James waited for Adelmo's word that he was allowed to head over to the Abate household to apologise in person, however, it seemed the answer was not going to be immediate. He had to assume that maybe Adelmo changed his mind and even with the promise of attending therapy wasn't enough to convince him that James should be allowed anywhere near Renata. Maybe Adelmo was waiting to see if James was actually going to go through with it and commit. If that were the case, James was going to prove it to him, but he wasn't going to attend the therapy just because of that either. He knew very well that he needed it, he needed to talk to someone that was going to help him sort through all the thoughts that had been plaguing him for too long.

Renata had tried but in a way, James couldn't confide everything in her, because not only had she been taking on so many responsibilities in the home, some of his thoughts revolved around her and he needed to address them without her around. He needed to understand what he was feeling and he hoped he could come to terms with everything during his sessions or at least, work to be better.

Harry was to be left in Sirius' care and while Remus had returned back to the colony, he was only an owl way as he fully supported James entering therapy. It was good to know that his brothers were going to stand by him and be there for him no matter what. They had placed their differences aside from the war and James felt his family coming together again, but in order to complete that, he knew he needed Renata back. He couldn't bring himself to be upset with Adelmo for keeping Renata away from him either, that was his sister, after all, and he had been a witness to the situation. And just like how Sirius and Remus were always willing to protect James, Adelmo was always willing to protect her.

When they arrived at St Mungo's, Sirius continued to hold Harry in his arms, both of them coming with James as he appeared rather nervous that morning about attending. He knew it was the job of the therapist to help him, but at the same time, he was still fearful about facing judgement over his situation. Sirius reassured him that he wasn't going to find himself facing any sort of judgement and that he would be fine. And to reassure him further, Harry leaned over and placed a kiss on his father's cheek, to offer his own wishes of good luck.

A few minutes before he was to enter the Janus Thickey Ward to greet Dr Eithne Mullins, James turned around to face Sirius and Harry, while glancing around the corridor.

"I'm surprised we haven't seen Adelmo around today," James said, attempting to make small talk in order to soothe his own nerves, " shouldn't he have been working today?"

Sirius looked around as well as Harry was occupied with the window before him, making silly faces at his reflection.

"That's what I thought," he said quietly, " I guess I'll look around, perhaps he left his shift early or switched with another Healer. They tend to do that here more often than not."

Truth be told, Sirius had allotted some time for Adelmo to make it home, convince Renata to come back, and then have both of them return, but it had been days and there hadn't been a word from either one of them. It left him nervous because even if Renata refused to come home, Sirius would have assumed that Adelmo would have sent an owl, claiming that things were not running smoothly and he would be gone for a longer length of time.

He was worried but at the same time, he didn't want to say anything that would alarm James because it probably wouldn't lead to anything good. If James knew that Renata had left back to Italy, more than likely he would blame himself above all things. Sirius wasn't convinced that it had been Renata's choice to return, he didn't believe the letter for one reason that Adelmo completely neglected.

Not once had Renata mentioned Harry or James. Not once.

Despite whatever happened at the party, no matter what, Sirius knew that Renata still cared deeply about Harry and James, and not to mention them in a farewell letter as she returned home, he didn't believe it for a second. Which was the exact reason behind Sirius telling Adelmo to go get his sister and bring her back. But he was afraid he made a mistake by sending Adelmo there alone.

"I'll ask the other Healers around here, " Sirius said, knowing that James was looking for Adelmo so he could get an answer about seeing Renata. "You don't worry about it for the time being. You just go in there and have a good session."

"Are there such things as good sessions?" James asked, not to be playful, but genuinely curious.

"James, you already acknowledged the problem itself," Sirius told him, " now things can only get better from here on out. So to answer your question, yes, there are such things as good sessions. You'll be fine."

With a nod of his head, James seemed ready to enter the ward. He leaned in and gave Harry a kiss on the cheek and patted Sirius on the shoulder before taking a deep breath and heading through the double doors. Casting one last look over his shoulder, he could see Sirius giving him an encouraging thumbs up and while Harry tried to do the same, he missed the idea and ended up flipping James off until Sirius noticed and then proceeded to quickly correct him.

