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Chapter 18 - White Veil

Nereyda

I couldn't bring myself to forgive him. I just couldn't. He had completely betrayed my trust. The one man, the one person I had thought I'd trusted with everything in me had just thrown it all back in my face. His actions spoke louder than his words. And his actions were all in favour of his stupid rebellion.

All save claiming me, and that had just been a ridiculously idiotic decision in itself. An extremely insensitive, barbarous decision. Only pure mates could claim each other. He would be the one who suffered from the consequences of his decision. Since he'd claimed me and I hadn't claimed him back, he'd probably suffer like crazy being able to feel everything I felt but not being able to do anything about it. I'd read that it was excruciating and even drove some to madness.

I'd read a lot about pure mates, finding mine had always been one of my epic romantic fantasies. But the dream had never included this much heartsickness. If I was honest with myself, I wasn't sure whether I regretted meeting Braeden or not.

So I would marry Oscar tomorrow and that would be the end of everything. And I didn't want that. I would do anything to change the direction of my future, anything so I could just be with Braeden. I knew in my heart that I'd already forgiven him, but how could I tell him that when everything we had would be over tomorrow? No, it was better we end it like this, in control.

My leopard was screaming at me to go back to him. She was telling me to just take him and go. Extremely ridiculous really. I hugged my pillow to my chest as I dreamed of just leaving everything with him. Was it really that ridiculous an idea?

We could do it tonight. I wouldn't have to marry Lord Oscar. We could go live in the secluded rainforest of Anell or in the mountains of Creta. We could find work and support ourselves. Buy a nice treehouse in the canopy and just...live.

I wanted that. I wanted that so so much.

So much so that the next thing I knew, I was jumping off the balcony and running off in the direction Braeden had disappeared in.

I thought I had a pretty good idea of where he'd go, and I ran that way, flying on the wind. My tears flew with me, gliding off my face to ride the air for a bittersweet second before they were shredded into pieces.

He was exactly where I thought he'd be. Standing on the pier, looking out at the black water.

I ran up the pier and threw myself at him. He turned around just in time to catch me.

My fingers fisted in his shirt as I clung to him desperately, freely sobbing into his chest now.

"I don't want to marry him," I managed to gasp out.

His arms tightened around me as he buried his face in my hair. "Gods Rey, I don't want you to either."

"Can you just- can we just...go?" I mumbled incoherently.

He stiffened in my arms, pulling back to see my expression in the dark. His eyes glimmered. "What do you mean?" He asked slowly, his careful tone hinting that he already understood my line of thought.

I was confused by his sudden resistance towards me. "We could just go," I repeated stupidly, unable to think of a way to rephrase the words in my current state of mind.

"You mean like," he paused hesitantly, "run away?"

It sounded a lot worse when he put it like that. I looked over his shoulder at the veiled moon, unable to meet his appalled gaze.

"I can't," he pulled away from me completely, shaking his head as he did.

My heart free fell into my stomach. Just like that he had condemned me to a life of misery. He'd condemned us to be apart forever. "Why?" I whispered.

His hands buried themselves in the darkness of his hair and pulled. "I have other responsibilities," his voice had hardened.

Other responsibilities. Was that all I was to him? A responsibility?

My arms wrapped around my midsection. I bit my lip. "I thought you'd support me."

Pain pierced his eyes. He turned away. "You should know that I'm sorry." His voice rang out into the purity of the night, as clear as the water it bounced off of.

I shook my head and started away from him back into the forest. All the things that had originally been lined up against us had come back in a sudden rush, defacing our relationship in mere days.

As I floated in a daze through the forest, I despaired at the fact that our love story was at its end.

+++++

It was in vain that the makeup artist tried to make me look beautiful. Nothing could save the disaster that was my face. Dents the size of craters circled my eyes, whilst my nose and lips were swollen from crying. No amount of powder would ever have be able to even out the blotchiness of my complexion.

Amberly was weaving my hair into a complicated sea of overlapping plaits and Gwen was trying desperately not to show her despair as she worked on my face.

My mother entered and I inwardly sighed with resignation. It was inevitable that she would want to speak to me before the big event.

