LENA

Snuggled up in the fluffiest throw blanket, Lena sunk into the crack of the couch with her hot chocolate in one hand and plate full of cookies in the other. She'd be satisfied to be left here forever with the cold outside and all the warmth and coziness trapped inside this blanket.

"Let's watch White Christmas!" Her father yelled from the kitchen while his wife was popping in a frozen pizza. He was making popcorn to go with his peppermint chocolate bark. Christmas was more about food to this family. Less about anything else.

"No, we already agreed to watch Rudolph!" Lena shouted back when her phone started buzzing. She jumped when Jason's name flashed across the screen and the temperature in the house skyrocketed.

Tossing the blanket away, she fast walked through the living room to get to the stairs and away from her parents. The moment she gained her first boyfriend, something unlocked in her father and he became more annoying than ever before. As if he never imagined she'd ever date as if it was the most embarrassing thing she could've started.

Not that she started it.

She would've never noticed Jason was flirting with her, if he hadn't straight up told her he was interested. She'd never forget homecoming. Never forget Jason meeting her in the parking lot, still in his marching band uniform. His dark hair was slightly slicked back from sweat. At the time, they were joking around about crushes, about who had them and who didn't. Lena said something about being destined to be single forever.

Jason told her, grinning from ear to ear, "If you're not in a relationship by the end of the year, I'll give you twenty dollars."

Little did she realize; he was playing to win.

"Hey, Jason," She whispered, her voice coming out annoyingly high as if her girlfriend voice and customer service voice was the same. In both scenarios she just wanted the other person to like her. Heat pooled into her stomach and that heat rose to her cheeks. "Are you done with work?"

#

NED

"Hey, Lena."

Jason stood over Ned, rubbing his back as he silently cried a little. He was in the back of the café, in their storeroom with his head in his hands. He was so embarrassed with maybe the ugliest crying face in the world like a baby with an old man face. There wasn't a single person in that café that didn't know what was going on.

Now, Ned Flowers had an audience to the second most mortifying experience of his life.

"Do you mind coming down to pick Ned up?" Jason asked, still rubbing Ned's back while keeping his eyes on the front.

Ned could just hear Lena's voice. "Is he okay?" She gasped on the other line. "You didn't tell him about the exhibit, did you?"

Ned's ears perked. He didn't move, focusing only on her words. His mind raced. An exhibit? He tried desperately to trace the strings, the threads of thought that would lead to his answer... maybe it was because she said it, but Ned recognized the way Lena said exhibit that it eventually clicked.

Earlier last month, she was talking about entering a comic's contest and Ned never got around to drawing her script. Well, he started but never finished. He got stomach curdling overwhelmed. Kept putting it off and off. Until it was already over.

Why would she be asking about that?

"No," Jason quickly said. "No. I wouldn't."

Ned's stomach twisted more. He squirmed, not really enjoying being in this room anymore. It felt the safest at the time, but now the air had thorns.

"Okay, good. I'm going to tell him soon. So..." She asked, "What's going on, then?"

"Um, well..." He tried whispering, but it didn't mattered. Ned had already heard too much. "Ned got stood up by his date and he's kind of an emotional wreck, I'd take him home, but I gotta stay another hour and we're slammed."

"No, no, I'm already putting my shoes on. I'll grab him. Thanks, Jason."

Jason smiled a little. "Of course. See you soon."

#

Sniffling, Ned wiped his face for what must've been the millionth time. His skin felt pinkened and raw and too itchy to keep. An exhaustion had sunk into his bones like never before. Even the air seemed weighed down, pushing and pushing against Ned.

"You must've really had a thing for this Griffin guy," Indie commented.

Huddle in the middle of their neighborhood jungle gym, Ned felt like it was a red cage to keep him in but it kept everyone else out. He sat sandwiched between Lena and Indie. He could lean on them either way. No face planting in the sweet smelling bark. His converse heel was digging a small crater in the earth. This park wasn't a strange hang out spot for the group, a haven when home felt too closed in.

