Divya

Today is our last day in New York, we will be leaving early morning tomorrow. I loved it here, this place gave me the best memories of my life.

Amar is already asleep and I am packing all our clothes back in the bags.

And as for Andrew and his father, they talked for an hour last night and they seemed civil after that. It was really late so we stayed at their place for the night. Yesterday was too tiring physically and emotionally, so I was knocked out the minute I got into bed.

Andrew went out this evening and is not back yet. I wanted to call and ask where he was but I didn't want to be clingy.

"Divya! Divya" I heard Andrew yelling from the kitchen. His voice calmed down my worrying heart.

Thank god! He is back and finally here safely.

"I am in my room, Andrew," I replied and continued folding Amar's clothes trying to act nonchalantly.

I didn't want to tell him my feeling until I told him about my past, but I couldn't stop myself after seeing him in pain yesterday. What can I say my heart has a mouth of its own.

I told him that I love him, but I am still scared that he will feel disgusted after he knows what Jay did to me. That's one of the reason's I am trying to be emotionally distant from him as much as possible.

"Linda told me that you didn't eat yet? Let's go and eat." He started dragging me along with him.

I was waiting for him to come back, I couldn't eat with worry in my mind that he hasn't been home for the last 5 hours.

"I didn't feel like eating and I am not hungry, Andrew!" I whined not giving him the real reason and followed him with a smile on the inside that he cared.

"I know you were waiting for me Divya, I had to go to Boston and the flights were delayed because of the weather." He said, placing the chicken tortellini on a plate and giving it to me.

I stood there analyzing his face, those beautiful eyes of his showed concern and worry for me. Is it wrong to enjoy the worry on someone's face? Because I did enjoy it, it made me feel wanted and important.

I sat there quietly watching him devour the pasta, as I stuffed myself with the food. I am not a fan of Italian, It's too bland for my liking.

After I was done eating, Andrew took my plate with his and rinsed it even though I protested that I could do it by myself.

We are sitting in the living room enjoying the tiramisu Linda made before leaving for the day.

"I went to Boston to get something for you and father came along with me!" He said placing his plate on the table.

Wow! That's progress, he couldn't sit in the same room with him and now they stayed together for 5 hours. I am so happy and proud of him for trying to mend his relationship.

"Here! This is my 10-year sobriety chip. I want you to have this." He said and placed a gold-coated coin in my palm.

I moved my eyes from the coin and Andrew's face. He looks so proud of his achievement. I just pulled him into a hug and kissed him on his cheek. I know how hard it is to overcome an addiction medically.

"You should give this to Jameson, He was there for you, not me," I told him truthfully because I feel like I didn't deserve it.

"But you gave me a purpose Divya, I was just living without purpose until you came into my life. You gave me the reason to stay sober Divya, I wanted to be the perfect man for you." He said making my stomach flutter with his words.

I held the coin tighter as there were knots in my stomach, promising myself that I would stand by him and be the perfect woman for him. He is so sweet and nice, I can't put him in the dark about my past anymore.

"Andrew, I have to tell you about my past, my life in India," I told him gulping in fear breaking our hug.

"You don't have to Divya! I don't want to know about it. "

"But I have to do it, Andrew. I need to do this. You out of everyone has to know why I left Jay. After listening, you decide if you want to stay with me and Amar. I will understand if you want to leave us." I said to him looking down at my palms and fingers, not able to bear the thought of Andrew leaving us.

He lifted my chin up and held my shoulders, gazing through my soul with those sea-green eyes of his.

"I don't care, what your past was. When I said I loved you, I loved all your scars and insecurities too. Nothing, I mean nothing will ever stop me from loving you and Amar. I will listen to you because you need a vent to let out the pain but I will never ever leave you, not even in your wildest nightmare. Heck! I am ready to walk through hell for you. Keep that in my mind before saying things like that again." He said with a serious look making me smile

I can't believe that he is mine now, what have I done to deserve such an amazing person in my life? I love him, I love him so freaking much.

I moved my face closer to his and gave him a peck on his lips.

"I love this wild side of you." He groaned and pulled me into a heart skipping, stomach twisting, and fluttering kiss of my life.

I love the feeling of his lips over mine, my lips sunk in like it was a perfect fit for his, and I could taste coffee on his lips from the tiramisu. My hands roamed around his body and finally settled in his silky blonde hair pulling him closer than ever.

If my heart could detonate, only he had the powers to do it with his touch.

"Oh god! I am an addict again but this time you are my drug Divya!" He whispered making me blush red.

I never wanted any man in my life like I want you now.

