He woke up tied to a chair. A fucking chair, what the fuck.

He remembered Sakura's yell and her gloved fist hitting his face. Ouch.
He meant to raise his hand to his face but the actually not-so-tight ropes stopped him in his tracks. Ah, right.

There was a screech of a door behind him, shaking him out of his reverie.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun." Sakura said with her sweet voice while entering the room - Naruto right behind her - although her fangirl days were way in the past.

Wait, he thought, where the hell am I?

Looking around, he saw he was not in his apartment anymore. The room they were in was really small. It was dark too, with only one lamp sitting on the desk in front of him. It felt more like a big pantry or a storeroom. Sakura and Naruto were both seated in front of him, Sakura's hands clasped together under her chin and Naruto's fingers intertwined behind his head, with the blonde leaning back in his chair making an aggravating noise. What are you up to?

"Where are the ducks, Uchiha?"

"Huh?" The confusion was clear in Sasuke's voice. This question came so out of nowhere and took him by surprise. He didn't even know what was happening! Were his teammates replaced or something? Did they hurt Sakura?!
No. He thought shaking his head. No, it is definitely their chakra right here.

"Wha-... What ducks?"

Two pairs of eyes were staring intensely at his face. Sakura's rich green irises not giving away any signs of it being a joke, although Naruto's blue ones held glints of... amusement?

A sigh left Uchiha's mouth as his chin fell on his chest, he could already feel slight ire flowing through his body. He looked Sakura in the eyes with no emotion visible.

"Did you take something?"

"Don't accuse a medical nin of something like that!"

"You do have an access to morphine though." The pinkenette looked ready to throw fists and Sasuke squashed the urge to flinch, Naruto moved his chair away from the girl as a precaution. He was usually on the eceiving end of Haruno's inner self 'tantrum blows'.

The door made a screeching noise again and a white thatch came into view, dark blue hitai-ate placed firmly under a swatch of hair.

"Yo! You two, what are you doing with my favorite pupil?"

"Your what." The other two looked offended. Someone might have even believed it if not for the unnecessary drama of Naruto feigning a heart attack and falling right into Sakura's arms, only to be dropped to the floor a second after.

"Sakura-chan!" The Uzumaki exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.

"Kakashi, do something" Sasuke said, his voice tinted with irritation.

Hatake shrugged. 'Make Out Tactics' seemed to absorb all his attention, even though he reread it too many times than is considered halthy. If asked, Kakashi could probably recitate every single paragraph already. Everybody has their own shtick, after all. Or kink. Sasuke's eyebrows contracted in a frown.

Kakashi answered without taking his eyes off his book.

"I don't know what you'd like me to do."

"You are the Hokage."

"My rank doesn't seem to make an impression on any of you. You of all people should know that, I'm not the one coming to the Hokage's office through the window."

"But you are."

"Show some respect, damn." The Rokudaime huffed with tinge of amusement.

"You say it like you fucking believe it. And close the damn book! Read your porn elsewhere."

"Well" Kakashi reluctantly closed the book and hid it in his pocket, finally turning to face the ex-missing nin "you could learn some social skills from it."

"I will not profane my eyes laying them on a word in it."

They seemed to have a staring contest, a black eye meeting a black eye. A lightning almost could have been seen dancing between the two Lighting Style users.

"Okay, okay, calm down everyone-" Naruto started but was cut short by Sakura, who slammed her hands on the desk, the lamp even jumped a little from the sheer force of impact.

"Shut up!"

Sasuke, imperturbable, shot all of them a glare.

"Yeah okay, I won't talk but only if you tell me what is going on."

The three seemed to have exchanged glances and look at him, damn you all idiots.

"We" Naruto started "just want to know where all the ducks are." His expression was so innocent, but Sasuke knew better. It was the prankster, jovial side of his best friend. He would not fall for that.

"You have a duckbutt, you gotta know, ya'know!"

If looks could kill - well, Sasuke's technically could so guess it's doesn't really apply anymore, now does it - then they'd drop dead right then and there.

"Admittedly, you are a fucking idiot, Naruto. I swear to Amaterasu, I'll throttle you if you don't get to the point."

A scowl appeared on the Uchiha's face. Kakashi was leaning on the wall next to him, looking vaguely entertained. Sakura on the other hand dropped her head to her hands.

"It's all just a precaution so you don't run away again."

"Oh."

Oh, yeah. He does that quite often. Still, it's not like he was going on vacation. The shinobi world is still a dangerous place.

"Do you know what day it is?"

He looked at her and something flashed in her eyes at the same time recognition flooded his mind. Oh.

"23rd July, if I'm not mistaken."

Both his teammates sent him a happy smile.

"Now that that's clear you will not be leaving the village... Happy birthday, Duckbutt!" Naruto said, looming over the desk, his face suspended dangerously close to his own. His eyes vividly conveyed the message: 'no getting out of it'.

Suddenly, Sakura jumped in her chair because of the spider that randomly fell in front of her, inadvertently pushing Naruto forward.

'NOT AGAIN!'

Sasuke momentarily thought about using Amenotejikara, but it was too late.

Sakura's eyes went wide like saucers and Kakashi sputtered water he was drinking, seeming taken out out of nowhere.

"This again?"

"NARUTO! You idiot! Cha!"

"Sakura, don't hit me, that hurt ya'know?!"

Shaking the unpleasant feeling left by the incident - seriously what the hell world, it's not normal - Sasuke stood up, 'binds' falling to the ground. He was getting ready to just leave and get a drink - Kami knows he needs it - and MAYBE invite these dumbasses to one too, since they seemed to be set on making him stay.

"Okay, but now seriously, there were duck feathers found near you apartment. Where do you keep them." The current Hokage had his priorities set straight from the start, apparently.

"I will not tell you a thing. They're legally adopted."

"What?!" Naruto looked up from the floor where he found himself again. Man, Sakura could be brutal.

"I won't hesitate bitch. Don't touch them. Or I'll just leave you in one of Kaguya's dimensions."

//Breakline no Jutsu!//

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