BAD FOR ME | part 1

「angst」「omegaverse」

top!jeno
bottom!jisung

[in which jeno's neighbour and soulmate is fading away in an unhealthy relationship, so he tries his best to interact with him from afar]

jeno hummed a soft song to himself as he pottered around his little kitchen, concocting some form of a coffee to keep him alive when life was truly tragic. it was sometime in the evening, perhaps near seven. the sky was a stunning apricot colour melting into navy, pink clouds almost disappearing into a darkness that would soon rule the abyss.

the blue-haired adult lived alone, and quite happily so. had he actually had a roommate or partner, he'd probably have lost his mind. unfortunately, jeno hated other people ruining his rhythms and routines...so friends were wonderful, as long as they didn't live with him.

not only that, but he'd found his soulmate. his special omega that lit up his world whenever their eyes would merely meet. the boy was occupying the apartment next door....but he wasn't his. he belonged to a monster that the bluette was most certainly unable to defeat. he wanted to though...god did he dream of pulling his special someone out of there...

but he couldn't.

and so, much like he was about to do now, he maintained a decent level of communication so that they could find comfort in one another's weak presence. biding time was a coward's excuse...so that made both lee jeno and park jisung cowards.

knocking against the somewhat hollow plaster-seal, hidden beneath a gawdy sheet of floral wallpaper...the older held his mug close against his chest and waited for some sort of a response.

it appeared the demon was out, for three consecutive taps to the wall were returned and they could officially 'chat'. jeno smiled excitedly, sliding his back down along the wall and settling on the ground with his coffee perched between his thighs. "jisung?"

the reply was muffled, as it always was, from the other side of the cruel barrier. a sniffle could be heard before a pleasant, "jeno?"

"hi, lovely. you okay?"

there was a short period of silence after the enquiry, and that typically meant that no, the boy wasn't okay. the beautiful, tall brunette in the neighbouring apartment was basically never alright, since his vile boyfriend kept him locked up in there like a fairytale princess. he'd only been spotted in public a few times...when the bastard was feeling lenient enough to give jisung air. the captivity wasn't as bad as the abuse though...and that was what pained jeno deep inside.

the raw, irritated agony of the heart reflected between soulmates, just like unbridled love, or crippling sadness. if the younger was ever in a good mood, the bluette could sense it and it'd make him smile like an idiot for no reason.

"what did he do?" jeno pressed, always needing answers. he wanted to know what his omega was going through, even if he couldn't exactly help him. if kwan, the asshole keeping them apart, ever found out that his lover's other half was so close...the young adult would've been dead. he needed to pick the right moment to save him.

"it's okay," jisung hummed loud enough for the sound to travel through the wall. "i'm fine."

"ugh, no you're not," the older grimaced, fingers clawing at the ceramic in his hands angrily. "he doesn't treat you right. if i could just-"

"don't interfere, jen," the brunette gushed from the other side, curling his legs up into his chest and eyeing up the dark, finger marks along his wrists. "he'll do worse to you than he's ever done to me."

"we don't know that. and i'm an alpha, i can deal with it better..."

"can you? he too is an alpha...one who works out at the gym everyday, and has dealings with dodgy people. could you really face him?"

jeno wanted to scoff, because this was definitely his soulmate playfully prodding at the fact that he was an antisocial bookworm with a conveniently nice body that was just for show. the bluette couldn't have landed a punch if he'd wanted to. "you're so mean, ji...."

"i'm being realistic," the younger sighed coarsely and ran his hands up along his exposed legs. there were welts and red blotches everywhere from forced manhandling, and his shorts were awfully constricting when he just wanted to wear a baggy pair of sweatpants. he wondered if his beautiful neighbour liked the idea of cuddling on the couch in tracksuits...sipping hot drinks and watching dumb cartoons.

quite unfortunately, jisung's heat was due soon, and kwan had already started talking about 'settling down'. that was just a nicey-nice term for making babies. their families were both of the image-conscious sort, and cared so deeply about what everyone else thought. children were like a massive 'we're doing great' card to people on the outside, and it would also force the omega into a corner where marriage was the only option.

he couldn't tell his soulmate any of this though...or else trouble would come.

"i was watching more youtube videos about cats..." jeno broke their peaceful quiet after about two minutes of deep thought. this was his honest attempt at changing the conversation to something more lighthearted.

