Song lyrics are from Overdose by Alessia Cara. A video of the song and lyrics is provided above as well as a photo of the leading woman of this short story. :)

HER

I'm trying not to take too much.

I'm in over my head.

Present Day - February 2018

   My therapist called my name once again, trying to get my attention as I consistently zoned in and out of the session, not knowing how this would do my heart any good as I was broken internally. Granted, I had caused the monstrosity on myself by first letting him in and then letting him go just as easy, but that was something that the woman before me never came to address. She was only interested in the physical things that had happened to me, things that were visible to every single person from the outside of my life. Little did they all know that half of the reason I had yet to recover from the past few years was not because of those things, it was because of the person who had given up on me because of those things. More accurately, it was because of the way I had dealt with those things and effectively pushed away the only person who thought that they could care for me.

   I guess you all deserve a bit of background to the story that had effectively penalized me from being able to ever care about anyone other than myself, hence landing me in the office of a licensed psychiatrist for a total of two times a week for the past ten months. Well allow me to start from the very beginning: the day I met him.

May 2016

   The sound of the club's music was blaring through the large speakers in the corners of the room, causing me to slightly flinch at the sounds that they were producing as the scene was not necessarily one that I wanted to be within at that time. My black hair flowed straight for once as I merged my way through the people's grinding bodies in hopes to find my blonde and busty friend that was probably too busy shoving her tongue down some random stranger's throat to notice that the time was one-thirty in the morning and her mother would be sending an armata if we did not get back to her place soon. As I squeezed through people saying short 'I'm sorry's and 'excuse me's in order to get through the large crowd, I felt a pair of eyes on me. Little did I know at the time that those eyes would become the eyes that bore into my soul and took every bit of self control that I had left within myself. Those eyes that bore into my skin on that warm summer night at that 21-and over club in downtown Miami were his eyes. They were the emerald orbs that haunted me in my sleep for weeks after we met and even as I sit here writing, they still penetrate into my soul and cause me insufferable amounts of pain.

   A random stranger's leg popped out of nowhere, causing me to stumble and fall in my stilettos that I had allowed my blonde friend to talk me into wearing earlier that evening. If only I had known how much I would have fallen that night, maybe then I would not have put them on when she insisted that I would look irresistible. Nevertheless, I quickly rose from the sticky ground to resume my efforts of finding my friend in that alcohol and sex filled club. The music's beat only rose in volume as I tried to find the girl's voluptuous frame grinding against some sort of hot guy that was over six foot tall as she would never go for a guy any shorter. That was when his body cut in front of my vision, causing me to look up at his taller frame that rose about an inch above my friend's standards. I narrowed my eyes at him, feeling extremely bold as I motioned for him to move out of my way only to receive a chuckle in response.

   "Can you get out of my way?" I asked, but he simply laughed at me, keeping his body in the same position that it had been in before I requested for him to move. Fury came over me as I looked up at the curly haired brunette that had way too many tattoos on his body for my liking. The only things that covered the tattoos that were marring his perfect, olive skin was a practically see through white shirt that made me roll my eyes at the obvious ego hidden by his devious looks. He introduced himself but I simply rolled my eyes once again at him, finding myself infuriated at his cocky attitude. His British accent had no affect on me, or so I liked to believe, as I regarded him coldly and looked generally unfazed by the conversation he was trying to pursue by asking for my name. I sighed at the realization that he wasn't giving up before I held out my hand in surrender.

   He gripped it tightly, shaking it with his own as he came in closer to me in order to hear me over the loud music that was taking over the club around us. With a grin on his face, he moved to where his face was next mine and his ear was in perfect alignment with my mouth, leaving me with only one suitable option as my free hand held his body in place and my knee came into contact with his crowned jewels. My ears caught the sound of a whimper leaving his mouth as he went to cover the injured area while I simply smirked in his ear and whispered, "Maybe you should go ice that." After that, I walked easily past him and was back on my search of my blonde best friend, which ended up not working out as I was leaving the club alone around thirty minutes later.

