Prologue

Papalubog na ang araw nang huminto ang sasakyan sa pamilyar na kalsada. I hadn't had any expectations, pero tila ibang-iba na ang lugar na ito. Six long years had passed since I last walked these streets, and now, I felt like an outsider in the very place where I had grown up.

As I stepped out of the car and strolled through town, my memories flooded back. The old coffee shop, a relic from my past, still stood on the same corner. Its sign, though faded, held onto the essence of its former self. May bagong neon sign na itinabi roon, ngunit hindi inalis ang lumang sign na siyang kinalakihan ko. With a mix of curiosity and nostalgia, I decided to step inside.

Pagpasok ko ay sinalubong ako ng aroma ng kape. Gone were the worn-out leather couch we used to sit back then. Napalitan iyon ng mga makabangong sofa, at mas dumami pa ang mga mesa roon. Kahit tila ibang-iba na iyon sa dati, there were things that remained the same. The old tip jar on the counter, the painting on the wall, and the same tiny chalkboard still hangs on the wall. Doon sinusulat dati ang coffee of the day, and we as high school kids always order what was written on it. Nevertheless, it hadn't been removed, which brought a smile to my face as I approached it.

San Nicholas held a trove of memories, both bitter and sweet. The staff were now faces I couldn't quite recognize, a testament to how time had moved forward.

"Devon?"

Napalingon ako nang may tumawag sa pangalan ko. It was a girl, carrying a baby, while a toddler held the hem of her skirt.

"Devon! Ikaw nga!" She rushed towards me, but mindful of the kids she had with her. "Kumusta ka na?"

I smiled. "I'm good. How are you, Jenny?"

Alam kong masyadong matabang ang sagot ko, but we never had contact within the six years I was gone, at nang umalis ako ay hindi rin maayos ang pagkapaalam ko sa kanya. She was my high school best friend, one of the few people I trusted so much.

...and betrayed me.

"Ang ganda-ganda mo na!" Komento niya.

I prevented the urge to ask since when did I became ugly. Her presence evokes so many memories but I told myself I am over it. I forgive her, but I cannot forget it. Sa loob ko ay tinatanong ko kung saan siya kumukuha ng kapal ng mukha para ngumiti sa akin, as if what she did six years ago was nothing.

Pilit akong ngumiti. "Thank you," sagot ko. I know I am beautiful, at hindi rin ako plastic para sabihan siyang "you too" kahit hindi naman. She still looked the same, only older and sort of fat. I keep my observation to myself.

"Totoo nga ang sabi-sabi na uuwi ka!" Masayang kwento niya. She settled her toddler on the nearest chair, at inayos ang pagkakahawak sa sanggol.

I smiled at hindi nagkomento. Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa dala niyang bata to somewhat lessen the awkward air between us.

"Bunso namin ni June," sabi niya. Same old Jenny, madaldal pa rin kahit hindi ko naman tinatanong. So sila pala talaga ni June ang nagkatuluyan. They were high school sweethearts, and if I were to take a trip down the memory lane ay madalas na magkadouble date kami. Inalis ko ang alaalang iyon sa isipan. I'm here for a different purpose, hindi para makicatch up sa dati kong mga kakilala.

Ngiti lang ang naisagot ko, kasi ano ba dapat? Congratulate them? Tell them I'm happy for them? I decided to leave first because I hate meetings like this. "I have to—" Hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin dahil napatingin siya sa likuran ko at may kinawayan.

"Daddy! Look who's here!" tawag niya na may malawak na ngiti.

Dahan-dahan akong napalingon. It was June, Jenny's husband and dati rin namin classmate. But he wasn't just that June. He's also his best friend.

"Devon?" Halos hindi makapaniwalang bulalas ni June. "Ikaw nga! Kumusta ka na? Long time no see ah."

He tried to high five me— like what we always do dati ngunit nagkunwari akong hindi iyon nakita. Jenny immediately pulled her husband's hand pababa at tahimik na sumenyas.

Things just kept getting worst so i have to flee. "I'm good. It's nice to see you two. Pasensiya na, I can't stay longer.  I really have to g—"

"June!" tawag ng pamilyar na boses mula sa likuran ko. Kailan ba 'to matatapos? And why am I in this cliche scene na madalas ay sa movie o libro lamang nangyayari?

