Lucy

I remember having a white Christmas morning, I was six years old when I woke up from bed. Santa came to my home, I knew he did because I've been really good this year, Mama and Papa even said I was when it became December. The six year old me jumped out of bed running down the stairs to meet the big Christmas tree that would hold many presents for the maids, butlers, chefs, gardeners, me, and my parents. Even my Celestial Spirits would get Christmas presents from Santa from time to time.

However, there weren't any that year. I remember feeling so hollow from the disappointment, but thought to myself I wasn't as good as I should have been. At least, that's what I made myself believe. The truth is, my mama passed away on Christmas Eve, and my father took her to the hospital that night without me. She died in her sleep two hours after having a stroke, and my father fell into depression. He didn't come home that Christmas morning, evening or even night. In fact, he never came home after Mom passed away. He committed suicide a week later after sleeping in a bar drinking his liver away. I lost my parents when I was six years old.

That's how I found out the hard way of Santa never being real.

When both of my parents kicked the bucket, Santa never came to see me again. Slowly, I lost all my friends in the manor. The gardeners were the first to leave, then the chefs, the maids, and finally the caretaker who also abandoned me. All I had left was my Spirits that took care of me. I was nine years old when I no longer had anyone to depend on, but my Spirits. The manor was taken away from another rich family with a well known company. I had to be kicked out of there so they could clean it up for the family. Eleven years old when that happened.

I then came across Magnolia after spending my time in Hargeon, I then found Fairy Tail at the age of sixteen. For the first time, in a really long time...I had the guts to be part of a new family. I lost all of mine except my Spirits, so I think you get the idea why I'm not really into the family or holiday sorts of things. Well, I think Fairy Tail realized I don't go to the parties for any holidays, especially on Christmas occasions. They decorate the entire guild hall from top to bottom, all of them wearing Santa hats, singing carols, but I stopped doing all of that ever since the incident.

I never wanted to celebrate Christmas again.

~Lucy~

I was busy writing my story in my apartment. Of course December finally rolled around. Every year since joining the guild, it's been harder making excuses to miss out on the 'fun traditions' that my guild does.

"I'm not feeling to well—I've already decided to do a job request—I've made plans already—I'm to exhausted to go with you guys."

For the past three years of being with my new family, I've somehow managed to escape celebrating every holiday they know of, including my birthday thankfully. However, this year I'm running out of ideas to fool them. Of course I didn't want to tell my story of why I really hate Christmas and any other holiday; it's just too painful to remember how I lost my parents, and everything I once had. I try not to think about it to much, but Christmas unfolds the memories I tried so hard to push in the back of my mind.

At this point, I ask myself what was the point in trying to forget what happened.

It's never going away, and just ignoring what happened will make it worse on me and my fellow Spirits. I felt so horrible when Aquarius lost my mother, when everyone lost their Celestial Mage they were once connected with a contract. Now, it means nothing anymore, because my mother is dead as my father.

I slapped my face with both of my hands, snapping myself out of my thoughts. "Stop thinking that way Lucy. Your mother already had health issues and with the amount of stress Dad had it was going to be sooner or later when he would die. Mom's death just made it speed up faster, even when I needed him most...he didn't care."

A knot formed in my stomach. I just can't get over it can I? Now that I think more about it, I never remember going to a funeral to any one of my parents. I was only told by a stranger my parents passed away, and that was it. I realize now, I didn't even get to say goodbye to them... A sob slipped from my mouth, as I found out I was starting to cry. "No! No not now stop it you idiot." I rubbed my eyes forcing myself to stop being a baby. Crying isn't going to help me, moving on and forgetting will. "What's the point in remembering when it only brings me pain? There's nothing I love about Christmas anymore! Nothing will ever bring me joy in this season. Nothing ever will when it's December."

I exhaled, losing my writing mood because of thinking about Christmas. Instead, I move to my drawer to take a bath and clear my mind. I pulled out a blue sweater and black leggings, then going inside of my bathroom after closing the door. I turned on the tub, undressing slowly because of not being in a rush. A cold chill spreads on the top of my skin, not because it was below freezing outside, but also because of thinking about what I was going to make up my reason of not making it to any Christmas event Fairy Tail has planned. The echo of a distant memory rang throughout my ears.

"So if Celestial Mages never break their promises, do they also not lie?" Natsu asked tilting his head. I was sitting in my writers chair, thinking about his question for a second. "Well, it depends on the Mage, Natsu. Some lie, some don't." I put my attention back to my pen and paper.