"y-you were?" the taller tried to crack a smile...yet miserable tears were welling in his eyes. "were they cute?"

"so cute," he chuckled. "i think i'm going to adopt one or two from the local rescue soon. i want the fluffy company."

"that's wonderful, jen..." jisung sobbed, wiping his eyes furiously with the backs of his hands and chewing at his lower lip to cease the crying. but he couldn't...not at all. damn it, those should've been their cats, for them to take home together. the brunette should've been on the other side of this god forsaken wall, curled up in jeno's arms while picking out the cutest furry creatures on the website and anticipating the fun they'd bring.

he should've been having kids with this boy he couldn't reach...not the demonic human who'd trapped him since they were teenagers in high school.

"jisungie...are you crying?"

of course, he wanted to respond. his heart was breaking, and he was fading away into nothing with each passing day. he couldn't even kill himself, not when kwan hid all the kitchen utensils after the 'mishap' (as he'd called it) a couple of years back.

"i'm okay," the male croaked. "tell me more about the kitties."

it was mail day, which was good. jisung and jeno always took it upon themselves to escape their abodes to head downstairs and collect their packages and envelopes. it was one of the only chores that the omega's partner let him do.

yet, on this particular tuesday, kwan wasn't particularly impressed with jisung.

"fucking useless," he snapped, smacking the boy's face and sending him stumbling back to land on the floor. the daze was short-lived, however, as he was instantly picked back up by his collar and brought close to the despicable man's face. "honestly, jisung! i don't ask a whole lot from you!"

"i'm sorry..." the younger whimpered, unable to sustain any form of eye contact as the grip around his shirt tightened. "m-maybe next time..."

"that's what you always fucking say, you pointless omega!" he was still referring to yet another negative pregnancy test, because somehow...miracles weren't happening. the heat cycle would soon begin, and the young adult was utterly terrified.

"go and get the bloody mail," the ravenette scoffed, dropping him unceremoniously before storming off towards the kitchen to grab a drink. jisung scurried up from the ground and bolted towards the door, slamming it shut behind him before releasing heavy, panicked breaths. he stayed there for a moment, pressed against the wood and trying to gather his bearings.

other people along the hall weren't around, and they tended to ignore the happenings behind door one hundred and sixty-two. once someone had reported domestic violence, but they'd been anonymous, and nothing came of it with how good a liar kwan was. actually, that was around the time jisung had started being allowed to collect the mail...perhaps to prove to the complex that he wasn't dead.

the bruises lining his legs and arms were nasty, and his cheek was now searing red from the hand that had so brutally landed over it. he elicited a forced sigh and proceeded to wander through the building, taking the lift to the ground floor where all the mail boxes were. the receptionist looked as though she was about to greet him, but noticed who he was and frightfully kept her gaze down.

as usual, he was outcasted. hanging around crap people automatically labelled you a crap person, it seemed.

"ah, ji?" a familiar voice whispered excitedly, capturing his attention. the omega sported a cute grin once he saw him; his significant other. the second half of his soul.

"jeno? oh, i thought for sure you'd have gone back upstairs by now," he ran into his arms, both stumbling into a more secluded section of a conjoining hall to cuddle. they squeezed each other's bodies against their own in order to feel complete again...they only got to do this once a week, after all.

"your face, love," the older grumbled, gently bringing his fingertips up to graze the red, searing surface...though retracting immediately against the heat. "what the fuck did he do?"

"he's just in one of those moods," the brunette rolled his eyes to dismiss this conversation. "anyway, how are you? were you still-"

"jisung, answer me. did he slap you? and what's with all these bruises?" he motioned towards the grotesque array of many purples and reds decorating the younger's exposed skin.

"i just....." he mumbled, compelled under the alpha's pheromones to be truthful, "he wants to have a baby....but it's not working. and my heat is next week, so..."

"oh, jisung..."

"it's okay," the taller begged, cupping jeno's face with his shaky hands and gliding his thumbs over his cheekbones. "i'll be okay-"

"god, you keep saying that," the older huffed and shot his attention away, looking at the ground by his feet to avoid the other's hazel irises. "you're not fine, jisung. i don't know what to do, but i need to do something."

"but he'll hurt you!"