I don't have to look back to know whose voice it was. Anim na taon man ang lumipas ay kilala ko pa rin ang boses na iyon. Even though it sounded manlier than it was six years ago, ganoon  pa rin ang epekto ng boses na iyon. Only that this time there was pain and hatred.

Nanikip bigla ang dibdib ko. Coming back to this small town was a mistake, and visiting this coffee shop was even worse. Was this what I wanted to happen by coming here? I should have gone straight home.

Siguro nga ay may bahagi sa akin na gustong makita siya. To see if what happened six years ago still mattered. I wanted to know if he missed me or regretted why I left.

"Onli, pare, guess who's here!" bati ni June.

I turned my back to face him at ngayo'y pinagsisihan ko ang pagpunta rito. The moment our eyes met ay tila bahang nag-uunahan sa isipan ko ang lahat ng alaala. The academic bantering, the hate to love moments, the first kiss we shared, the first time we did it, and my first heart break.

Onli was my so many firsts, at gayon din ako sa kanya. In the end, it was all just a mistake of the past.

Wala akong nakitang kahit ano sa kanyang mga mata. He looked at me the way he looked at other people.

"Devon," nakangiting bati niya. "I just heard the news circulating San Nicolas just this morning, and now you're really here. Kumusta ka na?"

I wasn't fine. How could he ask me that as if he wasn't the reason I left in the first place? The audacity!

With that he just showed me that what we had before was not real. Our promises, our plans, wala. Gawa lang pala ng kabataan namin. I guess I invested my youth to the wrong person. Sinabihan ko na lamang ang sarili ko na ayos lamang iyon. It's not like I am the only person on Earth who made a lot of dumb things throughout their youth.

Pero hindi ko ipapakita na nanggagalaiti pa rin ako sa galit kahit anim na taon na ang lumipas. I was no longer hurt because of what happened before, I was mad dahil pinagmukha niya akong tanga.

And I am Serena Devon Vergara. I am smart, yet he made me realize how dumb I was dahil pinagkatiwalaan ko siya.

"Good," tipid kong tanong at bumaling kay Jenny. "I really have to go, mauna na ako." Sumenyas ako kay June, and I did the same to Onli at agad silang nilagpasan.

I have to thank my legs for not wobbling despite his presence, dahil sa totoo lang ay parang gusto nang bumigay ng mga tuhod ko. I hate myself for feeling this way. Bakit kahit galit na lamang ang nararamdaman ko para kay Onli ay ganoon pa rin amg epekto niya sa akin? He still makes my knees weak. He still takes my breath away. And I resent it. I despise him.

Nang makalabas ako ng pinto ay hinanap ko agad ang sasakyan ni Tito Alex na sumundo sa akin. Sinubukan kong tawagan si Tito ngunit nang ilabas ko ang cellphone ay wala pala iyong power. I got bored at the airport that I ended up watching a series hanggang sa namatay ang cellphone ko.

"Kung hinahanap mo si Mang Alex, he left dahil tinawagan siya ng isa sa mga suppliers nila. He said it was urgent," narinig kong sabi ni Onli mula sa likuran ko.

Hindi ko pinansin ang mga dagang naghahabulan sa dibdib ko. "Iniwan ako ni Tito Alex nang hindi man lang siya nagsabi?" No, he would not do that. Ako kaya ang paboritong pamangkin ni Tito Alex! Kaya malabong iwanan niya ako gayong anim na taon kaming hindi nagkita!

"Now you know how that felt," mahinang sabi niya ngunit hindi iyon nakatakas sa pandinig ko.

I almost rolled my eyes. "May sinasabi ka ba?"

He shook his head. "He doesn't want to leave without telling you but I guess he had no other choice," sabi niya. "In fact, binilin ka niya sa akin. I can take you home if you want."

What?

"No, thanks," kaswal kong tanggi.

"Figured that much," he said with a smile. Same old smile, iyong ngiting may kung ano. The kind of smile you wish you know what he was thinking about. "I know you're a strong, independent woman. Alam mo na ang sakayan—"

"Of course, I do kaya hindi mo na kailangang magmagandang loob," sabi ko at pilit na ngumiti. "I can manage."

"Okay."

Humakbang ako paalis, ngunit muli ko siyang nilingon nang may naalala. "Do they take cards?"

He crossed his arms. "Ha?"

