"Are we really trusting her?" Dabi said, once Shigaraki reported what he'd learned.

"No, but there's no stopping her," Shigaraki grumbled, "I hate that Pro so much. She cannot get caught soon enough."

"But if she is, we're no closer to Kurogiri either," Compress said, "So it's just not a good deal...and the Originals sound a bit more dangerous than we had anticipated."

"They're like spiders," Silk commented, "They spin a web of all these leads to catch their prey, and then they drain their quirks. That's what it looks like. That Pro is as good as de-powered."

[Funny story, my sister said the same spider thing about them before she even read this chapter. Guess we really think alike.]

"I do wonder why she's risking that," Compress mused, "What does she get out of it?"

"She just likes the buzz," Dabi said, "She's a moron. And since when do we care what Pros' motives are?"

"Well, I merely thought if she turned out to be a real hero after all, Spinner and you might feel a bit bad about it," Compress said snidely. He was still mad from the other day. "After all, Stain would approve."

"Stain would never approve a Pro who takes money for being one, is that popular, and hates relying on others---that's who he'd hate," Spinner said.

"You do take his teaching very literally and to the letter, don't you?" Compress said.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Spinner said.

"You know," Lethe spoke to Shigaraki aside, "her knowing you came to her house is dangerous. I could pay her a visit, fix it so she doesn't know that anymore."

"What?" Shigaraki was puzzled.

Lethe smiled unnervingly. "I am very persuasive. In fact, I could make sure she remembered the whole thing very differently."

"Threats will not work on that woman," Shigaraki said.

"I didn't mean threats," Lethe said, "She'd never know I was there."

"What is your quirk anyway?" Shigaraki said.

Lethe said, "I'd tell you, but you'd forget about it anyway." He shrugged. "So shall I?"

"No!" Shigaraki was not going to authorize it if he didn't know what it was. The stupid kid could mess everything up. Especially if someone saw him.

"Suit yourself." Lethe walked away.

Shigaraki didn't like not knowing someone's powers...

He pulled Dabi aside.

"I want you to get in touch with Likstar. Don't mention the deal, but we might need help from someone outside the law. Someone who can't be traced."

"If you want her help, go ask her yourself." Dabi was surprisingly resistant. "I'm done with her. I'm sick of them."

Shigaraki did not expect this mutiny. "What? That was an order!"

"And I'm telling you, not happening," Dabi said, "I'm done... Get someone else to do it." He walked away.

What was gong on with him? Shigaraki ought to rend him limb from limb...but he doubted Dabi would give him the chance to do so, so he didn't.

"Demanding my mind be set free from wanting the things I don't need. My pride is hiding its lies behind all the dreams living inside

 Delusion is weighing me down. Its taking the hope that I've found and given me nothing back. Heart attack

so now I'm on my tip toes trying to see past my ego, reaching for something more than this feeling of being important, leaving my heart behind. It's bleeding, but still my pride is screaming, 'my future will listen to me'.

 Will I always know this divide? Living host to this war inside. Take this ghost of me with the tide to die and release my heart to come alive.

The feeling is creeping in slow. It's feeding my need to be know and giving me nothing back. Heart attack."

* * *

After what happened when she portaled, Shine and Wally had had a long talk/prayer session.

"I've always known not to let people like him into my portals. It was an accident," Shine said. 

"Hey, you couldn't help it," Wally said, "We just need to get him back out... How do we do that?"

"I believe if I open one, and we cleanse it...but I've never had to do it before... Or maybe we could just say it..." Shine said.

After some amount of time dong both those things...Shine began to feel lighter, like the exhaustion on her for the last week had just drained away-- and the heaviness too.

Wally could feel it too. "I can tell you're back to yourself now, right?"

She nodded. "I can't believe I didn't think of that before."

"Don't worry about it," Wally said, "You always try to figure it all out and remember everything, but you know, all of us forget stuff and make dumb mistakes."

"Did you just say I made a dumb mistake?" Shine said archly.

"Huh? No, I'm saying in general," Wally said.

Shine smirked, then kissed him. "Sometimes you reminded me of Kaminari, you know."

"Do I...? No, I can see it... It's the lightning bolt, right?"

"And being cute."

"Hey." Wally pretended to be offended. "You forgot cool."

"Well, now that I'm feeling better...let's do something actually fun," Shine said, "and then later I can talk to Todoroki."

Wally snorted a laughed. "Yeah, you're back." He rubbed her head. "Good."

* * *

The following day Shine was back to her normal activities, to everyone's relief. And she did talk to Shoto.

