Zef never showed Leo the note. Told himself it was 'cause there wasn't anything comforting in it. Real reason? Guilt. That last line... I couldn't lose you too. Ollie might as well have tattooed it on Zef's heart. Inky, painful and permanent. Even now, the guilt sloshes like noxious soup in his guts as he stares at that final epithet on the tree fertilised with his best friend's ashes.

That last line made him think about the kiss, and coming out, and he felt like it was his fault. If he'd explained himself better, hadn't come out at that moment, if he just hadn't been trans, or gay, or if he'd returned Ollie's feelings...maybe Ollie would still be breathing.

"I miss him. Fuck, I miss him," says Leo.

"Me too."

"It's been years. Still hurts like hell, and it's been years."

"Yeah. I think it's meant to," Zef says. "Hurt, I mean."

Leo swipes at his eyes. It's part of why Zef started crushing on him so bad. Leo was always real good at expressing his feelings.

"Do you ever —?" Leo starts to say. Then he clams up.

"Do I ever?"

"Wonder why he did it. What was going on with him, really. You know?"

The thick, humid air of the bayou makes Zef choke on the answer. Ollie didn't share that side of himself with his brother. Or Matthias, even. Only Zef. Until Zef went to uni and Ollie clammed up with him, too.

Leo continues, "Like, maybe, if I'd paid more attention. Seen the signs. I dunno. You ever think maybe we could have helped him?"

Zef says, "All the fucking time."

They paddle back to shore. Quiet. Nothing like visiting a grave to kill the conversation.

As they pile out of the canoe, the sound of leaves crunching nearby snatches their attention. It's too heavy-footed for a squirrel.

"C'mon. Best not find out what that is," Leo says, putting an arm around Zef's shoulder to steer him away. Zef suppresses the blush threatening to make things awkward all over again.

Heading towards the boardwalk, footsteps crash behind them. Out of the trees, a man wielding a phaser jumps out, shouting in a near pantomime of masculine bravado, "Gimme all your junk." His hands shake. There's a desperate edge to his voice. 'Junk' is just a generic term for drugs. Ever since work performance enhancers became pretty standard practice, the number of addicts went through the roof. Technically legal, but cheaper if you went through unofficial channels. Last Zef checked, neither of them were dealers, though. Unless Leo got into a new line of work—

Leo says, "Oh, for fuck's sake. We ain't got any."

"Don't lie, I seen you exchanging. Hand it over."

"This?" says Zef, fishing the antibiotics out of his pockets. "It's not junk."

"I said don't lie." The addict lunges closer, pressing the phaser to Zef's temple. Close enough to burn off his hair and blind him if his finger twitches.

Zef freezes, hands in the air. The guy's desperate. Probably been a while since he's had a fix. Zef's seen plenty like him in the bayou and the sub-city. Watched plenty of neighbours fall into it, too, chasing the only high life offered or trying to get an edge in their jobs. He felt sorry for 'em. Would feel sorry for this guy, too, if not for the gun pointed to his head.

"Hey, easy!" Leo shouts.

"It's fine," says Zef. "Look, see?" He holds up the bottle. "Just antibiotics."

"You think you can trick me?" says the addict, pushing the phaser against Zef's temple until his head tips.

Zef's heart sinks. "My dad needs 'em, but fine. Take 'em."

The addict reaches to snatch them, but before his fingers close on the bottle, the phaser in his other hand starts to glow.

Leo shouts, "ZEF!"

Before Zef can react, he's tackled to the ground. Air punches out of Zef's lungs as he impacts the ground with Leo on top of him. He expects to feel a lance of pain through his face, too, 'cause the phaser glows like it's ready to fire, but it doesn't fire.

The addict howls and drops it like it scalded him. Because it did. Somehow. The addict's palm shines red with burns.

Leo rolls off Zef, whispering, "The hell?"

Out of the trees, another set of footsteps crunches through twigs. Zef glimpses combat boots and a red glow. Thinks he's got to be hallucinating.

"Gray?"