   However, that was when he came up beside me again and his British accent made my skin crawl in what I assumed to be disgust of his overzealous ways, but as time proved, I was simply getting high off of his presence and unable to judge my attraction from my repulsion. "That wasn't very nice, love," he whispered into my ear, causing my body to shake like a leaf while he smirked against my skin and moved the hair away from my neck in order to further entice me. Although I had always considered myself a strong willed person, as he continued to cause goosebumps to rise on my body, I lost myself further into his trance until I completely gave up hope in ever being released from the prison that he trapped me inside of that first night I met him.

   "I'm not a very nice person," I responded quickly, hoping that in my last few moments of sobriety I could convince him to let me be free of his hypnotic ways and gravity halting voice that made my entire body scream for more attention despite my obvious fear for the boy who was a celebrity on all accounts but acted as though he were a college frat boy simply trying to get with a girl and get some so that he could prove to his buddies that he was indeed fuckable. His hands, although they were obviously tanned by the sun during the heat of the summer days, were pale against my mocha colored ones as he wrapped my body in his warmth, something I was far too gone to fight against as I felt my body mold into the crevices of his own.

   "I like that," he whispered before placing a kiss on my cheek and moving away quickly when the taxi I had called finally pulled up on the corner of the street. My eyes whipped around quickly to find him walking toward the end of the street with a smug grin plastered across his entire face as though he knew he would get to me eventually. "Call me!" he shouted, his hands going into his pockets as he turned away from me, and when my hands reached into my back pocket, I found a slip of paper containing five letters and ten digits that I would later use to contact him.

Over love, boy I over trust.

Give me a chance to pick up the pieces.

   It was around two days after that incident that I found myself getting curious about the green eyed boy that had approached me so suddenly in that Miami club. As I sat in my borrowed room in my blonde best friend's mother's house, I was consumed with the thought of actually calling the self entitled boy, wondering just how genuine he was in his presumptuous statement that he had made while walking away from me. Shaking my head slightly, I picked up the folded and slightly torn piece of paper that I had absentmindedly been toying with for the past few days, wondering if it was a suitable option to call him when he had approached me so suddenly and without manners; however, my curiosity got the best of me as I called his number and held my phone up to my ear with a nervous breath being blown out just as the dial tone ended to signal that the call had been picked up from his end.

   "Hello?" the British voice sounded through the receiver, causing me to slightly shiver at the memory of his whispered words in my ear from a few nights before that moment. I took a deep breath once again, unsure of how to state my name. What if he didn't remember it? Would I make a fool of myself before I even started to ask him to meet me anywhere? Was he even still in the country? Silence overcame the line as I refused to speak and he seemed adamant on not saying anything else without my response. We were in a catch eighty-two as I found myself trying to calm down from the thought of him not remembering me, or worse, not wanting to communicate with me at all.

   My voice steadily told him my name, trying to sound as though I was brave like I had been at the club but without the presence of alcohol in my system, I was a whole lot less apt to perform as I had previously that week. "I think this was a mistake," I stated, quickly moving to disconnect the call when I heard him shout through the phone for me not to hang up, his voice sounding so desperate that I had to accommodate the poor man that was obviously running his hand through his disheveled curls as he normally would when he was nervous. Although I had not known it fully at the time, that was the moment that my subconscious seemed to pick up on the fact that there was something different about the boy speaking to me over the phone. It was as if my heart knew before my brain that the green eyed boy would teach me more than I could ever imagine.

   "I want to see you," he whispered lightly into the phone, causing me to blush and fan myself in hopes that it would subside despite the boy's lack of presence within the room I had locked myself into since placing his number into my phone. He waited patiently on the other end of the phone as I debated with myself as to whether I would meet the superstar in public, knowing that whatever became of this would inevitably haunt me due to the public's infatuation with the young boy, yet I did not seem to mind in the least as I told him yes and exchanged the name and location of a restaurant near the suburban area surrounding Miami in hopes that his presence would go unnoticed if were without the major city's limits.

