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Chapter 12 || White Affections (pt.1)

Nereyda

It was all I could do not to run out of the castle as fast as I could and into the arms of Braeden. He seemed to be the answer to all of my problems lately and I had no doubt that he would know what to do with my situation.

However the knowledge that I would see him tomorrow placated me enough that I did not run screaming down the hundreds of stairs towards the forest. That, for sure would not go down well with any member of my family.

I closed the door of my room quietly behind me. As I faced the empty white room the knot in my chest tightened. A persistent feeling that I had repressed for my whole life surged. After all these years I was finally able to put a word to the emotion: loneliness.

I threw myself into my bed and sobbed, uncaring of the red bleeding into the sheets. The carnal noises that were escaping me were nearing the legal sound limit but I didn't care. I wanted to curse at the skies and seas and shout for the unfairness of life.

A frustrated scream tore out of me but the sound was absorbed by my pillow. I curled into a fetal position, hugging my pillow and nuzzling my face into it. I was beginning to hate my life.

+++++

I walked through the next morning in an emotionless trance. Both the physician and Gwen visited, doing their best to mend and conceal my injuries. It was a hopeless task however and by the end of their fussing there had not been much improvement to my face. You could still see the swollen purple of my left cheek and the gash my father's ring had left in it.

I could only open my left eye partially because of the swelling in my cheek. I did my best not to look in the mirror, despite having to sit in front of it whilst everyone fussed over me. Maids had begun to storm my room, clean sheets and cleaning products in hand. I had no doubt that once I was out of the room they would start to clean for real.

I knew that only my mother could organise such a clean up parade, which meant that somehow she knew about my injuries. I highly doubted my father had told her so I assumed she had investigated after seeing the multitude of red droplets soiling the hallway's carpet. Or perhaps one of the maids knew what had happened and notified her. Either way, everyone in the castle knew what had happened by now so I really didn't see the point in even attempting to cover my mutilated face.

I attended breakfast dutifully, sitting next to my mother as usual. Also as usual, my father's seat remained empty, as did the rest of the long table. I could not bring myself to eat much that morning so I found myself mostly staring at my plate and stealing glances at my beautifully put together mother. She refused to meet my eye for the entirety of the meal.

I sat in the drawing room, impatiently waiting for noon to come. The only light in my life at that moment was the prospect of seeing Braeden soon. I stared unseeingly out of the window, fanning myself absentmindedly with my white lace fan. At least this unexpected turn of events gave me a good excuse to 'retire' to my room early today. I would say that I felt faint and I was sure that no one would question me. My wrist continued to flick air over my face.

I didn't know how much time had passed before the drawing room door creaked open. I did not turn around, I was so done with being polite. If it turned out to be the bloody King he could greet my back.

The sound of heavy footsteps approaching allowed me to eliminate nearly everyone from the list of possible candidates. I was still thinking of who it could possibly be when a familiar red headed man collapsed into the armchair opposite me.

"Lord Oscar," my quiet voice sounded more like a croak than the intended feather.

He flinched as my eyes found his. I didn't look that bad did I?

"I'm so sorry Nereyda," he leant forwards, resting his elbows on his knees. His head dropped, breaking eye contact with me.

My finger scratched my thumb. I had torn away a whole layer of skin from my scratching. I did not say anything in response to his apology. I had nothing to say.

He looked at me again. "I don't-" He stopped and sighed. "If- When you marry me I promise I won't let anything like this happen again." His forest green eyes held mine intensely.

"I'll be good to you," he swore, reaching out a hand to brush my injured cheek.

I was having a hard time believing his strong claims. He had disappeared for over a week without any word and he expected me to wholly trust him? This was only my second conversation with him. I felt like before Braeden I would have had an easier time putting my blind faith in this man. Now I found it extremely difficult.

"Where did you go?" I turned my gaze from the window to his handsome, chiseled face.

His hand stilled on my cheek before he quickly withdrew it. "I had business to take care of back in Anell," his brows pulled into a frown as he spoke of his hometown. After spending so much time with Braeden, his open emotion did not astonish me.

My own lips pursed at his words, I felt comfortable enough with him to show my own emotions. I wanted to question him further on the business that was supposedly so urgent but I knew it was not my place and managed to restrain myself.

I said nothing, but I was sure that my expression and the way turned away from him said enough for him to understand me.

His distressed sigh was confirmation of this. "Nereyda, you must know that the Quakes happened only a few years ago."

I did know, I was born into the shaking world, not that I had any memory of it.

"Times are dire. Paladu is not the only city dealing with a rebellion," He paused in thought, "However it might be the city dealing with it best."