Mindlessly, Ned scrolled through Instagram more. Curious to see Griffin post something. Wondering and hoping Sam was having a better time. He wasn't anywhere in Margaret's posts or selfies anymore and something in Ned's chest pinched with worry.

"That's not it," Ned said, needing to sigh, to catch his breath. He seemed so stuck here. Unable to move. And he realized he had been feeling this long before tonight. He'd been feeling it for the last three years. "I'm just embarrassed. I got all ready for what it turns out..." He threw his arms out and let them crash back into the bark. "Nowhere to go."

Indie handed the bottle of brandy he brought from their parent's house to Ned. It was only half full and when Ned took a sip, the sip fought back. As soon as it splashed into his stomach, Ned thought it was going to rush back out.

Usually, he'd never touch the stuff.

Lena and Ned arrived first with Indie promising to meet them there. They said they were bringing a surprise. Dressed for a fun night out, India came barreling over with what looked like Santa's present sack. Indie uncovered the bottle of amber liquor and grinned, "This sounds like a night to drown your sorrows."

Ned was so swept up in the romantic image of drinking at the park with his friends that he couldn't refuse. It seemed like such a waste to spend so much time thinking about a guy that didn't bother to text him. So he wouldn't. He'd grieve something else tonight.

"Gross," Ned said and handed the bottle to Lena, who showed up wearing a pajama set underneath her marshmallow puffy gray jacket and checkered vans.

She made a face but took a swig too. "Double gross. My eyes are watering."

"I hear a lot of complaining and not enough thanking," Indie said and revealed cookies from their sack of gifts. "Use these little gingerbread himbos as a chaser."

"But I made them. Why would I thank you?" Lena reminded her step-sibling.

"I had the forethought to bring them. I love a team effort."

Ned snorted through another sob. "Thanks for coming guys. I... I just feel like such an idiot. I mean, it was just some stupid whim. I shouldn't even have gone or I'm just saying that because I got stood up and Sam's the one going on a date right now with someone probably much cooler than me, who his sister likes more than me."

"Sam's going on a date tonight?" Indie asked Ned, but they were looking at Lena.

Her brow narrowed, Lena was glaring at Ned and Ned's stomach twisted. He wasn't sure what he did to deserve this look. His stomach twisted more, twisting tight enough to probably never loosen again. This might have had something to do with what her and Jason were talking about.

Her secret.

The exhibit. Something between Ned and Lena that suddenly became something about Jason too. That knowledge was just something else kicking Ned while he was down. To think there was something in this world that Lena couldn't talk to him about. He didn't think that was possible. It scared him. This might not even scratch the surface.

"And..." Lena started. She shook her head, almost short circuiting. "And what does that have to do with anything? Are you...?" She took a deep breath, working up the nerve to just say something. It seemed like such a big deal that she had to stand up and place her hands on her hips and even stranger, Indie wasn't looking at her like she was going nuts, they were still looking at Ned as if a second head was sprouting from his neck. "Are you jealous that Sam had a date tonight?"

"Yeah," Ned admitted. He grabbed the brandy by the neck, hoping it'd magically taste better. It didn't. He almost shuddered too hard and his bones could've popped out of place. "I know it's not fair for me to be jealous. We're only friends and I already took my shot and failed—"

Indie spit up their drink as Lena shouted, "What?! You what?!"

"I told you."

"Told us what?" India asked at the same time Lena tugged on his arm.

"What?"

"Maybe I didn't." Ned shrunk, curling his shoulders up to his earlobes. A curtain of dark bangs almost covered his eyes. He thought he could hide, but you can't once you're already spotted. "A few years ago, I kissed Sam..."

Together, Indie and Lena leaned closer, listening to every word that came out of his mouth, "But his mom caught us—" Indie sunk lower until their back was lying flat while their hands were crossed over their chest in the deceased position, the brandy acting as their flowers. "And we never talked about it again."

"But- but why?" Lena went high while her step-sibling stayed low, raising her arms in the air as if she was the only person keeping the sky from shattering all around them. "Why didn't you guys ever talk about it again? I feel like that's something I would talk about."

India said, "I feel like I need to sit down."

