The first time she tried it, she was so curious. She just wanted to know what would happen. It couldn't be too bad, could it? It was just a one time thing. At least that was what she kept telling herself.

She just wanted to love the girl in the mirror, for once. She just wanted to be enough.

She stood in front of the toilet, staring down at the bowl. She felt like she was in a dream, floating somewhere between real and surreal.

What was she doing?

Slowly, ignoring her shaking fingers, she pressed them to the back of her throat. She felt the urge to gag, but nothing came out.

Frustrated, she tried again and again until some part of her dinner came out. She watched it float around in the toilet bowl and felt a surge of satisfaction. Then she felt disgusted by her satisfaction.

What was she doing?

She looked down at her fingers and was surprised to see it covered in nothing but her own spit. She tried again and again until her eyes watered and her stomach felt lighter. She felt so satisfied. She felt so guilty.

Her throat burned and she desperately chugged down a glass of water to remove the burning but it never went. She looked down at her long nails and sighed. Something in her was even satisfied by the burn her nails bought to her throat. She's so disgusting.

What was she doing?

She didn't know.

It's just one time, she thought to herself. I was just curious. I didn't mean anything by this.

Later, she'll think back to what a liar she had been.