CONFESSIONS

Vincent from his corner of the class stole a glance in Nairobi's direction. She was looking so seriously at the board, probably trying to figure out the solution to the classwork. He sighed and looked back into his blank note.

He missed her.

He was surprised at himself that he could admit it. He didn't miss her in that he liked her in a cheesy way. He just missed her presence in the house. Nairobi made Saturdays in the house more bearable for him. He wouldn't trade their sometimes childish and stupid ramblings to a silent huge house, meant to be home, that threatened to shred his sanity. Coupled with the fact that Constance was just. . .there, he felt himself slowly going back to that fifteen year old traumatised boy who couldn't get over the guilt and pain that dragged him into their depths, in hopes of drowning him in grief and self hate.

Vincent mentally slapped himself. He was supposed to hate Nairobi not wish they were still going to spend Saturdays together being Tom and Jerry.

Constance was still a shadow of her former self since her godforsaken birthday about three weeks ago. He had tried everything to bring her back to her bubbly radiant self but none had any effect. It was like that star in her had just disappeared. He had been thinking of therapy but the mere image of Constance sitting in a plain white office with an old doctor mortified him for unknown reasons. Maybe because he was scared it would do more harm than good. He sighed. He had long stopped going for therapy. He just strolled around the estate or hid in a gym watching those working out when he was supposed to be discussing the twisted things going on in his head and nightmares with a fellow who probably didn't care.

Israel turned back. "Bro are you done?"

Vincent stared at the empty page of the note book. He hadn't started the classwork since he had been wondering how things went so wrong under some minutes.

Just few minutes with her.

They've spent hours together and secrets weren't spilled and ties ruptured so how? How did things go so south? He and Nairobi spent Saturdays together, why was the last different? It was Ms. Daniels fault.

Pointing fingers as usual, his subconscious accused.

"Mister man, are you even listening to me?" He heard Israel ask. He looked up to see a frown on the fair boy's face. He knew he heard been hearing someone talking.

"Are you done?" Vincent asked him.

"Nope. The third and fifth questions are giving me a tough time."

"How can I be done then if you aren't? You are brainier than I am."

"The pretty new girl tutors you. You did well in the test. You got a B in mathematics. Guy, that's something y'know," Israel said, his light brown eyes teasing him silently.

He did do well in his test-a B in mathematics and physics and a C in chemistry was enough proof that Nairobi's session was profitable. Vincent fought the urge to smile at Israel's choice of words. Nairobi was pretty alright -even he had to admit it.

And the thing was this.

She wasn't that kind of beauty that made you pause and exclaim God dey create!

No.

Nairobi wasn't like his friend Olamide and unfortunately friend-not Jessica. Nairobi didn't have the flawless skin he admired in ladies - in fact her skin was dullish kind off and she had this eczema-like patch on her nose and under her eyes but either ways, he still thought she was still pretty. Maybe it was her eyes.

It was always the eyes in these ladies.

And she had a nice shape and brains as bonus. She was the kind of girl he fancied. Beauty with brain and a touch of character. Nairobi wasn't a touch though. She was a bunch.

"Why the heck are you smiling?" Stephen asked this time around. He was seated by Vincent's right. His cousin's brow was raised.

"Nothing."

Vincent ruled a line on his notebook and started writing down the questions. The fifth question was familiar. It was part of the exercises in the last session he and Nairobi had. It was complex but Nairobi had done a good job in engraving it into his cerebellum.

"Israel I know how to solve number five," he whispered. The light skinned boy turned and peeped into Vincent's book.

Israel couldn't hold back the gasp. "Ah. You've not written anything?! You know this is a test right?"

"It is?"

"Of course it is!" Israel exclaimed turning forward. Then he tilted his head to the back a bit. "I don't understand your new habit of spacing out in class".

Vincent didn't give him a response.

*

Vincent was about leaving the class when he jammed Nairobi at the class' door. He willed his face into an ugly scowl.

In all honesty, he had gotten over the rage and supposed hate, he was supposed to feel for her for what she did that Saturday. He knew with his whole being that it was he who was the one at fault but he still didn't want to admit it. If only he had been couth enough to avoid resorting to alcohol just because he had been upset. He definitely didn't fancy the idea of being alcoholic. If he had just told constance earlier and not begged his relatives not to break the news to her none of it would have happened.

Even though he didn't hesitate to point fingers around, he couldn't ignore the fact that three fingers were still pointing back at him.

Nairobi passed him a look and he almost flinched at the poison and venom swirling in the dark brown of her eyes.

He could vaguely remember how he could finally tell their true colours. They were always brown not black. He got to know that when he was confronting her in the library. He had always liked to think of them as shots of plain black coffee. Strong and bitter, just like her.

Damn!

He never imagined that they would go back to they were originally. He wanted her to say something at least. Even yell or insult him. He just wanted a reaction.

"Excuse me." Never in his life had he felt so satisfied hearing her say something. Vincent moved out of the way and watched her go to her seat. He had noticed that she didn't talk to her friends as much as before. She didn't even talk to Jessica at all. It was like they were avoiding each other.

Stephen appeared from nowhere in front of Vincent with a questioning look. He had been doing that so often after the stupid birthday.

"What?"

Stephen folded his arms. "You can just walk over and talk to her." He pointed his chin in Nairobi's direction. The girl was reading a medical brochure. A habit he failed to understand. "You should stop looking at her like that."

Vincent stepped out of the classroom. "I don't look at her anyhow." He was walking away to wherever his legs were leading him. Stephen stalked behind him.

"You do. You look like her like a. . .um. . .a predator. You like her?"

