you love me"

I giggled deeming him crazy before walking on not knowing he was leading me into my doom.

"He's only going to upset her" Seth sighed, handing me some water, breaking my thoughts of the day my whole world tipped. Not only was it the beginning of the end for any chance of a Wrestlemania moment but the day I was taken away from everything I loved.

Taken away from my routine with the person I loved, loved more than I should have. I knew it then, I wasn't that naïve, even with John deep down but there was no point. I didn't see then why he would want to be more with me when he knew about my past, my crazy past, partying, working for fucking Hooters. Joe didn't deserve to be with someone who wasn't perfect for him, my best friend deserved the best and he had it with Galina which was why I still didn't understand why he wasn't with her and she was now married to another man.

She had a good heart, she opened their door for Brie and I as well as Jon even Colby and we all simply clicked. She was with me through my break-up with Nick, when I didn't feel like facing Brie I would walk in and she would tell Joe to occupy Jojo.

Its why I fought it the most, the idea of us was more of a betrayal of a friendship for me until a couple weeks back when I dropped by and had lunch with her and her husband. She had asked about Joe and what more could I say but that we were having a bit of trouble keeping up with each other.

She'd said I was important to him and he was probably being stubborn but that I should just try and not be my stubborn self and reach out. But here we were, me about to head into surgery and him preparing for a match against most of the locker room.

"I forgave him. He did it to protect me" I shrugged as my fingers hovered over his number.

It was just one call, he knew I was heading for surgery or well at least I thought he knew but Brie wasn't here so I guess they were busy. I didn't know what I wanted from him when we know how we were but I did miss him more than anything and it didn't matter how much time I spent with my family, there was an emptiness without him.

"Yeah right." Seth rolled his eyes moving beside me and I immediately locked my screen but by the sympathetic look on his face I knew he saw the picture.

"Colby's just trying to hate on Roman so he can get a shot in" I rolled my eyes at JJ who always assumed things when he couldn't be more wrong.

Seth and I sort of bonded over the fact that we were both out and desperately in love with unavailable people. Well at the time Roman was available and I needed to tell someone and since Seth and Roman weren't exactly the sharing type I figured confessing to him prevented Roman from ever finding out and risking our friendship.

But I guess our friendship being in jeopardy happened anyway...

"That would mean Roman had a shot." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"He always had a shot" Johnny chuckled and my eyes widened while he simply shrugged.

When you have a best friend that is a guy and a very handsome one at that people tended to make assumptions. I didn't really blame them, after John pointed out things he was uncomfortable with, I realized Roman and I were maybe too comfortable with each other. But even then I chose to ignore it but over the last year and us both being single we grew up and became even more ambitious. So anything related to love took a backseat, we simply wanted to rule together more than anything.

We understood each other's needs and no one understood how we could not move on but I guess we already had.

They soon left, relieving me of the torture of speaking about him because I really didn't want to. He was constantly on my mind, my over thinking, my late nights just wondering if perhaps I had made different choices in life he would see me as more than the troubled woman who always needed his broad shoulders to cry on.

Roman didn't seem to plan on telling me about his budding romance with Sasha, but Seth had been around the locker rooms and saw them together. Even took a picture of them hugging and yes it was silly but I knew Joe and while he was friendly because his good heart made it hard for him to simply not greet anyone.

I was the only woman who was in his life and I liked it I was territorial over him when he wasn't even mine.

But my absence left a space in his life to fill and unlike our friendship bond he replaced it with someone he saw worthy of being more I guess. I mean Joe was always there to make sure I knew my worth but what was the point of him reminding me if he didn't see me as good enough?

"Your brother was right, I do want a shot" I frowned and saw his face and wasn't really in the mood for him to joke around when my mind was filled with Joe.

Joe who shared a name with my grandfather, the most important man in my life before we went knocking on WWE's door. If that wasn't a sign then I wasn't sure what was that Joe was meant to have an important role in my life but I guess the big strong Samoan best friend was all I would ever have or hoped I would have once I saw him soon.

It was the reason I couldn't wait to get my surgery done and rehab going, to get back what we had before I left, before he made me leave...

"Colby, you know how I feel about..."

He sighed, "not like that. And yes I know, he is all you talk about. But I have been thinking about something for awhile and maybe its bad timing I mean you just found out about him and Mercedes but..."

"What is it?" I turned to him, curious to why he was rambling.

"So as you know, I'm still head over heels for a certain blonde.."

"Yes."

He sighed and sat back in his seat slowly scratching the thick beard that had grown reminding me how much I loved it when Roman used to grow his out when The Shield split.

"Well I was thinking, well more like hoping, to do something to make her realize that maybe there isn't a future for us"

I frowned at him seeming to have given up hope.

"But you've been moping around about her ever since I've been visiting the gym. I'm confused"

"I'll blame the fact that you're half hour away from surgery. I want to give her a wake up call you know? Make her jealous."

I rolled my eyes, "Colby, fucking around is what got you into this mess. Just wait it out if its meant to.."

"I have been waiting it out for over half a year and now she fucking moved on. Joe said to fucking give her space and look where that got me? " I sighed seeing the anger in him.

"Okay what were you thinking"

"We date."

I burst out laughing not sure if I even heard him correctly, "we what?"

He seemed unaffected by my amusement and I saw the determination fill his face as he continued speaking, "Date. If she sees one of her friends is willing to be with me after everything.."

"Forget it, Colby. That's just wrong, I'm one of her best friends."

"Yeah well your best friend is fucking purple head so best friends ain't all that." He spat and it stung, a lot...

I didn't respond.

"I'm sorry that was a bit harsh. Look I'm just saying, Joe is with Mercy. Your sister has Dean, Renee Bryan, we're out here looking like fucking fools. I know she's happy but she still loves me and that will rise soon and its best it does now before Bryan starts getting ideas. Renee is mine, I love her, I had a rough night and she wasn't there and I made a mistake. But I am in love with her, she's everything to me and I just want to be with her Nicole. She won't be mad at you, its Renee, I just want her to realize that I'm here and I'm good now you know?"

I felt the emotion fill me at wishing it was Joe talking to someone about me like that before looking into his pleading brown eyes, making me wish I could see Joe's so badly.

But he was staring into someone else's eyes and I guess just because I didn't have any hope didn't mean I couldn't provide some hope for someone who was helping me through the heart ache over a man who I couldn't call anything more than my best friend...

"Fine.."

♥♥♥♥

So NIKKI FLASHBACK!!! Thoughts?? 😊

Like the new book cover???

Congrats to newly weds Mr and Mrs Good!! 😍😍😍

Congrats on NENA engagement 😊😊

CONGRATS TO ROMAN ON HIS 2ND MANIA VICTORY!! SO MANY MIXED EMOTIONS BECAUSE I LOVE THEM BOTH DEARLY BUT THANK YOU TAKER😘😘😘