To my surprise she took my hair from Amberly's hands and proceeded to continue braiding it herself. I'd had no idea she knew how to do hair. I would've thought that far beneath her.

"Leave us," she told the maids, not meeting my eye in the mirror but staring fixedly at my hair.

For the first time in my life, the Queen seemed distracted. Although there was no emotion displayed clearly on her face, I felt that if she released her features from her iron will, they would crumple into the shape of a frown.

For the second time this week, I wondered whether the Queen was starting to develop maternal instincts towards her only daughter.

"Nereyda," she started softly, continuing to tug gently at my hair. "I know our relationship hasn't always been the closest," I inwardly snorted. The word 'close' could never be used to describe us.

"But I want you to know that I really think this marriage is going to be good for you."

There was no invitation to talk. So I said nothing.

"I was arranged to marry your father," she said wistfully, the hands in my hair having stilled. "You don't know this, but he essentially bought me from my family. My father was a Lord before the Quakes..." she trailed off vaguely. "He didn't make it."

I didn't think I'd ever heard my mother speak so much in my life. I'd grown up knowing next to nothing about her other than that she was a perfect model for what I aspired to be.

"I was one of ten siblings and one of the three of us that survived," she continued. "The only girl. My mother couldn't support us all, you have to understand that everyone was dying. It was a miracle in itself that she'd managed to survive."

As I watched my mother's face, I saw emotion clawing clearly through her eyes. Her lips would twitch when she said something that was painful to her but other than that her features were smooth.

"Ryker made her an offer that she couldn't refuse," she sighed. Then her eyes hardened, "And I'm glad he did, your father saved my life."

I was essentially horrified by the principal of what she was telling me. Her mother, my grandmother, had sold her off to some random man, miles away from her home and she was grateful for it?

She must have seen the confusion on my face but, unexpectedly, she did not reprimand me. She simply took it upon herself to explain further.

"In his heart he's a good man. He gives me a lot of freedom which makes me happy because it shows that he cares about me."

What? Hold on a second, my father doesn't care enough to entertain my mother but she thinks that his lack of interest in her actually shows he cares about her because he's giving her freedom?

"I love him because he's given me everything I could ever hope for..." there was a dreamy light in her eyes. I wondered if my father had cast a spell on my mother to make her succumb to him.

"And I'm certain Lord Oscar will do the same for you."

That was one thing I didn't disagree with. My palms were slightly damp as my mother left the room. I knew she was trying to make a point that my marriage would turn out as brilliant as she seemed to think hers had. But the only thing she had opened my eyes to was the fact that my mother was entirely delusional. Crazy. Wacko.

My father was cruel in the worst of ways, I didn't understand how she possibly thought he could love her. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions. I mean, I had never seen them at ease together, for all I knew they were completely open to one another behind closed doors. But for some reason I doubted it.

I couldn't stare at my hideous reflection any longer. I stood and walked in the direction my mother had just taken, trying to take deep breaths through my corset. Damn things, I didn't see why girls had to wear them. Just for the sake of looking thinner but then we had to sacrifice our ability to breathe as well.

I walked down the corridor absentmindedly. I hadn't put on my wedding dress yet and was only wearing a simple daygown. It still trailed behind me as I walked.

The sound of deep voices speaking in hushed tones began to drift down the corridor towards me. With a start I realised that I had walked all the way to the East wing of the castle, the guest chambers.

Just as I was about to hastily turn around and make my way back to my own wing, discernible words took form in my ears.

"You're going to get yourself killed!" The first man hissed.

I froze where I stood, unable to move forward and unable to make myself go back. Several metres in front of me, the door to one of the chambers was open a crack.

"You're overreacting," a second voice came in a bored tone. I pictured this man rolling his eyes as he spoke.

There was a thump as if one of them had hit something or brought their hands down on the table. "Overreacting? Are you serious Deak? You spend your time in an underground fight ring and I'm overreacting?"

It was silent for a couple of seconds.

There was a sigh. "Look," I was now pretty sure this was Oscar speaking, 'Deak' being Deacon. "All I'm saying is that you need to be more responsible, rebellions are not a joke."