"Do you lie Lucy?" Natsu quietly mumbled thinking I didn't hear him. I stopped my scribbling. "That depends Natsu, I may lie because I don't want to hurt my nakamas." Natsu showed an irritating expression. "But that means you would be hurting by yourself Lucy! You need to tell us if you're hurting or not!" I sat in silence, not answering back to the Dragon Mage. Natsu got up from my bed, forcing me to look at him. "Lucy,"

"Y-Yes?" I said to him. "Promise me you would tell us if you were hurting. Promise me that you wouldn't be alone if you were troubled." It wasn't a question, it was a statement from his tone. I was stuck in his glance, for a moment seeing a concern Natsu staring down at me.

My eyes fell from him. "I'm sorry Natsu, but I can't promise you that."

I remember that day. After telling him my answer he didn't speak to me for an hour or so until he asked if I could make him lunch. I believe he completely forgot about that discussion when I made him a plate full of sandwiches. It was like the conversation never happened, and for that I was grateful. It felt like I was in the bath for an hour or so, and I would have stayed in longer if my skin didn't start to prune up. Quickly slipping out of the bath and into a towel, I allowed the water to escape into the drain as I dried my hair with another towel.

I feel like having some jasmine tea will cheer me up. Putting on my clothes I brought with me I was finally out of the bathroom...to meet Christmas lights stringing across my ceiling. My apartment was layered in Christmas decorations from my bed having a quilted snowflakes blanket, to the small kitchen having cut out shape cookies hovering over me like a mountain. There was even a fireplace somehow right next my writers desk burning alive with stockings hanging over it.

I emotionally shattered.

"Hi Lucy-San!" Wendy squeaked hanging a mistletoe above the entrance of the door. Erza was in the kitchen making more cookies than one person needed, Gray polishing a snow globe that already seemed cleaned. Happy was of course, stuffing himself with cookies that were shaped as fishes wearing a Santa hat; Carla looked unsatisfied with Happy. My whole apartment smelled like Christmas, the sweet scent of cookie dough baking in the oven, the pine needles that weren't already strong enough to sting your nostrils, and the happy atmosphere that was the cherry on top.

And I hated all of it...

"Get out..." I growled under my breath; not loud enough for all of them to hear me. Wendy turned back with a questioned look. "What Lucy-San?" My knuckles became white of how hard my fists clenched. Every moment when I was six years old flashed before my eyes. Seeing my parents holding hands, me looking for hidden eggs on Easter, me being a good witch for Halloween, pretending to be a turkey at the dinner table on Thanksgiving, blowing the candles out on my birthday, and putting up our Christmas Tree. Helping the chefs make cookies so we can take them to town and give it to all the civilians, putting the star on top of the tree as my father held me with his strong arms, my mother dressing me in a sweater she knitted just for me. Even the smell of my mother passed over me. Her gentle sweet perfume that matched her personality, a wondering fragrance of roses.

Oh Mavis, why is this happening to me!?

"Get out!" I commanded my wet hair falling in front of my face. I pointed to the exit when everything in my apartment became silent. Even Erza stopped whisking the new dough she was making. "L-Lucy?" Gray asked when I interrupted him. "The next time you come in here not invited, I'll kick all of you out without warning! Get out of here and take your stupid decorations with you! GET OUT OF MY HOME! NOW!!!" I yelled pulling the lights down and throwing it at the door. Happy and Carla where the first out, then Wendy who was shocked and looked beyond pained of what I said. Gray, who was of course shirtless, took the snow globe. Lastly, Erza was out carrying large boxes of the cookies she made.

No one made a comment to me, probably because of being stunned from my outburst. But I didn't care, because of them I would be crying myself to sleep tonight, because of my comrades they made me remember the year I lost everything. The smell they created still lingered my apartment, the memories kept coming. I fell to my knees, turning into a ball that wanted to shun the world. "Please, go away..." I cried to the ornaments they left still hangin, the smell of Christmas. I cried for December to go away, but it wouldn't. While everyone else finds joy this season, I only find pain that grasps onto me.

Natsu

I finally found the perfect tree for Lucy's apartment! While everyone went to get a head start on decorating her place, they sent me to go find her a tree! What I don't understand is why didn't they send that stupid Ice Freak out here in the snowy woods where it's below freezing! I bet he's just polishing snow globes because he doesn't have a clue what he should do to decorate.

