SLIP: Okay, I'm going to turn this over to Trigger now, and he's going to tell you what happened while Angel, Herbie, and I were prettying ourselves up.

TRIGGER [muffled]: I am not talking on your friggin' tape recorder!

SLIP [muffled]: Right, but it takes longer to load a bomb than it does to swing a fist. So sit the heck down and talk!

[chair squeaking, scuffling]

TRIGGER: Okay... uh, hi. I'm Trigger, I do explosives-

SLIP [muffled]: I told them already!

TRIGGER: You want me to talk or not?

[heavy sigh, footsteps]

TRIGGER: Okay. Sorry about that; Slip's a jerk. So anyway, while she and the beauty queens were in there doing all that sexy crap, I had my squad outside doing the real thievery. And dude. It was totally epic. Discus had our van set up in the servants' parking lot, disguised as a plumber's van. He was typing in a bunch of code on his computer. A lot of it was in Russian or Chinese or some other language I didn't understand.

DISCUS [whispered]: Trigger's not the brightest banana in th-

[scuffling noises]

TRIGGER: Anyhoo, we had this plan that Discus was going to disable the alarm systems and jam the phone lines, then Face was going to go in through a window and secure the vault room. Once he did that, he was going to radio us. Then Suckerpunch, Houdini, and I went in through the front door and robbed those suckers.

So Discus finished jamming the phones, then Face went out and started climbing a trellis all sexy-like like the male model he is. I remember rolling my eyes, 'cause c'mon. Who actually pulls a heist like that? It's the kind of crap you see in The Matrix or something. I heard shouting, and this image popped into my head of Face going all Keanu Reeves on 'em, bending backwards to dodge bullets. Take that, Elrond Halfelven! Then I heard static over the radio.

"You're good to go," said Face. I nodded. Showtime.

Suckerpunch slid open the van door and Houdini climbed out after him. I took the rear, carrying my explosives bag. I set a charge on the fancy door as Suckerpunch took care of the greeter. Just before I blew the charge, I smiled all crazy-like at Houdini. Now I'm going to turn it back over to Slip because she was there and I'm done talking.

A/N: Just in case you were confused about the whole Elrond/Matrix thing, the same guy who plays Elrond in the Lord of the Rings series (Hugo Weaving) also played Agent Smith in The Matrix. And in case you were curious, he's also the Red Skull in Captain America.

*Note: I don't own The Matrix or The Lord of the Rings. I'm pretty sure they both belong to Warner Bros., but correct me if I'm wrong.