James expected Dr Mullins' to be dark, somewhat dreary or at least, something along the lines of boring, however, after he knocked on the door twice and was told to enter, he realised that the picture he painted in his head was inaccurate. Dr Mullins' appeared to be a lover of colour as her walls were decorated with enchanted paintings that illuminated the room with scenic landscapes of countryside rivers or flower-infested fields. Leaning towards one of the paintings, he could hear the sound of the babbling brook with the distant sound of wildlife playing around in the overhanging tree.

"Do you like art?" A voice dragged him out of his gaze, leaving James to look over where a tall woman came to stand next to him. She stood, at the very least, a hand over him, her long arms tucked behind her back, giving her an ostrich-like appearance. He didn't believe her auburn hair to be natural, judging by the colour of her darker-hair eyebrows.

"I'm not an expert on any of it," James answered, " but I like looking at it if it's there."

She offered a smile before motioning her arm towards one of the chairs that were settled by a floor-to-ceiling window.

"Welcome, Mr Potter," she said, " my name is Dr Eithne Mullins, although that tends to be a mouthful, so you can call me what you like as long as it's respectful. You can take a seat as we get started or if you wish, you may choose to stand."

"Would it be normal for me to sit or stand?"

"There's no such thing as normal," Dr Mullins replied with a chuckle, " at least, not in this room. It is whatever you are comfortable with that remains the answer. Some clients choose to sit, they lay out on the floor, some of them prefer standings, and others enjoy walking around as they talk. It's truly up to you, I leave that freedom in your hands."

For a moment, James debated whether to keep standing or sit down, but seeing as Dr Mullins had sat herself down in a chair, he couldn't help but follow suit, just until he got a feel for who she was as a person. As he sat down, the same smile remained on her face, an expression of pure calmness as her hands came to settle in her lap. It grew quiet as the two of them sat there and James wondered when the session was going to begin, however, he became puzzled as Dr Mullins took to looking out the window to observe the birds fluttering about on the ledge.

Was he missing something? Was there a magic word that he was supposed to say to initiate the discussion? He didn't want to come across as rude if this was part of the session but had no idea what to expect.

"Excuse me," he called out to her, " how exactly does this work? Are we going to sit here or are you going to ask me questions?"

"The point is the session is for you to talk, Mr Potter, not me. Questions guide a conversation and I don't want to tell you what to say. You should just say what's on your mind, you're here for a reason or multiple reasons. So either we can sit here for an hour and enjoy the view from my office, or you can talk to me."

Settling back in the chair, James leaned his head back and took to looking out the window as he bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to talk, but he didn't even know where to begin, but as he thought it over, he figured to just start and see whatever came out first.

"I don't know how to describe what's been happening to me," he began, "it's always when I think things are looking up and getting better, something ends up happening that ruins everything and I'm always the cause of it."

"How are you the cause of those things?"

He shrugged his shoulders lightly, not bringing himself to look at Dr Mullins as he spoke. "Every time things are going well, I have these dreams or rather...nightmares, whatever you wish to call them and from that point on, it's like I can't think straight. And they make no sense because every nightmare is of my late-wife. She's taunting me, she's angry with me, and that's not who she was when she was alive."

He peeked out of the corner of his eye to see Dr Mullins looking at him, obviously intrigued by the idea of his nightmares manifesting themselves in the form of Lily.

"Can you tell me about those dreams, Mr Potter?"

"Yeah."

Explaining from the start of the nightmares that occurred even before he met Renata, James told Dr Mullins about how he had lost Lily and from that day on, he had the nightmares where she would come and blame him for her death. But then they escalated when Renata came into his life, they weren't as frequent but when he did have one they were powerful and left him with a muddled mind.

He thought of the one that had brought him to St Mungo's in the first place and the most recent that had caused everything to go downhill.

"Did you and Lily have marital problems before her passing?" Mr Mullins inquired, making James look away from the scene of the birds outside.

"Yes, I figured like every other couple we did. We had our arguments, which only seemed worse because we couldn't really walk away from each other, you know?" he said quietly. " We were stuck in that house all day, every day when we were forced into hiding. There was just no relief whenever we became upset about something...and it was like every little thing set us off. It wasn't like that before we had to go into hiding. Things were fine."

"They were fine?"

