I can't sleep, I can't stop crying. I lay in my bed, cocooned in my fluffy white bedding. My pajamas warm my cold and shaking body. Karen walks by to look inside every now and then, making sure I'm okay. But I'm not, I'm not okay.

"My babies!" I wail, this episode growing more intense than the last. "Karen..." She walks in and sits down as she wasn't far away. I didn't have to raise my voice at all.

"Stevie, we've been through this."

"It's been th-three w-w-weeks. He won't c-call me back." I stammer.

"Shhh...give him time"

"I miss them, Karen. I'm empty"

"The doctor says you're dealing with detox really well" she says in a positive tone, changing the subject.

"It doesn't feel like it"

"I'm proud of you" She smiles down at me and I take her hand in mine. She squeezes it comfortingly then smoothes it over with her thumbs.

"Can you call him? Please?"

"I will try, Stevie."

"Put it on speaker?"

"Sure" She takes her cellphone out of her pocket and dials his number. The loud ringing fills the room and Karen puts her finger to her lips. "If he picks up, you don't speak, okay?"

"Okay" It rings a few more times and I hold my breath as I hear a pause.

"Hey, This is Lindsey. Leave a message and I might get back to you" She hangs up before we hear the tone.

"I'm sorry, Stevie. It's just his voicemail"

"Does he not love me anymore?"

"He loves you so much but he's hurting. He watched you spiral even further than I did. I couldn't stay after what I saw, I can't imagine how he's feeling. And you cheated on him with Don. He's so committed to you and you threw it away. You treated him like he didn't matter. You know what that feels like Stevie, I don't know why you did that to him."

"I didn't mean to...I just wanted him to pay attention to me"

"You did it the wrong way."

"I know I did" I say, crying once more. "I love him so much. I'm in love with him. And my babies..."

"He will call when he is ready. And when that time comes, you guys need to talk."

"Yes we do"

"Get some sleep honey." She pats my hand and gets up.

The crying exhausts me enough to sleep but it's an unpleasant slumber as my dreams are intense and depressing. Karen works on unpacking my things as that had fallen to the wayside with all of the horrible detox symptoms I experienced from the get-go. Unzip the luggage, sort the clothes and toiletries, fold the clean clothes, wash the dirty and zip the luggage back. She does this over and over for hours.

When I awake, it's morning. The sun comes in softly through the windows, my gauzy drapes only filtering the light and making it less harsh. I can tell Karen has been in because there is a cup of coffee on my night stand and my black out shades had been pushed aside.

"Ah! You're up!" She says, passing by like a night watchman. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit" I tell her, sitting up. "I'm so nauseous"

"Do you still want breakfast? I can make you something bland"

"No, thank you. The coffee is fine"

"Alright but eventually you will have to eat something"

"I know" I sit up, sipping my coffee slowly.

"Do you want company?" She asks and I nod. "Want to watch a movie?"

"That sounds great. I just want to feel normal"

"You will."

"I hope so"

"Lindsey is going to be so happy to see how far you've come" Karen says. She pats my knee, going in search of a DVD downstairs. The phone rings and I pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Stevie" The voice is familiar but unwelcome.

"Why are you calling me?"

"I just wanted to check on you"

"Congratulations. You've checked on me" I say sarcastically.

"Don't be like that"

"Be like what, Don? I ruined my marriage for you and you didn't give two shits about me! I cared about you and you destroyed me"

"You destroyed yourself"

"Maybe...but you definitely helped"

"Fair enough" he says. It's silent for a minute then he speaks. "I love you, Stevie"

"Don't you dare say that to me. You have no right."

"I know I don't but it doesn't make it any less true"

"I'm done" I tell him. "Lose my number" I slam the phone down, crying.

"What happened? Who was on the phone?" Karen asks, coming back upstairs with one of my favorite movies in her hand and a bowl of popcorn.

"Don"

She rolls her eyes. "Did you tell him to shove it?"

I chuckle. "I guess sort of. I told him to lose my number"

"Good girl" she says.

"I was hoping it was Lindsey." I tell her sadly.

"I know you were but like I said, he will call when he's ready"

"If it's okay with you, can I have a minute alone? I want to call my mom."

"Sure honey. Just let me know when you're ready to watch the movie"

"Leave the popcorn" I tell her as she turns to leave. She smiles at me and I return a crooked smile.

I pop a couple pieces of popcorn in my mouth and dial my mother's number. It is picked up immediately.

"Hello?"

"Hi mommy!" I say, excited to speak to her.

"What a surprise! How are you, TeeDee?"

"I'm doing much better."

"I heard we almost lost you, sweet girl. Your father and I would be devastated"

"I know, mama. I'm so sorry. I wasn't in a good frame of mind but I'm changing. I'm getting help"

"Are you going to be in a facility?"

"No, I have a counselor that comes to the house and I see a doctor twice a week"

"Oh my goodness..."

"I'm healthy. I've been working really hard" I tell her. In the quiet, I hear laughter in the background.

"Do you have company? I can call back"

"No, no honey. It was just the tv."

"Oh, okay." I feel better about knowing I'm not interrupting her and we chat for a few more minutes. When we hang up, a strange feeling washes over me. The laughter I heard sounded so familiar and it didn't seem like something I had heard on television at all.