Part 249: Confessions
Compress and Silk wondered why all four of them seemed shaken up when they came back. Shigaraki was the least so, but he still wouldn't say much till Medea was out of the room.
The news about Lethe worried both of them. Compress knew it was a bad thing for all of them. Silk seemed to take it a bit more personally however. She bit her lip and shook her head and was very quiet.
She also could provide no answer as to who took Lethe or Yin. She didn't recognize the powers or remember any particularly scary girl in the Elite Originals.
She went off by herself afterward. Compress wasn't sure what she was thinking.
Spinner was too distracted by the news of Stain's killer to remember his secondary mission until Medea asked him about it.
"I...think it went okay," he said, reddening. "It was hard to say. Maybe they'll talk now."
But Mirko hadn't really believed him when he said the problem was resolved and had forgotten about it after what happened, so she was acting just as standoffish as before.
Shigaraki wasn't exactly the type of person to just soften up either.
So at first it seemed none of the internal tension in the League was going to be abated.
* * *
Compress noticed Silk had not reappeared after 6 hours and, after searching the house thoroughly, that she was not inside it.
Reluctantly, he went out into the woods outside to search for her. None of the LOV much cared for woods since the Giant had chased them around in them for 2 days straight. Only Spinner was at home enough in nature to let that go.
It took a while to find Silk, and he suspected he might actually be lost himself, before he stumbled upon her sitting at the top of a small hill, overlooking the city that was several kilometers from them. She was weaving blades of grass together in a bored fashion, but her expression was wistful.
Compress had taken off coat, hat, and mask in the heat of his exertion, but there was a nice breeze up here.
Silk looked up when he snapped a twig.
"Atsuhiro...why are you out here?"
"You've been gone a while, you know. You shouldn't scare people like that. There are dangerous people in the woods," Compress said dryly.
"I think I can handle a prowler," Silk said flatly.
"Never know..." Compress sat down a little ways away. "Nice view though. I'd almost say it was worth the trek--almost. So, why are you hiding out here?"
"I'm not hiding," Silk lied.
"Uh huh." Compress could be annoyingly smug.
"Why do you care?" Silk said bitterly.
"Pardon me? I think I have been trying to find out for a while." Compress was offended. "But you never talk."
"Is not something I want to talk about," Silk said.
"So you prefer to just sulk until the day you die, and no one will ever know, and we can all just keep walking on eggshells??"
"Maybe! Don't be so melodramatic."
"Might as well tell me not to breathe. I think we know how well that went for you last time." Compress finally got a reaction.
Silk flinched. "So that is what this is about. The past."
"It would seem that is what you're brooding over, yes."
"Brooding is such a condescending way to put it," Silk said.
"Pondering? Ruminating? Sulking? Pick a verb," Compress shot back.
Silk rolled her eyes and sighed. "You know, I may not have liked him very much, but I did worry about Lethe, or Yuma, is his real name. Just a little kid caught up in that mess. And I knew he wasn't one of us deep down. He just tried to think he was... In small way, reminds me of Boss now."
"Yes..." Compress was glad Shigaraki was too far away to possibly hear him say that.
"It just makes me realize all over again that I can't forget about what happened," Silk said. "I think I was in some delusion, maybe for many years. I wonder, if not for me, maybe Lethe never would have been reeled in by them."
"From my memory, it really has nothing to do with you." Compress honestly believed that. Lethe never seemed to care about Silk's wishes.
"Even so, I accomplice, as they say. Maybe I felt like it was his choice, but now, is not his choice, and whatever happened to his little friend sounded horrible beyond belief," Silk said. "I don't see how I can live with that. But I must... I have not liked myself for long time. That is just truth. But I not care. Yet, if I not in Originals anymore, and I hate what I am because of them, then what am I? What can I do? Where do I go?"
"You could stay right here," Compress said meaningfully. "I thought these last several weeks have been fun."
"Fun?" Silk snorted. "Fun maybe. But is just a fantasy. People like us don't do normal things like date and have a normal life. We all kid ourselves with this extended break. And today is just reminder of that. They will find us, sooner or later...and even if somehow, we escaped, do you just forget?"
She shook her head. "There is reason Villains stay Villains, Atsuhiro. Being a Villain long enough changes you. Changes you into something ugly and despicable. I not mean this personally--I find League is mostly nice enough, at least to each other. But is different for me. I should have known better. Truthfully, my parents would be ashamed of me, and that was reason for me going down this road... At least, it started it. I know, I left off what they would have wanted years ago, but I didn't care." She looked at her hands and the grass. "If I would do these things, and knowingly, then what kind of creature am I? And what could I ever hope to do to atone for it? It's just... But how could you understand that? You like being a Villain."
