James did not put the scissors down as Renata demanded of him right away, instead, she could only watch in slight horror for a few seconds as he took to cutting more of his hair off. She didn't know what to describe his breakdown was but she didn't care to describe it either, what she was witnessing was heartbreaking enough without a medical term labelling it. Within seconds of aiming her wand again, she disarmed James, sending the scissors flying out of his hand and causing them to stab into the grass a short distance away from them. She remained with her wand aim, unsure of what James was going to do next.

If he went for the scissors again, she was going to have to stop him and she really hoped that it didn't come down to that. Fortunately, her silent prayers were answered as James made no movement towards the scissors, instead, he fell to his knees in the middle of the garden and started sobbing. Renata was fearful to approach him but at the same time, she couldn't just leave him crying there either. Slowly, she approached him, taking each step towards James and pausing, just in case he decided to lash out of her for removing his choice weapon from his hand.

He did no such thing and when she finally came to stand before him, James lightly grabbed the end of her skirt and pulled at it, motioning her to come down to his level. Lowering herself until she was at his height, Renata watched as James looked up at her, his hazel eyes red and irritated, the skin around them puffy. He had done a terrible job at cutting his hair to the point where there were patches just missing all over the place.

It looked horrible and it was even more horrible for Renata to witness, knowing he had done it to himself. The messy Potter hair was one of the many things she adored about James and Harry, how they naturally walked around with their messy jet-black locks without a care to fix them. It suited them and for James to think that the woman he had first married hated it, it didn't sound at all right to her.

If Lily truly hated James' hair to the point where it made her sick, why would she marry the man that the hair was attached to? Needless to say, Renata was confused and assumed it had been one of James' nightmares that had caused such a reaction for him, either that or he was taking something out of context while in a bad state of mind.

"Mr Potter," she whispered to him as his sobbing became somewhat lighter, at least, soft enough that he could hear her, " did Lily really say those things to you? Or was it just another one of your nightmares?"

"It wasn't a dream," James shook his head, " it was a memory, I remember it. How could I forget it? We were back in school and-"

"Mr Potter," Renata cut him off as she didn't need to hear much more, " you just said it yourself that this memory took place back while you were in school. You've been out of school for almost five years now. This is an old memory, a bad one that haunts you, but you forget that Lily married you. She might have said something back in school but obviously, things changed, right?"

Renata didn't know really what she was talking about as she had limited insight to the marital problems that James had faced when his wife was alive, but she was trying to say anything to make James stop crying. Not only because it pained her to feel what he was feeling, but she thought he was too good of a man to keep punishing himself in such ways.

"But did they?" James asked her, turning the conversation back on Renata. "Did they really change? I changed for her. I stopped doing everything that made her upset so that she could see me in a different light. Yes, it also made me a better person, but I don't know if she truly saw that or if she felt like she truly had no other choice."

She saw him reach into his pocket and immediately, she became on edge, gripping her wand firmly in her hand, only to see James hold up two wedding bands. Obviously, one his and one Lily's.

"I asked her to marry me when we first left school," James confessed to Renata, " I think we were only out of Hogwarts for a week when I proposed. She didn't say yes right away, I think that should have been an indicator that it was something she didn't want. She just stared at me and then she asked for more time to make the decision. Does that sounds like someone who wants to get married-"

"Mr Potter-"

"Only a week later after I proposed did she tell me to ask her again, which I did and she said yes. I didn't care about the hesitation on her behalf then, I was just so happy that she agreed. But that should have been the first sign-"

"No, I don't agree with that," Renata said, " I don't agree with that at all. I think what Lily was doing was realising how young you two were at the time. Marriage is a very big commitment, Mr Potter. You know that, and even for the couples that are deeply in love, it is a big step and it causes fear for even the bravest of souls. I think she did the right thing, she took the time to think the proposal, probably making sure that you two were ready and then she came back. You're neglecting that, she came back and asked you to ask her again. And she said yes."

"Or," James interjected, " she realised that the Wizarding World was on the brink of war and felt like she didn't have a choice!"

As patient of a soul Renata possessed, even she was becoming short-tempered with James and his ability to turn things around to sound negative. She knew he wasn't doing it on purpose to piss her off, she knew that he was just hurting and it was his only way of expressing himself at the time, but enough was enough.

"Why are you so set on the idea that she hated you?!" Renata snapped at him. " Why do you want her to hate you?"

"Because thinking that she loved me when she died just makes this harder!" James shouted at her, bringing Renata to fall silent.