By now, he'd held it in so long, it wasn't any effort at all to get him to talk. All she had to do was ask him what had gone wrong.

The whole story came pouring out with the accompanying rage.

Shine listened quietly, though she knew most of it already...but dang, Dabi had been harsh. Poor Shoto.

She wasn't prepared for the end of it though. Shoto looked up at her with anger and said, "You don't really seem surprised to hear this... I thought it might be the case. Did you know?"

Uh oh... Oh no, oh no, oh no.

Shine couldn't lie to him--so her mind blanked.

That pretty much answered his question.

"Answer me," he said anyway, rage turning into fire coming out of his left eye, "You knew."

Shine nodded in a small way.

Shoto sank back into a chair,  he'd been standing.

"And you didn't tell me..." he said in a dreadful voice, "I trusted you..."

Shine had no snide remark for this.

"I am sorry," she said.

"Sorry? You think that's going to make it okay?" Shoto said, "You kept that from me...and he told you...before me..."

"I figured it out after I went to your house," Shine said slowly, "You remember? The pictures."

A look of understanding crossed his face and then more anger. "That was why? You knew that long ago...months?"

Shine bit her lip. "I had to confirm it."

"And you did? Yet you still didn't tell me."

"I was asked not to."

"By him? And you took that?" Shoto was not at all appeased.

"I didn't think betraying his trust was the right thing to do," Shine said.

"And what about mine? What about everything we talked about...not withholding things I needed to know? Or did you think you were qualified to make that call on my life with my family? This wasn't your business, Likstar, it was mine!"

Shine listened but didn't accept it.

"I understand how you feel," she said, "I know I would be upset too, if I were you."

Shoto glared at her. "And you still have an excuse?"

"A reason. I don't know that I'd call it an excuse. I...can't pick between you and Dabi... That's not how it works. If you had asked me not to tell him something, I would have complied with that. Unless perhaps it would harm him... I knew the truth would come out to you sooner or later, whether I told you or not. So I didn't worry about it. He had his own time to tell you. Why should I take that from him? It's his life and his family too... You may not like that, but do you think I can just pick and choose which of you I will be trustworthy to? Can you ask me to do that?"

Shoto wanted to ask her to do exactly that. Why should she care about Dabi's trust?

"You know what kind of person he is?" He was deadly. "A murderer...a villain...the worst kind... He tried to kill you and Yaoyurozu and Bakugo..."

"He didn't though."

"So what? He's no brother of mine, Shine."

Shine met that outburst with a laugh. To his shock.

It was a dry, ironic laugh. But still.

"Is this funny to you? My family?" he said, almost scary.

Shine shook her head. "Forgive me. I was just thinking how odd it was to say he's not your brother...like doing bad things makes someone not related to you. I know you don't think of your father as your father...but he is still your father... Nothing changes facts." She smiled to herself. "There was a time I wished I could disown my dad though... I guess I still do at times...but I have another Father...so I don't need to worry about it."

Shoto looked at her like she was crazy. "This is not the time for this, Likstar... You don't understand. You never have."

"Don't you talk to me like that, Shoto," Shine said more heatedly, "I know you are angry, but do you really think I do not understand? I might be the only one around here who would. The shame and humiliation you must be feeling right now...I know all about it, and the anger you have towards me. I get it. I knew you'd be angry if you found out...but I didn't change my mind. And I won't change it now. I would do the same thing over again tomorrow."

Silence.

"In that case, I guess there's nothing left to talk about." Shoto stood up. "I guess I know now...what to expect of you."

That hurt, even if Shine didn't take his anger really as much to heart as he meant her to. She knew he was not thinking straight.

"Shoto..." she spoke softly, "I did not want to hurt you. I hope you will forgive me eventually...but, you know...can't I love your brother as well as you? Is that so wrong?"

"You think he deserves that?" Shoto said darkly, "He wants us dead."

"And you never wanted that?" Shine was always so honest. "And I never did? I can't judge him for that."

"We didn't act on it."

"Had I been brought up different, who knows what I would have acted on? And you...are you less hateful than him by nature?" Shine said poignantly, "Are you wiser? I love you, but I wouldn't say so. Oh, he's bad, I know that...but you see, if I do not judge you for what you've told me you've done and thought and felt, and what I've seen you do myself...then why would I judge him? Is there a great difference?"

"Of course there is... Murder is the worst crime of all," Shoto said.

