"I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind. But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind. Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side."
~Lewis Capaldi, 'Bruises'

~~~

*Jimin's POV*

When you're little, you assume the worst pain you can feel is when you fall down and scrap your knee. Or stubbing your pinky toe against the table. Or getting hit in the ankle with a scooter.

But those things don't compare to the pain you feel when your heart tears in two. When it feels like someone punched you in the gut, knocking the wind out of you, as your chest aches so much that you don't understand how you're still standing.

The pain I felt the moment I witnessed Yoongi's lips connect with Hoseok's.

One year. For one year, Yoongi had kept me at arm's length, refusing to establish any type of intimacy or emotional connection with me. For one year, I was foolish enough to believe someone might actually love me. For one year, Yoongi refused to let me kiss him.

And yet, there he was, lips locked with Hoseok as if none of that mattered to him. As if I didn't just tell him I loved him. As if he didn't just shove me against the wall for trying to get the exact gift he's giving Hoseok now.

I can't stay here.

My feet had a mind of their own, carrying me out the front door as my mind continued to whirl with everything I had witnessed.

I didn't look back once I was out the door. My pace quickened, bringing me up to a run as I aimlessly continued down the dark street.

I needed to run. I didn't care that it was cold, or that my face was blotchy with tears. I just needed to get as far away from that house as possible.

As I ran, memories played around in my mind like some sort of twisted movie, set on adding to my pain. The first time I met Yoongi. The first time I heard him rap. The first time we danced together. The first time I made him laugh. The first time he inspired me to be better.

The first time I fell in love with him.

(Three Years Ago)

We had just finished a huge concert in Japan. The members were in our break room, excitedly talking about the show and congratulating each other on a job well done. To no one's surprise, Yoongi had immediately collapsed on a nearby beanbag chair, letting out an exaggerated sigh to show how exhausted he was.

I wasn't celebrating with the others though. I was sitting at the counter, head in my arms, replaying the show in my head. I knew that dance like the back of my head, and I still messed it up. No matter how many times the back stage crew told me it was barely noticeable, all I heard was that it was still somewhat noticeable. And I knew I could do better than that. I should do better than that.

Out of everyone in the room, Yoongi was the only one who noticed I wasn't celebrating like the rest. Standing up from his beanbag sanctuary (which was a big deal if you knew Yoongi), he came over and sat next to me. We sat in silence for a few minutes, just taking in the comfort of being around one of your best friends.

"So," Yoongi finally broke the silence, "you fucked up tonight."

I looked at him in surprise. Everyone else was telling me how much I didn't mess up, but Yoongi was flat out telling me I did.

"Why did you mess up?" Yoongi questioned.

I scoffed, starting to feel offended. "It's not like I meant to," I defended. Was he trying to make me feel worse.

"Yeah, but you could've ruined the concert for all of our fans," he stated flatly.

I couldn't believe was I was hearing. "Are you serious? I had one minor mistake. It was barely noticeable. I bet our fans didn't catch it, and even if they did, they still enjoyed the concert because they love our group," I snapped.

Yoongi nodded and pat my back. "Exactly. Now you can stop beating yourself up about it."

"Wait, but you just said—"

"I said what I had to so you could get it through your thick skull that it's okay to make mistakes," Yoongi interrupted, lightly flicking my forehead.

I stared at him blankly, not knowing what to say. When everyone told me what a good job I did, I tended to only focus on how I messed up. But when Yoongi started talking about my mistakes in the same way I had been thinking of them, I realized how ridiculous my thoughts sounded. That small mistake wasn't going to change anything. Even if I practiced 24/7, I'm still human, and I'm still prone to make mistakes.

I gave Yoongi a genuine bright smile. "Thank you, hyung. I really needed that."

"Anytime. I'm happy to insult you whenever you want," he teased, smiling at me.

~Ba bump~

My heart began to pound in my chest when he flashed me his gummy smile.

I had always loved his smile, but there was something different about it belonging to the one person who has been able to make me feel better when I'm beating myself up.

That's when I realized I was falling in love with Min Yoongi.

(End of flashback)

The memories had caused my tears to turn into sobs, blurring my vision. I found myself in a park, about a mile away from the house. Falling to my knees in the damp grass, I allowed my sobs to break free, filling the dark silence with the sounds of my heart breaking.

Before Yoongi and I had started hooking up, we were so close. He was one of my best friends. I trusted him. And he broke that trust.

Yes, I was stupid enough to allow myself to fall for someone who wasn't showing he reciprocated my feelings. But he was the one who knew exactly how to hurt me, and went ahead with it, even though he knew I loved him.