Even James had to look away for a few seconds as he stared down at the ground. He fell back into the grass, covering his head with his heads as Renata remained before him, but she didn't say anything else right away, leaving him the floor to continue.

"You didn't see the way she looked at me during those final days," he whispered to Renata, " you didn't see the look in her eyes. She had been stuck in that house since she found out she was pregnant with Harry and she was just so miserable. Sure she was happy during some moments, like when Harry was born, but when she looked at me, I could feel it. I could feel her hating me for bringing her into that situation in the first place."

He started crying again, his chest heaving, only this time, Renata didn't even try to stop him, if he needed to let it all out then she was going to let him say whatever he had to in order to get it off his chest, even if he was wrong.

"I would tell her I loved her and she would say it back, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel the love in her voice when she said it. She sounded tired like she was tired of saying it back to me, tired of hearing me saying it. She was tired of being stuck with me in that house but she had nowhere else to go because Harry was in trouble and she would do everything for Harry. But I could tell, she was tired of me."

"Tired of you, Mr Potter, or tired of the war?"

James looked up, a slight confusion in his eyes as he met hers for a brief second and then dropped his head down with a shake. "What?"

"Mr Potter, you've said it yourself, it was the time of war. That can bring the strongest person to their knees, wishing it was over. Lily was no different in those aspects that she probably wished the war was over as much as everyone else did. She might have exposed that she was tired to you because you were her husband, she was comfortable exposing that vulnerability to you."

Renata reached out and placed her hand under his chin to bring him to look up at her once more as she went on.

"It means that she loved you, enough that she could show that side to you, rather than bottling it all up. And of course, she always showed a happier side with Harry, at the time, he was a baby, who would ever want to expose such a terrible thing to a child? She wanted happiness for Harry, just as much as you do now. So she put on a happy face for Harry, but she let you know how she was truly feeling. And you're right, she probably was very tired."

The two sat there in front of each other as Renata hoped that James would take something away from her outside perspective of the situation. She realised, she could have been wrong without knowing. It was very possible that near the end that Lily did not like James and had grown tired of being around him. But Renata also didn't want to believe that, because she couldn't see how anyone could grow tired of James, how anyone could hate him for the man he was in that very time.

He was a caring father, a caring friend and brother to Remus and Sirius, he wanted what was best for the people around him. He was a strong soul, despite his own moments where he desperately needed someone to listen to him or just some help in general. She didn't think Lily married James out of desperation and fear of the war, she didn't think Lily stayed with him for those reasons either.

She believed that Lily loved James just as much as James loved her, it was just unfortunate that it was all cut off too soon in such a tragic way. It left James with so many questions unanswered and that caused so much trouble for him that he couldn't move on to live a happier life for himself.

The two of them heard the door open and looked over in the direction of the kitchen to see Harry poking his head out. Immediately, James started wiping his face, getting rid of any evidence that he had been upset for Harry's sake. But Renata didn't see the harm in inviting Harry over to them.

"Come here, Harry, come give your father a hug," she said, her eyes briefly skimming over where the scissors were in the grass still.

Harry ran over as fast as his little legs could carry him and practically barrelled into his James' chest. It knocked both of them back and brought James to let out a small laugh, as Renata picked herself up and walked over to collect the scissors to put them away in the household, preferably, somewhere where James couldn't really find them.

It wasn't like James couldn't see what she was doing as he bit the inside of his right cheek in a guilty manner, but Harry distracted him by showing him one of his toys and going on about it, half of it in his own Harry language and the other half in English. James just sat there, listening to Harry, really listening to everything his son had to say, but in the back of his mind, he knew he had to apologise to Renata for causing yet another scene.

Neither of the adults in the household spoke with one another since the incident, but rather focused all of their attention on Harry until the boy was sound asleep in his own bed. Then came the awkward time where they were left alone in each other's company again. James didn't know what to say to start off a conversation with her that would open up into an apology. And maybe she wasn't really in the mood for one as he found one of the bottles of his sleeping draught on the kitchen table and the household quiet.

Looking out the window, he could see that Renata was in the hammock, one leg out as she lightly swung herself. He didn't want to be a bother, but he didn't want to leave things off with how they ended earlier. He had shouted at her and even if the context wasn't exactly directed at her, it was still no excuse to raise his voice at her when she was only trying to help him.