His words confused me. Rebellion? What rebellion? I had heard hushed whispers of such a thing but never in my life could I imagine a group of commoners fighting against King Ryker. They would lose their lives for sure.

And the fact that other cities had rebellions. If my knowledge was correct, people only rebelled when they disagreed with what the authorities were doing. Which meant that the government or monarchy was corrupt. For the first time I was forced to question my father's competence as a leader.

"The Rebellion," I said after several long minutes. "Is it dangerous?"

Oscar's eyes pegged me to my chair, the look speaking of despair and foreboding. "More than you could imagine."

+++++

The thing about the forest, I realised, was that you were never alone. If you opened up your mind to the vast expanse of life contained within the greenery, you would find that many listening ears and whispering branches followed your every movement. Life expressed it's curiosity in different ways, whether it be the scuttle of ants legs or the rustle of falling leaves. Fluid in its impermanence.

The feeling of running through the writhing mass of life was becoming increasingly familiar and increasingly welcome after all the hours I spent cooped up in my palace prison. I ran towards what I had come to regard as my saviour, the one who opened my life beyond the whiteness of the walls and the pressures of expectation. He was the one who had retaught me how to live. And I was one-hundred percent positive that I prefered his method.

The clearing came into view in the distance and my vision focused, unwavering from my target. Braeden was waiting for me on the side furthest away, leaning casually against the tree and staring up at the boiling sun. I burst through the trees, and a fleeting thought crossed my mind of how Braeden was always emerging from vegetation. I had evidently spent too much time with since I was now jumping out of bushes.

I didn't stop as I entered the clearing, I ran straight into Braeden, throwing my arms around him and burying my bruised face in his neck. The air left his lungs in a forceful whoosh before he slowly returned my embrace. I could not have stopped the tears if I tried.

After over a minute of revelling in his comforting caresses he gently pushed my away so he could look into my face. His quiet gasp was expected. His following silence was not. I refused to meet his gaze, staring off into the forest behind his shoulders.

"What the fuck?" His whole body was shaking, vibrating with absolute fury.

I was ashamed to say that a part of me loved that he was angry, it showed that his care for me was genuine and intense.

He held a shaking hand in front of him, "Step away Nereyda." His voice was gruff with his beast, his eyes scarily luminous.

I did as he commanded, taking several steps away from him even though what I really wanted was to take him in my arms again.

Several minutes passed and I watched in fascination as Braeden transitioned from explosive to simmering. Once he had his harsh breathing under control and his body shook only at odd intervals he turned to me. "Tell me." The two words were aggressive in their demand and the power they wielded over me, so unlike that of my family.

"My father was angry about the charity," was all I said by ways of explanation.

"Goddamn you Ryker!" Braeden sent his fist flying into a nearby tree, earning an earsplitting crack for his efforts.

I flinched at his outburst, taking another cautious step backwards. Several seconds passed as Braeden pushed his forehead into the tree trunk and breathed hard. I waited for him to get control of himself.

This time when he looked at me, I knew I had him back for good. He rushed to my side and feathered a touch over my cheek with his shivering hand. Then, finally, he pulled me into his body and I sighed contentedly as he gave me exactly what I needed.

I don't know how long we stood in each other's embrace but when he finally pulled away he took my hand in his and held it tightly.

"Come," he said, smiling slightly as he tugged me into the forest. "I still have that surprise for you."

My own painful face lifted in a smile at his words.

We strolled hand in hand through the woods, breathing in the dry air and dodging the sun beams that pierced the canopy above us.

"So what did you do today?" I asked, wanting him to take his mind off me and my problems.

"Me?" He looked surprised that I had asked although I couldn't imagine who he thought I was talking to if not him.

However before I could nod he started speaking again and I realised that his question had been more of a participle of surprise than an actual need for confirmation.

"Well I went for a run," Our joined arms swung easily between us. "And then I did some inventory and then I went to the shops."

Inventory meant keeping track of supplies. I guessed he was talking about recording his bizarre camp's supplies. "Why do you camp in the woods?" I asked. "Like, instead of living in a house in town." I had surprised myself by asking the forward question but I did not regret it at all.

Braeden's thumb halted in its absentminded strokes across my hand. He did not look at me but stared fixatedly ahead. "I'll tell you later," he promised after a few seconds.

I was happy with that response. It meant at least that if he would not open up to me now he had plans to later. I smiled contentedly and tightened my grip on his hand. 

--- A/N ---

Tee hee ha. As you may or may not have realised, this is only half of a chapter (cop out I know) but it is 2000 words up there so hopefully it's not too bad. Thanks for reading everyone! - Love, Zoe x