I'm getting ready for bed. I've taken off my makeup, brushed my hair and my teeth and put on a little silk slip. I shake my hair down from the clip and turn off the light, entering the bedroom. When I get there, Lindsey is all a sprawled out looking at one of our many, many photo albums.

"Which one is that?" I ask, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"2002" he says. "Look at our beautiful wedding"

"That was one of the very best days of my life. I could relive it again and again."

"And you looked sexy as hell in that dress. Man..." He runs his fingers over the picture. My dress was corset style with a long elaborate lace train with off the shoulder lace detailing and exposed a lot of cleavage. My hair cascaded down my back in golden curls and my make up was immaculate. We were married by a close friend by the sea, the waves crashing in the background. It was so hard to hear each other when we said our vows but it didn't matter. We knew we meant every word as we recommitted ourselves to one another.

"And you looked so handsome in your suit" I reply.

"It is hard to believe you just had Willow less than a year before." We turn the pages and progress through baby pictures that didn't make it into Willow's official book, oohing and ahhing over our then-new baby.

"Dovey" I say, touching the pictures as I remember the events of the day each of them were taken. We get closer to the end and he closes it quickly, taking it away. "Lindsey..."

"We don't have to relive that, Stevie. That's the only bad thing that has happened to us that year."

"I want to look at it" I tell him. "I want to remember" He eventually opens the book back up and hands me the tiny black and white ultrasound picture.

"It still hurts" he says. "You'd think after over two years it wouldn't kill me but it still does" I nod, knowing exactly how he feels.

In 2002, we had fallen pregnant again. It was even more of a surprise than with Willow because I was truly going through 'the change' and Willow had just turned a year old. My cycles were all over the place. I had gone to the doctor for my yearly and there it was, this teeny tiny little being. Lindsey was brought back to me in the exam room by a tight-lipped nurse and he looked panicked.

"What's going on?" He asks, pale as a ghost.

"Look, honey." I point to the screen and the technician turns it so he can see.

"What...we're?" He takes a seat next to me in shock. I turn to look at him and tears are trickling down his cheeks. "Oh my god, Stephanie! We're pregnant!" I nod, I'm crying too and he kisses my temple, taking my little hand in both of his large ones.

"You're going to have to be very, very careful. You're definitely considered high risk. No stress." The doctor says, minutes after reviewing our ultrasound. "Other than that, everything looks great. Congratulations"

Overjoyed, we head home and I have to tell someone, anyone though I know I should wait. Karen is in the kitchen making Aria lunch and Willow is asleep upstairs in her crib.

"Come with me!" I say, pulling her from the counter and into another room.

"What the hell, Stevie?!" She seems irritated and annoyed that I've been so forceful as she takes her wrist back from me.

"Shhh! Look!" I hand her the ultrasound photo and a smile breaks out across her face.

"Oh my God!" She squeals, hugging me tightly. "Go right to bed, don't lift anything, don't stress about anything! Let us take care of you and that precious, precious baby" I giggle at her enthusiasm and head up the stairs, clutching this tiny picture in my hands to my chest.

Lindsey finished preparing lunch for our eldest and brought me tea and a grilled cheese sandwich in our room on a little sickbed tray.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"A little overwhelmed. I can't believe it! I mean, we're pregnant...did you even think?"

"Never in a million years. It's a miracle! Wow...a third little Buckingham running around." I nod, and he kisses me. "My swimmers...they still got it" He flexes his muscles and is feeling oh so manly. His pride is swelling before my eyes and I can't help but laugh.

"Shut up, you big goofball!" I say, pulling him by his tee shirt collar to my lips. I end up draping my arms around his neck and he is in a push up position over my body, intensifying our kiss. When he thinks we have gone too far, he pulls away. I feel his arousal and I want him so badly. The love I have always felt for him multiplies by 1000 when I'm pregnant and I would do anything to have him right now.

"Not until it's safe" he tells me. "I want to, too. But we're not out of the woods yet." I nod at his concern and I stroke his face. "I love you and this little one so much that I can't stand it."

