THE GREGOR

This story is essentially about Ned.

Ned who gets stood up the day before Christmas Eve, but we already know that, and if you remember what I told you before things got a little messy, that this story was also about Sam's first boyfriend, Mathew Geller.

Mathew Geller is at the top of his class, well-liked by all of his classmates, has decided on his colleges and back-up colleges, and he holds zero irrational fears like lady bugs lodging inside his nose, getting peanut butter glued to the top of his mouth, or one day he'll get hiccups that'll never stop.

All this to say, he's the opposite of Ned Flowers.

This comes clear to me as we arrive outside the Geller household to see Mathew again. Funny enough, three years ago during that summer, Sam also went to Mathew for help when it concerned Ned. That just goes to show history tends to repeat itself, but Sam was unaware of the regret he'd feel coming to Mathew this night... or three years ago.

#

SAM

Sam might've made a huge terrible no good rotten mistake bringing Ned to the Geller family home. From the three cars in the driveway, clearly the whole family was home and clearly, this might blow their cover. The Geller's would rat him out in a heartbeat.

Sam knew he'd eventually have to speak to his parents again. It wasn't like Ned and him were gonna be out all night or like they were going to leave the county. Matt's parents were still friends with his and always held a small hope that Sam and Matt somehow get back together. Back when they just go together, it was weird to see four adults be relieved that a couple of teens started dating.

The Hayes pleased Sam could choose someone other than the boy across the street.

The Gellers thankful Matt liked someone they knew and not someone they weren't ready to understand.

The universe switched into slow motion as Sam realized his two worlds were colliding.

Wearing Ned's jacket was suddenly too hot, preheating his skin to 475 degrees to cook up a crispy thin pepperoni and anxiety pizza. It never dawned on Sam that Ned and Matt might meet that they'd breath the same air or worse, interact. Sam's phone sat in his damp palm as he texted Matt that they were here and to be cool and to be civil and to not ruin his life.

Matt responded with:

"lol"

All lower caps.

No punctuation.

"You knock," Ned said, nudging Sam forward when they arrived on the porch. He was wearing his backpack again with The Gregor stuffed inside. A small hole was left open to give the gnome air to breathe. It was ridiculous, but it was so Ned. He was the type of kid to say goodbye to all his toys before his family went on vacation.

With a withering look, Sam glanced back at him. "I texted him."

And like that, a few moments later, the locks inside the door shifted and clunked out of the way to reveal Matt on the other side smiling and immediately sizing Ned up. "Good evening weary travelers."

"Hi, Matt," Sam sighed.

"Hi, Sam," Matt mocked back, echoing Sam's frustration.

Matt was a guy's guy. Physically fit from soccer and from jogging around the neighborhood with his dad. He wore loungewear most of the time, like tonight he sported a familiar pair of joggers, a hoodie, and white socks on his feet. He had trimmed very short brown hair and moles dotting around his face (which Sam swears moved all the time).

Matt always started to smile with his teeth, but after he got braces, Matt pulled back and only pulled his lips. "So, uh," Matt said, glancing between Sam and Ned. Sam couldn't feel Ned moving or breathing, but he was all puffed out chest and squared shoulders. Matt withheld a snort. "This is Ned?"

"Hey, uh, what's up?" Ned said in a lower register and offered a handshake like they were two old retirees out gossiping on the golf course. "Thanks for helping us out. Sam and I..." Ned actually put his arm around Sam's shoulders. "We really appreciate it."

Sam bit down his lips, hating the way his stomach fluttered at the dumb fact Ned Flowers said "we". He paired them up together as one single disgustingly cute couple unit and Sam would feel more shame, if he hadn't already embarrassed himself to his breaking point tonight.

Matt was unruffled.

Sam once watched Matt get cornered by several people at the synagogue, asking what he meant when he said he was bisexual. Matt simply replied, "I meant what I said" and walked off. Matt didn't care. Someone could push him down the stairs and he'd get up, dust himself off and consider it the other guy's problem.

