31~ Heavy Weights and Exploding Boogers

Mira

"Igarappa!" Igaram began shooting at Mr. 5 and Valentine once more. His attacks were relentless and never stopped. Shouldn't he be running out of bullets soon?

"Sheesh." Zoro set the empty wine bottle down. "He's really letting them have it. I can't believe we left Luffy down there in the midst of that."

I shrugged. "He's out cold. Nothing will bother him."

"True," He sighed as we watched Mr. 5 and Valentine take the hits, not once getting a scratch on them.

"Hurry, Vivi-sama!" Iragam shouted over the gunfire. "Get out of here! Please escape!"

"Igaram!" She cried out to him, unable to move.

"If I was in her shoes, I'd have been running already." I muttered to myself. "Then again, I might also be scared out of my mind if my secret got out like that."

My next words were cut off from an explosion that went off right in front of us. Just as it started, Zoro tensed and pulled me back to avoid the worst of it.

"What the hell was that?!" I shouted as I sat up, the smoke clearing.

Igaram fell face first into the dust. "What...?"

"Igaram!"

"It's no use!" Valentine's voice came from above. I looked up to see her floating in the air with her umbrella. She quickly descended and kicked her leg out. Vivi ducked just in time. The kick shattered her hair piece that held her bright blue locks up.

Where did Valentine get those shoes? They cut through metal!

Vivi struck at Valentine with one of her mini rope darts. Of course, Valentine floated up more to avoid the attack. Does she have control over wind or something? If so, that's pretty cool.

Valentine landed back beside Mr. 5 as the last of the smoke from Igaram's attack blew away. "You monsters!" Vivi growled out, a hateful snarl in place.

"You're a princess, Miss Wednesday?!" Oh, I forgot he was here... Mr. 9 was bowing on the ground to her.

"Quit being dumb, Mr. 9!" She snapped at him.

"What're we gonna do?" I asked Zoro as the two used to be partners squabbled back and forth.

Zoro shrugged. "Nothing. Let's go." We jumped down beside Luffy. Zoro grabbed his collar. "This is one screwed up night! You guys can do whatever you want!" We quickly raced past them, dragging the still unconscious and food filled captain behind us.

As we ran to find a safe place to rest, another explosion sounded behind us. I glanced back to see Mr. 9 flying past the opening to the alley. A splash soon followed. I shook my head and kept going.

"This place is insane!" I gasped out.

"That's some dangerous snot!" Zoro swallowed.

"What?" I stared at him like he'd gone crazy. "What are you talking about?!"

"Didn't you see?" He pointed at Mr. 5. "That guy was picking his nose just as we were leaving! I looked back and watched him flick it right in that weird king's face!"

"No way!" I turned back and found a safe place to watch from. Sure enough, his finger was back in his nose. Ew.

"Mira," I glanced back to see Zoro wave his hand. We moved a bit closer to examine what was going on.

"What the hell?!" I gasped and jumped back. When did Igaram crawl over to us?! I thought he was dead!

"Sir swordsman! Miss swordswoman!" Igaram coughed up blood. "Upon seeing the skills that both of you possess, I have a request, though it may be unreasonable as of now!"

"Yeah, right!" Zoro tried to pull his foot back. "Screw that! Let go of me!"

"Surely you guys can help, Miss swordswoman!" He turned to face me.

I held my hands up and backed away. "Hey, I'm in agreement with him. You tried to have us killed!"

"That was before our secret was blown!" He coughed again. "As both of those people possess Devil Fruit powers, I can't stop them! Might I ask you guys to protect the princess in my place?! Please!" He begged as he continued to cough, more blood coming from his mouth and trickling down the side of his face.

"Huh?" Zoro tipped his head a bit in confusion.

"So, there's a Devil Fruit to make people's boogers explode? And fly? Where can I get my hands on these?!"

"You can't just find them whenever you want," Mr. 5 said as he removed his finger from his nose. I had to swallow down bile. "There's one of every kind in existence."

"Karoo, run!" I glanced up to see Vivi take off on her duck. I think she can manage herself.

"She's getting away," Valentine smirked. I don't like the looks of this. I placed my hand on my katana.

