He didn't show. I waited in the park. And he didn't show. I get back home. To an empty house. Mikey and Ray went out to the movies. I rush upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom. I find my blade box behind and under everything. It's been probably a month. The box has small traces of dust on it. I grab on and throw the box in the drawer. 

I don't actually like you. And I never want to see you again. I just said it because I wanted to get out of the hospital. If anything, I hate you, you suicidal jerk. Everything would be easier if you were dead.

Don't call me ever again.

The words spiral around in my head like a tornado, making me dizzy from the angry shouting my own mind screams.

Suicidal jerk. 

Everything would be easier if you were dead.

If you were dead.

Dead.

I sit against the wall, staring at the bright lights. I pull up my sleeve and stare at my wrist. Faded scars. Some more than others. I put the cold, sharp edge of the blade against my skin. I press down and feel the blood collecting, before slowly sliding down my arm. My ears fill with the sounds of shouting. Die you bastard. Blood drops onto the tile floor, staining it red. I slide the blade against my wrist a second time, relishing the pain that shoots through my arm, sending chills to my spine. After a while, I start to feel lightheaded from blood loss, but the voices only get stronger. How are you not dead yet? You were supposed to die months ago. I almost laugh as I make another cut, deeper this time. I look down at my wrist, the blood that collected there, the blood on my arm, the blood of the floor. The deep red, that I've grown to love, is refreshing. By this point, my whole arm is numb, and I don't feel a thing. A single tear slides down my cheek. At least now, I'm not just some dead weight to my brother, to my mom, to Ray, to Frank.

I start to feel the chills on my body. The blood rushing down my arm like a waterfall. My eyes feeling heavy. A light in my eye that's brighter than before. 

Maybe this was supposed to happen. And maybe, just maybe it was supposed to end like this...

Just maybe.