"Yeah, it's no trouble." Matt shrugged, really smiling now. A twinkle in his blue and green braces. He had obviously latched onto the fact that Ned did care. A lot. "I'd do anything for Sam. Honestly, I'm used to it."

Evil.

Absolutely evil.

Sam would like to kill them both.

Scowling at him, Sam grumbled. "Are you planning to let us inside or do you expect us to freeze out here?"

"Where are my manners? Come in, come in." Matt got out of the way, leading the charge into the foyer.

Under his breath, maybe so quiet Sam wasn't meant to hear it, Ned mumbled. "I'm taller than him."

Sam just smiled and shook his head. He nudged Ned a little, so maybe Matt wouldn't notice. Matt was offering snacks, water, or anything their hearts desired when a bedroom door opened on their way through the kitchen.

Matt's mother, Dina called out, "Matt? Was someone at the door?"

Suddenly, a vision of Sam's funeral passed before his eyes. His hand whipped out, smacking Matt with his full strength. Covering his mouth, Matt snorted and stumbled back. "Ow, Sam What was that for—?"

"You said your parents wouldn't leave their rooms!" Sam hissed.

"They usually don't when they start up a murder documentary!" He looked at Ned to let him in on the joke just to remind Ned that there was another world Sam lived in that didn't include him. "They're competitive. Always try to figure out who the murderer was first. Sam and I like to do the same thing—"

Scowling at him, Sam grabbed a chunk of Matt's side and twisted, making him both howl and laugh.

"Matt?" His mother called again, this time her voice horrifically close.

Grabbing Ned's arm, who was frozen out of fear, Sam yanked him into the pantry and shut the door. There was no light other than what was seeping through the slats in the door. Sam was so focused on listening out for Matt's mom, he hadn't realized how small the pantry was and how much room The Gregor took from Ned's back, pushing them against each other.

Sam's chest tightened; his cheek an eyelash away from resting on Ned's chest. He was suddenly so aware of his breathing, where he was looking, and every little move he made. His hands behind him, Sam used a shelf to hold himself up and from collapsing completely against Ned. His brain was fizzing faster than a busted coke can.

Sam glanced up.

Ned's brows were up, and his eyes were to the ceiling. Even with this small amount of light, Sam noticed Ned was blushing and he smiled fondly at the soft color. He tilted his head, quietly wishing for Ned to look down and then, amazingly, he did.

As if he could hear Sam's thoughts, Ned with his big brown eyes glanced down and pinned Sam in place like a thumbtack stuck to his heart. Ned smiled. His eyes changed again. Sam knew those eyes. He recognized the kind of heat simmering in that look. They stayed there. Just looking. No harm in just looking.

If he heard that wish, could he also hear Sam's heart fluttering?

Could he see how much love was in his eyes?

A thought crossed Sam that if he had told Ned how he felt sooner would they already be kissing? Ned must've heard that too. He leaned. Leaned. Just an inch. And hope flooded every inch of Sam's chest. Winter was gone. They were basking in honey suckled sunshining spring.

"Matt?"

Reality kicked Sam in the ass, and he jumped, headbutting Ned in the nose. Before he could make a sound Sam slapped his hand across Ned's mouth and he could feel the vibration of a groan. Sam mouthed an apology. Ned nodded, his eyes glistening with tears.

His mother entered the room, and the boys snapped a look through the door. Matt was sitting up on the counter, opening a bag of popcorn. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing. Well, I thought I heard you talking to someone."

"No, no," Matt laughed and hoped down. "I'm just listening to a podcast." He threw the popcorn in the microwave and hit the buttons to get it started when a thought dawned on Ned so hard, his head almost hit the ceiling.

"Text Matthew," Ned whispered. "Tell him to ask his mom about The Gregor."

Sam shook his head. This guy really had one track mind, but Sam did as he was asked.

Soon Matt spoke up again, "This podcast is actually about local history. Uh, do you remember The Gregor from when you were in high school?"