While having the tree hanging over my shoulder, I smiled thinking of what Lucy's reaction would be. I know when I brought Lucy to the guild three years ago, it was obvious she didn't know how to decorate any of the holidays! She didn't show up for any events and was probably to embarrassed to show up. But now that I figured out her issue, I told the team we should decorate her apartment for a surprise!

But then I had to go get the tree...

I was very close to the apartment when I saw a small group of people standing outside, realizing it was my teammates. I ran to them still holding the tree over my shoulder. "Yo! What's the hold up, you guys can't be done yet." I said not even noticing how they looked like they just saw a ghost. Wendy was looking down as she sat on the stairs, Gray was looking at the snow globe when he sighed. Erza looked at her cookies, suddenly having a sad expression. Happy was chewing on a cookie, but not with joy in eating it. Carla was sitting in Wendy's lap, also staring into the ground. "Did something happen?"

"She didn't like it." Gray bluntly replied putting the snow globe down. My heart was seized from beating for a moment. Lucy didn't like it? She didn't like the decorations? "What'd you mean? Did you guys mess up or-"

"Lucy-San made it very clear that we should not have barged into her home, and put up the ornaments. Whatever we did it made it to where Lucy yelled at us to leave. It was very shocking and...unlike her to do that." Wendy rubbed her arms from getting chills. You could see the joy sucking away from my comrades, and that made me mad. "I'm going to talk to her." I let go of the stump allowing the tree to fall when I went around to jump to Lucy's window. Erza stopped me with her hand on my shoulder. "Natsu, that wouldn't be wise to do. Maybe for once, we should just leave her be..."

"...Nah. There's obviously something wrong with Luce, so I have to help her." Erza glared into my soul, but I didn't budge. I went to Lucy's window thanking Mavis that it was unlocked. When I cracked the window, I heard a heartbreaking sound I never wished to hear. Lucy was crying, not just small crying, she was sobbing. I allowed myself in when I saw Lucy taking ornaments down from their place, as doing so was crying in the process. Her cries were loud that she couldn't hear my footsteps. I was behind her as she was jumbling Christmas lights up in a knot.

Without warning, I pulled her into my chest as my arms wrapped around her. Lucy's crying stopped when her body froze. She accidentally dropped the lights when she fell to her knees, but I fell with her. I couldn't see her face, but I knew tears were still sliding down her cheeks. The side of my face lied on her shoulder blade. "This is why you didn't promise me, did you? About telling us if you're ever in pain, you would talk to us..." Lucy didn't say anything back. "I'm guessing it's not because you can't decorate?" I asked when Lucy shook her head.

I was silent for the next few minutes, waiting patiently for Lucy to make a move. Silently, she sighed in defeat. "When a holiday shows up, especially Christmas, I relive horrible memories of my past." Lucy admitted grabbing for my forearm with her right hand, she gripped my arm as if it was her lifeline. "All the things FairyTail does for the holidays, relates back to my parents. My life before one Christmas morning."

"What happened?" Lucy began to shake.
"I lost my mom on Christmas morning. My father died a week later with a broken heart. I lost my home, my friends, and the childhood innocence of believing." Her head dropped down, when I could hear the teardrops fall to the wooden floor, the sound of a large storm only beginning with a slight trickle of rain. "And for the past eleven years, including the three years of being a part of Fairy Tail, I've suffered through every holiday reliving the moments with the family I lost. The longer I live through any special holiday, the more it just seems to hurt me. I only wish to forget my family; to forget about the pain I have to live with in my heart. It'll never go away..." Lucy cried putting her left hand over her eyes.

Lucy has been suffering for basically her whole life, and she never told any of us. We never helped her to find the true meaning about what Christmas is, or what really any of the holiday means. She was only a child before her parents could actually explain what it really meant, so now deep in her heart, it only reminds her of the emotional and mental pain of seeing the memories of her parents. To Lucy, the holidays are a day, even to weeks, months of torment... I pulled her closer to me. "Luce, the pain you feel now will only grow worse if you just ignore it."

"You don't think I figured that out? Of course I know if I just wallow in my pity it'll grow worse, which is why I want to forget it all. If I forget the memories of my family, then the pain will go away as well. That's the only way to solve my situation." I shook my head. "You're wrong." I said, hearing her gasp quietly. "If you forget the memories of your parents, the family you had, then a piece of you would be torn away. The person you are today is because of your loss, it made you Lucy of Fairy Tail, it made you the Celestial Wizard you are, it brought you to Fairy Tail." Lucy slowly turned to my direction. When I could see her face, her eyes were puffy and bloodshot red, her face was swollen from how hard she was crying, and there was a trail of tears that scarred her face until it would eventually fade away. "Without your memories, or the pain you feel, it may be possible we would've never met Luce. Igneel also told me something traumatic in our lives happen for a reason, and in the end, if you keep your head high then you'll find a happy ending."