"Eh...it has its moments." Compress shrugged. "But it's not as if I can't imagine feeling the way you d., I am an actor. I get into a role. It's true, my family would likely be proud of my life choices. We weren't...the squeakiest clean bunch of individuals. But I'm not immune to the fact that most families wouldn't exactly be so...open-minded, shall I say? But between the two of us, I do get tired of the scene from time to time. Being in hiding doesn't suit me. I like the spotlight."
"You miss it," Silk said.
"I guess I do. Of course I like to be on the winning side, but...well, all of us except Twice and Toga have begun having second thoughts...and you know, I may not be the wisest or most pure or most insightful person, but if you've come to regret your past, perhaps that's a sign you have changed...if changing is what you want to do."
"Changing is what I am expected to do," Silk said.
"So?" Compress said lazily, leaning on a rock.
"I agree with the expectation. If I'm going to get second chance, I should use it to change," Silk said. "But I don't feel right in the League. Partly, is guilt. And partly, I am not sure we want the same things. I don't know what I want anymore. I would help League out of sense of obligation, but I don't know how long I would do that. I am hopeless."
"But you are being honest," Compress said.
"You can be so cruel sometimes," Silk said deflatedly.
Compress shrugged. "The truth hurts--probably why I never much cared for it...but I must admit, there is something I've really wanted to know for a while now. When you did decide to help me escape, why did you?"
The question changed the tone of the conversation. Silk became quiet. The air was heavy.
"Does it matter?" she finally said.
"I think so--to me, anyway."
"Why? You want to have something to stoke your ego?" Silk said tightly. "Laugh at me?"
"Never!" In shocked tones.
"See? You can't take anything seriously," Silk said. "You expect me to answer personal question like that.... I won't do it."
Compress took her hand, making her jump. "Forgive me, I am not good at being perfectly sincere.... I believe that is what we have in common. But you know what they say--the only way to con a con is to tell the truth...so I have been wondering for some time if that is, in fact, how you fooled me."
"You wanted to be fooled." Silk pulled back. "Don't lie to me. I know your game. You enjoyed the excitement... You like mystery. Dramatic flairs can be a real Achilles heel."
"Nice reference."
"Shut up."
"Well, you are right--mystery and intrigue are good--to a point," Compress said, "but if the mask reveal doesn't come at some point during the show, isn't it left kind of hollow for the audience?"
"There are whole forms of theater where mask never comes off." Silk was too cultured for that to work.
"Well, I suppose." Compress was put out. "They aren't really as personal though."
Silk bit her lip again. "Personal, huh? How personal was it, then?"
"I thought I made that quite clear, or do you not remember anything?" Compress said slyly.
Silk moved away. "Not the time for that. Don't remind me of it. It was embarrassing."
"Embarrassing!?" Compress was offended for real. "Well, you sure didn't act embarrassed at the time."
Silk blushed beet red. "I couldn't think."
"So that was just instinct, then."
"Stop that!" Silk said. "I am not that Rabbit. Do not try to bait me." She was cold.
Compress regained his composure a little. "Apologies... Well, you see, this is how I am. I'm kind of not a good guy either."
"I'm well aware," Silk said dryly.
"You act like you are so much better than the rest of us," Compress said, "and while I do find that attractive, I wonder, if you think you've done it so wrong all this time, why do you act that way."
"Why do you act that way?"
"Because being common is just beneath me," Compress said.
"Or both of us need to feel like we're better than other Villains to sleep at night," Silk said, "live with the comforting thought that they could never be as polished as us. We're refined, classy, able to look above just spite and desperation, unlike those other mooks. But who are we really kidding? Style doesn't make us any more virtuous than them. That crass little girl is worth two of me, and that dumb Bunny is still braver than I am. Probably why I hate her so much."
"Oh, so it is jealousy," Compress didn't help by saying. "I wondered where all that tension stemmed from.... You know, I think she's jealous of you, though. People like you."
"Because I am fake," Silk said. "Being real, even if you're a jerk, and still having people be willing to accept that, I envy that. I wouldn't say that to her though."
"I imagine not.... Can't say I blame you.... Perhaps it's like how I think it's so blasted unfair that a pathetic whiner like Spinner can get treated just as seriously as myself in this League."
"But Spinner can do things also, when he's not being put down. He make strides forward when people needed him to," Silk said. "And being needed, it turns out, is more powerful motive than just wanting to impress people."
She was right about that.
"Well, there you have it." Compress gestured blandly. "No one has ever needed me."
Silence.