"Yes, they were fine, we had our bouts of happiness, the great memories, but in between those times, it was just fine. I really don't know how else to describe it. I was happy and Lily was happy too..."

"But?"

She could already tell that there was an underlying "but" waiting to be discussed as his voice trailed off for a few moments.

"But I don't think we were the happiest we could have been," James admitted. "Looking back on it, I think we rushed everything. We dated for less than a year in school before we got married after we left Hogwarts and before that, we jumped right into the war. The wedding was great, but we had our troubles after that, then when Harry was born, it was great as well, but then we had to go into hiding. Nothing worked out the way I thought it was going to back when I was in school."

"Did you date anyone else prior to Lily in school?"

"No," James told her with a shake of his head, " I didn't. I don't know what it was about her, but I only wanted her. Other girls came around, but I always turned them away. I thought if I looked like I was only committed to her that she would give in. But that wasn't the case, she hated me for a while because of her best friend at the time...we didn't get along at all. I mean, I guess you could say that we were enemies. I wasn't the greatest person back in school times, I'll admit."

"And you two started finally dating in your seventh year, is that correct? What do you think made Lily change her mind?"

"To be honest, I don't know. I go over that a lot in my mind. I'd like to think she saw the growth in me, that I decided to mature and not pursue her like I did before. I wised up a bit, put effort into my academics and made Head Boy. I thought that she saw that and decided to give me a chance because she finally liked what she saw. But then, sometimes, when I think about how the world was at the brink of war and I think about her relationship with her family was rocky at the time, I wonder if I was just that last resort."

"What about Lily's family was rocky?"

"Well, she used to be close with her sister when they were younger, but Lily was a muggle-born, so when they discovered she was a witch, there was a definite strain placed on their relationship. I think her parents tried to help the two but only made things worse. They were more impressed with the idea of Lily being a witch above all things and that just left Lily and her sister to just have a fallout. Not to mention, her sister's husband is beyond terrible, so Lily distanced herself from her family. Then that best friend of hers I was telling you about, called her a "mudblood" and ended up joining the ranks of Death Eaters. Lily was just alone by it all."

"So you believe that since she was distant with her family and lost her best friend, she saw you, knowing that you would always be there for her and loved her...you think she ran into your arms so that she wouldn't be alone anymore?"

"Some days I believe that and some days I believe that she truly did love me."

It was quiet for a minute or so, James didn't know what to bring up next, but it felt good to get everything off of his chest at the time.

"Do you blame yourself for her death, Mr Potter?"

Looking up again, James shook his head. "Not anymore, I used to. I used to blame myself for her death every night after it happened. But I don't blame myself anymore. Renata helped me see that it wasn't my fault. I did what I could to protect Lily and Harry, maybe my plan wasn't the best, but I still did everything with the intention of keeping her and Harry safe. I'm not the one to blame for her death. I blame that traitor that I used to call my best friend, I blame Severus Snape, and above all, I blame Voldemort."

He could see Dr Mullins flinch at the mention of the dark wizard's name, but James didn't care about that, it was only a name and Voldemort was dead.

"All three of them led to the death of Lily and they nearly led to the death of my son if it hadn't been for the miracle of his survival. So no, I don't blame myself because I was fighting against them. I fought every day to keep my family safe and it wasn't that my efforts weren't enough, it was the fact that we were betrayed in the worst ways possible. A man I considered one of my brothers, sold us out. A man who Lily considered her best friend for many years, worked for the wizard that killed her. And Voldemort, for whatever reason, chose my son to go after. He had two options and my son was chosen."

James was fairly certain that the two of them were going over the hour's time that he was given for his session, but at no point did Dr Mullins tell him that his time was up. Instead, she encouraged him to keep talking and James found himself not wanting to stop because it felt good to get everything out there. He wanted it to be heard by someone who wasn't family or a friend so that he could have an outsider's view on the matter. Of course, she was only getting his side of the story, but at least she was getting his story.

"Why do you think Lily comes to you in your sleep now?" Dr Mullins questioned him at one point. "What makes these recent nightmares worse than the others?"

"It was when Renata came into my life...our lives rather."

The smile reappeared on Dr Mullin's face as she leaned forward in her chair, propping her chin in her hands as her elbows came to rest on her knees.