"She can't get away from us." My nose scrunched up as Mr. 5 put his finger back in his. "Let's get her, Miss Valentine!" He removed his finger from his nose to run.

"Right behind you, Mr. 5!" She took off right behind him.

"No!" I jumped back, forgetting Igaram was down at our feet. He stared hopelessly after Vivi as she vanished from sight. "She can't be killed! Mr. swordsman and Miss swordswoman! Please! If you can safely deliver the princess to the great kingdom of Alabasta far east of here, I promise you will be rewarded immensely!"

Sure glad Nami isn't here to hear this. "I humbly beg of you! Please, keep the princess safe!" I could see tears in his eyes as he begged on the ground, hoping we'd say yes.

Though, I'm still not entirely sure about all this. "How do we know it's not a trap?"

"Exactly!" Zoro snapped at Igaram. "Screw that! You were trying to kill us not that long ago! Don't make me cut you some more!"

"Is this 'immense reward' real?" I flinched and slowly turned around. There Nami sat on the edge of a building next to us. She grinned down at us, knowing she would get her way no matter what.

She's gonna make us help...

Nami winked down at Igaram and pointed at him. "I'll take you up on that offer! How does one billion berries sound?" She's trying to rob them blind!

"When did Nami get here?" Zoro asked beside me.

"Beats me..." I muttered.

"One billion berries?!" Igaram stuttered out, his mouth hanging open in disbelief at the outlandish price.

"I thought you were asleep?" Zoro called up to her.

"Yeah, she was out cold after I quit the drinking contest," I crossed my arms. "Let me guess, you faked it?"

She snickered and winked once more. "Come on, now. Who in their right mind would sleep so carelessly in an overly suspicious town that welcomes pirates?"

I thought for a second. "Sanji, Luffy, Usopp..." I ticked their names off on my fingers.

"Exactly." Nami jumped off the building and stood before us. "So, me sleeping was all an act. A-C-T, act!" Her grin widened. My guess is that she stole their valuables while Zoro and I were fighting these guys. That wouldn't surprise me.

"I could keep going on if I wanted!" Nami laughed to herself.

"That so?" Zoro huffed as he looked away.

"Yup!" She looked back to Igaram, who was still stunned at the price she named. "So, will you promise us the one billion, Squad Captain?" Just how long was she watching us? "If you don't ask for our help, your princess will die!" That little She Devil...

Igaram looked away to the dirt. "A mere soldier like me can't promise suck large sums of money..."

Nami paced over to him and smirked as she knelt down in front of him. Don't give in, Igaram... "You're not suggesting a princess is worth less than that, are you?"

Igaram flinched at her next words. "Pay it."

"You can be heartless sometimes, Nami," I sighed through my nose. There's no stopping her now... Once she's made up her mind, there's no way to change it.

"She's threatening him," Zoro scoffed.

"Hey, I just realized something," I said to Zoro as Nami and Igaram hashed out the details.

"Hm?" He cast his gaze down to me.

"The longer we stay here, the more likely we'll find a dead princess." I pointed out. "We've been standing here talking for about five minutes. No doubt the princess has run into trouble."

Zoro rolled his eyes. "She's fine. Besides, if there was trouble, we'd have heard an explosion by now or somethin'."

I nodded in agreement and stuck my lip out a bit. "I guess you have a point there."

"Zoro! Mira!" We looked up to see Nami pointing in the direction Vivi and the two from Baroque Works agents went. "Okay! Go get her!"

"What?!" I shouted at her.

"Yeah, right, you idiot!" Zoro snapped. "Why do we have to go along with your money-making schemes?!"

"Geez, you're stupid." Nami sighed and held her head. "My money is mine, but my contracts belong to all of you!"

I held my hands up and backed away a few steps. "Hey, I never agreed to that! I have no legal binding to any contracts you made!"

"Mira's right," Zoro growled at Nami as he got in her face. "What you're doing is the kind of logic a bully would use!" He shook a fist at her.

"What's the big deal?" She placed her hands on her hips and stared at us. "All you gotta do is cut those guys down!"