"Me neither," Silk said slowly. "I was always alone or a burden, I thought, to relatives... Not like we were rich...but I can't say I join cult exactly for that. It did make me feel important though...give me a purpose. So many people will sell their soul just to feel like they are vital to something."
"Now that, that I understand," Compress said. "Who knows...? I might do the same thing."
"But you pay price," Silk said soberly. "They chew you up, spit you out, and you feel more worthless than before. Just another face to them. I knew that Hantai didn't care about Elites, truly, but seeing him prove it to me, right to my face...it all just fell apart. I wasted my time in that cult, I know it. If they got what they wanted, the world would be worse off. They value no one, nothing, if it's in their way. And I must have known that deep down, but I didn't want to leave and be nothing and no one...assuming I'd even survive."
She wiped tears away. "The League has let me come back out of pity. Don't think I don't know that. Shigaraki is, for all his odd ideas and destructive tendencies, a much kinder person than the Originals would have kept around. Is for your sake, he is tolerating my presence. I see it. I know the others feel the same way. And you just felt responsible for getting me in trouble with the cult, so you felt you had to take me back here..."
"Are you...mad?" Compress said.
"Maybe," Silk said, sniffling miserably and pulling a handkerchief out of her arm. [Another sentence that is just so weird out of context.] She wiped her eyes more.
"You think this is about pity?" Compress said. "Listen, my dear, I assure you, I have never indulged in pity make outs."
"Ew!" Silk was a least startled enough to pause and give him a weird look.
"Well, it's repulsive to even suggest it, so who's really being crass right now?" Compress shot back.
"I--uh---well...I suppose." Silk reddened again.
"And what, are you playing with me out of pity again?" Compress said. "Is that what this is about--going out a bit, just to lessen the blow later?"
"Nyet!" Silk said sharply. "Pridurok [Moron]!"
"Then what was it about?" Compress leaned closer. She was not getting out of this again.
Silk faltered. "I... Why does it matter?"
"It matters to me." Not acting that line.
"The magician is playing straight, huh?" Silk said. "I guess is true--wonders never cease... I..."
She looked down. "What do you want me to say? That I wasn't pretending everything? That I didn't expect to meet anyone I actually liked on this mission? That you made me laugh, and it was more bearable to be here...? I can't say all that. I'm a con."
"Pity," Compress said. "If you had said that, I would have been tempted to tell you the real reason I kidnapped you."
"I guess we never know."
"I guess not," Compress said, smiling wryly.
Silk looked at him, half ashamed and half intently.
Compress pulled her closer into one of those slow, movie kisses.
Silk didn't stop him...but she pulled away after moment. "You shouldn't do that...not if we're just going to keep playing with the truth."
"So who's playing?" Compress said.
"Why did you kidnap me?"
"Oh, that was just a joke," Compress said.
Silk smacked him.
"I mean because clearly you wanted to come. Jeez, temper temper," he said.
Silk made a "tch" noise.
"Maybe we should just both be honest," she said, "at same time."
"No games?" Compress said.
"I'm tired of games," Silk said.
"Me too, I admit... On the count of three, then?"
"A little cheesy. Maybe just go now."
"Very well. I prepared a speech for this moment." Compress cleared his throat.
Silk shook her head. "Don't."
"Sorry, professional habit... What I meant to say was...to be perfectly honest, for once in my life...I really never cared that much about anyone. I knew you were hiding things...but I didn't want to be suspicious... I felt a connection. Maybe I was more lonesome than I thought I was. That is the truth. I swear on my mask."
"Swear on that?" Silk said.
"The thing that conceals truth? Of course, what else would a performer swear by?" Compress said.
Silk tilted her head. "So I'm special, is that it? I've heard that line before."
"Well, most well rehearsed lines were once truth at some point, weren't they?" Compress said. "What else is theater based on? Somewhere out there, someone must mean that when they say it. Real life is stranger than fiction, as they say. So it would be strange, but not unreal, if I said that was true."
Silk slowly smiled. "Then, in truth, I have never met anyone quite like you, Atsuhiro."
"I know that." Compress was cocky as ever.
"And you can be extremely annoying," Silk sassed back. "But who isn't annoying at times...? In the end, is true, I found it endearing...so, ready for honesty?"
"As ready as a conman can be," Compress said.
"That is most honest thing you say...so, 1, 2,--"
"3! The truth is, I fell--"
"I fell for you." Silk finished at the same time as him.
They both seemed surprised.
"Oh...somehow I was not expecting that," Compress said.
"Me neither," Silk said. "You're...serious?"
"Are you?"
