How Many...

How many church of England bishops does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE?!

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

None - "It's fine, I'll sit here in the dark, I'll be ok, don't worry about me...."

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Mr. Spock. How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?

Exactly 1.0000000000.

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but it takes a lot of light bulbs.

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They are smart enough to use compact fluorescent bulbs that almost never need changing.

How many advertising executives does it take to change a light bulb?

Interesting question, what do YOU think?

How many antelopes does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they are hardy animals that migrate between tundra and wide open plains and therefore have no need for an artificial light source.

How many Apple Computer employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seven, one to screw it in and six to design the T-shirts.

How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, Pampers don't come in a size that small.

How many beer makers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.

How many beta testers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just find the problems, they don't fix them.

How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete, pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes them three visits.

How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes eight million years.

How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb? Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Sixteen. One to change it, and fifteen to form a support group.

How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?

Four, one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, one to screw it in, and two to help him down off the keg.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer everything dark.

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes ten years.

How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it really gets screwed.

How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it takes three bulbs.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

It burned out? You must be using a non-standard socket.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they merely change the standard to darkness and then they upgrade the customers.

How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two-thirds.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.

How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.

How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb?

WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

How many Pentium owners does it take to change a light bulb?

0.99987, but that's close enough for most applications.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001. One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but he has to wait until the light is better.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.

How many safety inspectors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, and three to hold the ladder.

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.

How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh, no! The bulb's out! Sell my GE stock NOW!!

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The bicycle's broken.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?

You cannot change a light bulb. By nature, it will go out again.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh my GOD! Like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.

How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get an Evian, and one to call Daddy.

How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.