"Bruises, on both my knees for you, don't say thank you or please, I do what I want when I'm wanting to. My soul? So cynical."
~Billie Eilish, 'bad guy'

~~~

*Jimin's POV*

(Four Years Later)

"What time are you going to be there? You know Mr. Bang will be upset if you're late," the voice of Jungkook warned me over the phone.

"Yah~ don't worry, I'll be there in about..." I checked my white gold watch, "fifteen minutes."

Jungkook sighed on the other end. "Fine, just please don't be late. This is the first time in four years all seven of us will be together, and I don't want the night to be ruined because you decided to put... other things first." I chuckled softly. My best friend knew me too well.

"It's fine, I'm just gonna wrap things up here and then I'll be on my way," I promised before hanging up the phone. Jungkook worried about me way too much. I was capable of handling myself.

"Sorry, kid," I told the guy who was currently bent over in front of me, pulling out of him. "Looks like I gotta cut the fun short tonight."

He turned around in the tight space of the bathroom stall, looking at me with puppy eyes. Adorable.

"Will I be able to see you again?" The green-haired guy asked. I had picked him out in the club, seeing him sway his body on the dance floor. His appearance was unique, making him stand out to me. He had vibrant green hair and purple color contacts, with a red metal septum piercing. He was tiny and short, and it looked like he was overcompensating for that by adorning himself in colors. I wasn't entirely certain of what he said his name was, so I'm sticking with 'green-haired guy' for now. It's not like it really mattered anyway.

"Maybe," I lied with a shrug. Sure, he'd probably see me around from time to time. That didn't mean we'll be hooking up again. I don't do repeats.

Calling my driver, I walked to the outside of the club and waited to be picked up. A few guys were standing out by the corner, eyeing me. I gave them an insincere smile, grateful when the car pulled up to take me away from this place.

Well, at least this place was preferable to where I was headed now.

I returned from my service with the ROK Air Force a week ago, and since then I've only seen Jungkook, my dad, and JiHyun. Jungkook was the only one of the members I had really kept in touch with over the past four years. He was the one that was there for me during the hardest period of my life.

He was there for me when my mom died.

Almost four years ago exactly, I got a call from my brother JiHyun, saying I needed to come home because our mom was sick. He didn't say what kind of illness she had, but I didn't need to know right then. Knowing my mom was sick was enough for me to quickly pack my bags and race home.

I met my family at a hospital in Busan. My dad told me that my mother had collapsed while doing housework. They thought maybe she was just fatigued, but brought her to the hospital to be examined anyway. After running a few tests, the doctor said he was concerned about my mother's white blood cell count, and that he needed to keep her in the hospital for a few more days.

My mother was in the hospital for two days before the doctor gave us that life-shattering news.

My mom had leukemia. And from what their tests showed, it was already very advanced.

My knees buckled and I was no longer able to hold myself up. I fell to the ground and began to sob uncontrollably. My mom was the best person in my life. So loving, so warm, so caring... how was I supposed to go on without her?

That day, something inside of me began to crack. It was like the combined pain of being heart-broken by Yoongi and the pain of finding out my mom was dying had caused so much pressure in my mind that it started to slowly crack. And I felt myself beginning to change. I couldn't bring myself to smile as brightly as I used to. If I did smile, it was usually forced. Nothing really brought me joy anymore.

I was allowed to delay my military service to help out with my mom. I moved back home, where I practically stayed 24/7. I hardly ever left her side, worried she would slip away while I was gone. I watched my mother get sicker and sicker, her body becoming more frail and weak. Even with the aggressive treatments she was receiving, she wasn't getting any better.

I remembered when I was little and I saw my grandma look like this. My mom said my grandmother didn't have leukemia, but she had an advanced form of breast cancer. This is what my parents were trying to shield me from when I was a kid. I could visit my grandma in short bursts, but I couldn't stay for long because then I would notice how sick she really was.

My mother, no matter how sick she felt, always tried to brighten my day. She'd come up with jokes or stories to make me smile. I didn't know how she could bring herself to try and cheer me up when she was the one who was suffering. She told me it was because I was her son and she loved me. She would make me feel happy and loved as long as she was still on this Earth.

