SPECIAL

「fluff + angst」

top!yuta
bottom!mark

[in which yuta has an unusual classmate who isn't allowed outside, and he takes it upon himself to figure out why]

mark lay against his arms on his desk, eyes fluttering closed as the sound of the bell shrieked across the school. the chairs groaned irritatedly as they were dragged out and slammed back in to rest under the tables, and many feet pattered along the ground towards the door. after about a minute, there was total silence...and that was when the teen knew he was all alone again. as he usually found himself during lunch breaks.

he reluctantly opened his eyes again for some reason, unable to settle this time. the sun was cast over his body from the large windows taking up the expanse of the wall, and it warmed his black hair so soothingly. another failed attempt at sleep, he thought, sitting up and lazily rubbing his face. the desks were set up in pairs, and rather luckily for mark, he was situated beside the class' most beloved student and gifted boy...nakamoto yuta.

the brunette was amazing at everything, it seemed. he was an athlete, a mathlete, and so incredibly kind. yuta had time for everyone, even weirdos or try-hards who wanted nothing more than to be close to him for popularity. mark couldn't express in words how much he admired him...and so he didn't. when his desk-mate ever tried speaking to him...it was a massive blank.

the ravenette would pretend he didn't hear him, or mutter a monosyllabic answer to avoid embarrassing himself - though surely he came off as rude. unfortunately, the young teen didn't have the luxury of making friends since he didn't want to answer the same questions he'd been hearing his whole life.

why won't you go outside?

why do you keep a distance between yourself and everyone?

do you hate me or something?

why should we sacrifice our fun for you?

and so the boy decided to cut out everything. those kids who'd interacted with him throughout his existence had been right, after all. why should they have given up playing outside or horsing around just for him? he wasn't special, and mark knew that. adults had always fed him that one-liner; 'you're different, markie. you're a special boy'. but it was bullshit, for he was no better than anyone else.

as he got older, he realised that not all 'special' things were good things. it was like when people danced around those of them who had mental disabilities, and told their curious kids that they were 'special' and needed a bit of extra help. mark was just like that, but understood everyone loud and clear.

he glanced down at the label on the desk beside him, the name of the japanese boy he most definitely had a crush on written there. sometimes the dark-haired teenager would go home and concoct conversations in his head where he'd speak to him, converse with yuta and be friendly. but they always ended the same...where the older would wonder why they couldn't hang out. it was a sad and vicious cycle, yet nothing could interject its course.

so he lay back down, his long index fingernail lightly picking at yuta's name tag on the varnished, wooden surface and distractedly thinking about him happily.

another week or so passed, and everything was as it always was. the summer was getting hotter though, and the heat in those rays of light were starting to irritate the student. the summer uniform clung to his sweaty body, and he felt like stripping down to his underwear he was so uncomfortable.

"don't forget to take down the homework," their teacher insisted as the bell rang out again. mark pursed his lips and scribbled down some notes into his journal before packing it away and sliding his bag back under his desk. yuta was doing the same, though once everything was cleared away, he stopped.

"mark?" he hummed, blinking innocently at the boy who rested his cheek against his hand.

"mhm?" the younger merely hummed in response, not even sparing him a glance. the older glided his tongue over his lower lip and played with his fingers.

"are you coming outside today?"

the teen looked him over once, expression shifting only slightly to something even more unreadable, before returning to normal and being followed by a soft answer. "no."

"no? but it's hot out, and you never leave this room unless it's home-time and your parents collect you."

no reply.

yuta sighed, waiting a minute longer before nodding at the poor outcome and wondering why he always expected any different. "come on, yu!" one of the boys called out, waiting by the door for him with a group of others. the japanese male glanced one more time at his desk-mate before getting up quietly and sliding his chair back into the table. he noticed the teacher was still getting ready for the next class, so he left it there and went off with his friends.

"you know, mark," the older man at the head of the room interrupted his restful state, "you should make an effort to play with them while you can. you don't have forever."

"i know sir," the ravenette yawned before laying down to sleep. "but they could hurt me."

"be gentle."

"it's not me who must be careful with my body..." mark uttered in a muffled tone from covering his face. his teacher wanted to say something to that, to deny or reject it somehow...but he found he couldn't. the kid had a point, and he knew mark's parents were forever feeding him overprotective nonsense to keep him out of harm's way.

he was a caged bird, for all the world. a pretty little canary that wasn't even aware it's home was made of bars.