Gray ignores him. Grabs the addict by the collar of his shirt like he's scruffing a cat. It would be funny, given how much shorter Gray is, but he looks too damn scary for any of it to be funny.

"Give it back." He holds out his hand, palm up.

The addict says, "What did you do to my gun?"

The red glow from beneath Gray's turtleneck and gloves flashes a warning. "Give it back."

With a frustrated whine, the addict drops the bottle of pills into Gray's open palm. Gray's fingers close around it. He releases the poor dude, whom Zef is genuinely sympathising with now. The glow of Gray's implants subsides. He pats the addict on the shoulder and says, "Good. Beat it."

Zef has the wayward though, What in the hoo ha hey is going on in here on this day? What is Gray even doing here? Did he follow Zef?

The junkie tenderly picks up his gun, like it might still burn him, but it's cooled off in a pile of singed leaves. He takes it and runs.

Leo gets up, saying, "Thanks for the help?"

Zef says, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You're welcome." Gray tosses him the pill bottle. Zef fumbles it and has to pick it out of the leaves.

"Wait. Zef, you know him?" Leo says.

What's Zef supposed to say? No simple way to explain the Gray situation. This guy made me an accomplice in the theft of my boss's car and now I'm supposed to capture him, but he's about as gilded as the pre-revolution Palace of Versailles, and I'm pretty sure he's got goons watching my apartment, and it seems like he followed me here, and if I mess up or he catches onto my ulterior motives he'll turn my brains into manure and put me out to pasture, but I'll lose my job if I don't ace this impromptu performance review so... Leo, meet Gray?

Nope. Leo would think Zef stepped one foot into the city and hit the hard stuff. Just started snorting lines so long he had to take a breath to get to the end of one.

"Not really," Zef says.

"Ouch," Gray replies with a sneer.

Leo looks between them. His eyebrows rise. He looks Gray up and down. He looks Gray up and down appreciatively.

Suddenly, Zef is furious.

"What are you doing here, Gray?"

"I was in the area," Gray responds, clearly giving zero fucks that this is clearly a lie.

"I'm lost," says Leo. "But we should head back? Zef, do you—" He looks back at Gray, still with that expression, but maybe a bit more reserved. Like Gray could be a threat, but he's a hot threat.

Zef grabs Leo by the sleeve. "Yeah, walk me home, please."

"Hey," Gray says. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Leave me alone."

Okay, so it's dumb. And petty. Zef is petty. Petty and annoyed, because for years he wanted Leo to look at him like that. Also, Gray is hot. He doesn't know what makes him more jealous. Leo finding Gray attractive, or the idea Gray might reciprocate. If they hook up, Zef doesn't think there are enough episodes of Gilmore Girls to throw himself the kind of epic pity party required.

Zef should focus on getting the stupid data on Gray's stupid implants. He should be suspicious and afraid of Gray for following him home. He's all those things, but doesn't know what to do about it, so he studies the boardwalk underfoot as Leo falls into step with him on the way home.

So much for don't trust anyone you wouldn't take home. What's the rule around bad boys who follow you home and don't give you a choice?

Behind them, Gray mutters something, but doesn't follow.

Out of earshot, Leo says, "So...What was that about?"

"I don't honestly know."

"Zef, you're not... Are you in any kinda trouble?"

"No," Zef replies too quickly.

"Because if you are, you can tell me about it."

He can't. There's not a snowflake's chance in hell Zef will drag Leo into this. "It's fine. Just some weirdo I met at a bar."

Leo's face dawns with recognition. "You're into him."

"I'm not."

"Liar."

"Shut up."

"Can't blame you. He's hot. Did he follow you, though?"

"Yeah."

"Bit creepy."

"Yeah. Hence the I don't like him thing."

Leo raises his hands in surrender. "All right, all right. I'll drop it."

They make it back to the trailer park without further incident. The clingy humidity and buzz of crickets make the walk comforting in its familiarity. Zef likes the buzz of swamp bugs more than the buzz of traffic. Likes both, but the bugs sound like home.