"Tell me about Renata, Mr Potter."

For the first time since the start of the session, James found himself with a bright smile on his face.

"Renata came into our lives in the most unexpected ways. We met her at a park, she was beautiful, but at the time, I didn't think much of it. It was Harry who was so intrigued by her, he loved her from the very first day. He asked about her and that was the first time since Lily's death that I saw Harry so active and alert. If I'm being honest, I didn't want Renata involved in our lives in the beginning, I didn't want anyone from the outside involved because I wasn't ready for anyone new to come in. But Harry was ready and I couldn't hold back my son."

"Do you regret the decision of letting Renata in your life?"

"No, not at all. I was iffy in the beginning, but from the start, Renata was wonderful. She took over to make sure that Harry was happy in every possible way and then, without me realising right away, she did the same for me. She didn't just do things for me, she taught me how to do things for myself. Like cooking. I never really thought myself as a cook, didn't really like it and I was horrible at it. But she taught me to love and she taught me to be good at it. She would only do things for Harry and me if we weren't capable of doing it. But if she knew we were, she would give us that push."

"She pushed without pushing too hard, that takes a great amount of skill."

"But Renata knows how to do that, she knows if someone is comfortable or uncomfortable. She's so in tune with people's feelings, it's one of her greatest strengths and maybe even her greatest weakness."

"Let's talk more about that, Mr Potter," Dr Mullins said, " what do you think are Renata's weaknesses?"

"She wants other people to be happy, even if it means that she isn't happy," James replied. "She hardly ever says no and takes on so much on herself, and then when things don't go right, she blames herself first....just like me."

"And what are her strengths? Name all the good things about her."

"I don't think there are enough hours in a day to go over all of them," James said with a small chuckle, " if you ever met Renata, you would know. Her kindness and caring nature, it can lift anyone up. She defends others when they can't speak for themselves. She doesn't judge people, that's something I admire. She knows that there are always two sides to every story and she's always willing to listen to both. The way she can multitask is something I've never seen before. She's an amazing story-teller, she loves reading and she does the best voices and faces for characters."

Suddenly, James stood up and started walking about the room, leaving Dr Mullins to turn in her seat and follow him with her eyes.

"Her cooking is phenomenal, she actually got Harry to eat and Harry is the pickiest little eater I know. And she taught me how to cook for him. And she's so loving, I...I've said it before..but you can't help but love her after you meet her. She lights up a room when she walks in, she always knows how to solve a problem...and she's a terrible dancer. You would think that would be a weakness but it's not, because no matter how terrible she is at it, she doesn't care. She'll dance like a fool to make anyone happy and she made me happy. She made Harry happy...and...and I ruined it."

"How?"

"Lily showed up in a nightmare, she said I was replacing her, that Harry was replacing her with Renata as his mother. I didn't believe it, I tried to block it out. But then at Harry's birthday party, he was opening up one of his presents and he was so excited. He wanted to share it with Renata and he called her Mummy. He called her Mummy and all I could hear was Lily yelling in my ears again. I didn't know what to do to make it stop except make a scene. I told Harry that he was wrong and I told him that Renata wasn't his mother and that she would never be his mother. I hurt both of them."

He stopped as he came to stand in front of Dr Mullins desk, seeing a picture of the woman, holding a little girl that he suspected to be her daughter. He picked up the frame and held it up, looking over at her.

"Is that your daughter?"

"Indeed it is," she said with a nod, " my husband and I adopted her just last year. She'll be turning four in October."

"You adopted her?"

"Yes."

James set the frame down and turned to face Dr Mullins again. "Does she call you Mummy? Does she call your husband Daddy?"

"Yes. We are her parents after all, even if we didn't give birth to her."

"I guess I didn't see that before, but that's what happened with Renata and Harry," he said. "She adopted Harry as her son and Harry adopted her as his mother. She loved him like he was her very own, you could see it in everything that she did for him. I saw it...I know I did. It was the many reasons I loved watching the two of them together."

"Well, Mr Potter, we've already established that the Lily you see in your dreams is not the Lily you knew. It is a manifestation of the guilt you've felt, whether it was over the war or her death. But that leads me to my next question. Why do you feel guilty about Renata? Why do you think your mind is trying to tell you that you are replacing Lily with Renata?"