   "I'll see you then," he muttered into the speaker before ending the call in order to finish whatever he was doing and presumably get ready for encounter that was set for later that night. Meanwhile, I sat on my bed and began scrolling through social media in order to curve a few hours before I had to begin getting ready for our 'friendly' dinner. Although I was promised that it would be just that, a friendly dinner, he took my agreement to see him as a welcome to hit on me, which inevitably led to my strength and willpower giving in as he charmed his way into my heart and took advantage of my delicate heart.

   I wore a yellow blouse with my signature blue jeans to our dinner, not putting much effort into taming my curly locks as I had a few nights before at the club. By brown eyes were outlined lightly with light eye shadow in order to make them appear less bland but not overly dramatic as I was never one to wear that much makeup and it was fairly obvious due to my lack of foundation and cover up in my bedroom and bathroom. However, as I approached the door of the small restaurant, noting his appearance in the shop before I even entered, I was suddenly self conscious about my lack of effort as he appeared so naturally beautiful with his slightly muscled arms and white tee shirt looking the same way that it had the night we had met.

   When I walked in, he immediately stood up, his green eyes becoming wide as he took in my figure and his eyes followed my every movement, never once staring in one place for too long as he tried to act like a gentleman-unlike many of the other men I had previously seen on dates like these. No, he was respecting my boundaries even as he leaned in for a hug and moved my chair to help me sit. He was the epitome of a gentleman and my heart rejoiced at the fact that even though he was very forward at the club, he was not always so sexual and carnal when he was outside of that type of atmosphere. It was almost as if he was a completely different person as he told corny jokes and made me believe that there were men in the world that wanted more than a quick hump and dump.

   Even not knowing anything about him though, it was easy to tell that he was not like the other men that would go out and look for a girl. He wasn't simply looking for a girl to hook up with, he wanted something so much more and was willing to do everything in order to obtain that. That was what made it so hard for me to hate him. The man that had been sitting across the table from me that summer day was genuine and true to me; however, I knew that his happiness and my own would only last a few short minutes in comparison to our whole lives. After all, that was what happened when you dated a noteworthy musician, right?

I promise never again you'd come over.

Something takes over me, I can't control this hallucinogen.

November 2016

   My entire body was still buzzing from the last encounter that I had with him. Despite being on the road for over two months and our constant lack of communication that had been entirely my fault, I had not been able to move on from him, leaving me lonely and unsatisfied for weeks until he came banging and pleading with me through the thick wood of my apartment door to let him in before he had frostbite from the winter air that was taking over Iowa City, where I had moved back to after summer had ended roughly a month before he had left me. I had to stop myself from opening the door as I recalled the last time I had spoken to him before he had boarded the plane to return to England for the start of his solo tour. The words that I had not meant haunted me as I felt my world crashing down around my feet and recalled the sadness that had seeped into his eyes when I had said those dreaded words.

September 2016

    "Don't come back," I had whispered harshly to him, pushing him away from me after I had embraced him in a final hug, not wanting to have anymore connection to the man that had a piece of me that I never knew even existed before he had come into my life. I didn't want to acknowledge the pain in my heart as I pushed him away from me and toward the gate of his plane to London, wishing with all of my being that I could just go with him and this was not so complicated.

   He called my name, trying to reason with me as I tried to push his hands off of my wrist and detach him from my body; however, it didn't work as he simply held me closer and fought for me to stay in the present with him. "You don't get to tell me when I'm done fighting to be with you," he told me in a harsh tone that screamed of his anxiety concerning leaving me that but I knew that he had no choice. Despite his manager's anger toward him for his decision, the brunette boy had opted to skip rehearsals before the tour began in order to stay by my side only a little longer, making it impossible for him to miss the flight that was leaving today due to his concert being the next day in that country across the Atlantic. The closer the time came for him to board the aircraft though, the more anxious he began to felt due to my words to him of never returning.