"I love you too. We love you" I say, patting my non-existent bump. He leans over to kiss me again then tells me to eat.

"I'll be back in a few. Just going to check on Aria"

"I'm sure Karen can handle it" I tell him. "Don't leave."

He looks at the door then at me and sighs. "Fine. Clingy!"

"I'm not clingy. I just love you. I want to spend time with you. We were just told something completely insane just an hour ago. Be with me."

"I will. There's no getting rid of me now" He sits next to me on the bed, just looking at me. "You are so amazing. Your body...I'm sorry, I'm in shock"

"Clearly!" I rub his back soothingly. "You know, we might have to tell the others...y'know with the album..."

"Oh, I don't even want to think about that."

"I can still go in and put in the work. It's not a big deal." I tell him. "I just feel like at some point maybe one of the boys will notice despite being mostly oblivious"

Lindsey chuckles for a split second before his face goes back to its serious expression. "You don't need the stress, baby. This pregnancy is going to be hard and I want everything to go well. For you and for Baby Buckingham Number Three"

"Baby has quite the long title"

"Well, B3 for short"

"You're adorable" I can't help but touch him. His arms, his gorgeous hair, his face and the slight stubble growing on his chin.

"You're the adorable one" He pats my stomach and cuddles into me.

The weeks pass and I feel so good. There's no morning sickness- I'm actually hungry all the time. I have so much energy and my skin looks better than it ever has. Lindsey is very careful with me, very protective. He is always there to help with every little thing, juggling two kids basically on his own so I can rest. We agree to a meeting with the band so we can discuss the final album mix and various other little things. Karen helps me put the kids to bed while Lindsey is at the studio for a couple of hours. I feel a little twinge in my side but think nothing of it. Aches and pains are normal in a pregnancy and as I was nearing my second trimester, I expected little growing pains this time. It's my third child, I should have things figured out.

Lindsey comes home and we bring out the wine and snacks so we can have the meeting here instead of going out.

"How are you guys?" He asks, rubbing my tiny belly as I had just begun to show the slightest bit.

"Good!" I say but he knows something is going on. He doesn't voice it right away but I feel him studying me.

"Good" he replies and I breathe a sigh of relief.

Mick and John arrive and I'm in the bathroom finishing my makeup retouch. I go about my business and that's when I realize I'm bleeding. I lay a sanitary pad in my panties and continue on down the stairs to greet everyone.

"Don't drink" I whisper to Lindsey as he pours the other glasses.

"Why?" He asks and I don't answer.

I sit down on the couch and the cramps are awful. I try to listen to the conversation but I'm truly going in and out. I feel sick and light headed and when I stand up, I faint. Lindsey flies into a panic and is making over me, trying to wake me up. When I come to, everyone is standing around me.

"Are you alright, love?" Mick asks.

"I'm taking you to the hospital" Lindsey announces.

"No, no" I tell him. The cramps are getting stronger and when he sits me up it only makes them worse.

"What's wrong?" John asks, seeing my pale face and the sweat forming from the pain.

"She's pregnant." Lindsey tells them and they look stunned.

"I'm bleeding, Lindsey. I'm losing the baby" I sob and he scoops me up. We all pile into our SUV and head to the hospital. Mick calls Karen for me and tells her what happened. She's already with the girls so there was no worry there. I'm praying everything is okay but deep down I know they're gone. So many people ask me so many different questions and I withdraw into myself. Mick and John eventually leave and it's just Lindsey and I. We hold each other as we cry, devastated.

"Losing our baby was the most painful thing we have ever been through together, Steph" he says, shaking me out of the memory.

"Do you still think about them?" I ask, realizing I'm crying. I don't even remember the tears forming.

"Every minute of every day " he says, playing with the bracelet he had made for me as it lay on the nightstand. "Forever in our hearts, sweet angel" he reads.

"Forever in our hearts" I repeat, placing the picture back into the photo album. "Forever and ever"