But before all that I have to tell him the hardest part, the one which I never told anyone in my life. The part which makes me feel ashamed of myself, the things when I think about give me nightmares. The part which I couldn't explain to my therapist Laura.

Laura once told me that Part of the healing process is sharing with people who care.

I moved away from him and started reliving the worst days of my life.

We moved out of his parent's house, after the second month of my marriage to a penthouse near his office, which is a 3 bedroom 2 bath house. We never talked at his parent's home, I always stayed in the living room because I was too scared to be alone with him.

He didn't even ask me if I wanted to move. If it was closer to my work? Should I expect him to ask me? I didn't know how marriages work, my mom did whatever my dad asked her, and maybe I should do too.

We lived in separate rooms following the same schedule. We didn't talk for a month after moving into this house, living like 2 strangers in a house.

I was getting habituated to that, in fact, I was liking this newfound peace, but one day he came into my room and put an end to my happiness.

"My friends are coming over to meet you tomorrow. Get ready and make food for them." Jay said curtly and left the room.

That was the first time he spoke to me after Jameson's welcome party, So as he said I got out of work early made all the food, and got ready wearing a simple full-sleeve top with palazzo pants.

I sat down on a chair in the kitchen feeling tired from such a busy day. Within 5 min the bell rang, so I lazily dragged my feet to the door and opened it only to be met with 6 people instead of 4 like he told me.

I greeted all of them with a smile and welcomed them in. I might get to know Jay better from his friends, there should be a reason for his every action, right?

Of all the 6 people he bought home, 3 of them were his friends from kindergarten and the other 3 from his bachelor's.

They were really nice to me, most of all Krishna, he was jovial and a really funny guy. He dragged me into their conversations, so I won't feel bored with their talks. I served them all food and drinks.

And finally, the day was over, they left the house and Jay went downstairs to walk them to their cars.

I was really tired, so I plopped on my bed as soon as they left. I saw a new friendly angle in Jay which he never showed me. Maybe this is our new start, not everyone can get on the right foot from the start right.? Jay could be a nice guy otherwise my father wouldn't get me married to him. I was about to doze off when I heard a loud bang from the kitchen making me jump out of my bed.

I walked into the kitchen and saw Jay throwing everything down from the dining table.

I was scared.

"Jay! Are you okay?" I asked him politely and quietly.

"What was all that with Krishna? Are you trying to seduce him?" He barked at me coming towards me making me walk back.

"No Jay! Why would I do that?" I barely spoke out.

How could I? I was so scared looking at him so mad and shivering with anger.

Is he gonna hit me as he did on our first night together? How do I get out of this?

"I just saw the way you looked at him, Don't tell me that there is nothing going on there. I am not blind."

"I didn't do anything like that Jay. I am not sure what you are talking about. I am not that kind of person." I said back to him defending myself.

"You are exactly that kind of person, you act all quiet and innocent but on the inside, you are just a bitch trying to lure people. Your kind disgusts me and needs to punish." He said coming forward again and I tried to run away but he caged me with his big body of his.

I looked like an ant under a human's shoe, waiting to be crushed under.

"Please, Jay! No" I screamed in pain as held me by my hair.

And before I could realize he swung my head by my hair and smashed to the nearest wall making me numb all over.

The pain was so overwhelming that I couldn't see anything for the next few seconds, my vision was blurry, my ears kept ringing and every cell of my body screamed pain.

"If I see you talking to any man again, I will do more than this. Understood?" He said in disgust squishing my face with his hand, pushing me to the ground and leaving the house.

I tried to stand up, but my legs gave up on me making me stumble and fall back again to the cold floor.

What wrong did I do in my life? Why me?

Please kill me, god! I don't want this pain. I want this to end.

I lay there on the floor, all alone cursing at my fate like a weakling.

I should tell my parents about this, they wouldn't let me stay with Jay. My mom loves me too much to do that. With that thought in hope that my parents would help I finally cried myself to sleep.

I woke up in an empty house, I finally gathered all the courage to get up and went to the washroom and saw myself, there is a big bruise on my forehead, and I hated myself looking in the mirror.

What was the use of all the knowledge I gained when I couldn't even protect myself? Why don't they teach you how to protect yourself in schools and colleges? Why did they not show me that the real world was hard to live in?

I went downstairs and booked a cab to my parent's house with the only hope that this will end and that they are my safety net.

I reached the house and rang the doorbell and got greeted by my grandma.

"Divya!"My grandma gasped looking at me.

I ignored her and walked to my mom who was in the kitchen making lunch.

"Maa" I whispered gaining her attention.

As soon I saw her face, I jumped into her arms with tears running through my eyes. I couldn't stop them. All I wanted was to feel the warmth of her hug and her telling me that it was all going to be okay.