"They both have Devil Fruit powers," I stated aloud. "We had a slight bit of issue taking down all those hunters who weren't Devil Fruit users! I've never been up against another Fruit user! Luffy doesn't count!"

Zoro nodded. "Mira's right. I don't like being used, unlike that idiot cook."

I glanced up to the night sky, finger to my chin. "Now that you mention it, Sanji would already be gone right now to get Vivi. He'd be absolutely smitten with her."

"Not now, Mira." Zoro placed a hand on my head. "We don't need to focus on that right now. We need to get Nami to leave us out of her get-rich-quick scheme!"

Nami huffed. "So you guys are just afraid you can't beat them." She frowned at us. "You both are cowards."

That struck a nerve with Zoro. "What?! Just try saying that once more!!"

"You're just afraid you can't beat them!" She shouted louder. I hunkered back a bit. This is gonna get ugly...

Zoro rolled a sleeve up. "Quit repeating that crap!"

"Hey, now." She looked him dead in the eyes. "Have you forgotten? You owe me money."

"Eh..." I totally forgot she's still charging him interest for money he never even used...

That quickly defused a raging Zoro. He crossed his arms. "I don't owe you nothin'."

"I lent you 100,000 berries for some swords in Loguetown." She explained.

"I gave you the money right back!" He countered with. But in the court of Nami, that doesn't work. Oh no, it never does...

"Someone gave me the swords, so I didn't use the money."

"But Bank of Nami doesn't work that way," I pointed out to him. "She'll charge you double, maybe even triple, the amount she gave you in interest."

"You're point?" He asked.

"You agreed to pay me back 300%." Nami waved a finger at him. "So you owe me 300,000 berries total. You haven't paid back the other 200,000 berries yet."

"I gave you back the money the same day!" He held his hand out. "Give me a break!"

"Nope." Zoro and I flinched back at her straightforward answer.

"She's scary..." I barely whispered to him.

"I know..." Zoro silently agreed beside me.

A sad, hurt look crossed her face as she looked back up to the two of us. "Can't you keep even a single promise?"

Zoro and I went as pale as a bed sheet. I knew Zoro had a promise to fulfill, so that really hit him hard.

I know this isn't directed at me, but being so close to Zoro and witnessing this, I can't help but feel the affects of it as well.

Why is she so heartless?

A grin crossed her face and she gave Zoro a pat on the shoulder. "Do what I say, and I may call us even."

"Damn it!" Zoro stumbled over his words. "You're not gonna die a good death, you know."

"Yeah, I'm going to Hell." And she'll probably rule over it.

I can see it now. She'll be sitting on the throne, having removed the Devil himself from it. She'll rule it with an iron fist, demanding all the riches be given to her, with at least 400% interest for everything her new slaves find.

She'll be sitting pretty with everything she could ever want and be as happy as ever.

"Damn you, woman!" Zoro raced off after Vivi and the other two.

"Thanks a bunch!" She waved to him then turned to face me with a completely blank stare.

I gulped. "I'll, uh... follow him..." I took off after Zoro. "Hey, wait up!"

I quickly caught up with Zoro. "How far do you think they got with all the stalling?"

"Beats me." He clenched his teeth. "Damn that woman... One of these days I'll give her a piece of my mind!"

"Just make sure you don't owe her any money..."

"Shut up!" He shouted at me as we rounded a corner. We slid to a stop at the sound of an explosion. "We're close. The sooner we get this done, the better." We started in the direction of the explosion.

A second explosion sounded in another area. We slid to a stop and quickly fixed our course. For being a small island, this town is a maze. I bet it's made this way to confuse any pirates who somehow manage to escape. They get lost trying to find their way out and end up getting caught by the townspeople once more.

After a bit of running, I sniffed the air. "Zoro, smoke. We're getting close."

"Let's go." We pushed ourselves harder to get to Vivi before something happens. We don't want to hear it from Nami should something go wrong.

I can hear her now...

"You didn't save her?!" She'd snap. "You just screwed me out of one billion berries! Pay me back with 200% interest!" Our great grand kids would be trying to pay her off...