"Of course!" Silk seemed a little mad now. "That was honest time--you dolt! Why else do you think I let Lethe take those memories? Was too painful to think about that. But it was dreadful of me, because if it was so real, than I was...how did Shakespeare put it...? 'more villain thou'?...yes, more villain for that, when it came down to it, though...I couldn't go through with it." She looked very sober.
"Well...to be more forthright...I had thought I might kill you if I ever saw you again," Compress said. "I was quite frustrated. I told myself it was just pride...but it was an act, naturally... As soon as I found you again, I knew that rage was more than wounded pride... I was furious that you would forget me, because I figured I would never forget you."
Silk sniffled. "Again, so cheesy."
"Perhaps, again, it's true."
"Is quite a leap for either of us to believe the other," Silk said. "Can you trust someone who is dishonest most of the time?"
"But we're two cons," Compress said, "and cons can only con each other by being honest."
"Logic...is astounding." Silk was weakening. "A con this convincing might really make one wonder..."
Compress slowly put a hand to her face. "Admittedly...we're not very good people... People like us, you're right, don't usually have anything real or true... Who knew we even wanted it? We're kind of a pathetic pair, aren't we? But perhaps it's best if we stick together, then. Who else would deserve to be stuck with either of us?"
Silk smiled slightly. "That is...the first thing you've said about it that made sense...in a way...but I don't know... I still think I'm worse."
"I think you're worse too," Compress said.
Silk glared at him.
"At the very least, you're worse at decision making," Compress said. "I mean, errors have been made, but there was fault all around. I let myself be deceived after all, so even if the rest of the League is judging you, I won't, Kira. We're both fools, as far as I'm concerned."
Silk teared up a little again... "Da...I guess that is true... You are a fool."
"Well, that was not an open invitation for mockery--" Compress was cut off by her leaning in and kissing him finally.
[Hmm...probably my weirdest couple, but, dang, are they always making out or what? They're the only pair it really feels right with--it's not really the others' style. I hope you all appreciate all the kiss scenes you get just because of this ship.]
* * *
Mirko was watching a movie much later that evening, not really focusing on it.
Medea had fallen asleep in a chair, but Mirko was way too wired to sleep.
Shigaraki slowly came into the room and sat down not that far from her.
This was...new.
Mirko supposed he was here to chew her out for coming to that club at all...not that it was her fault; it was the League being meddling b----s.
But Shigaraki said absolutely nothing.
It got awkward.
"Do you want something?" She finally broke the silence.
"Spinner said I should explain," Shigaraki said.
Mirko sniffed contemptuously. "Spinner can go suck an egg... Lizards do that, right?"
"That's kind of quirkist."
"Bunny, remember? Whatever... Spinner might mean well, but he's an idiot," Mirko said.
"You shouldn't say that about him."
Mirko frowned and went back to being silent.
"Just for clarity's sake," Shigaraki finally made himself go on, "I wasn't avoiding you for any reason that had to do with your actions."
"Admitting you were, now?" Mirko said. "Funny."
What did Spinner say to him? She wondered. He was usually so bad at people skills.
"Are you difficult on purpose?" Shigaraki was sour.
"Oh, difficult? Me?" Mirko said. "Wow...and who was making all this way harder than it needed to be, moron? I tried to get to the bottom of it--that didn't go so well, but sure, I'm difficult."
Silence again.
"Fair enough." Shigaraki sounded strained... Wait, was he actually trying to apologize?
Mirko went from angry to puzzled.
"There may have been some misunderstanding..." Shigaraki tried further. "Again, not anything you did, just...with...quirks and other things."
That was just confusing...
"I don't get it." Mirko was not faking being kerflummoxed.
"It's not important." Shigaraki didn't really know why he felt like he would rather die than explain it to her, but since he did, he wasn't about to. "It's cleared up now."
Mirko shook her head. "Just like that. No explanation."
"Why do you need one?"
"Because--" Mirko fumbled... Why was she demanding one...? This was already a pretty big concession... She probably wasn't going to get one even if she demanded it...
If she'd learned anything in the League, it was that you have to have realistic expectations of what someone will--and will not--do. Unlike Heroes.
She swallowed her pride.
"I guess I don't...as long as this doesn't happen again."
Shigaraki was surprised she just let that go... Weird.
Mirko struggled to regain her normal nonchalance. "You really should be thanking me for earlier though. Those two piranhas were going to eat you."
"I didn't ask for help!" Shigaraki snapped.
"That is so typical Villain," Mirko said. "I'm supposed to be the one who says that, but you all are just as bad."
"If I thank you, will you shut up about it?" Shigaraki didn't want to talk about that experience ever again.
"What?" Mirko had been kidding. "Uh...sure...but--"
"Thank you, then." Shigaraki was not very gracious, but still.
