Chapter 13

It was past four, nearing five o'clock, when the kids came into the house. Hiccup was in the kitchen getting dinner started, a delicious chicken puttanesca which was Astrid's favorite.

"Dad, hide the knives, mom's pissed," Nuffink said casually as he walked into the kitchen and deposited his backpack on the floor with a thud. Zephyr was walking in after her brother and was carrying a bag of groceries.

"Nuff language!" Hiccup warned as he swished the wooden spoon he had been stirring with in his son's direction.

"Well she is!" Nuffink stated. "Mom nearly killed some rude lady at the store,"

Hiccup groaned upon hearing. "Nuff pick up your backpack. You know that you can't just drop it in the middle of the room. Someone could trip."

"Dad you should have seen it! Mom was amazing!" Zephyr exclaimed with excitement. "She had the woman cowering while holding a zucchini!"

"She what now?!" Hiccup asked, startled just as Astrid walked into the house, carrying another grocery bag and her laptop bag that was slung over her shoulders.

"HONEY I'M HOME!" Astrid greeted happily as she walked into the kitchen. She perked up even more as she noticed what Hiccup was making.

"Hi sweetheart, love of my life, dear to my heart, my honey bunches and oats, please tell me we don't have a lawsuit on our hands or that I need to hide the knives again," Hiccup greeted and asked at the same time.

"It's fine Hiccup." Astrid laughed. "The woman was all hot air. On another note.... I GOT THE PROMOTION!!!" she announced.

"That's great to hear honey!" Hiccup hugged her and kissed her cheek. "You didn't roast the other guy too violently did you?"

"Nah, he got fired." Astrid said casually as she started unpacking the groceries while the kids went upstairs to put away their stuff and freshen up. "That's why the meeting ran so long. I got done just in time to pick the kids up from school."

"Fired you say?" Hiccup raised a brow. "You had any hand in it?"

"I wish I did. It was actually one of the interns." Astrid smirked as she sat down on one of the stools of the kitchen island to tell Hiccup the story. "So the pitch meeting starts and the guy is up first." She explained. "He loads up his presentation and everything looks professional. The clients are listening intently. Then in the middle of the slideshow where the profit margin expectations are supposed to be there was a little textbox that read "I am an asshat and threatened others to do this work for me," Astrid was guffawing on the counter as she recounted the meeting. "Of course the idiot read it outloud before thinking and the VP was pissed. So now we're all asked to wait outside while he tears the guy a new one. I wished the conference room wasn't soundproofed because I'd have ordered some popcorn."

"The guy was cleaning out his desk while I gave my pitch and when I got back to my office word on the floor was that he threatened a female intern to do the work for him or he'd make her work experience hell." Astrid had a serious look on her face now. "Of course HR got involved then."

"I'm glad you got the promotion but I kind of feel bad about the intern," Hiccup said as he placed a chicken breast in the pan.

"I did too and then I offered her a permanent position at the company," Astrid stated to which Hiccup reacted with surprise. "Honey what do you expect," She then smirked. "You'd think I let a spitfire like that go? The presentation up until the mid-point was done very professionally so she clearly did the research. And she also wasn't someone who would be pushed around. With my new promotion I can hire basically anyone I see fit for the company."

"So did she accept?" Hiccup asked.

"I'll hear back from her this week." Astrid stated. "I think after all that's happened, giving her a few days to process everything is a must."

"So now what was this I heard about you and a zucchini at the supermarket?" He asked while Astrid poured herself a glass of juice.

Astrid however scoffed. "Zephyr called her a Karen. Hiccup I feel old," his wife now whined. "I don't even know what Karen means. Am I that out of touch with the slang of today's youth?!"

Hiccup chuckled as Astrid started telling him what had transpired. "So after work I texted Zephyr that I would pick her and Nuff up. We needed some more groceries so I figured I'd make a quick stop at the supermarket."

"You didn't get into a brawl at the parking lot did you?" Hiccup asked with a raised brow.

"Nooooo," Astrid muttered. "This was after we entered. Nuff was sitting in the cart and Zephyr was following along. I actually had most of the shopping done. All I needed still was some lady products and a visit to the cold produce section."

Hiccup nodded as his wife continued with the story. It was getting interesting and he was engrossed in it so much that he nearly burnt the dish he was making. "So there I am. Nuffink is in the cart and Zephyr is holding onto my pant leg. I'm just minding my own business and getting some tampons and Nuff asks me what they're for. Naturally I try to explain it so he can understand but then comes the cough."

"The cough???" Hiccup frowned.

"The cough," Astrid said once again. "Like when a person fake coughs to get someone's attention. We weren't the only ones in the aisle so I didn't think it was for me but then came the more persistent coughing and eventually an 'Excuse meeeeee,' followed by a tap on my shoulder."

"So I turn around and come face to face with this middle-aged woman who looks like she had makeup plastered on." Astrid rolled her eyes at this point. "She then in a very condescending tone told me that I should not be exposing my son to such vile information," Here Astrid made a hand motion that suggested the woman was quite cuckoo.

"I ended up telling her to mind her own damn business and that I will teach my son whatever the hell I want," Astrid rolled her eyes and then remarked, "Honestly, I think I was being quite civil up to that point. I could have given her a taste of my heels."

"So what happened next?" Hiccup asked.

"I grabbed what I came to buy and went to the produce section. Though that busybody of a woman followed me. I think she was quite offended that I blew her off." Astrid muttered something under her breath and Hiccup didn't think it polite to repeat it. "So there I am near the carrots when she tries to get all up in my business again. She actually threatened to call CPS on me for educating our son. So that's when I snapped and grabbed the closest thing. Which happened to be a zucchini."

"By the time I was done laying in on her she was backed up against the leeks and several people were clapping." Astrid shrugged here. "I think Zeph mentioned something about going viral."

Hiccup nodded, glad that at the least Eret didn't have to be called to the scene again once Astrid explained that security escorted the woman out.

"So anything happened at home today?" Astrid asked as she tried to lean in closer to the stove to get a whiff.

"I talked to Dagur and got in touch with the school. They'll look into it, they said. Made some eclairs for Dagur who also ordered some Pad Thai and we talked for a bit after he could feel his tongue again."

"What?" Astrid asked with a raised brow.

"Right, so Dagur likes spicy things and when he was ordering he told the restaurant that his had to be extra spicy because he couldn't even feel it last time." Astrid nodded. "So the order comes and he takes a bit and then proceeds to turn as red as his hair before sticking his head under the sink."

"Oh My THOR!" Astrid exclaimed before stifling a giggle.

"Yeah, so that happened. I took a peek at the check and they put under the spice level: 'Make him regret'." Hiccup explained.

"BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!" Astrid nearly fell off the stool from laughing so hard. She had to grab the edge of the kitchen island to steady herself.

Astrid was still laughing her ass off when the doorbell sounded. "Zeph could you get that?" Hiccup asked as he noticed her watching them on the stairs. Zephyr darted to the door and opened it only to have two cats stride inside like they owned the place. One of the cats was the black cat from that morning and with him was a pure white cat with big blue eyes. Both cats stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and meowed at Hiccup.

"Dad, I think you just got adopted by cats," Zephyr chuckled.