   "I don't want you anymore," I lied through my teeth, hoping that my lies would be convincing enough for him to allow me the courtesy of not falling in love with him only to have him leave me for someone else that was able to cope with his busy schedule better than I could. "You aren't enough for me," I whispered, not meaning one word that left past my lips as he stared at me with an incredulous look as if to say that he could not believe what he was hearing at that moment. As I was about to say my final farewell, a woman's voice interceded our conversation and stated that first class was boarding the flight at that time, which left me to sink in self pity of the green eyed boy leaving me for an extended period of time.

   "If I wasn't enough then you wouldn't be acting like this," he told me dumbly, leaning forward and pressing his lips to my own while subsequent flashes of phones went off around us, invading the peaceful and bliss filled moment that was supposed to be only between him and I, but that was another thing that I had to get used to while I was with him: the lack of privacy. When he finally pulled away, I wiped my eyes of the tears that had fallen from my eyes at the knowledge that he would never be back to hold me in the way that he had been over the past three months that I had been with him; however, he caught on and leaned in again, this time our foreheads simply touching as he closed his eyes and breathed out heavily. "You know I would always stay if I could," he stated while I whimpered and threw my arms around him so that I could, just one last time, inhale his minty scent that was mixed with his cologne that I had bought him while we went on vacation together at some point in our short relationship's time frame.

   "You need to move on and find someone who can take care of you," I mumbled as I pulled away, reaching my hands around my neck to give him back the last piece of him that I held: his crucifix necklace. He shook his head as he realized what I was doing, pulling at my arms to get me to leave it on my neck, but I persisted and placed it in his hand as we finally detached and my body moved away from his so that I could exit and move on in my life in peace. "Don't come around anymore," I repeated to him, turning my heel and back to him as the woman called for first class ticket holders on final time in the background; however, when I turned around to make sure he was getting on his flight, he was still staring after me with teary eyes and a crucifix necklace lying unmoving in his hand.

November 2016

   He yelled my name once again through the door, his fist making the wood vibrate against my back as I leaned up against it in order to prevent my body from falling over in pain from the anguish that was laced in his husky tone. It sounded as though he had not slept for days, but then again, I had not either. The small cracks in his voice made my heart lurch as I recalled how he would sound when his allergies would take over and he would cry from the pain of migraines, signalling that he was not in the best of health due to his lack of taking care of himself; however, who was I to say anything, I was lying on the floor in my pajamas from a few days prior with loud music on the radio due to my inability to think without him popping into my brain. I was a mess just like he was, so who was I to reprimand him for his slight cold when I had been ditching some of the most important classes of my degree in order to sit in my dorm and wallow in my self pity.

   "Please!" he shouted finally, his voice giving out and his tears making him gasp for air as I heard that familiar sound of his heart breaking on the other side of the wooden door. My heart lurched forward as I held my knees to my chest and repeated that he would leave soon over and over in my head as though that would make any difference in the words that were coming through the door and echoing through my mind and the wall fixtures of the building. "Don't shut me out!" Again, his fist pounded on the door as I tried to keep my emotions at bay; nevertheless, I caught myself standing from my spot on the ground and gently wiping off any crumbs that had been spilt from my potato chip binge as I opened the door and was met by his familiar lanky frame.

   Our eyes locked as my brown ones came face to face with his murky emerald ones that I had not seen in two months, not for his lack of trying. Tears filled my eyes as I noticed the subtle changes about him that could have been written off as side effects from touring as much as he was if one did not know the full story behind his departure and the hell he had been through for the past few months. Meanwhile, I knew the full story and felt the guilt of the blue and purple colored bags hanging under his eyes. No words came from my mouth as I recognized the pained expression on his face and the longing for reconciliation but I couldn't bring myself to surrender my pride and allow the pleasure of being right, so I just stood there silently for a few moments trying to hide behind the door as he stared at me as though I was still the most exquisite thing he had ever seen.