Grabbing his sleeping-draught, he took a strong swig of it, knocking it back before he headed outside. He had a little bit of time before it kicked in and that gave him the perfect opportunity to approach her. He walked back out into the garden and that seemed to alarm Renata as she quickly sat up in the hammock, her eyes trailing to his hands immediately.

"It's fine," he said, holding up his hands to show that they were empty, "I don't have anything sharp on me."

Her face turned red, suddenly embarrassed that her actions had been read so easily.

"I just came out here to apologise for earlier," he said, " I know that's probably not what you wanted to come back to of all things. And I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. You didn't do anything, you were just trying to help."

"You don't have to apologise for such things, Mr Potter-"

"But I do," he cut her off, " because that's not me. I don't like being that way towards anyone I care about. I was a real arse in school when I was younger, that's when Lily said that stuff to me, back when I was just this "arrogant toerag" that's what she used to call me most of the time. I did take the hair thing out of context and turned it into something so much more than what it originally was. But like I said, I should have never raised my voice with you-"

"Well, to be fair, I did snap you first."

"You were in your right to do so, I needed something to snap me out of that. But what you said, earlier, about Lily being tired of the war and showing me that, rather than being tired of me. I haven't had anyone say it quite like that. Yeah, everyone told me it was just the war getting to her, but the way you put it, it all made sense. For the first time, it all made sense. Anyways, I won't bother you, I'll just be heading to bed, but I wanted to apologise to you. So, I'm sorry and good night."

He turned to leave, but before he could fully turn around Renata called after him.

"Mr Potter, would you like to join me in the hammock?"

"Yes!" he blurted back, turning around a little too quickly, leaving Renata to smile before she patted the spot next to her.

Normally, the two sat opposite each other, but that evening, perhaps James needed a bit more of a comforting position as he gladly sat beside her in the hammock. It caught Renata off guard, but she didn't make any sounds or gestures of protest as he settled in. He looked tired and before she could even ask, she could smell the sleeping draught off of him, a hint of lavender radiating off of him.

She was thankful that the sleeping draught was potent enough to place James to sleep, but not so instantaneous as regular sleeping draught or he would have probably fallen asleep walking into the garden.

He was growing tired rather fast though as his head slipped to rest on her shoulder and he let out a tired yawn.

"So," he said, " what are we going to talk about tonight?"

"I don't know, Mr Potter," she answered, " what do you wish to discuss this evening?"

She adjusted herself slightly so he could get more comfortable, his head sliding down further as she moved her arms to exam the top of his head. Thankfully, he had just given himself a bad haircut, not resulting in any injuries to his scalp as she looked it over.

"Is it bad?" he asked after a few seconds of feeling her playing around with his hair.

"No, not at all," she lied, " it's hardly noticeable. Don't worry about it. You know, I know what we can talk about. I've had this question on my mind for quite some time, I've just never gotten around to asking it."

"Ask away," James told her in an airy voice.

"Why do Sirius and Remus call you "Prongs?" And why does Harry call them Paddy and Moony?"

What James didn't take into consideration was that the Sleeping draught acted somewhat like a drug, he was almost like a drunk in that state. With Renata playing with tufts of his hair, the swinging of the hammock and the numbing effect on his body, he was an open book. He didn't see a harm in answering the question, but he should have just taken his sleeping draught and gone to bed.

"That's easy," he said with his eyes closing as they grew too heavy to keep open. " It was based on my animagus form. I'm a stag, you see? We all came up with nicknames back for our animagus forms when were in school. I was Prongs because of my antlers, Sirius was Padfoot because he was a dog, and that traitorous arse was a rat. We called him Wormtail respectfully. Remus didn't have an animagus form, he didn't need one. We called him Moony because he was a werewolf, geddit? Because of the full moon? Haha."

Renata held her breath for a few moments, not daring to respond with all the information that had been so casually thrown at her. She knew she had asked the question, but that was not the response she was expecting at all. Of course, suddenly things made perfect sense as to why Remus didn't feel comfortable with spending the night with Harry all that time ago and why he didn't see himself as fit to be around all the time.

It also made her wonder if that was the reason that Sirius had used against him during the time of war, something none of them spoke of, and James had accidentally revealed it all in his drugged state.

She felt terrible because she felt like she had set him up when she had only been curious about the nicknames, thinking there was a cute little backstory to it all.

"Mr Potter, please tell me that you're joking right now?"

There was no response.

"Mr Potter?"

Only the sound of a light snore coming from James served as her answer. He was out for the night after dropping quite the bomb.