A snort interrupted him.

"We're not in Anell anymore!" Oscar exclaimed, raising his voice. "The rebellion here isn't chimps, it's real, dangerous wolves who have a very legitimate reason for wanting their throne back."

"Relax," Deacon said, "it's not like I'm getting all buddy buddy with them." He paused, "although there is something I think you should know."

I realised I'd taken a couple of steps forward in an attempt to appease my greedy ears. My heart pounded in anticipation of what Deacon was going to reveal.

"Your girl," he said in a quiet voice, and now he sounded completely serious.

I took several steps back.

"You need to know what she's been doing in her free time."

My hand came up over my mouth in horror and in an attempt to muffle the sound of my accelerated breathing.

"She knows the Paladian rebellion," he sounded fatigued as he unveiled my secret and I knew that this man was not one who snitched on people easily.

"I think she's with one of them."

I darent take another step back and risk them hearing me in the deathly silence that followed.

There was a soft thud, as if someone had sat down hard. "What?" Oscar said softly.

"Look man, I already said it, I ain't saying it again," Deacon sounded frustrated.

"You're wrong," Oscar whispered and my heart stuttered. "Nereyda wouldn't do that."

"C'mon brother, don't be stupid. How well do you actually know her?" I wanted to hate Deacon for ruining my marriage but I couldn't. He had simply done his duty to his brother, and I could tell from his tone that he would really rather not get involved in our affairs.

I'd walked backwards all the way to the staircase leading up to the guest chambers and I turned and fled down it now. Discarding convention, I didn't slow until I reached my room, where I collapsed in a heap on my bed.

Deacon was obviously much more observant than I'd given him credit for. How he'd managed to spot me in the writhing crowd of the arena I had no idea. I'd had my hood up and everything.

This was what I got for my recklessness and stupidity.

+++++

I walked down the aisle in silence.

The multiple layers of silk, tulle and lace that made up my veil hung in front of my face. There were so many layers that it was pretty much opaque, and I had to rely on my mental image of the room to navigate.

Not that I had much trouble. I simply walked in a straight line down the white oak floor as slowly and as evenly as I could manage. My mother walked in front of me, so when I caught sight of her feet I knew I needed to slow down.

My heart palpitated in my chest, and it took all my strength not to rub the moist undersides of my hands on my dress.

Although my anxiousness was making my walking pace rather sporadic, I couldn't really have walked much faster if I'd tried. Over the course of my life, my dress trains had gradually grown longer and longer until I wore the full length of a single woman of eligible background. My mother wore a shorter one because she was married.

The words I would use to describe my current attire would probably range from 'prodigious' to, 'monstrous'. If I'd thought my usual skirts were heavy, I was seriously reconsidering that judgement. Not that I'd ever have to wear long trains again after this.

My mother's feet halted abruptly in front of me and a couple of chair legs came into view in the limited area of the floor that I could see.

The ceremony itself was a strange fusion of Anellian tradition and old Lithian tradition. My father had insisted on keeping the ritual of Lithian royal marriages in place but had adapted the prayers so the leopard gods were praised instead of the wolf ones.

When he had married my mother, they hadn't had a lot of time to think up a new wedding ceremony so they had simply adopted the Lithian one and changed the gods' names. It appeared he had now decided that this was to become Paladian tradition.

To this day I couldn't be entirely certain about my father's religious standing. Some days I was sure he believe in the gods but on others he seemed to think that he himself was the only god of his universe. Today I thought he believed, although 'faith' is not a label I would put on him so easily.

My mother placed my trembling hands in Oscar's large, rough ones. Where I would have expected him to hold them tightly, he held them loosely. Where I would have expected him to run his thumb over my hand in a comforting gesture, his hands stayed still.

He started to recite the introductory prayer which called the gods into our presence, lifting his hand to tap first my right shoulder, then my left. He lifted the first layer of my veil and allowed it to billow and ripple as it fell to my back. The sound of the floating fabric filled the hall.