   My head began to cloud up with the memory of his truthfulness all the while clearing up as though he was the only type of clarity that I could find in life as I struggled through life as a college student. He was a bit skinnier than I remembered, the muscle density that I recalled from before becoming more of bone than anything as he looked at me with pleading eyes that spoke of his tiredness and inability to live without my love, but I wasn't giving in that easily as I fought back the urge to slam the door in his face. Tears were in my eyes as I blinked them away and moved my curly black locks behind my ear in an attempt to look more put together than I did at that moment, but that only caused him to smile faintly at a memory of our time together. Those dimples that appeared out of thin made my heart melt as I tried to keep my cold exterior.

   "I told you not to come back," I spat out, watching as his eyebrows furrowed farther into his skin which made him look extremely attractive as though he were studying me for his memory but I had to remind myself of why I had ended things those months ago. He wasn't enough for me, or was he and I was just afraid of the commitment that came with a boy like him coming to find love with a girl like me? Either way, I was far too skittish of the thought of falling in and out of love with him. Despite being the epitome of all my dreams, I found myself questioning the thoughts filling my mind as I recalled my metaphor of him being like a drug to me. Maybe he was a drug to me and this was all just a fabrication of my doped up imagination, or maybe I really was trying to protect myself; nevertheless, I was surprised at how I almost immediately gave up my act at his accented words. Almost.

HIM

We fight, we laugh, detox, rehab.

Letting go of what we had.

Present Day - February 2018

   Those months that I spent on the road were the absolute worst months of my life as I recalled the way she would speak of all the places I was arriving in as though they were impossible options for her to go to. I had always planned on taking her around the world just as she wanted, holding her close to me in the streets of London while she took in the bustling streets with happiness that only she could possess. She was a mystery to me, but maybe that was what had attracted me to her in the first place when we first met. Maybe I was happy with the thought of a challenge; however, I realized as the time went on and I found myself going on lyrical rampages and long rants about her that she was so much more to me than a challenge. That curly haired and mocha skinned girl was everything to me, yet she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me- or so she said.

    My mind was bustling with memories of her, recalling how her skin looked against the white hotel sheets that she had covered herself in while she napped during our holiday in Texas due to the sun getting to her and wearing her out far more than she expected it to. Everything was flooding into my mind as I recalled the several fights we had, all ranging from mild restaurant option struggles to severe name calling and yelling rampages that usually ended in slammed doors before we came back to each other and began the cycle again. While most would usually wonder why that was happening after they had not seen or spoken to their ex-girlfriend in a little over ten months, it was pretty obvious to me; after all, I was the one visiting the town she had went to college in. Despite not being sure if she were even in the state, it was pretty obvious that simply being in the area of those painful memories was causing them to reappear in my mind.

   The large amounts of boisterous laughing that filled the car when we would talk about our days and tell each other stupid jokes that only we would laugh at. All of the moments when I found myself dizzy from the remainder of her perfume, wondering if I would ever be able to escape her while internally wishing that she would haunt me forever, even in my dreams. Finally, the times when I would force myself into the studio and continue my 'therapy' by simply recalling the times when I still had her with me in order to get over the several times I would see her face in my dreams while she stared at me with the chocolate brown eyes that enamored and intrigued me at the same time. But judging by how it was working out so far, I was not forgetting her but merely letting her settle into my brain and haunt me a little longer.

July 2016

    She called out my name, trying to get my attention as I went on in my own daydream of her and I being able to walk around the streets of some random city without me being recognized and her receiving harsh glances from the passers by as they made her out to be some sort of witch because I had pursued her. Nothing about those people made sense to me, especially since they claimed that they knew me but did nothing but disrespect the people that I was with when they came into contact with me. They knew nothing about me as a person obviously and I had no interest in them understanding me if they were going to treat someone with such rude remarks and glances. Her voice finally caught my attention, dragging my thoughts away from my mind and toward her as she smiled brightly at me.

