Greg was the type of person who wanted to know all about doing something without having to do the work of doing it.

More on that later.

He was watching a BBC documentary "Africa," narrated by David – sorry, Sir David Attenborough – when the home phone trilled. He only had a home phone because it was part of a bundle. He used the cable and internet, but you had to take the phone too, to get the discounted bundle price.

He ignored the home phone. He hadn't given out the number to anyone. The younger giraffe slung his head around and down like those inflatable dancing man advertisements, but less jubilant. The younger giraffe's knobby horns mashed into the older giraffe's upper thigh, knocking it off balance.

This is likely the old bull's final battle, explained Sir David.

The answering machine beeped. It was integrated into the charging port for the cordless home phone; Greg hadn't purchased an actual answering machine.

The first few blows usually settle things in these sorts of battles, Sir Dave went on, but here, the stakes are high.

"Hey. Gregory," a female voice sounded off. Greg finished the last three sips of his Tangerine IPA in one swig.

"It's me," then the curtness of her voice mellowed into hesitation.

"Sorry: I had to call on the home phone because I lost your cell number. I guess I accidentally deleted it so now I only have our home – the home phone number." More hesitation.

She had never memorized his number or his social security. Why did that sting like an insulin shot?

That expected twinge of pain motivated him out of a reclined armchair, awkwardly. Half a six-pack helped him misjudge his ability to escape the lounger while it was still reclined.

"Anyway, sorry to bother you, I just forgot my–"

A spark of electricity flashed as the phone cord was yanked suddenly. Greg returned to his seat after stopping by the fridge for another. Two-thirds.

Packs of giraffes are typically mild-mannered and get on well, with no clear alpha. Mating time is the exception. Bulls will fight, sometimes to the death, for a shot with a fertile female.