Leo holds up outside, hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts.

"Listen," he says. "You want me to check in on Matthias while you're in the city?"

"You don't have to— I'll make the trip back."

"Nah, not on a nine to five. You're family. I'll check in."

Zef feels a wash of gratitude and guilt. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Thanks for coming with me to visit Ollie. I—" He clears his throat. "Sometimes it's good to remember I'm not the only one missing him, you know? We should keep in touch more."

Once upon a time, Zef might have set up a pavilion for the sheer volume of butterflies a statement like that would make in him. Now his crush is, well, crushed. He knows Leo doesn't mean it like that and probably never will.

Zef says goodbye to Leo and heads up the stairs to his own trailer. He spends the evening chatting with his dad and making grilled cheese sandwiches. Matthias manages to stay awake for a whopping twenty-three minutes after eating, then falls asleep in the breakfast nook.

Zef considers going to bed early. Not like he needs to get back to the city right away. Bed here is more comfy. But the night's events make him agitated, so he goes outside for some air. Parks himself in a folding camp chair under the awning and looks up at the single star visible in the smoggy sky. Might not even be a star. Could be a satellite.

"So. Topknot."

Zef jumps out of his skin. The familiar voice issued close, like it descended from the heavens. Zef looks up to see Gray leaning over the edge of the trailer, seated cross-legged on the edge.

"You scared the shit out of me."

"You got a crush on him or something?"

No. Absolutely not. He is not having this conversation again but in reverse. "I told you to leave me alone."

"Oh. Unrequited crush, I take it?"

Zef nearly screams. Doesn't, 'cause his dad is sleeping, and he doesn't want to attract attention. "Get off my trailer."

Gray leaps down. If Zef did that his ankles would snap. Gray lands lightly and collapses into the second camping chair next to Zef's like they're old pals. "C'mon, spill. I rescued you just now. Least you can do is tell me about what's going on between you and topknot."

"Leo. His name's Leo, and you only came to our rescue after stalking me home."

Gray looks offended. "Christ. Came to say I'm sorry, didn't I? Don't get your panties in a wad."

Zef is shocked. It's unexpected. "You could have texted me. You've got my number."

"Yeah, but text apologies are blasé, ain't they?"

Zef settles. Only a little bit. "Sorry for what?"

"For biting your head off," Gray says. He leans back in the chair, picking at a frayed fingernail. "Just don't like being touched is all."

Something about that jingles in Zef's brain like a ring of keys that unlocks secret passageways, but he can't quite figure out what.

"No worries," he says. "Won't happen again." The situation's feeling awkward as hell, and Zef was brought up right, so he adds, "Thanks for getting dinner. You didn't have to do that."

Gray shrugs. He changes the subject. "How long have you crushed on Leo? Sorry. Known Leo."

Zef retracts his glare. "Whole life, really."

"He gay?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. Growing up with other queers around."

Zef crosses his arms. An unconscious gesture to ball himself up tight like a turtle in its shell. "Not really. Made things a bit weird."

"Weird how?"

"Weird, like— Yeah, I did have a big fat crush on him, and I think me being a girl made him feel safe he'd never have to reciprocate, and me being trans made him feel, like...obligated or I'd think he's transphobic. Or something." Zef wishes he could drive this conversation into the bayou and drown it. "Whatever. He just didn't know how to act around me."

Gray frowns, jutting his lower lip out. "I don't think that's it."

"What?"

"I don't think it's, like, a sense of obligation. He just thinks of you like his little brother. Loves you, just not romantically. Icky in an incest-way, not a transphobe way. He doesn't wanna hurt his lil' bro, and he also doesn't wanna fuck his lil' bro 'cause he's not a creep. Even if you aren't blood related— You get what I'm saying. It's complicated."

Zef sits stunned into silence. He'd never thought of it from that angle before. He never really thought of Leo in that sibling way. But it makes sense.

Surprising that Gray's seen them interact for all of five minutes and picked up on it.

Unless he was following Zef for longer.