   "What do you think about going out for dinner tonight?" she asked, sitting on my lap as I continued to lie down on the bed with one of her legs on either side of me. That was another thing I loved about her: she was absolutely gorgeous. Nothing about her was fake as she went around with no makeup adorning her face half of the time due to her clear complexion, and even when it was not clear, she never used that as an excuse to put pounds of makeup on her face since she was honestly not fascinated by it. She was the epitome of my dream girl: funny, smart, talented, interesting, tender hearted, and outspoken about her beliefs. Everything about her made me fall at my knees, wishing she would be my girlfriend despite only knowing her for a few moments in concern to our whole lives.

   "I think that I would love to do anything as long as it is with you, love." She giggled at the nickname that I called her, gently swatting at my chest as she told me to 'stop' with a blush creeping in on her cheeks that stated she wanted anything other than me to stop complimenting her, which was perfectly fine by me. Even though we had been together for around two months by that point, she had still yet to get used to my complementing tendencies, constantly telling me that I did not have to say untrue things about her when I called her 'the prettiest woman in the world' or 'the only woman that I could see' but all of those things were true. I recalled telling her that when she would reprimand me for telling her too many sweet things, knowing that those words would only make her blush more, but I couldn't help it, I loved watching her blush and get mad at me for being so charming.

   "Let's just go," she finally said, standing up and moving toward the door as I followed her and found myself entranced in the way she walked with authority yet managed to keep her sexy demeanor about her just enough to keep me on my toes. Like I had said before, she was a mystery to me, but I was more than willing to put in the time and effort to spend time with her and get to know the truly amazing girl that was staring into my emerald eyes with complete adoration. Everything was perfect in that moment as I walked her to the door of my car and opened the passenger seat for her, holding out my hand to help her in while she simply giggled at me and muttered my name under her breath as if to say 'what am I going to do with you?' I just wished that we could have stayed in that moment a little bit longer so that I could have had more time with her like that. Nothing would have made me more happy that to see that smile light up her face again because of something I did.

Over trying, over lies, over crying, over-traumatized.

Overworked and moreover I'm done.

October 2016

   I heard someone call my name in the distance as I stepped off of stage and was attempting to go back to my small backstage room in order to take a nap that I thought I fully deserved. When I turned around, I noticed that it was my tour manager trying to get my attention as he jogged over and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, leading me into a room to talk to him which only meant that the conversation was not one that I would like. Although his grip was tight, I got out of it quickly as I resumed my tight stature and simply stared at him for a moment before taking a seat on the leather couch in the corner and crossing one leg over the other as I assumed we would be in the musty smelling room for a while. He opened his mouth only to close as he looked at me with fiery blue eyes and balding head that seemed to only begin to tell of the wrath he felt in concern to me.

   "I understand that you don't like this busy life style," he began as I scoffed at his blandness; however, I couldn't help but think about how wrong he was about the statement that just spewed out of his mouth. Never in my life could I have been less happy to be doing what I was doing, but then again, there was always that problem of her not wanting to rearrange her schedule in order to make room for me in her crazy busy student life. Or maybe it was that she thought our lives would never work. Either way, there were downsides but I would have never given up everything for one minor bump in the road, that just wasn't who I was. Logical was the one word I could describe myself as and leaving the amazing opportunities I had for her would be illogical, but then again, love was illogical.

   "But you need to get your head out of your ass and start figuring out what is important to you!" he suddenly shouted, my entire body tensing up as he took out his pent up anger on me. While I knew I most likely deserved it for all that I had done, it was rude of him to yell those things at me while I was sitting here with a broken heart and still working myself to death simply because he wanted to make money. Of course I was more than willing to do this for the fans, but the fans were not the ones who were asking for multiple radio show interviews within the same day-they understood that I needed rest, unlike the man standing before me. That was why when he spoke to me as though I were a child, I was furious; moreover, I was angered at the fact he was acting like I was throwing my career away on some girl when it was not just some girl- it was her.