"There they are!" Zoro pulled me from my waking nightmare. "Hurry!" He readied his blade. To gain better momentum, we quickly climbed up a building and leaped down on them.

"I'll stop the attack and you get her out of here!" He said as he drew his sword.

"Right!"

"Nose Fancy... Cannon!" Just as Mr. 5 flicked his booger (ew...), we landed right in front of Vivi. The booger split off Zoro's blade and exploded right behind us in two different spots.

I stood protectively in front of Vivi. "Mr. Bushido!"

"He's fine!" I called to her as I shielded my eyes from the smoke filling the area. "It'll take more than a tiny booger to take him down."

"The street!" I looked behind me to see what Vivi saw. The rock formations behind us crumbled onto the path, blocking us in.

A disgusted scream sounded in front of me. I turned to see Zoro holding his katana away from him. "I cut his booger! Gross!"

A high speed spinning brought my attention back to Vivi. She had her mini rope darts out again. "Damn you both! You never give up! You dare try to attack me now of all times?!"

"Now hold on a second-"

I was cut off and stunned into silence. I didn't even see Zoro move... One second he's in front of me, the next I blink, and before I have time to register anything, Zoro's gone and cut her rope dart.

Just how fast did he even move?!

I slowly looked over my shoulder to see Zoro have his blade a few inches from her throat. "Don't get hasty. We're here to rescue you." A dark look crossed his face.

"Me?" Vivi barely whispered.

Mr. 5 scoffed. "Good luck with that. With my body being enhanced by the Bomb Fruit, you won't ever touch me."

I hissed at Valentine's horrid laugh. "And with my skill with the Kilo Fruit, I can change my weight so I can crush you into the ground six feet under!" She punctuated her threat with another laugh. Painful chills raced up my spine.

"Can you find another laugh?" Valentine abruptly stopped at my demand. "Like, seriously! Hasn't anyone ever told you your laugh makes them want to puke? Ah-heehee hahaha! God, even thinking about it makes me want to go deaf!"

She glared hard at me. "Well, aren't you just a bucket full of rudeness."

"I kinda like her laugh." Did Valentine just blush at Mr. 5's words? Barf...

"Anyway, you're one to talk!" Valentine sneered. "What's with that outfit? The dump called, they want their clothes back."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You sure they weren't talking to you? Fruit patterned clothes is so five years ago."

Rage filled her featured. "Damn you! I'm gonna enjoy killing you! You two are the ones who cut down the lowly employees of this whole town?! You hardly look strong at all!"

"Why would you want to protect the princess of Alabasta?" Mr. 5 asked.

"Well, we kinda have a payment to make..." I said mostly to myself. "Zoro, does, actually."

"Hush," Zoro cast a glance my way. "We have some circumstances, you see. Nothing more."

"Well, no matter." Mr. 5 shifted his weight as Valentine looked like she was gonna murder me with just her glare. "You're our enemy, one way or the other. You're in our way."

Valentine let our her laugh with a wicked smirk in place. "Yeah, they are! Mr. 5! The girl is mine!"

"I don't care either way." He shrugged her off. "Just as long as we get the job done, I don't care who takes who."

"You've really pissed off that woman," Zoro whispered to me as we readied our weapons. "One of these days, your sarcastic mouth is gonna get you in a lot of trouble."

"I'll burn that bridge when I get to it." He rolled his eyes at me.

Just as the fight was about to start, a voice made us all stop. "There you are!"

"Luffy?" I looked up. Sure enough...

"Zoro!" Zoro and I grinned.

I nudged him. "Looks like we're gonna have some extra help."

"Now what?!" Valentine and Mr. 5 turned to see Luffy standing in the street behind them, his arms in the air.

"Luffy!" Zoro shook his head a bit. "Thanks, but we don't need any help. We've got this! Or does that wench got you in debt, too?"

We all stared at Luffy, still bloated from all the food he ate. He was panting heavily, a wild look in his eyes.

"Uh, is he okay...?" I pointed to Luffy.

"I don't know..." Zoro kept the grin in place, though it faltered a bit.

Luffy sucked in a deep breath. "I'm gonna make you pay for what you did! Let's fight!"