"so? no pain no gain, right? you've been tortured all along, so a bit of a hit here and there can't be so bad..."

the youthful adult swallowed harshly, pulling his hands away and balling them by his sides. "he's worse than that, and you know it. he-he is capable of more than both you and i, and our soulmate bond will only make things worse."

"but i hate living this way, baby. i want you to stay with me, so we can watch television until two in the morning, eat junk food without judgement, talk about the dumbest shit and play with our future cats."

oh my god, i want that too, jisung thought, slowly crumbling at how made for each other he and jeno were. he just loved him unconditionally, and they had barely even had the opportunity to get to know each other. but at least you're on the other side of the wall, my love, he took a step back, wrapping his own arms around his torso defensively. the side he can't find you.

"ji, come on," the blue-haired male whined, "we could do this together. we're just scared."

"'scared' is an understatement," the other muttered, walking towards the mail boxes to grab his things before he spent too long down here. "i'm terrified, and i'm pretty sure you are as well. please just leave it."

the older could rarely argue with him when he got this way - all beaten down and submissive. there was no reasoning with his soulmate when the boy just didn't want to fight for what they could have, instead choosing to live as shadowed as possible.

"ji," he whispered from behind him, slowly and carefully bringing his hands around the other's waist. "look after yourself, alright?"

jisung nodded softly, looking straight into the other's eyes and secretively pecking his lips before hurrying away back the to hell he lived in. there appeared to be no escape....not that he was looking for one. jeno could only let it go though...so he did.

the dreaded week came around, and it wasn't just hard on the weak omega who was struggling with his hormones and problems...but on his rightful partner as well, who was forced into his rut due to their close proximity. this happened every time the cycles came around, and it was a massive pain in the ass.

jisung was hurting inside. his feelings were a mess, and he wasn't getting the proper attention or affection he deserved at this important time. jeno too was hollowing out internally simply because the other was, and their emotions were linked.

the bluette was locked up in his room, twisting and turning uncomfortably on his bed as he tried to focus on bad things, such as; airplane food, snotty kids and their lack of hygiene, skin cancer, rotten teeth where the owner neglected to brush them. all things he'd seen in his lifetime and never wanted to again.

please, please, please let this end, he breathed heavily, burying his face into his pillow and wanting to cry pitifully. his body felt like it was engulfed in flames, and he just wanted to race over next door and mate with jisung like he was supposed to. instead, he was stuck in here remembering that a waste of this planet's space was doing that instead...ruining everything.

it almost felt as though fate had chosen wrong, and that this wasn't meant to be. so far, they'd both known of each other for about a year and a quarter now...yet nothing had come of their bond. nature had not pulled them together, and their feelings clearly weren't enough for it to work.

this was a failed soulmate pairing.

i'm sorry i can't help you, jeno stared blankly and painfully at the side of his room while laying on his stomach. i don't know where to go from here...and you aren't holding my hand.

the depression was leaking through the cracks of space and time just to link their feelings together...and it was so horrible. the older almost couldn't stand it. he shouldn't have had to, either.

the following week, when the struggles were all over...both mates stepped out of their houses at the same time on a tuesday afternoon coincidentally. their eyes immediately caught each other's like nothing else was important.

"oh...hi, jen," the brunette murmured quietly while taking a tentative step away from his door. he looked awful, like he'd been dragged to sea, smashed about by the waves for days, denied sleep, and then returned to the murky shallows of the beach where he'd withered for many more hours. "i hope last week wasn't too....difficult."

it was a fucking nightmare, the shorter wanted to comment, and he'd have loved to go into detail about how horrendous his sleep schedule had been. but he didn't...because he knew that however bad he was feeling then and there...jisung was worse. "i'm fine."

that was a lie...and they both knew it.

"good," the taller pursed his lips. he wasn't really sure what he wanted to say, because the awkward tension was so much thicker after heat cycles. they couldn't exactly discuss the painful screams that emitted from the apartment without getting into another argument about dealing with this.

and thus, jeno walked straight past him and down the hall, hoping like hell that this meant the conversation was over. if jisung wasn't prepared to listen to his thoughts on getting kwan out of the story, then he had nothing else to share.

this was just how things would be.

word count: [2692]

this could honestly be fleshed out into a proper story i think, though i'm not sure if i'm bothered. if you liked it enough, maybe i could do a part two.

thanks for reading~
-lily