my head throbbed and my heart pounded by the time i entered the small room at the inn. i was hyperventilating, quickly making my way into the bathroom before dropping to my knees in front of the toilet. my body lurched as i puked against my own will whilst blood continued to drip from my face, onto the white tile. my body was shaking, and i couldn't help but feel the warmth of anger hit me once more, wondering why minato didn't answer me with more certainty or assurance; my own selfish desires wanted to hear him say he was proud of me, despite the pain i inflicted into naruto and kakashi. i was sick of myself, and i could practically feel my body rejecting itself even as my shaking hands struggled to assist me in standing up straight again. i loathed looking in the mirror, but now it was worse in every way. my eyes were bloodshot, dried blood on the lower portion of my face, being covered by fresh blood continuing to spill from my mouth. my knuckles were raw and shot pain all throughout my arm as i gently eased the hand beneath running water. the palm of my hand quickly filled with pink tinted water before splashing it on my face, attempting to rid of the dried blood. i tried not to wonder if the stray drops of blood scattered over my left eye was naruto's from the knife impaling through his palm.

my hands placed on either side of the sink, gently rocking back and forth on my heels in order to get my head on straight. my jaw ached from clenching my teeth together, and trembled as soon as i eased the muscles in my neck and face.

what was i doing? what had i done?

i couldn't help but feel guilt from itachi's death, forcing me to recall the moment i agreed to ally beside him; had he mentioned this? was i not listening?

my right hand mindlessly dropped to my side, pulling at the pocket of my pants, sitting mid-thigh. pulling at the velcro, i soon felt the cool metal of my leaf headband, unscathed and untouched. i was uncertain why i carried it around for so long, presumably waiting to wear it once more after things changed. it's been waiting since i left, and i had never cared to scratch through the leaf symbol like itachi had. i knew that doing that would only disappoint and frustrate minato; though he was long gone, i had a bubbling feeling that he continued to watch my every move. was he proud of everything i've done so far? i attempted to remember the last time i heard him say he was proud of me, but with no succession, it made my bones ache, once more rejecting my tainted soul.

how was danzo supposed to die, now?

trying not to think too hard on the subject, i tied the leaf headband across my forehead once more; i knew that the strain of the band would take some getting used to, as i hadn't worn it in years. a part of me felt like a little kid all over again.

thankfully, the cabinet hidden behind the bathroom mirror held a small amount of gauze. closing the cabinet again, i attempted not to look at my reflection any longer as i bit down on one end of the bandage, slowly wrapping it around my hand and knuckles. fresh blood tainted the white cloths. when i didn't see anymore blood leaking through, i stopped, ripping the bandage down the middle to tie into a knot.

in my life, i had killed fourteen people. i couldn't remember the names of most, though i wondered if i should add itachi uchiha to that list. i knew i hadn't directly attributed to his death, but the guilt made my head spin that i wasn't able to do anything about it. had i indirectly caused the death of him?

a chill ran down my spine as i noticed a figure standing in the doorway of the bathroom, watching me intently through the reflection of the tiny mirror. blinking hard, i tried to convince myself that it was my imagination, seeing itachi's reflection so soon after he passed. opening my eyes again, he was nowhere to be seen; to ease my mind, i looked all around me, even poking my head into the main room to find nothing of importance.

what are you doing?

the voice in my head taunted me, sounding too much like itachi to handle. shaking my head free of the thoughts, i knew better than to spend anymore unnecessary time away from naruto - alone with tobi, not to mention.

it wasn't until i sat down on the bed within the room that i decided against consuming my brain with what if questions. i no longer bothered myself wondering if minato was proud of my actions, if i caused itachi's death, if naruto hated me or not. recollecting as much chakra as i could, i decided to do what i thought was righteous. what i perceived to be righteous was continuing to protect naruto at all costs, even if it meant facing his hatred for me head on, and even if it meant breaking my own and kakashi's hearts a little more than i already had.

meditating my own chakra levels back, i cleared my mind of the numerous, tedious ideas that only brought hesitation and heartache. for the moment, my only focus was what naruto could possibly be doing now; i hoped he was thinking of me.

after what seemed like hours, but was only minutes of replenishing my energy, i focused back on the anchor i left under kakashi's possession, hoping he still had it in order for me to return without skipping a beat. i felt a strange sensation, whilst moving back to kakashi. it was as if our heartbeats collided in unison, matching in tempo and rate. i had never left a knife with anybody except for minato, but i couldn't remember such a strange feeling from using an anchor.

opening my eyes again, i was back in the forrest, seemingly alone until i turned my head whilst reaching down the kunai stuck in the mud. kakashi stood behind me, as if he had been staring at the knife and patiently awaiting my return. the group remained close behind him, but my gaze remained with kakashi. tobi was nowhere to be seen, nor was the creature that delivered the news of itachi's death.

as if on queue, yamato's wood style jutsu had me locked down, spinning around my arms and legs in a tight grip, keeping me still and from performing any jutsu.