I raised an eyebrow and tipped my head to the side. "Is he talking about when we used him as a trampoline?"

"I think so?" Zoro questioned. "What nonsense are you spewing this time?!" Zoro called across the street to our deranged captain.

"Shut up!" I recoiled back a bit. What's gotten in to him? We did apologize for bouncing on him, didn't we? "I'm gonna kick your ass for being such an ingrate!" Ouch. Luffy knows a big word and how to use it. He's serious about something.

"Ingrate?!" Zoro stared confused, but angry at the insult.

"That's right!" Luffy spat at him. "Everyone in town welcomed us and gave us yummy food! But you cut down every last one of them!"

"Mira helped..."

"Don't throw me under the bus!" I hissed at him. "Some friend you are!"

"You will pay for this!" Luffy bared his teeth at Zoro.

"I guess I'm fighting the agents by myself..." I sighed to myself.

"Looks like it." Zoro huffed. "Just try to be careful."

"I make no such promises."

"Internal strife, huh?" Mr. 5 snorted a half hearted laugh. "Talk about lame."

"Let's just get rid of everyone who gets in the way of our mission." She cast her icy gaze back to me. "Starting with her."

Zoro sighed beside me. "Hold on, Luffy. Listen to me. They were actually bounty hunt-"

"Don't make excuses!" Luffy shouted over him as he began to waddle over. He looks like an angry, fat duck.

Wait, when did he jump?! He cleared the distance between him and Zoro in less than two seconds. Zoro moved out of the way just in time. Luffy's fist instead slammed into a rock wall, busting a large hole right through it.

I picked myself off the ground. Glad I'm not on the receiving end of this...

"Are you trying to kill me?!" Zoro screamed at our dull minded captain.

"Yeah! Die!" Okay, he's lost his mind.

"Just listen to me!" He avoided a powerful kick from Luffy, just barely moving out of the way of falling rocks. I watched the two of them fight for a few moments, Zoro trying to reason with Luffy. Of course, he never listened. His mind was set on killing Zoro for hurting the townsfolk who tried to kill us.

But Luffy doesn't know that last part.

"Let's go, Miss Valentine!" I looked up to see the Baroque Works agents coming for Vivi and I.

"Yes, Mr. 5!" Her gaze was set right on me. I glared back at her and adjusted my blade. It grew warm in my hand, ready to be used.

"Vivi, stay behind me," I slid my foot back, ready to use the Pussy Foot maneuver to catch them off guard.

"Quit screwing around!" I lost all focus as Zoro kicked Luffy like a ball right at Mr. 5 and Valentine. All three of them went flying back and into a building, caving it in.

"Uh..." I just stared, unsure as to how that even happened.

"That dumbass!" Zoro growled as he wiped sweat and rocks from his face.

"Is he okay?" I asked as I straightened up.

"Who cares?" Zoro huffed. "I just hope he's cooled down enough to listen to reason."

"HA!" I quickly covered my laugh with a grin. "Luffy listen to reason? You're funny." I was about to say more, but was cut off by six explosions from the building the three of them landed in.

A puff of smoke shot out of the flames. "Now I'm really annoyed!" Valentine opened up her umbrella. "Time to die at the hands of my Kilo-Kilo Fruit powers! Get ready! As I ride this explosive blast, I weight less than one kilogram! I'll squash you first, little girl!"

"I'm not little!" I stomped my foot on the ground.

"Mr. Bushido! Miss swords woman!" Vivi cried out behind us. "You have to dodge! She's-"

"Shut up!" Zoro cut her off.

"We've got this!" I called back to her.

"This isn't the time for that right now." Zoro was calm as we watched Valentine float over to me. You know, for someone who has a name that's in the winter season, I find it odd that she's wearing a summer dress. To fit the theme of that dress, she should have gone with Miss Labor Day or Miss Independence Day.

But I digress.

I pulled my gaze from mismatched holiday season to see a figure emerge from the smoke filled building. A normal sized Luffy was dragging a bleeding and unconscious Mr. 5 behind him. Luffy patted his stomach.

Guess he finally digested all that food.