She loved me.

The person who loved me the most in this world was being cruelly torn from me, and all I could do was watch.

She ended up putting up an admirable fight for about a year and a half after she was diagnosed. When the doctors told us they were impressed with how long she was hanging on, I was foolish enough to get hopeful. That maybe she was getting better. That maybe I wouldn't lose her.

But I was wrong.

The night she passed away, my dad had come into my room at two o'clock in the morning to tell me that my mom had passed away in her sleep. We held each other as we cried for hours. A small part of me was relieved that my mom passed peacefully, and that she wasn't suffering anymore. But a bigger part of me was angry. Angry at God for taking away the one person who always loved me unconditionally. Angry at the doctors for not being able to fix her. Angry at myself for not being able to do anything for her. But most of all, I was angry at Yoongi for not being there when I needed him most.

Jungkook was the only one, besides me, who hadn't started his military service yet. He held my hand during my mom's funeral, letting me cry onto his shoulder. He stayed with me for weeks while I grieved, forcing me to eat and making sure I was getting some sleep.

Kook had asked me if I planned on writing the other members to tell them what happened. Taehyung, Namjoon, and Hoseok knew that my mom was sick, since she was diagnosed before they left for their services. At first, I didn't want to tell the others. I didn't want them worrying about me when they should've been focused on their duties. But I eventually caved and allowed Jungkook to write them. I couldn't be the one to do it. I wasn't ready to talk about her.

The day my mom died, that crack that had formed inside of me grew rapidly, and I felt something inside of me break. I became angry with the world. How could the world be so cruel as to let my mother suffer like that? She was the best person I knew, why did she deserve to die?

I left for my service about six months after my mom died. Jungkook had left a few months before I did, leaving me to myself for a couple months. I could tell he was worried about me, but I plastered a smile to my face and told him that I would be fine on my own.

During my service, I was introduced to a lot of men that were familiar with my kind of grief. They offered to take me out drinking, which I gladly accepted. I found something incredible about being able to numb my sorrows with liquid. I continued this routine for a while, drinking on the nights I wasn't on duty. Once I grew accustomed to drinking, I needed something more. I considered trying drugs, but I was smart enough to know the amount of trouble I would get in with the ROK Air Force if they found drugs in my system. So I turned to the next best thing.

Sex.

I would go to random bars or clubs around base, picking out any lonely guy to use for my own amusement before tossing him aside. That new routine worked out pretty well. There was something... empowering about using a guy for sex and then being the one to choose to walk away. I was the one in control of when I stayed and when I left. I was in control.

It wasn't all glamorous, though. I had to routinely get checked out the clinic on base. Luckily, I never caught anything. That's why they say: don't be silly, wrap your willy.

Once I returned from my military service a week ago, I spent the first two days focusing on my family and Jungkook, who had returned a couple months before I did. That's when he told me about this stupid party Mr. Bang had planned. The one I was headed to now. He thought it would be a great idea to throw a 'reunion party', as it was the first time in four years the seven members of BTS would be in a room together. For the rest of the week, I went back to my normal routine of hooking up with random guys to keep myself from thinking about the things that caused me stress.

From the back of the town car, I pulled out a compact mirror to fix my light blonde hair, making sure I didn't look too disheveled.

When we pulled up to the location of the party, I saw Jungkook standing outside waiting for me.

"Jimin!" He said with a bright smile. I smiled back, giving him a hug. "Man, you were cutting it pretty close. We're supposed to be inside in three minutes."

"Oh good, so we have some time to chill out here," I joked. Jungkook rolled eyes, pulling me by the sleeve of my suit into the party.

"Everyone is so excited to see you. I do have to warn you though... they do want to express their condolences," Jungkook said quietly. He knew I still didn't like talking about my mom, so I appreciated the heads up he gave me. I curtly nodded as we continued to make our way into the party.

As soon as we entered the room, I heard a bright voice calling our names.

"Jungkook! Jimin!" Jin quickly made his way over to us, wrapping me in a very tight hug. Namjoon trailed behind him, smiling brightly at me.