"Oh, no, Shoto," Shine said, "Damning someone is the worst crime of all, when you are not God, whose right it is to damn. You see, murder only destroys the body. And Jesus told us not to fear men who can destroy the body, but to fear God. But when we hate someone to the point where we'd wish them dead and not hope that they will repent, but in fact, we are like Hamlet, and hope that they won't, just so they can be punished to our satisfaction...then we are damning them in our hearts, at least. Unforgiveness is worse than murder. It's murder from the heart... And if Dabi is guilty of that too, he is no more guilty than you are, is he?"

Shoto gave her a stunned look like she'd slapped him.

"Or me," Shine added, being honest still, "but I learned...and I'm glad I did...I hated being that way."

"You..." Shoto sputtered, "I...I can't talk to you anymore." He left and slammed the door.

Since it was his room this was funny, but Shine wasn't laughing. She got up and exited also.

Momo saw her come down the stairs.

"Did...he tell you?" she asked.

Shine nodded, then she put a hand on Momo's shoulder. "He's too mad at me... I know it's a lot to ask, but could you be there for him...? I know he trusts you."

Momo nodded. "Of course. That's just a given...but...oh, Shine, don't tell me you knew..."

"I don't really want to explain it again," Shine said, "I had reasons... Try to understand that. Well, I really didn't think he was ready yet... Dabi has made a fine mess for all of us. But if it's any consolation, I am sure he is much more miserable right now than we are."

In that she was quite right.

* * *

Dabi remembered everything from his past so clearly...like it was scarred into his memory the way his burns were onto his skin.

He'd wanted to be a Hero like his dad at one time...but then he couldn't. His body was suited for ice, not fire, but he had fire... It was like some sick, cosmic joke.

If he'd believed in God, he would have hated God for making him that way.

With time and age, he'd come to feel society was the problem. It was sick, obsessed...and it ruined his family.

Maybe it all would have been different without heroes...without All Might...

But Endeavor was responsible for being consumed by his own obsession.

And then that little brat Shoto came along...everything handed to him on a silver platter. It was disgusting. It was unfair.

Likstar thought it didn't matter, but what did she know of the suffering they all went through because of this? What could she do to make that any better?

And West, talking like it was so simple-- it was just a matter of the crimes he'd committed.

But it wasn't... Dabi was broken inside... He had been for a long time... He didn't even know when it had started. He knew he was, too... Even if he had a clean slate, he'd be the same tomorrow as he was today...a monster.

[If anyone wonders...I am not following canon exactly on Dabi's backstory. When I found out more about it, I thought it just wasn't consistent with his portrayal so far on the show, that he would be too different from the way he is if he was like that as a kid. I've seen abused people firsthand, and being that unstable is rare, but it doesn't go away. He wouldn't have become more self controlled as an adult, which he clearly is. Toga is psychotic in a similar way, and she's clearly the same. 

With all due respect to the author, I think he is trying too hard to make it dramatic to the point where it no longer feels right with the beginning of Dabi's part in the show or his other values expressed in it. So I decided to tweak more to what I thought had made sense. I'll go into more detail in the actual writing, but I just wanted to clarify here what the plan was. Thanks for reading :)]

* * *

Miss Joke visited Shine at UA the day after all this, to see how she was-- and managed to meet the new counselor while she was at it.

Cece sure had made an impression on all the students...and staff.

Shine still liked her though. So they all had lunch while Cece was on her break. It was mostly just gossiping about the other teachers.

Cece did drop this hint though: "I had a session with Aizawa the other day though, and he mentioned being glad you were okay," talking to Miss Joke.

"Oh, how sweet." Miss Joke didn't take that too seriously.

Shine smirked. "The kids are saying he's more upbeat these days."

"What are you two implying?" Emi asked, as they exchanged smug looks.

"Oh, just that Eraser may have a teeny, tiny little crush on you," Cece said.

"What? No way," Miss Joke snorted, "Don't be ridiculous. All that is just a joke--one he doesn't even like, I might add."

"Mmm, but maybe you're the joke he does like, huh?" Cece said slyly.

Shine laughed. "Well, now that Kaminari and Jiro are dating, who knows? It could be catching. Once the first pair goes in a friend group, the rest of them feel like they can."

"Ooh, Likstar, I bet you know all the crushes, since you get to watch them up close," Cece said.

"Oh, yeah, I know it all," Shine said, "but I'm not telling you. They'd never forgive me if the Counselor bugged them about it."

"I wouldn't." Cece feigned innocence.

"You would," Shine said.

Miss Joke changed the subject. "So, did you patch it up with Mirko yet, Shine?"