"see you after lunch," the man hummed, exiting the room altogether and leaving the teen alone. the dark-haired boy eyed his partner's side of the table, yet again sliding his finger over the surface before retracting it and sorrowfully groaning.

i bet he hates me at this point and is just trying to be nice.

time wasn't a friend to anyone...but especially lee mark who was pushed into a battle against it everyday of his life. more and more days passed, forming weeks, forming a month. where did all of it go? and why was it leaving him behind?

"sir? sir!" yuta called after his teacher once the hallways were empty and his friends had dispersed into the yard.

"hm? ah, yuta," the man smiled, "what can i do for you?"

"it's...." the teenager pursed his lips, sighing away his nervousness and deciding to go through with it. "it's about mark...."

the teacher's movements paused, and a sort of twinkle in his eye came about. "mark, huh? i presume you're curious about him?"

"well, we've been desk-mates all year...but he won't talk to me. i want to play with him, and relate with him...but he won't let me. what's wrong?"

"okay, well the problem isn't you; i can tell you that much. but i'm afraid the issue itself is best told by mark himself. he's an awkward kid, i know," the man chuckled fondly as he thought about him, "but i'm nearly certain he'd give you a chance if you stuck with him long enough. he doesn't want to impose himself on others...and by achieving that he's locked himself away."

yuta nodded slowly and surely, looking across from him at some projects lining the school corridors. so it appeared to be a matter of convincing this classmate that he was somewhat worthy of talking to? i can do that, he thought. he hoped.

unfortunately, that had been a friday afternoon, and the next time lunch came around where he'd get to speak with him was monday.

"hey, yuta!" a girl called out to him where she and a few other females and males were hanging around the door. "aren't you coming?"

"no, not today. go ahead without me," he waved them off while sitting still beside mark.

"o-oh..." she furrowed her brows disappointedly. but forcing the freest spirit in their year was a dumb idea, so they let him be and dejectedly walked off to the canteen.

the summer was officially at its hottest, and both boys were sweating wildly in the un-air-conditioned room. their breaths were light but present, and the younger of the pair was laying down on his arms as usual....while yuta watched him carefully. the cry of the cicadas beyond the open windows was white noise.

"um...." the japanese boy tried, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "d-do you always just sleep? or do you ever have games to entertain yourself with up here?"

the ravenette didn't respond, though the older knew he was listening. his fingers were curling in and extending rhythmically on the table.

yuta looked around tiredly, sort of lethargic because of the heat. maybe this was why his partner always chose to conserve energy with rest...because it was so damn effortful to do otherwise. "do i annoy you?" he whispered, choosing to retire into the same position as the other.

more silence swept over them as the older watched the younger peacefully. mark's shoulders would raise and lower with every breath, and his hair was a damp mess....but something about those things was pretty to yuta.

the next day was the same, though the black-haired student was a little more surprised that his crush was doing this again. instead of spending time with all the idle chit-chat like he had before, the brunette immediately lay down like him to rest on his arms. he didn't find it all that comfortable, but he did enjoy looking at sleepy mark when the other wasn't aware.

or perhaps he was....and he just never said anything.

these lunch breaks had become habitual, and like a mechanism now engraved in yuta's mind, he never got up to join his friends when they left for the canteen. each passing day had been awfully similar, and it was starting to feel like groundhog day with the repetitiveness.

except for this one afternoon - a wednesday, more precisely. the older teen did as he usually did and rested his cheek against his sweaty hands. this time, however, mark turned his head to face him too, both now staring at each other through perspire-drenched fringes. their faces were so close they could feel one another's breaths tickle their features.

"why do always stay with me now?" the shorter enquired airily.

"mhm..." the brunette thought for a moment, shifting his head a little to view him properly, "because i want to."

"but i do nothing....i'm boring."

yuta's heart was racing now that he was having a conversation with him. he'd imagined this moment a hundred times in his head while sitting here with the boy, staring at the his back. well, he could genuinely say he wasn't prepared...because nothing could prepare him for this. "you're not boring," he croaked with a voice he hadn't used since classes started. "you're just quiet."

"don't you find that boring?"

"not really..." he murmured, absentmindedly bringing his finger up to flick some of the younger's fringe away. "i like your company."

the ravenette blushed up to his ears, burying his face in his hands out of embarrassment. yuta could only inwardly coo at how adorable he was, keeping his movements slow so not to ruin the moment he was finally getting.

the bell sounded its usual cry, and the japanese student inwardly growled. he was finally getting somewhere. voices and noises started occupying the halls, spilling in from the canteen and from the yard outside.

the pair made no effort to move and get ready for the next class, simply gazing at each other again. mark blinked in a bit of a daze and pushed his fringe off his face entirely to see the other opposite him, both laying peacefully.

