The next day I went into work to see Shelby. I told him about the date and everything he told me including about how he feels about people who do drugs. "Well honey I don't blame him," he said " doing drugs is a nasty habit. Maybe this is a sign that you should stop." He was probably right, but I don't know how long Carter was going to be in my life. So I might as well just stick to hiding it.

"Shelby," I said. "I don't know how long he is going to be in my life. So, why should he know about this problem I have?"

"Because honey you told me about your problem a couple days after we met and I have been right next to you this entire time haven't I? I've even been trying to help you." He wasn't wrong. With all the pencils I've bitten and stress balls I've destroyed, I'm surprised he is still helping me. He grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. "Jessie if this person is that much to you, you need to tell him." He was right. You can't have something this big stay hidden from someone you really like. It might take me awhile to say something to him about it, but I will tell him.

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I get home see my clean needle. I always replace them having a dirty needle is bad for your skin obviously. No Jessie you don't need it right now eat first and nap. I'm still trying to quit even if just looking at it hurts. My sister and mom removed all the spoons from my house incase I couldn't find a needle. I love my family and I'm grateful that they are trying to help. I can't help but feel like this is a battle I need to face myself. Suddenly I hear a knock at the door. I first thought it was Sandy so I opened the door. I was dead wrong. It was Carter. "Hey what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I've been calling" he said. "and haven't heard I just wanted to make sure you were ok." Suddenly I see him look over my shoulder. "What's that on your coffee table?" He asked. Shit he can see the needle!

"What are you talking about?"

He pushed me to the side gently and picked it up. He looked at me and stayed silent. "Look Carter I can explain," I started to say.

"You've been doing drugs?" Carter said with a bit of anger in his voice. I hung my head and started to cry a bit.

"I didn't want you to know because I was scared you'd leave..." I said.

"If you would have told me in the first place, maybe this would have worked," Carter put the needle down and stormed out. I was left in my apartment crying and thinking about how I am a shit person. I decided to get high because I would be in a new reality if that happened. Even if it only lasted a little while, it was better than being here, thinking I will never find happiness.