Mirko smiled wryly. "No problema..."
She caught herself--Why was she smiling?
She shook it off. Good thing Compress wasn't around...she hoped.
Shigaraki was kind of smirking too, though...with that weird, cat-like grin he never really seemed to realize looked as freaky as it did.
One you got used to it, though, it wasn't really freaky, just odd.
[Any of you who might be Disney freaks might know there's a deleted song from Alice in Wonderland called "I'm odd" that the Chesire Cat was supposed to sing. Somehow this reminded me of it.]
"Why are you grinning?" she asked directly.
"What? I wasn't!" Shigaraki said.
"You so were!"
"Shut up!"
"What, you embarrassed or something?" Mirko taunted. "Like it's the end of the world for you to have a sense of humor or whatever...which of course you don't have."
"I have a sense of humor!" Shigaraki didn't really know what that meant. He'd never understood it that well... He knew what is was if other people had it, but the feeling of humor...it had probably being 12 years since he'd experienced that, and he didn't remember it. [Sadness.]
"No, you don't!" Mirko was starting to feel better now.
"I said to shut up!"
"Fine." Mirko did shut up for an awkward length of time.
Medea blinked sleepily but just turned and went on snoozing.
Shigaraki gazed at the movie for lack of anything else to do. "What is this piece of s---?"
"Can I talk now?" Mirko said.
"No!" Shigaraki said.
"Screw you. You don't tell me what to do." Mirko had just been waiting for a chance to say that. "And, FYI, it's called Charlie's Angels... Medea wanted to watch it...but honestly, the fight scenes are so fake and lame and old, it's more like a joke now. I guess at one time it was iconic...like watch this." She pointed. "That was the most fake jump kick ever."
"A child could tell that wasn't real." Shigaraki had to agree.
"Well, I guess that's why children watch it." Mirko shrugged, leaning on her hand. "Maybe a little escapism is okay now and then, but it's just a movie. Anyway, video games are more entertaining."
"Then why watch it?"
"I'm just kind of curious how it ends now." Mirko shrugged.
Shigaraki had nothing to say to that.
Silence ensued yet again.
Mirko hoped Medea would wake up--this was awkward.
They couldn't even talk about Lethe either, since she was in the room.
"Was it true?" Shigaraki finally broke the silence again.
"Huh? Was what? You didn't ask anything," Mirko said.
"Did your feelings get hurt?"
"By...? What?"
"Being ignored."
Mirko scowled. "Did Spinner say that too?"
Silence, which meant yes.
Mirko was not much for lying of course, but she was one to make light of her feelings.
"It's wussy to say things like that," she brushed it off. "Like I would let that get to me."
"That wasn't a no."
"And you're perceptive all the sudden?" Actually it was kind of freaking her out. "Just forget it. Whatever, it's in the past now." She didn't want to go over this again.
"It was unintentional."
Why did he feel the need to explain that?
Mirko began to think maybe he was looking for some sign of...forgiveness? Atonement? Acknowledgment? Did he care about things like that?
Well, Shigaraki was not one to hurt people's feelings--about the only thing he seemed to have scruples about, with that messing-with-people's-hearts and stuff. Maybe he was taking it so seriously because of Kurogiri.
She felt kind of bad now. It might be better to just make it clear she wasn't mad anymore.
"Hey, it's fine," she said more seriously, looking up. "Whatever. I get it, things get weird. I still don't get why, but I'm not the type to hold a grudge or anything. Don't worry about it."
That was the first time anyone had ever said that to him, though she didn't know that.
Shigaraki felt odd about it...
The feeling made him uncomfortable still...but now that he was taking Spinner's advice, he was holding back from just rushing out of the room and trying to get rid of it...though had Mirko noticed, he was gripping the edge of the chair he was in, nervously.
But the chair didn't disintegrate...
And after a bit, the nervousness turned into...a sort of calm...
It really was true it wasn't the same feeling as wanting to destroy. Spinner was right. Shigaraki really should pay more attention to his ideas.
[Not my takeaway, but at least it's a positive development.]
"So I really don't want to destroy her." He didn't realize he said that aloud.
Mirko had been going back to the movie, but now she looked up. "What was that?"
"Nothing." Shigaraki realized he'd spoken aloud.
"It sounded like something."
"It wasn't! Just thinking out loud."
Mirko shrugged and looked away.
Of course, she'd actually heard it. Her ears were too good to miss that. But she didn't want to push it...not sure how to understand that comment anyway...but at least it sounded like a good thing.
She smiled to herself. Maybe things would finally go back to normal-ish.
[Not likely. *Laughs in Author.*]
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