Miserable

As weeks passed Namjoon was getting less and less overprotective. Ever since the incident he's been really strict and doesn't let me go out alone. I understand him, but I don't want to be babied all my life. However today the boys will get a bit of a break from me. I have a date with Chanyeol after a week of not seeing each other.

We've both been so busy that we haven't had time for ourselves. Fortunately our schedules are free today at the same time.

He picks me up from the big hit building. I get inside the car, happily to see him. I notice that his hair has gotten a little longer than before, it suits him.

"Hi peanut how was your day?" He asks after he softly kisses me.

"Oh it was good. I started working on my new album today." I say excited.

"Oh you are! That's great baby." He says and takes my hand into his.

"What have you been up to today?"

"Nothing.." he pauses. "I've just been thinking."

"About what?" I ask curiously

He's silent for a few seconds. "It's not important, just work." He finally answers.

I nod, but for some reason I don't believe him.

He takes me to my favorite coffee shop and decide to sit at the park across from it. The whole time something seemed off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but he just wasn't the cheerful Chanyeol today. Maybe something happened at the company.

He sips on his coffee silently while looking at the families playing nearby. He stares at them longingly, with a sad expression.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Nothing" he goes quiet again.

"Did something happen?" I ask worried.

"No... I was just thinking do you think this could be us someday?"

"Like what?" I ask not sure what he means.

"You know, happy to be together, to have kids who we love, to grow old together, to spend every single day of our lives like it's our first date. To never let our love die... to really love each other."

"Don't we love each other now?" I ask.

He sighs.

"I've been thinking about this for quite a while now, and I think we should finally talk about it." He takes a deep breathe and continues.

"Y/n I know that you say that you love me but as our relationship grows, I think I'm the only one who's developing serious feelings. You're heart isn't fully ready to commit to love me just yet. Maybe it never will but I don't want to think about that possibility. I want to be there for you every step of the way, I want to give you everything that you want in this world. But I can't do that if you're not in love with me too.

I see the way you look at him... you don't look at anyone else like that. I don't know if you've realized this but you still love him. As much as I want to be in your heart I can't force myself in.

..I... I think we should stop here" he says looking down at the grass with tears in his eyes. I tear up at those words. I didn't know he felt this way. I didn't know that I was crushing him while trying to find myself.

"I-I" I begin but get interrupted.

"You need to find happiness but not with me. I can't pretend like I don't see the way you look at him anymore. You still love him and that's okay. You just have to be honest with your heart. Go back to him. You're miserable, he's miserable, accept it and be together again. Who knows, maybe we'll be together in the future again. But one this is sure, you'll never lose me as a friend. Thank you for giving me the best months of my entire life."

I hug him tightly and wipe the tears from his face. I have no words... I feel so guilty for breaking his heart. I'm such a fool.

"I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry.." I keep repeating but there isn't enough number of times for me to feel innocent.

"You deserve so much better Chanyeol, you really do. You were nothing but loving, sweet and supportive. I'll never forget the times we spent together,, never."

That night I walked home alone rethinking all the mistakes I made in my life. Breaking someone's heart was never suppose to be one of them but somehow it's on the very top of the list.

The fact that he did that today proves how much he loved me. And deep deep deep down in my heart I wish I truly loved him too. But he was right, I'm still in love with Jungkook, ironically, the one that broke my heart.

Hellooo everyone, it's been almost a month since the last update. How are you guys doing? I just wanted to thank everyone for the support! I can't believe this book reached 50k reads 😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH. Please continue to support and read it! I really hope it's interesting, I'm trying my best. Anywayyy, I hope everyone has a nice day! I LOVE YOU ALL.

(Btw it's 1:35am and I just got the motivation to write a chapter. Quarantine is driving me crazy)