"Baby! what's wrong? why are you crying? What happened to your head?" She asked me with tears in her eyes. That question reminded me of the pain I had last night, making me cry hysterically.

She kept rubbing my back and sat with me till my eyes dried out all the tears.

"I don't wanna go back to Jay Maa! He hit me last night. I don't know what I did. Please Maa... Don't send me back to him." I pleaded with all energy I had left.

She pulled me out of her arms, kissed me on my head, and said the words I longed to hear.

"You don't have to go back, I will talk to your father. Stop crying, I am really sorry for marrying you to him. Let's go! I will make you your favorite chicken curry with Poori." She said I nodded feeling safe.

She went into the living room and bought me a salve for my head and a pain killer. I had those and went to my old room feeling safe and slept with a pinch of happiness that my pain has ended.

I don't know how long was I out, but I woke up to the sound of my mom arguing with my dad and grandma. I walked to their door to get better clarity on what they are fighting about.

"Please Laxman! Don't send her back. That pathetic excuse of a man hit our daughter and you want to send her back to him. What kind of father are you?" My mom raised my voice at him.

My dad wants me to go back to Jay. I felt like someone just punched me in the guts.

"What did Divya do to make Jay mad? People like him don't hit for fun. I am sure she must've done something. And you can't come back home for every smallest thing, he is her family now." My grandma said.

My own grandmother questioned my integrity.

Are they really my family?

"She didn't do anything, I know my daughter, and hitting her is not a small thing." My mom said confidently and my dad chuckled.

"You don't know anything Sailaja, I spoke to Jay when you told me about Divya. You won't believe what he told me about our own daughter." My father told my mother with complete disappointment.

What did I do? I don't understand. I reminisced every single moment of mine yesterday. I couldn't find any mistake.

"He told me that Divya made sexual advances on his friend, Krishna! I literally had to beg him to take our daughter back. We failed as parents Sailaja. I am ashamed to have a daughter like that." He said in a disgusted tone.

I couldn't take in what he was saying. I never initiated a conversation with Krishna yesterday. He spewed all lies to my parents and my own father believed in them.

"I didn't do anything of such sort," I told them confidently opening their door.

"I didn't even touch his friend, Believe me, Dad! I wouldn't...I wouldn't do anything like that." I told him while he turned his head away the minute he looked at me.

Is my own father disgusted to look at my face?

"Don't even show me your face, Divya! You are a disgrace. I am ashamed to call you my daughter. Jay told me that you wouldn't accept your mistake, and that's why he had to hit you. He did the right thing, If I was in his place I would've killed you.." My father spat at me. 

He killed me with his words and left the room smashing the door.

The sad thing was their words and actions hurt me more than Jay's beatings. The pain was so unbearable that my heart started to ache, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move and I couldn't say a word. All I could feel was the pain and the burning stream of tears running through my face.

"Stop with those fake cries and get ready to go back. We don't anyone else to see you back in the house, if they see you like this people will start talking and our prestige in this society will go down." My grandma said to me looking at me like I was a disgusting piece of shit.

I looked at my mom with a small hope that at least she would believe in me.

"Maa.."

"Sailaja! get down." My fathers yelled cutting me off and my mom being the good wife she is left me all alone.

My own family chose to believe someone else over their own daughter.

That was the moment, I realized that I had no family, and family doesn't mean that they will always stick by your side.

And the mistake is mine to think that they would stand by me. This is a society where a girl's parents always give priority to their son-in-law, to them he is the god.

"Divya! Sir and Mam are calling you downstairs. Your husband is here!" Our maid Naga said to me with pity looks on her face.

I brushed my tears off and walked downstairs and went directly into Jay's car.

I stayed in the same house with Jay because I had nowhere else to go and no one to trust me.

I stayed because I didn't want to ruin my parent's reputation, I didn't want to be the daughter they feel disappointed at. Because all my life I made them happy and I wanted to it be the same.

I stayed because I hoped one day my parents would see what kind of man Jay was and take me away with them.

I tried and tried to make my family understand my pain every single time he hit me. But there was no change in them. I was living with a monster for my family who never believed me.

I am really sorry for this chapter and the next one.

Something is definitely wrong with me.

Why can't I write a regular story without any implication to the society we live in?

why do I make everything so complicated?

This was supposed to be a regular Arranged marriage cute love story between Divya and Jay but then my messed-up brain had to ruin it.

And the song above is for you all.

Stay Safe from all the monsters in your life people.

Don't forget to vote and Comment and let me know if think I am crazy.

Love,
Sneha