Dedicated to my Mom because she's amazing. You did a great job even after my father's death. I love you, Mom.

~ I never really wanted you to go ~ so many things you should’ve known ~

My Wattpad Love

Chapter 26

Jules’ P.O.V

Shane was too quiet.

After my embarrassing confession of love for Evan, Shane hadn’t uttered a word. I’d expected him to tease me about it, to make fun of me or something but not this. The rest of the ride home became truly uncomfortable. I stole a few glances at him, but his eyes were on the road, and I wasn’t sure he was even blinking.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Shane looked serious. That was new. He’d never been the serious type. I couldn’t understand the reason for his strange behavior but I was definitely going to find out.

“Shane?” My voice sounded raspy.

“Yeah?” his tone was cold; there was no trace of his usual playfulness. Alright, that was new, too.

“What’s wrong?” I stared at him but he didn’t even glance at me. He squeezed the steering wheel.

“Nothing.”

“You’re acting weird,” I commented, watching his reaction. He pressed his lips in a tight line. His shoulders were tense. I didn’t need to be an expert on body language to know there was something wrong with him. Did I make him uncomfortable with the confession? I was seriously regretting telling him. I didn’t know what I was thinking, I’d just blurted it out. It was like one of those moments when we realize something shocking and we can’t help saying it aloud.

Shane’s silence was killing me; I could almost touch the tension inside the car. I stared at the window, watching the drops of rain rolling down the glass. A flash of sadness crossed me. I would never be able to see the rain without thinking about Evan. It would always remind me of that mind-blowing kiss. I’d never felt anything like this before. To be in his arms felt so good, so right.

“We’re here.” Shane’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I took my seatbelt off, shoved my phone in my shorts’ pockets and opened the door.

“Thank you,” I whispered honestly. He didn’t say anything so I got off the car and headed towards my house. I hugged myself, shivering from the cold. It was still drizzling a little. I opened my front door and the warmth and familiar smell of my home welcomed me. The lights were on and so was the TV which meant my mother was still awake. I had no idea what time it was.

“Mom, I’m home!” I shouted, sniffing. Something smelled really good here.

“I’m in the kitchen!” she shouted back. I frowned. What was she doing there? Mom wasn’t really a fan of cooking.

Following the delicious scent of homemade food, I found myself in the kitchen. Mom was wearing a very nice black short dress. It was really tight, highlighting her curvy figure. Her brown hair was in an elegant pony tail. She even put some make-up on. I frowned. What was going on? She bent over to get something out of the oven and placed it on the counter facing me. God, that food looked very appetizing. Was that chicken? I licked my lips.

“Hey, I thought you were staying over Laura’s house.” She stared at me inquiringly. “Are those men’s clothes?” Her eyebrows knitted together. “What happened to your dress? And why are you looking like a soaked dog?” Her expression turned into a judging one. “Julie Ann Jones, don’t tell me you were out in the rain.” I laughed nervously.

“What?” I asked, my tone rising. That usually happened when I lied. “No, of course not.” Mom narrowed her eyes at me.

“You just recovered from influenza, Jules.” She took her oven gloves off. “Since when are you so reckless?” I sighed.

“I’m sorry, Mom, it just happened,” I said. “What’s going on?” I asked in a subtle attempt to change the subject.

“Have you been crying?”

There goes my attempt…

I shifted in my seat, “No, I was…” I trailed off. “I was looking up at the sky and rain got in my eyes.”

Really, Jules? Really?

“You really can’t lie, can you?” she asked amusedly. I relaxed my shoulders in defeat. Mom’s expression softened “Is this about a boy?”

“Yeah,” I admitted, looking down.

“Sweetie, you do know you can tell me everything, right?” I nodded. “What happened?”

Telling Mom my sad love story wasn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. She and I had always trusted each other; it’d always been the two of us. We had family in other towns but we barely kept in touch with them. Therefore, we only had each other. Of course, I skipped some details that I knew Mom wouldn’t really approve, like the heat I felt when I was passionately kissing Evan under the rain. Yeah, I was sure she didn’t need to know that. Mom listened to me in silence. When I was done, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. 