"Oh, that woman. I got a real read on her superiority complex," Cece said, "Like a female Bakugo."

"You think she's so bad as that," Shine said.

"I thought you liked Bakugo," Cece said.

"I do, but I know your opinion of him... I thought Rumi was the type of person you like. You know, doesn't give a crap about what other people think, kicks rear in battle, that type of thing."

"Oh, sure," Cece said, "but she's arrogant. Eh, what Pro isn't though?"

Miss Joke took a sip of tea and eyed her.

"Oh, sorry..." Cece dived for her alcohol bottle.

"We're not all that arrogant," Miss Joke said.

"A real hero always wins is a pretty arrogant thing to say," Shine shrugged, "No one always wins, but I know you are smarter than that, Emi. It's just the way..." She frowned. "At least it is for now...but you know, I don't think that this is going to last much longer..."

"Dark," Cece said, "Ah, well, hero society is messed up anyway."

"But still that same arrogance you don't like is what keeps the peace," Miss Joke spoke up, "because people have faith in heroes. And they commit less crimes if they feel the world is a safe place."

Cece shrugged. "Maybe..."

"Not at all," Shine said vehemently, "Safety has never stopped crime. Saying that danger increases it is merely an excuse. Sin started before death and risk dominated this world. Do you think it would go away if the world was perfectly safe? Human nature isn't that pliable. That's a big lie they teach you heroes so that you'll do what they want."

"Aren't you making a pretty heavy accusation there?" Miss Joke said, "It sounds like you think we teach students things to brainwash them a certain way."

"I do," Shine said.

Cece almost choked on her whiskey. "Wow...in front of a teacher too."

Shine had forgotten that. "Oh...sorry, Emi. I didn't mean to direct that at you."

Miss Joke had never been offended by anything Shine said before, but that did bug her just a little. "Do you really think that?"

Shine didn't have a quirk for it, but she was still brutally honest.

"I...can't help but see some patterns in the mantra that is taught... I'm sure the teachers believe it too but...look at society. It's just not working, is it?"

"But what would be better?" Miss Joke said, "What ideology would do more for the world than heroism has?"

"Oh, a lot of them would if people would follow them." Shine got a little mad. "But you see, most of them will never be forced onto people on pains of getting labeled a criminal otherwise. You know what other eras did that? Ones of the most persecution and execution of people who didn't fit the system. I do not like any idealogy that says you're a corrupt person if you don't adhere to it."

"But yours is the same. That is what you religious types believe." Miss Joke was mad now.

Cece just kept sipping her drink, like she was trying not to interject something here.

Shine was quiet a second, then she nodded. "Many of us...but strictly speaking...it's not exactly what mine teaches. The difference is, all the others say if you are in the sect, you are a good person...even if you don't live that way. That's not what we teach. Our point is that even if you are good, you are not perfect. And perfection is all that will make you truly good...but at the same time, Faith can make you righteous where nothing else can... It's a complicated thing...but it's simple. I wouldn't say it's the same as what we were talking about."

"Oh, well, everyone says they're different," Cece finally couldn't resist saying.

Shine nodded. "I suppose so... Well, it wouldn't matter what I said if my actions didn't back it up. Anyway, arguing about hero society is not really what I need to do. It'll crumble on its own. I'm not here to push for it...but if you're looking for comfort about it, I'm afraid I'm not the best person to talk to either. We should change the subject."

They tried to, but Miss Joke burst out only a few minutes later, "Still, if you really think I am just corrupting students, then you should have said so ages ago!"

Cece sighed. "Here we go..."

"I don't think you personally are trying to do anything," Shine said.

"But that implies you think I am still part of it," Miss Joke said.

"Emi...would you quit being a teacher if you honestly thought it wasn't helping your students to become heroes?" Shine said, "I mean really helping them as individuals."

"Well...of course I would--" Miss Joke paused. What did that mean exactly?

"What do you mean not helping them?"

"I mean if they are more kind, or smart, or brave, or empathetic to others. If they are more humble about their flaws and more sure about their values, is it helping them?"

"Well...sure, I would hope so," Miss Joke said.

"If so, then teach them," Shine shrugged, "Ketsubutsu must just be different from UA."

Cece laughed. "Oh...how I wish I could say she was wrong..."

"What, Even you think this?" Miss Joke had thought it herself, but it was rather odd to hear the Counselor say so.

"That UA makes kids more unhealthy? Oh, heck yeah." Cece didn't even hesitate. "It's obvious, right?"

Miss Joke shrugged...but the fight seemed averted at least. They went back to talking about normal things.