She's in her room laying awake at night again when a knock on the door startles her.

"It's me," her big brother says, voice anxious. "Can I come in?"

She doesn't want him to come in. She wants to hide under the bed and pretend the world is fine as it is. But she can't. She created this hole. How could she blame them for wanting it to leave?

"Yeah," she says. Even to her own ears her voice sounds small. It takes a lot of energy these days to talk. Energy she doesn't have.

When he enters the room, she clutches her pillow to herself. Maybe for comfort. Maybe as a shield.

"Hi," he says, sitting across from her. She tries giving him a smile but it doesn't really work.

"Hi," she says back, taking him in. It's been a while since she could look at them without shame crawling around her body, choking her. "What're you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same question." He almost sounds... playful. She feels her heart clench. It's been so long. So long since they were just siblings.

"It won't matter. I asked first," she says in return, making sure her voice is just as playful.

Keep it light. Keep it easy.

"Then I owe you an answer," he laughs. She almost feels her heart in her hand. She wants to record this moment so she can remind herself of this. To remind herself that she's capable of more than just worrying people. Tearing them to pieces.

"I couldn't sleep," her brother continues, voice soft. She hears the unfinished sentence. And it's because of you.

"What's up?" she asks instead of acknowledging it. She's gotten so used to this but it still hurts each time.

"I," he says, then stops. He stares at her for a while before looking out the window. "I guess I just want to know why."

She, too, looks out the window at that. She knows she's going to tell him. She'll tell him anything to keep him like this. In any way that doesn't hate her quietly.

"I...I don't know. I guess when it started I wanted to feel...pretty. The way it is now, I don't know. It's the only thing I can keep anymore I guess."

"You can keep me," her brother whispers, turning to look back at her. "You can keep us. We're your family. We'll do anything for you."

She looks down at her hands. The bones protrude everywhere it has to. If she stares at them enough, she can almost imagine them as nothing but bone. She remembers putting rings on her fingers to make them look more human.

She says, softly, on the verge of vulnerable, "Then why aren't you?"

Her brother sucks in a breath and looks out the window again. She holds the pillow closer to herself and waits. They're quiet for a long time.

"I don't know." He's the one saying it now. It comes out shameful but she doesn't know what he should feel ashamed for. There's nothing he can do. It's all on her head.

She smiles but it's nothing pleasent. "Guess you don't have all the answers either."

"I wish I did. I wish I knew what to do to help. It hurts to see you like this. To know that you're suffering and there's nothing I can do. It hurts to stand back and watch. I don't know what to do to make it better, though. I don't know if I'll just make it worse. Shit, I just don't know. I'm supposed to be the eldest. I'm supposed to be able to protect you both. Now our little brother is punching people and you're...rotting away. This is all so hard. I feel so fucking useless. I hate this so much holy shit."

He's panting by the end of it. Eyes closed tight but a tear still escapes. His whole body is shaking, everything finally flowing out of him in waves of misery. It hurts so much to watch, to know just what she's done. But she doesn't know how to fix it.

"I'm sorry," she pleads, horrified to find out she's crying too. She keeps going. "I didn't want this to hurt you. Any of you! Fucking hell I didn't even want this is hurt me. I didn't mean to be this weapon. I didn't mean to be this burden. I didn't want to be anything but the best that you all deserve! I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I am so sorry. It hurts me to see what I've done. I don't know how to fix this but please believe me I'm sorry."

She's crying hard by the end of it. They both are. She wants to move forward and hug him, comfort him, but she doesn't want him to feel disgusted by her. If he hugged her, all he would feel would be bones. She doesn't want him to think she's... sick.

Even if she is.

He reaches forward though. He reaches forward and hugs her and holds her close and she almost loses it. She's been so cold for so long. Shivering. So tired. She had thought this is what life would be like till the end. Even if it's small, this is more than she could ever think she deserves.

He doesn't say anything about her bones and how they hurt him, he just holds her like they used to as children. All three of them together when one of them had nightmares or a bad day. It was one of the only days they weren't at each other's throats.

"You're so cold," he whispers. She doesn't say anything. This isn't news to her.

They stay like that for sometime, both unaware of their father's eyes on them. When he walks away, trying to make as less noise as he possibly could, it is with a self-loathing he's familiar with.

Some father he is.

[A/N- sorry about the long delay. Life got in the way ig. Something came up. If anyone's still here, I hope u like it!!]