I'm having a pint with my mate, maybe two

I'm laughing at the weirdos at the bar in a queue

There's some strange folk about its quite entertaining

Their ways and their mannerisms they couldn't possibly be feigning

I know it's wrong to judge people and laugh at their misfortune

But this one man is a pain and acting like a buffoon

He's asked me ten times 'Is there are a band on tonight?'

When he can clearly see a DJ setting up his equipment and lights

A group of girls are quite drunk, laughing, and being loud

A gang of footy fans screaming, at a goal that's been disallowed

There's a man asleep in the corner, his dog lay at his feet

He's clothes are torn, he's covered in dirt from sleeping on the street

There's a guy talking to me about golf which I haven't got a clue

There's another kicking off about the state of his pool cue

The barmaid drops some glasses and everybody cheers

Here come the Salvation Army selling souvenirs

The DJ starts to play and the bar is filling up

My mates waving his empty glass and encouraging me to sup

My round again, I'm sure I bought the last

There's more idiots at the bar now and the bar maid's getting harassed

In step the bouncers all brawn and no brain

A scuffle kicks off and finishes with someone going through a windowpane

The fuzz turn up and arrest the lads in the fight

No doubt this won't be the only skirmish on this drunken night

I'm contemplating going home but the last train I have missed

So I'm praying I won't be sick in the taxi, well I am a little pissed