A/N:  The prompt was to write an Alternative History account of Columbus if he sailed around Africa and landed somewhere in the Pacific.  I did something very different with this prompt.  I imagined that the place he ended was sophisticated enough to have a newspaper at the time.  This is that newspaper.  Please don't take offense to the Horror Scopes, they are for fun.  I'm July.  :)  Also if you use pepperoni or normal toppings the recipe really works.  Round Bread = Flour Tortilla.

October 12, 1492

Man claims to have seen the edge of the World!

By: Adoni Akala

Recently, a fleet of three ships arrived on the shores of Terra. The ships all hail from the country of Spain. The Spanish vessels were heading west until they reached the land of India. India is well known for their spice and silk trade. India is also located to the east of Spain. The men in charge of the enterprise miscalculated the size of the planet and thought they could head west and eventually reach the country of Spices. Surely, they would have run out of provisions before reaching India, also there is that other little problem. Captain Vicente Yáñez Pinzón claims to have seen the edge of the world during his travel. First the three ships stopped in the Canary Islands for supplies. This is when their journey took an unexpected turn.

See Flat Land Theory Page 6

Men Discover "New" Land

By: Allora Binda

Three ships recently landed on the shores of our fine Terra. According to Rodrigo de Triana, a lookout on the Pinta, King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella promised to give the ship-mate who first spotted land a lifetime pension. "I couldn't believe it when I was the one who spotted land!" Triana gushed. However, his excitement was short lived for the admiral of the Santa Maria claimed that he saw a red light on the land two hours earlier. "That crook of an admiral cheated me out of my pension!"  Triana could be overheard saying.  

See New Land Page 6

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Opinions

Dear Editor, 

Intruders!  That's what I call those men landing on the fine shores of Terra.  I heard that many of them men were criminals on account that the Admiral of the ship, he who won't be named, couldn't get any real sailors to join him.  Probably because they had more than half a brain cell!  They bring their crime and their diseases.  Terra doesn't need that.  This is why we must build a wall! 

Your's Truly, 

Onyx Taworri

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Entertainment  

Horror scopes

By: Jarra Jarrah

January: You will go far and stay there.

February: Take a bath with a whale shark, stinky.

March: Don't talk back to your superiors, unless you want your butt to be redder than Uluru Ayers Rock.

April: Who needs enemies when all your friends hate you?

May: You are not wise. You're otherwise.

June: Your money is no good here or anywhere. It's fake.

July: You are as lovely as a Bandicoot butt.

August: You are proof that two wrongs don't make a right.

September: When you are in bad company, you're alone.

October: Don't jump into a kangaroo fight. You Psycho.

November: You make people happy... whenever you leave.

December: You are multilingual, if speaking dingo-shat is considered another language.

Come to the outback where you too can watch the boxing Kangaroos in action.  

Only $3.00 admission fee.

Can you find the Ten Hidden Words?

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Life Style

Ships of the Rich and Famous

By: Rabi Lee

I had the great honor to tour the ship nicknamed La Pinta, or the Painted One. While it is tradition for Spanish boats to be named after a saint and have a nickname, I could not find out the true name of this boat. Captain Martín Alonso Pinzón, claims that even the owner of La Pinta, Cristobal Quintero, could not remember the ship's actual name. La Pinta is the fastest of the three ships that landed in Terra. The ship is a small caravel. It can hold 26 men and its deck measures 17 feet by 56 feet. The sixty-ton vessel has three sails. I daren't step foot under the deck for this ship, which was most likely built in 1441, smells of unwashed men on a long voyage. Tomorrow, I'll be discussing the smallest of the three vessels, La Niña.

Recipe:

Pizza For One

Round Bread

1 TBS Marinara

Shredded Mozzerella

Favorite Toppings such as whale shark or snake meat

Get your fire device heated up to about 350 degrees.  Spread Marinara on the round bread, load that bad boy up with cheese and put your snake meat on top.  Cook for about 5-10 minutes until cheese is melted.  

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Obituaries

Euora Kimba, 52, Terra South passed away yesterday at her home after contracting an odd illness. Euora was born on Jan. 20 1440 and is survived by her twin daughters, Alkina and Alinga aged 30. She loved her job at Bobbi's fish market, where she was one of the best fish catchers of Terra. Her twenty grandchildren sure will miss her.

Christopher Columbus, 41, Genoa had a violent encounter when he tried to interfere with a boxing Kangaroo fight. Born October 31 1451, Columbus should have paid attention to his horror scope and perhaps he could have avoided this whole ghastly mess.  He came to the shores of Terra recently on the Santa Maria. He wasn't very well respected by his men. He is survived by his mistress Beatriz Enríquez de Arana and his two sons, Diego and Fernando. He won't be missed.

Classifieds

Bobbi's Fish Market now hiring. Must be a good fisherperson. EOE

Uluru Ayers Rock now hiring a tour guide.

For Sale: Small trinkets that fell off the back of a ship.  Plenty of merchandise to choose from.  Call 555-5555

Roommate Wanted: Those born in June need not apply.  No Scrubs, no uggs, 555-5655

Personal ad: If you like Terra Tequila, A little bit of pain, If your not into deserts and don't have a brain. Pay your child support, Ponto!

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New Land

Allora Binda

The three ships not only brought their hungry and unwashed masses to the shores of Terra, but they brought foreign flags. The men placed the flag of Spain in Terra's soil claiming they discovered this land for the Spanish monarchy. When this reporter pointed out that Terra was already discovered and had been "discovered" for the last 50,000 years the men asked: "What's Terra?" They are now calling this land Salvador Rojo. (Red Savior) However, some insist the land is to be called Australis Incognita.

Flat Land Theory

Adoni Akala

When asked about the edge of the world, Pinzón, captain of the Niña had this to say: "That idiot admiral of ours nearly killed the entire fleet." Pinzón goes on to say that the edge of the world is marked with water spouts.

When asked about the land mass between Spain and India the captain hedged saying that the idea was absurd. When confronted with the evidence from the top Terra Scientists that the world is indeed round, the captain asked: "Who are you going to believe, me, or those fake news scientists?"