"you will tell us all you know about the akatsuki," yamato ordered with a stern voice whilst i finally looked at naruto, who had a wrapped hand similar to my own, and a strange look on his face.

"captain yamato, stop," naruto finally spoke, earning a look from all of us, including myself. i stared into the blue eyes of my younger brother, wondering what was to come of all this. whatever it was, it made me tremble. "she doesn't know anything. . ."

i felt the entrapment of the jutsu weaken, slowly moving away from my body, allowing my stiffened limbs to move slightly. even with naruto's mercy, i knew time was running short, too short to spend it explaining anything to naruto.

"i don't work for the hidden leaf, anymore," i stated, looking towards kakashi once more. "the only thing i'm concerned with is naruto's safety. if you get in my way, you'll die."

kakashi seemed to understand immediately, his eyes falling to my lips for a moment even as i anxiously bit down on them again.

"we don't need your help," naruto softly spoke, earning my gaze once more. he no longer looked at me as a distant tone escaped his lips, seemingly disappointed. i wanted to be angry, and i wanted to knock the truth into my younger brother immediately, but i restrained myself, knowing he was likely overwhelmed and confused for the time being.

"naruto, if it weren't for her, tobi may have gotten to you," the pink-haired girl softly stated, looking to naruto for answers. she sounded afraid, glancing over at me as if i was going to attack her. it was a surprise, to say the least, that someone so fearful would speak on my behalf. "i mean, who knows what would have happened?"

i looked to naruto once more, hoping he would understand that she was right, after all. i wouldn't have gotten so angry at the flesh wound of his hand unless i truly cared for his safety; i wouldn't have been sucked into tobi's jutsu if i weren't entirely prepared to die for his well-being. still, her simple words wouldn't change the second problem at hand, that i was still a rogue ninja of the hidden leaf. after all is said and done, i would never be able to return home with them.

still, naruto looked at me with uncertainty. it forced me to move, even if it meant slowly. approaching naruto, his gaze moved from my own, unable to look me in the eye at such a close distance.

holding out a kunai, i hoped he would accept the token. if he didn't want me in direct proximity, i would ensure i was still within reach if need be. the thought made my head spin, hoping there would never come a moment that i wouldn't be there to protect him.

"this isn't a weapon for you," i softly stated, seeing his hand finally reach for the handle. he stared at it instead of looking to me. "it's for me - for when you need me. just like what i gave kakashi."

"how do you know when i'll need you?" he asked, finally meeting my eyes. i couldn't help but smile, knowing what naruto knew; me, the truth, the blood through our veins holding more similarity than either one of us knew. i had decided against worry and confusion, and i meant it. something within this new found confidence told me that i would simply know when he would need me.

"i'll know," i confidently assured, though uncertain of what that moment of epiphany would be like. still, no matter how anxious and scared i wanted to feel, i wouldn't allow myself. i knew, deep in my heart that without naruto, i would be destroyed after putting him over everything. it was all or nothing when it came to him, and i hadn't accepted that chance until now, until recently. for once in my life, i had to believe in myself; not minato's pride, not what was right or wrong. i loved my father deeply, but i had to let go of the possibility of his return, now. all i had left to my name was naruto, the greatest gift minato and kushina could leave behind. "kakashi."

kakashi looked at me quizzically, patiently awaiting for me to continue. with whatever confidence i had left, i swallowed my anxiety once more.

"i'm going to learn more about akatsuki. if i don't give a sign in twenty-four hours, i'm dead," my words seemed to make the group freeze, speaking of death so freely. still, it was becoming more clear that naruto was the akatsuki's next target, and if i didn't act now, i would be riddled with guilt once more. kakashi looked unsure, similar to the sadness i saw in his eyes days prior. i hated myself for warning him of my death so prematurely, but i hadn't come this far to risk it all for a guy that was, for whatever reason, infatuated by me. "if that's the case, keep him safe for me."

i knew kakashi didn't need the reminder, but he nodded once anyways. relief flushed through me, knowing that, no matter what were to come of me, my pride would remain intact.