"i don't find you annoying," he whispered.

yuta arched his brow and sat up, looking down at his form and tilting his head. at first he wasn't sure what it was he meant by that....

but it occurred to him not long after that he had asked the question for that answer weeks ago. he was only getting it now, but it made him smile. a big smile that lit up his face. and much like the younger male, he didn't respond to it. he sort of knew he didn't have to.

more time flowed by, and both had started to open up a little. it went from small words exchanged here and there, to genuine questions and eventually conversations. and, on one fateful afternoon when both were in really good moods, mark told him exactly what he'd needed to hear all along.

"why don't you ever go outside?" yuta suddenly asked, sitting on the windowsill with his legs tucked into his chest and the sun creating a majestic halo around his body. he hadn't meant to be so blunt so early, even though this wasn't exactly out of nowhere. never once he had actually intended on pushing mark for an answer like that - one that he clearly avoided.

but he responded. he actually sat cross-legged on their table opposite the window and smiled faintly. "because i'm not allowed to."

"huh? why not? oh, are you allergic to pollen? hay fever?"

"no, nothing like that..." the ravenette hummed, fingers playing with a loose thread on his shorts and his nails notably long. perhaps he needed to cut them when he got home....his parents wouldn't want that.

"then what is it?"

"well..." he began, looking back up at the boy he liked so much and trying his level best not to sound guarded. "have you ever heard of haemophilia?"

"no."

"it's a condition where your blood doesn't clot, and you're left bleeding for a long time. i have some sort of variation of that, you see. it's really bad, and my parents are extremely overprotective."

"that's just so unfair, though. what happens, happens, right? you should come and play outside. or walk around or something."

"the heat makes me dizzy," he sighed. "when it's too warm, i feel faint. and in the depths of winter, when it's too cold...i feel faint as well. my body is extremely weak, and i'm susceptible to catching just about everything."

yuta slowly moved his sights from the shorter to the window. outside, he could see boys their age playing football, messing around by the school walls, girls nattering over nothing and 'everything'. once upon a time he was down there too, neglecting a boy who was always up here. but he didn't want that anymore. he didn't want to be so ignorant as to pretend everything was fine when really, there was someone who's life wasn't as bright as his.

"do your family tell you to stay inside....or do you do it because you want to?" he finally uttered softly.

"a bit of both, i guess. i don't want to get hurt either..."

then i guess i'll have to find a way to entertain him in here, then, the older decided, tilting his head back to soak up the beams of warmth showering him. he never once caught the adoring stares from mark, who wanted to do that as well...but couldn't risk it.

"okay, okay, i think i gave a brilliant idea that is safe and mark-friendly," yuta cheered once everyone had left the room another week later. "board games!"

"those have sharp pieces," the shorter chuckled. "i once cut myself on cluedo's knife weapon when i messing around, and the monopoly dog's ears were too pointy."

"you're such a kill-joy," the older scoffed, dragging his chair around their desk to sit opposite the other. "but luckily for you, i went through my collection of family games last night and basically proofed them all for any and all things that could harm you. i wanted to teach you some card games," he pouted, "but my sister got a paper cut and that threw me off that idea. anyway," he slid a box up in front of them and smiled when mark read over the title.

"frustration?" he murmured. "sounds...frustrating."

"it is. it's technically a four player game, but we can still just be a two. there are no cards, no sharp pieces - only flat counters to move across the board and a dome protecting the dices," he pointed to the board once it was exposed. "it's really easy."

mark couldn't help but watch his friend get animated and excited over the rules, his lips moving and speaking....but no words reaching the younger's ears. the ravenette was too focused on his stunning looks and bubbly personality to worry about games. he wanted to tell him the full truth....but now didn't feel like the time.

"yuta," he whispered.

the brunette stopped his explanation, hoping he wasn't getting through the rules too rapidly. "mhm?"

"i..." mark halted himself. damn, there were three very specific words dying to slip out...but he couldn't let that happen. blushing cutely once he managed to regain his composure, he murmured, "thank you."