"You're already sitting down," Lena snapped.

"I feel like I need to stand up and then sit back down again."

Ned blinked. He was so confused. Why was he getting yelled at? For what? He was that little kid again getting grilled over who broke his mother's pink vase, when it was John who already escaped repercussions by hiding out at a friend's house. Ned didn't even know there was a broken vase. People were always yelling at him for things he didn't understand.

"I don't know how it was supposed to talk about it again. He started dating that Mathew guy. They went on a bunch of dates and he seemed happy. I couldn't... I couldn't get him in trouble with his mom again."

Rolling over, Indie rested their cheek on their hand. "What is this is some sort of weird alternative reality? Like were' in some sort of Christmas special and the ghost of Ned Flowers past is going to teach us the value of honesty."

"Ned." Lena closed her eyes and rubbed the sides of her face. "What you're telling me is that for the last three years you've been in love with Sam Hayes? So, what you're telling me is that Sam has been in love with you for three years too and you've just never talked about it?"

Ned straightened. His heart inflated twice its size, so hopeful and delicate, it could pop. "Do you really... do you really think Sam likes me?"

While Indie laughed and took another drink, Lena let out a heavy sigh. "Do I think Sam Hayes is in love with you? Do I think the snow is cold? Do I think I need air to breathe? Do I think Indie still hasn't wrapped a single Christmas present?"

"I'm gonna get to it!" Indie insisted.

"So..." Ned winced at his own words. "You do think he likes me?"

She threw her hands up. "Of course, I do!"

Ned looked down at his shoes. "But I already tried and failed."

"Well, try again! Try, try, try again! Or how else do we learn to do anything? Did you fall off your bike and decide to quit forever?"

Ned curled his lips. That was exactly what happened and Lena could tell by the look on his face. Rubbing the back of her neck, she tried again, "Okay, well you don't throw away or delete everything you try to draw, right? Just because you don't like one thing."

Slumping back, Ned took her words like punches to the gut. "I do. I give up. That's all I've ever done. I gave up on the art contest—" Lena flinched, but Ned just flushed and went on, "I don't know how to ride a bike. I don't have my driver's license and I never kissed Sam again. I'm the exact same way I was three years ago..."

"That's not true," Indie said to lighten the mood. "You're at least five feet taller."

A wave of sadness brought Ned under.

Ned slumped lower against the cold jungle gym and took out his phone again. Sam wasn't just living in the back of his mind. He was at the forefront and now, Ned couldn't get the look on his face this afternoon out of his head. The moment, the flinch after Ned told Sam about his date. He imagined digging a twelve-foot hole, crawling into it, and pulling the dirt back inside.

Ned refreshed Instagram.

His eyebrows leapt up his forehead.

#

THE GREGOR

This story is essentially about Ned, who had just been stood up and felt a little more vulnerable than usual. Everything he had been trying wasn't working, so he thought maybe he'd try something new. Reach for solutions that once looked too far away, but Ned was ready to stretch out and grab whatever he could find.

Now, this is where I come in.

Because at the end of the day, this story is more importantly, fundamentally, and unavoidably about me.

There's no story.

Nothing would happen tonight.

If it wasn't for me.

#

NED

Popping back up, Ned could feel heat of the bulb above his head from his brilliant idea. He grabbed the bottle from Indie and took another drink of liquid courage. He said, "There's something I want to do. Something I have to do. To prove myself."

Indie almost flew out of their skin, the excitement sparking out of them in little fireworks. "Are you proposing a hero's adventure, Ned Bartholomew Flowers?"

"I'm proposing a heist."

Ned could feel the horns popping out of his head as his smile curled. He showed Lena and Indie the post on his Instagram feed. Indie's eyes widened. Lena's mouth dropped. Ned nodded. This was going to happen three years later.

Everything he planned on getting three years ago, he was going to get tonight. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE

So, now everyone knows one of the troupes of this book is two oblivious idiots falling in love XD I just like the idea of Ned and Sam pining after each other for years and their friends just sighing and rolling their eyes, thinking they're so stupid. 

Don't forget to leave a comment and tell me what you think!