Tears formed in Lucy's eyes. "What's my happy ending, Natsu?" She questioned when I pulled her head into the crook of my neck. My hand caressed her head as my other arm wrapped her into me. I could sense so much pain in her, it waved off her like a beacon. I leaned my head on hers. "Your happy ending, is to make new memories with your new family. So instead of thinking of the bad memories, you can make good memories that can bring you joy, instead of pain. You may have been alone for so long Lucy, but Fairy Tail will always be with you no matter what. It may take time, but I'm certain our nakamas can heal you with making memories of your own. Start making memories now, instead of reliving them in the past."

I felt Lucy's hand snake around my waist. "When did you suddenly become so wise?" She jokingly asked as she giggled softly. I continued caressing her head, playing with her blonde hair between my fingers. "Since I heard you crying." I replied. Lucy pulled away a minute later, rubbing her eyes with her hands. "I'm okay now. I feel better, and I think you're right Natsu. About making new memories of my own." Both of us stood up before she picked up the knotted Christmas lights. "Do you think, the team would like to come back inside, and decorate? I need to apologize for my behavior. I didn't mean it, or at least, I don't think I did."

"Say no more. I'll get them."

Of course no one was mad when I quickly told them what was really going on when I met them outside. In fact, they all felt very guilty for not helping Lucy through the emotional pain she's suffered. For the rest of the night, Lucy smiled. Of course we could read her eyes that held grief. When she helped bake with Erza I could see a small tear running down her face. When we brought the tree in and started to decorate she didn't say a single word to any of us. As we all sang carols Lucy would simply nod her head with the melody.

But we didn't push her, because only time, and Fairy Tail can heal her wounds. Thankfully, Lucy has both. When we finished Carla and Happy popped a question of making hot cocoa. And of course, everyone agreed because who doesn't like hot cocoa?! As we sat around the table eating freshly baked cookies and hot chocolate, there was laughter and stories filling the air. Around the table one of us would tell stories as we all listened. None of us realized the story telling came to Lucy now.

"Lucy-San?" Wendy politely asked. "Can you tell us a story of what Christmas was like, before...you know?" Wendy faded from her question when she shook her head. "I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't of asked!" Lucy only smiled at Wendy when a quiet giggle slipped. "It's fine Wendy. In fact, this may give you guys a chance to see what my parents were like."

I held Michelle in my arms as I ran up the stairs. While Mama was in the library, Papa was in his studies working. However, I noticed a speck of snow starting outside! Before entering Papa's studies, I knocked on the door...then barging in without a care in the world! "Papa! Papa, snow is falling!" My father turned around as he dropped the papers he was reading. "You're right Lucy! Snow is beginning to fall."

"Can we play outside? Pretty please?" I begged running around the large wooden desk to grab for his leg. I heard his heartily laugh before picking me up. "Well, let's get your mother and put our coats on." I was shaking from the amount of happiness hearing my papa say that. I've only seen snow once in my life, well twice now. Before I couldn't go outside because I was already in bed for the night, and I was sick with a cold. I ran out of the office with my father behind me to reach the library we had. Inside was thousands of books that I haven't read, but when I'm old enough I'll be able to read the big books like mama does.

My mother was wrapped in a silk blanket, sitting in a plush chair that was near the fireplace. Her attention went to the door that opened, "My little Lucy! Did you come to read with mama?" I shook my head. "Snow outside Mama! Papa said we can play outside, but not without you. Please join us?" Her smile grew. "Of course my little girl. Let's grab our coats and play for as long as you like." My mother picked me up and wrapped her arms around me securely. She went to Father before grabbing his arm. "I'll get Lucy ready my Love. Please grab my coat for me?" My father put mom's hair strands back behind her ear. "Of course dear. I'll be waiting by the back door."

Inside my room mama helped me put on a pink peacoat that has a hoodie to cover my head. She put kitty gloves and a white, fuzzy scarf around my neck. Before putting my hoodie over me I also had white earmuffs. She helped me put on black leggings and brown boots that were also fuzzy inside of it. My mother helped me down the stairs then wearied through the kitchen to reach the backdoor.