   "You won't have to worry about that anymore, mate," I assured him, patting his back as I made my way toward the exit, done with the meeting before it even started as all I wanted to do was wallow in my pity and throw myself a party that consisted of slow romance songs and wine; however, I despised the taste of alcohol on most occasions and hated the hangovers that coincided with them, which cause me to rethink my entire strategy with how I would get over those big brown eyes and enticing black curls that made my heart melt. She was everything that was suffocating to my being, yet she was the air that filled my lungs and kept my heart beating each second. Although I promised myself that I would never consume drugs when I reached the level 'fame' that I had, she was the only drug I had tried and I was officially addicted. On that night as I sat in my bunk trying to find a reason why she would have left me, I found myself wishing that she was there.

   She was my drug of choice and I was unable to find a way to knock my addiction to the scent of her hair or the smoothness of her dark skin. Everything I had swore against was consuming me as I found tears seeping out of my cheeks while I internally screamed at the feeling of drowning in overflowing water. I was too weak for that type of love is what I told myself, so I found myself calling it quits in my mind while my heart still accelerated at the tiny reminders of her being and the memories that we had made together on the coastal state.

I'm runnin' back to this hell, you come over,

And didn't you say we were through, why can't I get over you?

November 2016

   I did not know how I got there, but I found myself outside of her apartment room, recognizing the building from all of those days that I would visit her before I had to leave for tour. Move in day was my favorite among the memories as I remembered her tiny frame trying to carry two of her large wardrobe boxes only to drop them all over the stairs and scream expletives loudly while many of the attendants told her to calm her language. Meanwhile, I was unable to control my laugh as I caught sight of her glaring toward me, making me shut up quickly as I was enamored by her being standing there in see through yoga pants and a side cut out workout top that clearly showed her sports bra while her curly hair sat messily on top of her head inside of a bun. The way her face had blushed under the scrutiny of her peers to the way her hips swayed each time she carried another box up to her room, I was entranced and caught up in her spell.

   My hand rapped on the door as I heard loud music play in the background, the type of music that only she would listen to as everyone else in those apartments was always listening to either rap or R&B music as I had learned within those few months of her living there. I heard her frame approach the door but it stopped short as though she recognized my presence and was trying to hide herself away from my eyes. Little did she know that even if she did not recognize my presence, I could recognize hers. She was one of the only women that I could recognize purely based off of an aura that they put off- she was just special in that way.

   "Come on!" I banged my hand against the wood once more with more urgency that time than before as I felt the wind pick up around me and the frigid temperatures set into my bare skin as I had left my coat in the rental car on accident and was unwilling to go back for it. "It's freezing out here!" My lips let out loud yells of her name as I heard nothing other than her eclectic taste of music fill the background. Nevertheless, I continued banging upon the door in hopes that maybe a bit more shouting would get her to open the door to no avail as I felt my hands weaken and slide halfheartedly down the door in pain as I saw the skin splitting open due to the wood digging into it.

   "Please," I shouted one last time, hoping something in her would recognize my pleading voice as I tried to keep my emotions at bay. While I knew that the whole trip from Britain was a long shot, I felt my heart lurch forward as I realized that those words back at the airport two months before were actually true. Maybe she just wanted to start out her life free of everything, especially myself, the curly haired idiot who thought that his love could somehow travel across the sea and embrace her while she was cold at night; however, it was obvious from her lack of communication that all that she wanted of me was exactly the same as what she had asked for when we were at the airport all those weeks ago. She really wanted me gone.

September 2016

    "I don't want you anymore," she had said, her eyes looking sullen and believable as I allowed my heart to stop in confusion as to how she could say that all of the past months were for nothing. I blinked to keep the tears from my eyes but I was positive that it was obvious to any person that was around us that I was trying to hold her close to me and remember the good 'ole days that were ingrained in my memory for the rest of time. All I ever wanted from her was love and the ability to love her, both of which I was willing to wait for, yet there she was telling me that she wanted no part in my love or anything to do with me. Nothing seemed to make sense as I thought back to the last five months, wondering if I had done something to upset or vex her to the point of leaving me; however, I found none except for that one moment as I felt my heart break at the thought of leaving her in that state of mind.