Loved... love... loved...

I hate that I love him. I hate that, even after he ripped my heart out of my chest, I still yearned for him. I was still hoping he would come chasing after me, falling to his knees and begging for my forgiveness.

"Jimin?" A voice called out.

I whipped my head around. Yoongi?

"Jimin? Where are you?" As the voice grew closer, my heart sank, realizing it wasn't Yoongi coming for me. Of course it wasn't. Don't be stupid.

"Jimin!" Jungkook shouted as he spotted me kneeling in the grass. "What the hell happened?" He asked breathlessly. He looked like he had ran all over town to find me. He probably had.

I shook my head, not being able to speak quite yet. Jungkook understood, having been my best friend for a decade. Plopping down on the wet grass next to me, Jungkook laid on the ground, staring up at the stars. I followed suit, allowing my mind to relax as I got lost in the vast galaxies above us.

After laying in silence for what felt like an hour, I finally spoke. "I'm in love with Yoongi."

Jungkook turned his head to face me, shock masking his face. He took a moment to recompose himself, looking back to the stars. "For how long?"

"Three years."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked softly.

"Why didn't you tell me about Taehyung?" I gently pointed out. Even if I knew Jungkook was in love with Tae, he had never actually opened up to me about it.

Jungkook's face flushed pink. "I-I don't know what you're talking about," he stammered.

For the first time in hours, I cracked a smile. "Oh come on, Kook. I'm your best friend. I notice the way you look at him. You love him."

Sighing deeply, Jungkook finally gave in. "Okay. Yeah. You're right. So what?"

"Do you plan on telling him?"

"Let's put it this way. I'm guessing you told Yoongi you're in love with him, and things didn't go how you wanted. Am I right?" Jungkook took my silence as confirmation. "That's what I thought. So, no. I don't plan on telling him."

Taking Kook's hand gently in mine, I told him, "Kookie, you can't let my failed attempt at love keep you from taking chances. If you want to be with Tae, you should go for it."

Jungkook thought about that for a brief second before shaking his head. "I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I don't what I would do if I lost him."

A sharp pain stabbed my heart. He doesn't want to lose Tae. Not in the way I lost Yoongi. Tears prickled at my eyes, threatening to spill over again.

"He kissed Hoseok," I told him.

Jungkook's face immediately went pale. "Taehyung kissed Hoseok?? When? Did you see it? How did—"

"No, not Tae," I corrected. "Yoongi."

Jungkook let out a sigh of relief and then immediately cringed with regret. "Sorry, Jimin. I didn't mean to seem happy that you saw Yoongi kissing Hoseok." I waved my hand, showing it was okay. "But you really saw them kissing?"

I nodded sadly. "Yoongi and I started hooking up a year ago today," I whispered. I kept my eyes to the stars, knowing Jungkook would be staring at me in surprise. If I was going to tell him this without crying, I couldn't look at him. "He never let me establish an emotional connection between us. He wanted to keep things purely physical, not knowing I was in love with him. He wouldn't even let me kiss him." My voice cracked on that last sentence, and I had to take a few deep breaths before continuing. "Tonight, I decided to tell Yoongi I love him. He rejected me, saying he didn't feel that way about me. A few hours later, he looked me in the eye and starting kissing Hoseok. It's like he was purposefully trying to hurt me," I spat with anger. This time, the tears falling from my eyes were from the anger I felt towards Yoongi.

Jungkook squeezed my hand tightly, attempting to offer me some sort of comfort.

Taking out his phone, Jungkook asked, "Do you want to listen to some music? As a couple of guys who are hopelessly in love with the wrong people?"

A smile broke out on my face and I nodded. Jungkook searched through his phone before picking a song, turning the sound all the way up and resting the phone flat against his stomach.

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

We continued to lie in the grass for a few minutes after the song ended, until Jungkook shivered from being out so late and laying in wet grass. I softly chuckled, and agreed to head back home with him.

While we were walking home, Jungkook abruptly stopped. "What are you going to do if you see Yoongi at the house?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know, Kook. I honestly just want to get through this next week in peace until he leaves."

Right before we started walking again, my phone started to ring. I pulled out my phone, confused on who would be calling me at one o'clock in the morning.

<Incoming Call: Park JiHyun>

My brows furrowed. Why was my brother calling me so early in the morning?

"Hello? JiHyun?" I said into the phone.

"Jimin..." my brother sobbed on the other end.

Panic gripped my chest. "JiHyun, what's wrong?"

I heard him take a shaky breath. "You need to come home, Jimin. It's mom."

~~~

Aaaaaaand that's the end of part one! I'm excited to get into the drama of part two 😁

I have (almost) everything ready to start my next book, but I think I'm going to wait until I finish "Never Again" before starting it. I don't think my pregnancy brain can handle two stories at the same time 😅

If you guys are enjoying the story, please leave a vote!

See you in part two! ✨
-Gumbie