"You're a creep. How long have you been stalking and eavesdropping on me?"

Gray flashes his teeth. "I can be dead quiet when I need to be."

A prickle of unease breaks Zef's arms out in goosebumps. On the one hand, that's not comforting. On the other, Zef's dad sits inside with two busted legs and Zef's path to helping him lies in capturing this weirdo. If he wants a pint-sized hope of that, then he's going to need to build up some trust. Didn't mean he wanted to give the guy his postcode, but that ship has sailed.

Gray says, "Your old man gonna be okay?"

Zef let's out his breath slowly. "He's a bit busted up. I need a new fan and CPU to fix his gild. Or, you know, new legs."

"He a vet?"

Zef supposes it's an easy assumption to make. Especially these days. Matthias wasn't the only one to lose limbs in the cap wars.

Gray's perceptive. Quick. It's a worry. Won't be easy to pull one over on him.

Gives Zef an opportunity though. "Yeah. '43 to '49. What about you?"

"What makes you think I'm a vet?"

"Your gild. Seems like proprietary military-grade shit to me."

Gray goes quiet. Zef kicks himself. Getting too nosy. If he isn't careful, Gray might sniff out what Zef's angling for. In all likelihood, Gray knew whose car he'd stolen. So is Gray aware that Zef works for Rylan? Did CyberSuite send him, hoping to get to Rylan through Zef?

Zef's a new hire, though. Not like he's a close associate of Rylan's.

Finally, Gray responds. "Proprietary pain in the ass, is what it is. These implants are hooked up to so many of my essentials, you can't rip it out without making me vegan friendly."

Before Zef can process the implications of this tech being so enmeshed with Gray's body it would render him braindead to remove it, Gray continues. "I might be able to hook you up with the parts for your dad's legs. Know a chum who's good for that. Just need the make and model."

That's...generous. Is it all some kinda nice-y nice act Gray puts on? Zef likes to think he's a fair judge of character, but this guy's less a sewer rat than a sewer eel. The harder Zef grasps, the more slippery he becomes.

What kind of assassin buys you dinner, follows you home, and offers to fix your dad's broken legs?

Numbers aren't making math.

Nothing about Gray adds up.

"Not to punch a gift horse in the mouth, but why would you do that?" Zef asks.

"Call it a Christmas present."

"It's August."

"So? Santa came early. Ho, ho, ho. You want the help or not?"

Zef hesitates again. The parts won't be easy to find. And they're a temporary stopgap anyway. He still needs to earn enough credits to get a new pair of legs. But this is the opportunity he needs to get closer to Gray. Maybe figure out more about those implants. After the way Gray reacted to his touch, he can't very well reach over and give him a hug, but maybe there's another way.

"Sorry. Yeah, thanks, that's...that's real kind of you. What'll it cost me?"

"Don't know. Won't break the bank," Gray says. Abruptly, he gets up. "I gotta run."

"Where are you going?"

"Gotta arrange things with my chum. Make sure they've got the bits you need. Meet me at the old eastside industrial quarter tomorrow, though. Nine-ish. I'll get you the parts one way or another."

How does Gray manage to sound both comforting and ominous in one sentence? "All right."

Hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket, Gray saunters away. "See you." He stops at the top of the steps to light a cigarette. After a drag, he looks over his shoulder. "And darling? Try not to dress like a cap."

Zef tries not to sound offended. "Sure."

"And don't get jumped again while I ain't around to save you, all right?"

Now he sounds offended. "I'll try."

Gray ambles down the stairs after that. Zef watches him meander down the boardwalk.

There's a lot to think about as he puts the lights out and bundles himself into bed, but of all the things to focus on, his mind sticks to one like it's chewing gum.

Just don't like being touched, is all.

But Gray touched him. That first night in the Gilded Road. Gave him his number.

Zef rubs his wrist, where the scar of Gray's touch remains. He feels a treacherous fluttering in his stomach at the memory and, against his better judgement, adds an emoji to the string after Gray's name in his contacts. Knife, blood drip, yikes face and now the butterfly.