Making his way back over, the small walk gave James a little bit of time to think before he delivered his answer, but as he sat down in the armchair, he didn't answer right away either. He was thinking it through before he peered up at Dr Mullins.

"When I was back in school, I thought Lily was the only person for me. But when we got together, I loved her, but I don't think I was in love with her as I thought I was. Maybe there was a time and maybe the outside influences took a heavy hit on it all, but I didn't feel what I felt with Renata, when I was with Lily. And it makes no sense to me because Lily is the mother of my child but at the same time, Renata is too...I...does that even make sense? I haven't spent nearly as much time around Renata than I did with Lily, so how is it that I already love her more?"

He didn't even realise that he had started crying until Dr Mullins offered him a small tissue to wipe his eyes with. He took it and looked away until she started speaking to him.

"Mr Potter, listen to me, I think the trouble lies with you not accepting that you can love more than one person especially romantically. And despite you having a child with Lily, it doesn't mean that it had to remain permanent, even if she were alive today. There are many families that separate after they have children and that's fine if they find happiness with someone else. In a lot of cases, it might be better off for the children involved. If Lily was alive and the two of you continued to have marital issues but remained together for the sake of Harry, that could have caused more damage for him."

"Really?"

"Yes, give children some credit, Mr Potter," she chuckled, " they are highly perceptive to their environment and the people around them. Their vocabulary may not be fully developed in our terms but it doesn't mean they cannot pick up on things going on. And let's put it this way, your love for Renata is not greater than your love for Lily, it is a different love. It is a different love because they are two different people. Lily has your love and respect as your first love and the mother of your child. But Renata has your love as someone that you've formed a deep connection with and she has formed a motherly bond with Harry. It's not a competition, you do not have to compare them."

"Then how-"

"Do not compare them. Be thankful for them as they have been and are thankful to have you in their lives. I hold no doubt in my mind that Lily loved having you as the father of her child. You gave her one of the greatest gifts of all before her death. She became a mother and from what you told me, she loved Harry and she would want her son's happiness above all.She would want your happiness as well because you are raising Harry. She would want Renata to be happy too because she is also raising Harry. Perhaps there was the same sense of love shared between the two of you, but there was and still is a mutual love for your son. And Renata shares in that as well."

James folded his hands in his lap, fully understanding what Dr Mullins was telling him, but it left a remaining question.

"Suppose Renata does come back into our lives," he said, unsure if that were even possible, did she even want anything to do with him after the party? "Suppose she comes back and everything works out perfectly. Harry sees her as his mother, at what point do I tell him that she's not his real mother-"

"You start off by not using the term "real" to describe her," Dr Mullins said, " if Renata cares and loves your son as a mother, she's as real as anyone else. When it comes down to telling Harry about his "biological" or "birth" mother, it is something that you can discuss over with Renata. After all, she is more than well aware. You can sit down with Harry when you think he's ready and you discuss it with him. My husband I plan on doing that when it comes to our daughter."

"How do I know when Harry is ready?"

"Give yourself some credit, Mr Potter. You're his father, when he's ready, you'll know."

With the promise of future sessions, James left Dr Mullins' office after a two and half hour session as they went well over their allotted time during the introduction. However, it had cleared up so much for James as he realised what he had been doing to himself for so long. But he left the session feeling quite relieved and relaxed. He was more than ready to talk to Renata, he wanted to talk to her about what he had gone over in his first session and tell her everything they had discussed so that she could understand. She didn't have to forgive him, but he figured she would be willing to at least listen.

Walking out, he found Sirius and Harry and he hoped that during his absence that Sirius had been able to find Adelmo and talk to him about talking to Renata.

"Well, any sign of Adelmo or was he out for the day?"

Sirius turned to him with a solemn expression, Harry sound asleep on his shoulder.

"He went home, James."

"Oh, well, I guess I could just go over and see if he'll let me in-"

"No, James, you don't understand, " Sirius said as his voice cracked near the end, " he didn't go back to his flat. He went back to Italy."

"Wh-what?!" James exclaimed. "What are you talking about?!"

"I don't know, but they told me that he sent in his resignation letter! It said that he went back to Italy to work. First Renata and now him, I-"

"Renata went back?! WHEN?!"