"oh," the taller chuckled. "it's nothing. i'm sure my family aren't missing this old thing."

that's not it, he giggled to himself, shaking his head but acting as though this was what he meant. "that's good."

yuta grinned, handing him the green counter, "this is you. i'll be yellow."

"yuta, you barely hang out with us anymore," his friends had complained.

"are you ditching us for mark? but he doesn't even speak?"

"the summer doesn't last forever, and the school holidays are on the way! come out with us!"

"please come eat with us..."

the teen had politely rejected all of them. he came up with excuse after excuse as to why he didn't want to go, or why he couldn't attend. honestly, the boy felt incredibly bad, and he had always made time in his life for everyone....but mark was slowly becoming more than just 'anyone'. he was starting to be the reason yuta got up in the mornings and ran to school.

mark was special.

they lay on their shared desk again, too damn hot and sticky to move for once. usually the older wanted to get the shorter moving, to have him laughing and smiling with him...but he was coming to realise that it wasn't always necessary to be ecstatic and elated. sometimes doing nothing felt more right.

"my dog threw up in the kitchen this morning...." the japanese teenager said in a lengthy, drawled tone. his cheek was smushed against the wooden surface and his arms were hanging down by his sides limply. "it smelled like shit."

the younger wasn't much better, eyes lidded with exhaustion and body heavy. his face was pale today, and that usually meant he was feeling faint or lightheaded. "sounds....nasty."

"it was," yuta continued, wanting to keep him awake. "do you have any pets?"

"ngh...no...." he hummed, "my parents don't like....their sharp teeth near me. and they 'bring....diseases'....apparently."

"your parents sound mean."

"they aren't.....just protective."

the brunette yawned softly and brought a weak hand up to rest on the other's shoulder. "you wanna hear a secret?"

"hm....what is it?" mark blinked drearily, half asleep at this stage.

"you have to promise not to faint, or else i won't tell you."

"yuta..."

"pinky-promise," he held his hand out with his little finger extended. "c'mon."

"this better be....worth not...fainting over," the younger grumbled before latching his pinky around the others and shaking it lightly. yuta refused to pull away though, and so they stayed like that.

"i like you."

mark closed his eyes for a little while when his heart picked up speed, and this would've been one of those situations where he wanted to pretend he didn't hear him. but they were too close for that now, and he had to stop being a coward and face these parts of life head-on. inside, he was questioning his hearing abilities - whether his ears were functioning properly or not. but they must have been, for yuta tightened their pinkies together and whispered a quiet 'mark?'

"i....i like you too," he peeled his eyes open to see the male's beautiful face, even if it was pressed against their desk. "but i don't think our 'like' means the same thing..."

yuta tried to giggle even though he was physically weak at this point. he shifted his body closer again so that their noses were almost touching. "i hope not. i like you as a boy....as a person..." he blinked away a blurriness from his vision that came with sweat. "not like my friends. just like you."

"are you high?" mark snickered softly before touching their noses off each other finally. "or am i sleeping right now?"

"mhm, we're probably sharing a dream then."

they sat quietly for a little while longer, processing what exactly had been said...and then wondering what it all meant. did this change things? would this make their hangouts different? though the younger did notice one thing; it being that he hadn't given a proper answer.

"i like you the same way then, yuta." his voice was so pathetically weak, and he couldn't do much about that. but the message made its way across, and the older changed their linked pinkies into linked fingers, holding mark's hand comfortingly as both unintentionally fell asleep under the warmth.

well, things did change from there...but not in the way the two boys thought they would. instead of that usual awkward tension a couple felt when they finally knew how they felt about each other but weren't dating yet...there was simply nothing. mark hadn't come to school in four days, and yuta was left hoping like hell that it wasn't his fault.

at first his friends were just glad that he was coming to spend time with them again...but it wasn't the same 'fun yuta' they adored, since he was always distracted and upset. he'd asked the teacher what was wrong, and if he had any answers. the man seemed skeptical at first, of course, so the japanese male assured him that he knew mark was sick.

"he told you?" the man had said one evening before leaving to go home. "in which case, i can say that he's not well right now. his body keeps fading, or something like that."

"can i visit him? what's his address?" yuta had begged.