He started speaking softly again, this time apologising for any wrongdoings we had committed. I closed my eyes under my veil and repeated his prayer as my own. This marriage was now all that I had, my last shot at happiness, if it failed... Oscar lifted the second layer of silk away from my face.

The third prayer was one of thanks for everything the gods had given us. I thanked the gods for Braeden. Another layer flew over my head.

There were only two veils left in front of my face, and I could just about see the silhouettes of my surroundings. The fourth prayer asked the gods to bless our marriage. My lips moved as I followed Oscar's words with him. The outline of his hand came up to his own face before his fingers gently tapped my forehead.

Then the last opaque silk layer was gone and I could see everything through the transparent, lace trimmed tulle that remained.

Oscar's face gave nothing away, and I knew mine didn't either as we stared at each other. Then he started to recite his vows to me, promising to care for me, provide for me and hold me as his equal. He held my eyes as he spoke but he kept the smokescreen green shielded from me. It was silent for a couple of seconds before he reached forward and flipped the remaining fabric into the air.

The mass of the veils weighed heavily on my scalp. My hair was pulled up in the most elaborate style I'd ever worn. The ribbons on the ends of the veils were woven into my hair to keep it all in place. My scalp throbbed and I was starting to develop a headache.

My mother and Deacon approached us, each holding a white glass goblet. They had to be two of the most expensive items in the world. I took the chalice from my mother and Oscar did the same with Deacon.

Oscar extended his arm towards me and I did the same to him, linking my bare forearm around his wool covered one. Our elbows locked into place as we brought our hands to our mouths and took a sip of the white wine in our goblets.

We handed our glasses back to our respective representatives and my eyes swung to my father of their own accord. This was the big moment, the moment where we sealed the deal.

Oscar's hand came up to float millimetres from my cheek. As I stared earnestly into his eyes, I saw his inner conflict. He wanted this to work as much as I did but he wasn't sure that he could trust me.

His head came down and his supple lips brushed mine. It was worlds apart from what I felt when Braeden kissed me. Where Braeden's kiss burned my lips and ignited my soul, Oscar's was like a cool winter caress.

Against my will I shivered as I forced my hands to stay by my sides. Then the clear water kiss was over and the muggy air surrounded me once more.

I didn't turn to look at my parents, but I could feel their approving gazes on me. I held Oscar's hand as we made our way out of the hall, walking back down the aisle of the huge ballroom.

Now that I could see the room I wasn't surprised to see it sparsely decorated. Classic white banners were hung at intervals along the walls and white glass encrusted the backs of the few chairs that were set out.

Guards in leopard form stood on either side of the double doors that we walked through. They followed close by our sides as we walked out of the castle.

A wolf fur was draped around my shoulders to protect against the biting winter air and I did my best not to flinch.

The dark wail of a trumpet came from the top of one of the castle turrets. Announcing celebrations or big events was the only time music was permitted in Paladu. Supposedly it was to call the city to attention.

By the time we reached the bottom of the stairs my entire form was shaking with fatigue from pulling my dress. I wouldn't be surprised if all my hair fell out when I took off my veil.

Just as Oscar lifted me onto the celebratory chariot I felt wet ice melting on my cheek. My eyes were drawn to the sky where the first fall of winter had begun.

Oscar and I stood side by side as the chariot made its way into the city center. I thought he somehow knew how tired I was because his arm came around my waist to support me. I leaned into him, grateful for his concern and his warmth.

My mother and father followed behind us, but their chariot was a closed one instead of being open like ours. I was surprised that my father was actually venturing out of the castle for me. I hadn't thought he'd cared that much. Then again, in his eyes, this was the most important day of my life.

As we grew closer and closer to the city centre, the crowds grew thicker and thicker. Then the citizens were throwing flowers in front of our slow moving chariot and I was trying desperately to keep my eyes focused forward instead of searching the sea of people for Braeden. 

--- A/N ---

Is anyone else hyperventilating? What's Oscar's reaction to Braeden going to be like? What's Braeden's reaction to Oscar going to be like? Stress! Anyway, hope you all enjoyed. Vote and comment if you like. Braeden POV next!!! - Z :)