"No way...!" Vivi gasped out behind me. "Mr. 5! He was... That man took out a Baroque Works officer agent?!"

"Hey, Luffy." Zoro held up a hand. I glanced up to see Valentine right above me. "Calm down and hear me out." I tuned them out as I stared at Valentine.

Let's see... If I time this just right... I'll just have to move a little bit that way... Maybe just a little back that way...

"Don't ignore me, girl!" She screamed down at me. "Pay attention to when someone is about to kill you!"

I glanced up at her. "I'm paying attention to you, Mismatched Holiday Season."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" She snapped, her face red with anger.

"Think about it." I pointed to her dress. "Valentine's day is celebrated in winter. You're wearing a summer dress that is super outdated."

"Shut up!" She growled. "Prepare to be crushed by my 10,000 Kilo Press!" Alright, it's all about the perfect timing. I measured her with my thumb. Given the angle she's falling, I should move right about...

Now.

I leaned back just slightly. She crashed hard into the ground, her crazed laugh getting cut off instantly. I peeked into the hole she made.

"Wow, she fell harder than I thought." I walked around the hole. "I don't even see where she went. It's as if she just went poof. Zoro! I took care of Valentine!"

"Good," He called over his shoulder. "If she gets back up, deal with her as I try to talk to Luffy."

"Okay!" I looked back to the hole as the dust settled. Zoro took a couple more steps towards Luffy. So far she hasn't moved. I wouldn't doubt if she broke every bone in her body from that fall.

If that's the case, I kinda feel bad for her. I've had a broken bone before and boy did that hurt. Especially when no one on my island offered medical assistance and I had to wrap my arm up myself.

Thankfully, my Neko blood was able to set the bone right and heal me.

"Aren't these two friends?!" Vivi shouted over to me.

My eyes never strayed from the hole. "Yeah, they are. This is just their way of getting rid of pent up emotions. You know how men are. Keep everything inside and not let anyone know you have emotions, then let it all out in one fell swoop. Afterwards, they laugh it off and get a drink together or something. It's kinda a common sight."

I glanced up just in time to see Zoro and Luffy clash. A wave of raw energy rolled off their bodies. That burst of energy caused a mini gust of air to roll through the town. I held my hat in place to keep it from flying off.

"H-hold on!" I glanced back to Vivi.

"I already told you it was a common thing," I said over my shoulder as the wind died down.

"You have a tail!" She pointed right at me.

"Huh?" I strained my neck to see what she was seeing. Sure enough, my tail was out. "Well, would you look at that... No use hiding it now." I pulled my hat off and pinned it to my pants.

"Vivi, I am a Neko." I turned to face her and grinned. "My name is Mira, and I am sailing with these knuckle heads to prove I'm not a disgrace."

"Nice to meet you..." Her face was pale. "Are those..."

"Real?" I touched an ear. "Yup. One hundred percent. Say, since they're all distracted right now, don't you think you should find a safe place to hide?"

Realization flashed across her face. "R-right!"

"I'll come get ya once everything settles." I grinned at her and faced the two idiots still locked on each other.

They each got a hit off each other, sending them into more buildings. I hope the town doesn't expect us to pay for damages. If so, I'm leaving them all behind. Let them sort it out.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'd freeze time, get everyone on the ship, including Vivi, since we kinda have to get her back to her kingdom, then take off. I'd unfreeze time once we were a safe distance away.

I shook my head to clear it and focused back on Luffy and Zoro's fight. The two of them collided with punches and kicks. Zoro nicked Luffy's cheek, which in turn gave Zoro a twisted punch to his stomach.

These two really are something. Wait, when did Valentine and Mr. 5 get up?! They ran full speed at the fighting pair. I thought about stepping in, but decided to sit down instead. Might as well watch the fun.

Wish I had some popcorn...

Shivers ran down my spine as Luffy and Zoro stopped fighting long enough to cast the most hate filled and evil glares at the agents. "Quit being so damn annoying!" They snarled at the same time.

"You're interfering with out fight!" And just like that, the two of them knocked the agents away as if they were flies.

I chuckled to myself as Mr. 5 and Valentine flew off to who knows where.

Those two really are something.