No.

But Vincent didn't say that. Stephen was going to make an argument out of it so instead he changed the topic.

"You don't talk to her. Enemies now?"

Vincent felt Stephen halt and turned back to face him. His cousin buried his hands in the pocket of his dark blue plaid trousers.

"No. I'm just setting priorities straight."

Vincent scoffed in disbelief and continued walking. "Since when did my irresponsible cousin start having priorities?"

"At this time, you and Constance are my priorities. Family first. Friends and pretty hot girls come second."

Though Vincent could hear the humor in Stephen's voice, he knew the boy was dead serious. He couldn't believe Stephen was not talking to Nairobi. He thought his cousin had a soft spot for her. Damn Stephen, he never failed to hide how much he loved him.

"Even after everything in junior school," Vincent stated with regret. He should have been nicer to Stephen and not make fun of him with his gang then.

Stephen gave an easy shrug. "You were a kid then. Stupid and dumb."

Vincent laughed and showed him the middle finger. Stephen laughed too and walked closer to him.

"Vincent."

Vincent raised a brow in his direction. "What's up?"

"We're in front of the music room," he replied stopping in his track. The huge brown wooden door glared at both of them.

"Cool." Vincent said walking ahead. He could sense what Stephen was up to and he didn't like it.

"You led us here."

"I've not started playing," Vincent spat. He could feel the rage and guilt surface.

"Why?"

"You know why!"

"Why on earth are you yelling?" Stephen looked pissed and irritated.

"Dammit. I don't know," Vincent replied. He took a deep breath and went to rest on the wall. He slid down to the floor with his back. Stephen came to stand beside him.

"But you chose music instead of visual art."

"Because I thought it would help me learn to play. The mere sight of the violin brings back memories Steve," Vincent proclaimed sadly looking at the floor. "Even the sound of its music."

Stephen sat just beside Vincent on the school's hallway. "Ayo."

Vincent hummed.

"Look at me." When Vincent did just that, Stephen made sure his honey brown eyes bore into Vincent's dark ones. "When last did you go to therapy?"

Vincent felt his heart constrict at the question. Finally. Finally he had been caught. He didn't expect to react like this. He knew they would realise his truancy one day.

Stephen raised a brow at his silence then shook his in disappointment. "What are you doing to yourself Ayo? Tell me when the hell was the last time you went to therapy?"

"Some months ago."

"The hell? Some months ago? Ayodeji how are you supposed to heal if you don't go for therapy?" Stephen asked. "I would gladly love you to share what goes on in your head but I'm not a pro in the stuff that's why you have a freaking therapist! Bro don't do this to yourself please. How would you help Const-"

Vincent groaned. "Guy leave me. Don't preach to me." He stood up dusted his behind and stomped away to wherever his betraying legs would lead him again. A worried and angry Stephen followed him.

"I'm going to preach to you till you gain some sense you dumb skull!"

Vincent found himself going towards the garden. He didn't want to respond. Hopefully his silence would drive his leech of a cousin away. Vincent was tired of Stephen always being on his case like he was some helpless puppy in need of every ounce of love it could get. He knew he was pathetic and he appreciated Stephen's concern and love but sometimes in fact most times Stephen was painfully overbearing and Vincent was sick and tired of it.

"Do you want to go back to you were in the beginning? Always thinking up new ways to taking your life? Trying pathetically to overdose on painkillers just to feel better?"

Vincent paused and turned to face Stephen who stopped too. How dare he bring back such memories so openly? He had never tried to take his life.

"Stephen leave me the hell alone!" Vincent yelled dragging attention. Stephen didn't say anything. They both knew that they had enough audience already. Vincent gave Stephen a hard steely gaze before turning back into the school building.

Stephen dragged a deep breath.

"Steve."

He looked towards Chijioke and Aliyah who gave him a worried look.

"It's nothing. Just cousins arguing. Don't sweat it," he said with a fake smile before jogging away from them to avoid anymore questions.

Stephen released a tired sigh. Vincent really needed help. He stopped jogging and looked up to the ceiling.

God please help him heal.

Then something dawned on him. When was the last time his cousin even spoke to God?

"Stephen," a high pitched voice pierced his thoughts. His eyes settled on Jessica. She looked radiant and beautiful. She shot him a sweet smile and he had no option but to do the same.

"I need to talk to you."

"Oka-"

She didn't give him opportunity to finish statement before taking his arm and dragging him away.

"The girls toilet?" Stephen asked bewildered. Jessica tucked one of her butterfly braids behind her ear.

"I'm so sorry. Just wanted some privacy. No one is here," Jessica said cracking her knuckles.

"I'm not comfortable-"

"I like you."

"Being in the girls toilet," Stephen completed. "What?"

"Yes. I like you."

"Well I like you too,"Stephen shrugged unsurely. He didn't like this conversation.

Jessica groaned and stepped closer causing Stephen to inch back involuntarily. "No. I like like you. And I know you definitely don't like me the same but I just wanted to let you know because I thought it would make me better." Jessica paused her rant and exhaled. "And honestly I don't feel any different. Stephen would you be my boyfriend?"

She used her palm to slap her mouth and stepped back few paces. "Oh crap."

"What the-"

The bell for end of break time rang and Jessica made to run out of the toilet but Stephen held her bicep making her turn red in embarrassment. Her eyes flew everywhere as she struggled to get out of his grip. Stephen left her and she ran off before Stephen could say anything to her.

Stephen placed his hands on his hip and chuckled in disbelief. "What the actual fuck just happened?"

Chijioke would definitely not like this.