My eyes followed his hips as they swayed, the perfectly timed rhythm of the dance, and it crashed down like waves. It rose and fell, the harsh beats crashed like against rocky mountainsides, but he made it look effortless. Choi Yeonjun made it look perfect.

"Okay, on the third beat—" he caught his breath. "—you have to go quick." His back faced the mirrors now, his eyes loosely watching me. The warm practice room lights reflected off the sweat on his body, it trailed down his neck and landed in his collarbone, stuck in the deep curve. I licked my lips.

With the music switched off, the only sound was Yeonjun's labored breathing. I watched his puffy, velvety lips suck in air, his hands on his hips. Before my eyes could hungrily devour the scene of his body in front of me, he pivoted gracefully away, tugging his shirt up to wipe his face. I could only see the side of him, the porcelain, pale skin that wraps his abdomen tightly, but I could still tell how flat it was, I could still see where the skin was taut and tightened over muscles. I looked down at myself, my oversized T-shirt hiding my frame, and subconsciously touched my stomach. In the back of my mind, I registered I was shaking my leg. Soft. The skin on my stomach was soft and stretchy, that is why my belly is HueningKai's favorite for belly rubs. I flexed, and I could feel the muscles tighten and the ab lines appear. But it is not enough. I'm never perfect enough because that is all everyone expects from me. I'm the leader, the representation of my group. I'm the most popular member somehow: the responsibility for our success, is heavily on me.

"Wanna start from the top?" My eyes quickly meant Yeonjun's but my gaze was shaky.

"S-sounds good.." I hoped up, my eyes kept on the ground. I was so lazy, just sitting there when Yeonjun sweated. It is no wonder why he possesses a perfect physique while I lack it; It is no wonder why Yeonjun's face is sharper, his jawline and cheekbones more defined: he works harder. Yeonjun, he puts in the work for his body: works out late at night after our schedules, no late night snakes, eats his day time meals with care, and constantly working hard at dance practice. I'll never amount to him.

I puff out my cheeks while getting in formation, the old habit I learned always coming out when I'm insecure and anxious. Many fans tell me it is cute when I puff my cheeks out. I look at myself in the mirror as Yeonjun runs to start the music. But it's not cute. It is a reminder every single day that I need to fix something. It is a reminder that I'm not perfect. All those years ago when as a little boy I shyly scurried into our trainers office, anxiety so high yet I was so insecure I deemed interaction with a human being worth it, I nearly broke down asking him what I could do to lose weight in my face. I remember babbling about Taehyun and Beomgyu, about how their faces are so sharp, so skinny. Mine, was never skinny enough. My face, was fat.

The trainer could tell this was an issue and tried to lighten my mood, joked about how Taehyun and Beomgyu have skinny faces because they talk so much. He saw me as pathetic, I see that now. He suggested I puff out my cheeks to work my face muscles, because he knew I'd never start talking more.

Yeonjun sprinted back to his place, eyes shining with passion. I know mines look dead. If the eyes show the soul, Yeonjun's is flying. And mine, mine is a shapeless and pale face beneath the surface of a frozen lake, my blue lips shivering but too scared to speak.

Pathetic indeed.

We danced. We moved our forms around each other, we watched ourselves glide in the mirrors, our eyes forever made and taught and trained to seek out any imperfections. And for some sparing movements, we touched, just our fingertips or shoulders, but it made the air heavier to breathe, it made it harder for me to manage my breath. My heartbeat picked up and I was left breathless.

When the music fell, when the beats and waves crashed down to an end, we let our hands hold us up on our knees and our bodies stopped as we faced each other hunched over. There was five feet of space between my face and his, but with the lack of distance I noticed something. Maybe I had been too caught up in my head, as my anxiety lets it happen so easily. But with his face so close to mine, I didn't see a twinkle in his eye.

Maybe his soul is as dead as mine.

Author's note:

**Disclaimer!!!!
•that story abt Soobin puffing his cheeks to lose weight is true!!!!

Please give Soobin lots of love and support in a healthy way. Tell him his great qualities, not only physical ones.

Anyway, I updated! Wow that took me awhile sry!

I wrote this chapter today and uploaded as quick as possible.

How are you?

I've missed you guys so much.

I'm sorry this chapter is so bad bc I'm not a good writing and just keep getting worse and worse. I'm sorry.