Black represents a lack of colour, the primordial void, emptiness. It can be seen at threatening, mournful, sophisticated, depressing, but with me, I believe black allows you to think. Be with your thoughts without distraction. It makes the one thing we use the most helpless and thus, making us use other senses. Allow them to become stronger mentally.

I turn my head to the side, clutching my soft duvet in my arms as I envelop myself in the pillows. The faint song of birds from the other side of my black out curtains slowly brought me to consciousness, much to the dismay of my tired and achy body.

I remember my old room. It was on the second story of my families house. My room was themed light pink and white. A fluffy carpet coated the floor that I used to lie on when I was to lazy to get into bed, after coming home from school.

I remember plucking at the strings on my guitar whilst my little sister sang a tune. The endless amount of duets we did for Christmas, when my mum and dad would have friends over, and the smiles on peoples faces as they clapped.

I remember laughing when my dad pulled silly faces to cheer me up after I got upset, or the way he used to tickle me until I smiled.

I remember the way I used to cuddle with my mum when we watched movies under the blanket on our couch, and how we used to go shopping together, trying on infinite pairs of clothes until we found the perfect one.

I remember the purple and pink lava lamp that I used to watch every night until I'd eventually fall asleep, relying on my mum to come in and turn it off when she tucks me in.

All those little thinks I took for granted because they used to happen so often, but now I miss. I wish for nothing more than things to be back they way they were before, but that can't happen because she is a danger to them.

I pull my covers off me whilst getting up off the bed, and began walking over the cold flooring towards the light switch- a route that I have memorised off by heart- and turn it on.

I look at the mirror in front of me grimacing. Although Jason probably cleaned my face yesterday whilst I was asleep, the way I looked still startled me.

My hair had fragments of plants woven into the matted curls. There where outlines of mud running down my for head and cheeks from when it rained. The pair of black ripped skinny jeans, rips not intended and a woolly jumper that I must have put on sometime in the night, clung to my small 5'2 figure, exposing the cuts and wounds that I had acquired.

I walked out my door into the bathroom to get a closer look at my partially healed wounds, thanks to Lupin, and begin to clean it up. I take the small container of antibacterial wipes, reminding myself I must get more, and begin to wash and dress the wounds.

I turn on the tap, and watch as small droplets of water comes out of the rusty fosset, taking a small t shirt that I had grown out of and run under it, dampening it until the drips stop. Sighing at the little, to no amount of water I have left, I decide it would be easier to use the small estuary down at the point where my garden ends.

After brushing my teeth, I walk down stairs, to grab my metal bucket from a shelf whilst slipping on some small pumps and a the large coat Jason has gifted me for my birthday the previous year, before leaving my house.

I close the door biting my lip to hold in the shriek as the cold wind bites at my healing wounds.

'I can't believe I got stuck with such a wimpy human.'

'I swear in a minute, I go back into the house and get that syringe. It doesn't mind me.'

'Awe. It's cute how you think you will get that far. I may be weak after yesterday, but I am not afraid to shift. Do you really want to wake up with another dead body, with you to blame?! How about I go for that sweet little boy of yours.'

'If you touch him, I will kill you.'

'You can't do that. That means you would die to stupid.'

'Trust me, I know'

Tears come to my eyes as I talk to her. Wondering... wondering whether I would actually go that far.

I get pulled out my thought when I feel the cold water on my feet. I quickly take off my shoes and clothes before they get wetter and begin to submerge my shaking form in it. Rubbing my skin with my hands to get off the dirt, and the memories, of waking up last night.

I step out the water and redress, taking the metal bucket at an angle to it collect the water. When it begins to become just about heavy enough for me to carry, I pour a bit out and start to walk back to my house. The water sloshing onto the ground due to my careless attitude.

I pour the water into the empty wooden barrel that Jason helped me make as a water system, my mind in another world as I make my way through the house with that question still pulling at my mind. Would I willingly give up one day if this gets too much?

Sighing, I make my way towards the kitchen after slipping of my shoes, and pick up an apple from the bowl on my kitchen counter, fresh from the apple tree from the garden opposite me, along with a glass of water.

I remember when I first got this house. It was the day I ran away from my home. It was out of pure fear for my families safety now that I realised what I was.

She first arrived when I was 16, although what she had told me was different. Jason helped me through the original shock, however I grew to deal with her obnoxious attitude and her blood thirsty ideas. But still... every time I change, the same feeling of the fur sprouting out of my body, and the excruciating pain of my bones dislocating to create a new form,  because just before she takes full control, I look down at my paws and and admire the true beauty that is my wolf Lupin.

Thanks for reading!! 🤔