"T-the drivers. Do they take cards?" Hello? Uso na kaya ang gcash o di kaya ay mga tap cards ngayon. Siguro naman umabot na rin iyon dito sa San Nicholas. Bigla ko lang naalala na wala pala akong dalang pera. I live on a card and online payments. Dahil walang power ang cellphone ko  cards are my only option for now.

Onli scoffed before pulling the keys from his back pocket. "Let's go."

"No—"

"Brat like you always are," komento niya. He pressed his fob key at tumunog ang itim na sedan mula sa 'di kalayuan.

Ako, brat? "Look, I have somewhere to go, okay? Kaya it will be a hassle for you to—"

"I have all day, Devon," seryosong sabi niya. "Let's go?"

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata. Anong bait-baitan na naman 'to? Is he trying to make me trust him again like I did before? Para ano, so he could make a fool out of me again?

"What's the catch, Onli?" I asked.

"There's no catch, okay. Just let me take you where you want to go," sagot niya at tumingin ng diretso sa akin. What I hate about him is that I cannot draw anything from his eyes. They say it's the mirror of the soul, but Onli's eyes seem to hide everything in them.

Kaysa magtalo pa kami roon ay napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako at pumasok sa sasakyan niya.

Nang makapasok na rin siya ay nakangiting binuhay niya ang makina. "So, where you want to go?"

"Home," tipid kong sagot.

"Home?" Tanong niya. "I thought you have somewhere to be—"

"Just take me home, Onli."

He laughed to my annoyance. "Same old impatient Devon. Okay, to the Vergara palace we go," sabi niya sa sarili at nagsimulang magmaneho.

Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa paligid. I don't want to strike a conversation with him dahil wala naman kaming pag-uusapan. What are we gonna talk about? His satisfaction in making a fool out of me?

"Bago ko makalimutan..." he paused at may kinuha  sa gilid niya. Kulay asul na envelope iyon at bigla na lamamg nagtambol ang dibdib ko. What, he's getting married?

I may have thought out load dahil narinig kong tumawa siya. "It's not what you think, okay? Invitation 'yan ng alumni homecoming natin."

"Oh." Wala akong ibang nasabi.

"If you need money for solicitation, I can send—"

"Presence. Your presence is what we need, Devon," seryosong sabi niya.

"My presence?" I let out a fake laugh. "In case you forgot, hindi ako alumnus ng San Nicolas."

"Just because you left three months before our graduation, hindi ibig sabihin ay hindi ka na bahagi ng San Nicolas High." Hindi niya inalis ang tingin sa daan. "You can come with me."

"With you?" Natatawang tanong ko. "And what, have a deja vu of that night? Patawa ka, Onli."

He suddenly parked the car to the side. Nang napatingin ako sa paligid ay walang mga bahay bahayan. Ang nakahilera sa gilid ng daan ay ang malawak na tubohan.

"Stop acting like a victim, Devon. Ikaw ang umalis nang walang paalam. And now what, you act like ako ang may kasalanan?" He said in a calm voice. "But that's all in the past. Sapat na siguro ang anim na taong pagkawala mo. Maybe that was the closure that I need."

"Walang paalam? Well for the record, after what you did, you don't deserve my farewell," sagot ko sa kanya. "But that was the thing of the past, Onli. Nadala lang tayo ng kabataan natin. None of it really mattered, right?"

Well for me, it mattered. Not because we were young doesn't mean we are not capable of loving back then. Akala ko dati ay siya na. Akala ko ay kami na. Akala ko lang pala.

He looked at me and I gathered all my strength to look back at him. Wala pa rin akong mababasang kahit ano sa mga mata niya. Sa huli ay siya ang unang nagbawi ng tingin.

"Right," pagsang-ayon niya. "None of that mattered at all." Muli niyang pinaandar ang sasakyan. "I'll take you home."

And I hate myself for feeling pain. So, our thing before really did not matter to him? We made promises, we did a lot of things together. We planned our future.

Ngunit lahat pala iyon ay dala lamang ng kabataan. The pang of pain in my chest was consuming me, ngunit pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Para saan pa na magagalit ako at isumbat sa kanya ang lahat? What happened before is not a simple misunderstanding. Hindi rin iyon maliit na bagay na maaayos kung pag-uusapan.

The love we felt for each other in our youth maybe burning hot, but it was flickering and cannot stand the tests of time that tried to quench it. With one single blow, it was all gone. Winasak ng pagkakataon at binura ng panahon.

But still, what cannot be erased is that Oliver Neil Lim Maniego owns my youth.

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