Now I am certain—
Falling in love is a nightmare.
In the beginning, it feels light,
Colorful and bright,
A beautiful, perfect life.
That's how I felt about you.

When the feeling arose,
It kept me awake
Day and night,
Fantasizing about a future
That would never exist.
But still, I had faith—
I believed in us,
In the impossible,
Even as the world doubted.

Blind with passion,
You stayed wide-eyed in your own little world.
Nothing changed for you,
But for me,
You changed everything.

I couldn’t bear it.
I didn’t recognize myself.
When I realized
How far I had fallen for you,
I knew I had lost myself.

I spent days—
Years—
In love with an illusion.
With the idea of you,
The partner you could have been.

Because of you,
I stopped believing—
In soulmates,
In twin flames.

When I look back now, I laugh,
But it wasn’t funny then.
Waking up each morning with you on my mind,
Going to bed with you still lingering,
Butterflies in my stomach—
"Oh, how sweet, she's in love."

Bullshit.

Those butterflies were pain,
Anxiety,
A gnawing ache.

One day, I looked in the mirror,
And the reflection was someone else.
While I was losing myself,
You stayed hidden,
Living in the shadows.

I know I was wrong—
I shouldn’t have fallen for you.
Expectations are dangerous things.
Now I laugh at my past,
But it doesn’t erase the hurt.
The ways I lost myself,
The parts of me I sacrificed for you.

You’ll never know what it’s like
To bury feelings,
To distance yourself from everything
Just to keep the thoughts from creeping back.
You’ll never know what I went through,
Because you were living—
Comfortably,
In the shadows,
While I suffered in the light.

Now, I’ve cut you from my life.
You still exist,
And I hope you’re well,
But my life is better without you.

I wish things had been different.
I wish I had never fallen for your lies,
For the idea of being a part of your life.
I wish I hadn’t written all those love letters
That were never sent.
And I wish I hadn’t written
That one letter you probably never read.

But you’re not a part of me anymore.

If our paths cross one day,
Maybe something will change.
Until then,
I’ve vowed to myself,
As I bleed these words—

Never again.