Pulling away, Jin cupped my face in his hands. "How are you doing?" He asked gently. Classic Jin. Always acting like the parent of the group.

"I'm great, thank you," I lied smoothly, smiling at him. "It's good to see you. You too, Joon," I said truthfully, giving Namjoon a hug.

A body pounced on me from behind, nearly knocking me to the ground. I turned my head to see the goofy grin of Taehyung.

"Jimin! Welcome back!" He exclaimed, arms still around my waist. I chuckled softly.

"Thank you, Tae. I've missed you." For the first time in years, I was being somewhat sincere with my feelings. "Where's Hoseok?"

"Ah, I had said I was thirsty, so he went to get me a drink. He should be back shortly, though," Taehyung explained with a smile. I casted a quick glance to Jungkook and saw he looked uncomfortable.

Needing to have a second with Jungkook, I told a quick lie to the guys. "I need to make a call really quick. I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." They nodded and went back to chatting. I lightly tugged on Kook's sleeve, indicating I wanted him to follow me. We headed down the hall towards the bathroom. After checking to make sure we were alone, I began my interrogation.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Jungkook squirmed under my gaze. I rolled my eyes.

"You know what I mean. Why did you seem so uncomfortable around Taehyung? Did something happen between you two?"

Jungkook hesitated for a moment before sighing. "No. Nothing happened between us. In fact," he said, taking a deep breath, "he's dating Hoseok now."

My jaw dropped. Taehyung is dating Hoseok? Wasn't Hoseok with Yoongi?

"I-I'm really sorry, Kook. I knew how much you liked him." Placing a hand on his shoulder, I awkwardly tried to comfort my best friend. It's been a while since I had comforted someone, and I was a bit out of practice.

Jungkook gave me a small smile. "It's okay, Jimin. Really. There was a time that I thought Taehyung and I could be together, but that was a long time ago. Taehyung and Hoseok started dating while they were both serving in the ROK Army. I guess they were stationed in the same place and became closer. When they came home, they were already dating."

"Man, Hoseok is really making his way through the group," I grumbled.

Jungkook caught what I said. "I don't think it's like that, Jimin. They seem to be really in love. He was never in love with Yoongi. He told me that Yoongi just kissed him out of the blue, but that was the only time. They've never had any sort of romantic connection since."

"I'm not surprised. I don't think Yoongi is capable of forming any type of connection," I said bitterly.

Jungkook evaluated me in silence. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but decided to keep it to himself. I wasn't going to press him on it. If he chose not to say it, it was probably because he knew it would upset me.

Making our way back to the group, I saw Hoseok standing among them with a drink in his hand.

"Jiminie!" He bounded over to me, scooping me up in a hug. Not feeling completely comfortable with being picked up, I squirmed a bit. Hoseok sensed my discomfort and let me down, looking bashful. "Er... so, I haven't seen you since..."

"Since I walked in on you kissing Yoongi?" I said with a crooked smirk. Hoseok's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. I laughed lightheartedly. "Relax, hyung. I heard from Jungkook that it wasn't your fault. Don't worry about it." Hoseok let out a huge sigh of relief and let his shoulders drop. It was almost like he had been holding that breath for four years, waiting to hear that I forgave him.

"So..." he began once more. "I heard about your mom." My back stiffened as the other group members turned their attention towards me. "I'm really sorry for your loss, Jiminie."

My insides felt numb. And yet, I managed to plaster a smile on my face. "Thank you, hyung. I'm okay now," I told the group. Reassured, they began chatting among themselves against.

A deep voice cleared behind me, making me freeze in my spot.

I knew this was inevitable, but I still felt unprepared. Slowly turning, my eyes met with the pair of eyes that had taught me that the world will always trample on nice guys like me. The type of guy I had sworn to never be again.

Yoongi.

~~~

Part 2 has begun! What do you guys think of the new Jimin? Don't worry, he still has some character development left to go ☺️

Are you guys 'Team Taekook' or 'Team VHope'?

Also, if you didn't notice, the header at the top has changed! New part = new picture 😋
(Chapter 11 is from Part 1, Chapter 12 is from Part 2)

What do you guys think the significance is in the picture change? (The change in distance between them, the change in who is on what side, etc)

I actually put a lot of thought into what headers to use for each part, so I hope you guys like it, hehe

See you in chapter thirteen!
-Gumbie