Truth

He doesn't know that I know the truth,, the whole truth. All this time why did he hide it from me. Why did he make me go through so much pain and jealousy when everything was just a set up. What was the reason behind both of our suffering why is he going though all of this?

After losing him I though I found happiness,, but somehow I didn't feel it in my heart that I was truly happy. Funny of me to feel such a way, I had a caring boyfriend who would give me the world, amazing friends who want the best for me and to see me succeed. And most of all I have fans now, people who look up to me and support me though my ups and downs. I have to show my best to these people, I have to make them proud.

But that little feeling inside my heart wants something else,, something that my brain can't process, but it also agrees with. After IU confessed to me that she wanted to really be happy and risk everything for this guy that means the world to her, I've began really overthinking. All I want is him. But why would I give up everything that I have for him? Am I that stupid? Or am I really in love with him.

I shouldn't overthink everything. I need to be happy now, with the ones who truly care for me. I need to make them proud. I don't deserve to disappoint anyone.

Today bts have a meet and greet and I decide to tag along to see what exactly it'll be. I look around the venue while it's still empty. It's pretty big, but what else could you expect from the biggest boy band on earth. Before the event begins I stay in a little room back stage and wait for them to finish up.

I havent really been able to have a full conversation with Jungkook since the collab and since everything with IU... I wonder if she ready did "break up" with him that night. I know it's wasn't real but I'm sure he was hurt by it all.

Most importantly do the rest of the boys know this was all a set up or am I the only one kept in the dark. The time for this conversion will come but I'm not sure when. Meji always tells me that things happen for a reason,, I just wonder what the reason for all of this is.

When the event ends the boys come back to their dressing rooms and I'm there waiting patiently. They all seem really happy that they got to interact with their fans but for some reason Jungkook seems uncomfortable. I decide to go up to him and check on him.

"Hey is everything okay?" I ask quietly so no one else can hear.

He stays silent for a few seconds before he answers with a soft "yeah"

Before I can go back to where I was I stop by the sound of Jungkook's voice. "Do you know what? No I'm not fine." He says louder so everyone else can hear.

It's just the 8 of us in the room the staff had already left and security was just outside. We all turn around to look Jungkook.

"I have something to confess." He says first while taking a seat. "These past months have been hell for me, maybe it's because I had to keep this huge secret that I couldn't share with anyone, maybe it's because I had to keep my imagine up and watch myself from doing stupid things or maybe it's because I'm not happy. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Everything has been hell for me, and I want to come clean because I can't bottle up these emotions anymore." He takes a deep breath before he continues again.

"The whole relationship with IU is a set up for publicity, and I willingly accepted to be part of it. Maybe I shouldn't have, because before I got into this whole mess I was really truly happy. I had everything I wanted and after a day I lost it all. Including almost everyone's respect in this room. You all wondered why I moved on so quick, well I'm here to tell you that I didn't move on, not even a little bit." He turns to me.

"I've been madly in love with you since the moment I laid eyes on you, I tried avoiding it, I tried faking it, I tried pursuing it, but something somehow always ends up in the way. But seeing you with someone else made me ache, I couldn't feel my body every morning when I woke, my thoughts were filled with you not being next to me. Seeing you with him killed a little part of me that I'll never get back. But more than anything these past months made me realize my love for you. I want to say infront of everyone, I'm here to stay and fight for you Y/n. Even if you don't want me, I'll wait as long as it takes. I'll wait." At the end of it all he's teary eyed which makes my heart break into two. I love him I do, but I'm with Chanyeol, and he was there for me when Jungkook left and when he treated me like shit.

The atmosphere in the room is tense. The boys have no idea what to say or do, they seem more uncomfortable than Jungkook was before he came in.

"Guys maybe you should go this is between me and him, we shouldn't get you guys in between." I say.

They nod and quietly leave. Before leaving Tae whispers "If you need anything just call." I nod.

When everyone has left I lean back into my chair and take a deep breath. Jungkook looks at me with hope in his eyes, hope that everything will go back to the way it used to be. I'm sorry that I'll have to crush his hopes.

"Jungkook look, I like you I really really really do, but I don't think this is going to work out. Maybe the timing is bad, maybe we're not meant to be, but I know if we truly are destined to be together it'll happen. So don't wait for me, find your own happiness. I'm not gonna make you happy, I'll just ease the pain. I'm not a cure." I say looking down the floor scared to meet his eyes.

"I want to have you in my life.. I do. But please please get along with Chanyeol." I say. "You'll find someone better than me I'm sure, someone who deserves you and loves you much more than me. I hope you'll be happier."

He shakes his head.

"You don't get it, i love you. But I guess you don't love me anymore." He says while standing up and leaves.

...little does he know I love him so much but this is for the best.

authors note:
Hurts like hell when you love someone with all your heart, but know things could never work out. They leave and move away and you're left with all those what if question. Getting over someone who ever truly was even yours is the most painful thing I've experience.

To one that got away: I miss you, please stay healthy and look after yourself. I hope you're happy, I truly do.