"The Gregor? Wow. I haven't thought about that little gnome in forever. I'm pretty sure I won a science fair competition because I brushed it the hallway."

"So, The Gregor was around when you were high school?"

There was pause and Sam caught her looking for something in the cabinets. "Sure. I think it was a senior of mine that found The Gregor—"

Ned's eyes widen in delight, jittering with joy. "Ask if she knows the name Hines."

Nodding, Sam quickly sent the text and soon, Matt was asking more questions. "Was it someone named Hines? Does that last name sound familiar?"

"Hmm... kind of." His mother laughed a little. "What's with the sudden interest, Matty?"

"Oh, uh," Matt gargled a thought, trying to make time to think of an excuse. "I think one of Sam's friends found The Gregor, so it got me thinking."

"A friend of Sam, really?" the smile in her voice could be heard from miles away. To Sam, it resembled the sound of crying cats. "How is Sam doing? I miss him."

"Really? I feel like Sam never quite left."

Sam texted him a row of middle fingers.

"We should have the Hayes over soon. You two were so cute together. Have you ever thought about reaching back out again? I never understood why you two broke up."

Looking up, Sam peered through the slats for someone's face, mostly hers but ended up catching Matt laugh. He said, "That was like three years. We're over it. I'm over it."

Peeking to the side, Sam was suddenly overwhelmed once again by Ned's presence. Ned shifted; his face having dropped to the center of the earth from the smile it once was. Sam would curse if he wasn't afraid of them getting caught.

"But anyways. That Hanes guy, what's his deal?"

"I don't really remember that guy," Matt's mother explained as she dumped Matt's popcorn in a bowl and searched the cabinets for popcorn seasoning. "But I used to work with his girlfriend, Christine at Toady's Ice-Cream Shop. She was like a celebrity through association."

As she spoke, Sam texted his last request and Matt asked, "Do you know what she's up to now?"

His mother hummed, thinking it over, and munched on the buttery snack. "I think she's helping her family at the skate ring. I saw something about it on Facebook." She ate more popcorn and laughed. "Sorry, it just smelled so good."

"It's fine. You take it. I'll make more."

"Alright. Love you baby."

"Love you too."

Then, there was the slap of footsteps and eventually they disappeared back up the stairs. Sam let out a sigh of relief and the pantry door opened, drowning the boys back into light. Matt smiled. "Anybody want some popcorn?"

#

The popcorn in the microwave was a nice cover as Sam and the others wandered into the living room where the TV was framed by a full wall of built-ins packed with books. The books out here skewed more towards Matt's parent's tastes: tons of nonfiction, mass market sci-fi books, cookbooks, photo albums, and a collection of retired encyclopedias that were more for décor than light reading.

The silence coming out of Ned was bruising, hurting Sam's very soul. Ned was like a kicked dog, sporting a legendary pout and big soupy eyes. Sam would catch him staring and Ned would just drop his posture and look at the ground.

Unable to take it anymore, Sam volunteered to check Matt's dad's office. It was running away, but Sam needed a second to gather himself, to take a deep breath, and wallow in a healthy amount of self-pity. He dropped his back against the office door and closed his eyes. Flattening his palm over his heart, Sam lightly tapped the back of his skull to the door, hoping to knock the memory of the last fifteen minutes out of his brain forever.

He wished he grabbed The Gregor.

He needed the extra help.

Pushing himself up, Sam looked through the shelves, but there were less books here and more files, paperwork, and CDs caked with dust. When things felt fruitless and way too quiet, Sam went back downstairs, surprised to hear Ned and Matt's voices. He had imagined total silence. Maybe Matt doing all the talking.

He almost walked back inside when he heard Ned asked, "I have to know. Why did you and Sam break up?"

Matt chuckled, delighted by the question. "If Sam has never told you, he probably doesn't want you to know."

"I just... I just can't imagine why. You're like..." Ned worked up the nerve. "And this isn't a come on, but you're like a good-looking guy in a big house with parents that actually like Sam—"

"Dude. Come on. We were never structured to last. We were always gonna break up."