"i'm sorry, kiddo. his parents think it's best he stays home and away from other people. i can't meddle any further with it."

damn it, he glowered, having raced home that night to scream frustratedly and slam his hands off his door out of sadness.

more days passed.

and more.

and more.

the summer holidays were upon them, and there were only two days left before school broke up only to return when autumn arrived. unfortunately, the brunette had neither seen nor heard from the boy he liked...and it was breaking his heart. sometimes he'd lay on his desk alone, just like mark had.....and wonder if this loneliness what what the other experienced everyday before he decided to entertain him. had he always felt this constricting sensation in his chest?

during an end-of-the-year test the students were all required to try their best at, their teacher called yuta out and waited for him by the door.

he ruffled the boy's hair, and said nothing before pointing down the hallway.

of course the younger was confused. he arched his brow and questioned what exactly he meant. "am i in trouble, sir?"

"of course not. but i think there someone you should see waiting out the front."

the student took no more of the man's time before sprinting as fast as he could across the corridor, losing his balance on multiple occasions but coming through each of them before skidding to a halt at the double glass doors. his chest was sore with how his heart was hammering against his ribs, and his limbs ached from the unprepared exercise. none of that mattered though as he stared upon the back of another guy he found all too familiar outside.

he swallowed twice, coughed at the dryness, then gulped again. his hair was a mess, having grown quite long and needing attention. he simply pushed it all back, shook out his wrists, and exited the building to meet him.

"mark?" he breathed heavily, jogging towards his back and turning him around. his whole world stopped, froze. the cicadas suddenly seemed to stop crying for him, and the sun no longer irritated his skin.

the picture he had in his head of lee mark, his desk-mate, classmate, resident quiet student and mysterious boy...changed. because he didn't look like him anymore.

the ravenette's hair had grown out a bit as well, his skin was practically white he was so sickly, and there were scars and stitches all along his exposed arms. this wasn't what he'd been imagining he'd see at all.

"hey...yuta," the other gushed quietly, cracking a pretty smile even if it was a little forced. "it's been ages, huh?"

the older didn't give him anymore time to fill in this silence, instead yanking him in close and speedily for a well-needed hug. there were tears prickling the backs of his eyes, and the confusion he felt was indescribable...

but he didn't want to ask mark why he looked like the living dead. he didn't want to bring up why he'd disappeared for so long, and only came back when it was too late. he just wanted to do what they always did - lay on that scratchy desk and converse about nothing.

"i missed you," yuta whimpered, those very droplets of salty liquid eventually breaking through their barriers and streaking down along his nose and cheeks...pooling at his jaw and falling into nothing. "why did you leave? i didn't know what to think..."

"i've been in hospital," he responded kindly while hugging him back and playing with his hair. "my conditions have gotten worse...and they thought they could give this whole treatment one last push to see if it would work."

"did it?" but he could tell by the sombre tone it didn't. he just knew where this conversation was going.

"no, it failed. i was in and out of consciousness because of the blood loss from the operations. the medication just wasn't helping at all...and the clock on my heart is finally ready to give up the ghost."

oh my god, the older panicked, full-blown sobs starting to wrack through his body as he squeezed mark even closer to him. he couldn't bear to look at his face. he didn't want to. "but you're coming back to school, right? there's only one day left..."

and like a blast from the past...he didn't answer him. he held that unbearable silence and nuzzled against yuta's shoulder cutely.

words felt so cheap for this situation, and neither ever really saw themselves here even a few months ago when school had started. yuta never believed he'd come this far with mark, and mark never thought he'd find a friend like yuta to share this with. it was all new territory...and they hoped no one would have to walk it like they did.

"i have to go," the younger muttered against his ear before pulling away gently. they faced each other with tear-stained cheeks and smiled faintly so not to leave this on a horrible note. "i just didn't want to leave without letting you know."

"ugh, i wanna hit you and kiss you at the same time. i can't believe you didn't tell me about this sooner...i thought you were doing okay."

"i was never okay, yuta. i think you knew that though, and chose to overlook it," mark sighed airily, the leaned in and boldly pressed his lips to the older's for a kiss. he'd dreamt of it before, actually, and he most certainly didn't want to disappear forever without experiencing it. the brunette started to cry into the action, pulling away just to wrap him in another hug and reconnect more securely this time.

neither had done it before, but there was no point in having experience when they'd probably never feel like it again for long time. it was innocent...warm....soft. everything they'd wanted to begin with.

but like this moment, the kiss ended...and mark had to go.

the following day for the last day of school, yuta stayed at home and wallowed in self-pity. the teacher announced the passing of one of their classmates...but the japanese teen didn't need to hear it.

he already knew.

word count: [4858]

just a bit of yumark since i felt like it. i know it was a bit angsty, but i hope you liked it~
-lily