There my father stood waiting patiently with his warm clothing already on, as he held mom's coat. "I also got your scarf, gloves, and earmuffs. I don't wish to see you get sick." Papa helped his lovely wife into her warm outfit, after placing a kiss on her cheek. I watched my mother's cheeks become rosy.

Outside was a white winter, there was already an inch of snow on the ground. I ran out dancing in the soft snow that gently fell from the sky above, and then sticking my tongue out to catch one. For maybe an hour I did my first angel, a snowball fight with me and mom against papa; we obviously won. The sun was starting to set when I finished taking a warm bath and sat in Papa's lap as Mama read us a story. I didn't really listen to her soft voice, for some reason her voice would send me into a dream that lullabied me into it.

This was the year I lost them.

Lucy wiped a tear away from her eye, but still smiled from her story. "I used to love it when we had snow. Now, I can't even look outside if it is snowing..." I put my hand over hers, her hands cold even though she was sipping on hot chocolate. I smiled to her, and looked to everyone else that sat in the circle. "If Lucy's up for it, we should go to the park. Maybe play in the snow for a bit?" Wendy clapped her hands from an idea she thought. "Maybe we can spend the night with Lucy-San tonight! That is if she's okay with it?"

Lucy glanced at all of us, but stopped when she looked at me. "To move on, I'll need to make good memories...to remember what the holidays really mean." Lucy stood up before grinning. "Let me grab my coat." I watched as Erza jumped up from the floor. "This will be my first time playing in the snow!" She admitted shaking from excitement. All of our jaws, except Erza, fell to the ground. "You've never played in the snow! Come on we must have when we were little!" Erza shook her head. "I was far more mature when I was younger. Younger me thought playing in the snow was childish, but now I really wanna try it out." The scarlet woman admitted blushing in embarrassment. Lucy smiled from her comment. "All the more reasons to go and play in the snow."

We left a minute later with all of us, excluding the Ice Freak, wearing warm clothes to protect us from the cold. Our group made it to the park as the sun was slowly beginning to set, we would only have an hour to play in the snow. I was pumped when I suggested a snowball fight. Everyone was on board when we all paired up into groups; girls against boys. The girl won because Lucy called her spirits and Erza was a manic on drugs. The only person that actually was cautious about hurting one of us was Wendy, but she still was merciless like her teammates. Girls are terrifying.

After being defeated Erza begged for us to do snow angels. Erza did hers first, not making an angel, but what looked like a perfect circle from the way she was moving so fast. We all took turns, Lucy being last when I laid down next to her. "Wanna do it together?" I asked staring into her brown orbs. Lucy nodded, having a sad smile on her face. Lucy and I did it a minute when we both helped each other to stand back up. My angel didn't look like a pretty angel, the wings were all screwy and weird shaped. But Lucy's, was perfect. It was clearly a snow angel with perfect wings and all. I had a lopsided smile when I used my hand to make a halo. "There! Now you have the perfect angel Lucy!" Lucy could only roll her eyes.

The sun was gone by the time we reached the apartment again. Lucy gave everyone extra blankets and pillows as we all lied down around the fireplace for warmth. I lied close to Lucy as she watched the flames dance on the burning embers of the log. "It hurts." She whispered, glancing over me. "Doing all of this...It hurts me to where I wasn't able to breathe for some time." A tear formed in her iris. "But I'm trying Natsu. I want to find the joy in this holiday, I want to celebrate with my nakamas." Lucy closed her eyes as she allowed the tear to fall down her cheek. I scooted closer not leaving any room between me and her. I made Lucy use my arm as a pillow when she cuddled close for the warmth of my body temperature. "It'll get better Lucy. After all these years, the first one is going to hurt the worst, but your healing will take time. We'll stay as long as we have to in order to make sure you are okay."

"What if I'm never okay again?" Lucy asked in the crook of my neck. My arm draped around her waist to pull her closer. "Then we'll keep waiting, until you're ready. I don't care if you never want to celebrate any holidays again, we'll just slowly make you do them until you're finally comfortable to keep pushing forward. If this is all we do for Christmas, then so be it." I concluded letting my fingers play with Lucy's blonde locks. The Celestial Mage sighed from exhaustion. "I'll keep trying." Lucy promised soon holding onto the sweater I was wearing with her hands on my back. My nose caressed her forehead in return.
"I know you will Luce. Merry Christmas." My lips spoke, soon feeling my eyes close for sleep.

I then felt a spark on my lips, a soft but warm sensation on my lips. "Merry Christmas Natsu." Lucy replied back very closely, then found herself back in my arms.