   "You aren't enough for me," she lied, trying to give me the reasoning that I had been hoping for while I stared at her with wide and pleading eyes as if to say that she had all of me and I was willing to sacrifice everything to give her all that she wanted, yet there she was saying that even if I did that, it still would not be enough. She was infuriating as she told me that I would never be enough for her. I refused to believe her lies, taking her hands in my own and looking into her eyes with pleading sadness that seemed to cover each pore of my skin as I begged internally for her to have mercy on me and lie to me if need be so that I was able to leave knowing that I did everything to be with her.

   I pleaded, only a moment away from dropping on my knees in front of every person within that airport so that she would not leave my fragile heart in shards as I flew across the sea and was left to pick up the pieces alone; nevertheless, she kept her stoic face, looking as though she were playing poker with my emotions while I felt each card show on my face in the hopes of reminding her that I was willing to do everything to keep her attached to me even in the slightest way. She fed me some line about needing someone that was better than she was, but I shook my head at her, knowing that if only some person before me had showed her a bit more love and not broken her spirit in the way that they had then maybe she would not be falling apart so much before my eyes.

   My mind blanked out for the next argument, only registering our kiss as I pulled her in close to me and inhaled her scent as though I would lose her in only a few moments. As she pulled away, she went to pull my crucifix off of her petite frame, causing me to hold her arms in an attempt to stop her. I would be okay if she left me, I had solidified that thought in my mind, but I would never be okay if she did not remember me as I would surely be haunted by her beautiful ghost every day for the rest of my life. Without my consent she placed the necklace and told me goodbye for the last time before turning away and walking out of the room without another word emitting from her mouth; however, when she was a few feet away, I saw her face turn one last time as if checking to see if I was still staring at her. And I was because I was far too in love with her to not watch her body walk away from me, even if it broke every last bit of strength that I had left in my body.

November 2016

   The door opened suddenly as I came face to face with her for the first time in two months, observing the little changes that had happened while I was away like the way her eyes had sunken a bit in her face and her forehead had broken out into zits the same way if would if she ate too much grease leading me to believe that she had been binge eating as I knew her to do when she was upset. Despite her gorging, her body seemed to be about ten pounds lighter from the looks of it which made my stomach knot up at the thought of her skinny frame getting any tinier because of me. I should have stayed and taken care of her. Maybe she was right to say that I was not enough for her.

   "I told you not to come back," she spoke suddenly, taking me off guard as I stared into her brown eyes that still looked like milk chocolate. Pain laced her words as she hid behind the door, too scared to be seen by my eyes as she was only wearing one of my old tee shirts that she had claimed as her new pajama shirt a long while ago when I was still present in her life. I blinked, not wanting her to see the pain that I was enduring looking at her body and not being able to hold it closely in mine like I always had been able to before when we were together. Her statement played back in my head as I took my lip in between my lips and looked at her with my wide eyes and tired physique, trying to get past the fact that despite our horrid last two months, that was the first thing she said to me.

   I knew that I had to say something back, but I didn't know how to so I took a step into her apartment, holding her face in between my hands while she let go of the door and it slammed shut behind us. My lips worked against hers in a passionate way that only we could bear while we were in so much mental and physical pain. Yes, she had hurt me, but she was also everything I wanted in life. So I pulled away and looked into her doe brown eyes with a mixture of anguish and love before I stated my next words that would put my entire heart on the line and allow her to completely break me forever.

   "And I told you that I would always come back to you." She simply smiled at those words, pulling straight back into her embrace as I felt my heart rebuild itself with each kiss that she placed onto my chapping lips. Everything was perfect in those moments and how I wish that we could somehow go back to those moments and realize how perfect everything was when we did not care what other people thought; however, life would never be so gracious to do that.

Author's Note:

I promise that there will not be another note; however, I did want to address you all and thank you for reading this short story of mine. I truly hope that I have done this storyline justice in that it leads into the realm of understanding that some love's are untimely and overall hard on both parties.

With that being said, names will not be stated within the short story; however, I will try to make it as not confusing as possible without using names. Please remember to vote and comment as well as leave thoughts on the writing and the approach taken within this story as I would love to hear it. Thank you!