"What does that mean? You guys dated like all summer."

Matt chuckled again, a sweet nostalgic sound. "The second our parents realized we were both gay—well, I'm actually bisexual, but my parents understand the spectrum the way I understand quantum physics..." The pause must've come from Ned. "Which I don't understand."

"Oh, right."

"Anyways, our parents always encouraged us to date cause like my parents knew Sam and I think they're scared shitless of me bringing home anyone flamboyant guy around with a sexuality they can't pronounce. My parents are the nervous kind of homophobes like they'll smile and say they're cool about it, but what they don't recognize scares them. With Sam, they didn't have to figure some other kid out, but we always said no... until that summer came."

Another pause that sucked the air out of Sam's lungs.

"Did you guys start dating because I kissed Sam? And he didn't like me back?"

The guilty tone was heavy enough to take out Sam's kneecaps. He fumbled, missing the doorknob so he could bust inside and stop that train of thought immediately, but Matt spoke up. "No! No, dude! Sam told me the whole story. About the kiss and his mom. He said you were so worried about her killing you, you stayed away from him a full week, so he came to me. Asked me out..." They lingered in that silence in that train of thought. "For you. We went out so you'd come back around."

"I'm... I'm sorry."

"Don't be!" Matt's laughter filled the house. It was the same laugh Sam received after he asked Matt out for Ned. All those years ago, Sam really thought if he let Ned run away, he'd keep running and never find his way back home. He asked Matt for a favor. One Sam still needed to repay. Matt said, "We had fun. Weirdly, we became closer friends."

"I would've never guessed," Ned said in a dreamlike state.

"Come on, Ned. When it came to you or him, Sam would always choose you. Now!" Matt said, changing the energy in the room and finally some of the tension had been released. "I want to know why you two aren't together. I thought the next time I'd see Sam he'd be off the market permanently."

"We're not dating. Not yet. I don't know..." Ned said, and Sam held his breath as the pause grew. Ned corrected himself. "I do know. We've been driven by fear for the last five years. Fear of our parents. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing each other... If there's something we can be scared of, we are... but I don't know. I'm trying to be brave. I mean, there's no bravery going against something you're not afraid of, right?"

"You just said a mouthful—hey! I found it," Matt said and immediately flipped it open. "Not sure how we should look this person up."

Ned shrugged, looking over his shoulder. The barrier between them had broken down just a little. Sam inched back into the room, announcing himself, "Find anything? There wasn't anything in the office." He couldn't take his eyes off Ned.

"Matt found it," Ned said, pointing his thumb to Matt's open page.

Sam quirked his brow.

Matt?

Ned imprinted on people so quickly and they adopted him back. Matt mentioned something, Ned replied, and they were talking and sharing popcorn while Sam just nodded and smiled when someone looked at him, but Sam still watched Ned. Sam was flushed and smiley and he'd dare say giggly. Nervously, Sam fiddled with his hands, bursting with so much nervous energy he didn't know what to do with it.

For so long, Sam was stuck in a time loop of that summer. Unable to grow up. Unable to move on... across the room, Ned caught Sam's eye and because he had gone through that day over and over and over, Sam recognized the look in his eyes and fireworks were shooting out of his edges. "Ned, let's go before the ice rink closes."

"Okay, I'll start the cart."

Ned jumped up and swept past Sam, their eyes lingering yet again. Sam took a deep chest bursting breath. He was ready. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Mathew Geller as I live and breathe! Love that kid. honestly, writing him is so fun. He has Main Character energy. In another world, I actually think Mathew would be such a good boyfriend for the majority of characters in this book XD Like Barbie, Indie, and Lena (maybe even Ned!). He's just so confident and made of boyfriend material. lol 

Anyways! Don't forget to leave a comment and tell me what you think! What were your impressions of Matt? How many times can these crazy kids almost kiss before they actually kiss?? Lol. Also, who wants some popcorns?