“I think I know who he is,” Mom whispered, deep in thought. I stared at her puzzled.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” she started, sitting on the stool across me, “Do you remember that week-end you had to stay over Lau’s house because I couldn’t come home?” I searched in my mind for that memory.

“Yes, you were three days straight in the hospital. That was years ago.” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Where are going with this?”

“The reason I couldn’t leave the hospital was because I had a very unusual terrible case to deal with,” she made a pause, “We received a call from River Town’s hospital, they were transferring four patients. Apparently, it was a murder case, so we, as the biggest hospital close by, had to take care of it. Besides, our hospital had more resources and specialists.” My chest tightened but I listened to her attentively. “When the ambulances arrived, two of the patients were already dead. I was really shocked, Jules. They were a family. The police officer informed us of the situation. The father had shot the mother and then shot himself. Their children were coming in the other ambulance. There were a boy and girl. They were both injured. And as we proceeded to take care of them and examine them, we noticed the boy had been victim of abuse for years. He had bruises and unhealed fractures. They were both traumatized, especially the boy, as he wouldn’t even speak. The girl was younger than him and she was unconcious.” Mom let out a long breath. “I’d never seen anything like it before. That case was in the news for months, but of course, the identity of them was hidden. They had suffered enough to be chased by the media.”

“You’re saying…” Mom nodded.

“Their names were Evan and Helen Woods,” even though I knew that was where she was heading, it still surprised me when she clarified it, “I could never forget their names, their case really moved me.”

“Oh God.” I clutched my forehead, bewilderment washing over me. Life was truly a mess. Who could’ve thought my own mother had treated him in the worst night of his life? God, I felt so bad for him. I couldn’t even imagine what he’d been through.

“Are you okay?” Mom’s hand reached mine and she squeezed it reassuringly.

“Yeah, this is just…” I was out of words.

“I know,” she whispered. “He’s been through a lot, sweetie. He probably has emotional wounds that haven’t healed. When a person goes through traumatic circumstances, they usually block everyone out. They are afraid of being hurt again. I’m not justifying him, but medically, his behavior is normal. He will overcome this with time, the thing is, are you really up for dealing with him?” She rested her palm on my face. “His burden has nothing to do with you. I don’t want you suffering for it; you’re too young for that, sweetie.”

“I care about him, Mom.” She smiled sadly at me.

“I know that. I can see it in your eyes.” She caressed my cheek gently.

“I can help him.”

“Some people don’t want to be helped, Jules,” she stated seriously. I closed my eyes, remembering the sadness in Evan’s gaze.

“I don’t care,” I replied, opening my eyes. Mom shook her head disapprovingly.

“You’re so stubborn.”

“I got it from you,” I joked, trying to ease the sadness in me. Mom got on her feet and leaned over to kiss my forehead.

“Just be smart enough to know when to give up,” she said, softly leaning backwards to look into my eyes. “I know it’s hard, but sometimes you just have to let it go.” She started taking her apron off. It was then I remembered she was up to something.

“What’s the occasion?” I wondered aloud. Mom bit her lower lip nervously.

“Oh, I thought you were staying over Lau’s house so I…” she trailed off giving her back to me to put the apron inside one of the cabinets.

“So? You decided to invite some friends to dinner?” I guessed, because she had done that before. Some friends from the hospital had come two or three times for dinner in the past few months.

“Actually, I have…” she paused turning to me, “a date.” My eyes widened.

“A date?” I was shocked “Really?”

“Yes, his name is John. He’s a cardiologist at the hospital.”

“Oh.” This was the first time Mom had a date in years.

“I’m sorry, I thought you weren’t coming. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable? Mom, I’m fine,” I assured her honestly. “I just think it’s kind of fast to invite him over in the first date.”

“Actually… it’s not our first date. We’ve been dating for three months now.” My jaw dropped to the floor.

“What? And you tell me this now?” My tone rose.

“I-”

“We’re not supposed to hide these things for each other,” I cut her off, getting slightly upset.

“Sweetheart, you have to understand. I wanted to know him, to see if we have some future before introducing him to you. I don’t want you meeting all the guys I try a relationship with. I don’t want you getting attached to a man who’ll end up leaving. We had enough with your father’s depart.” A flash of pain crossed her eyes. “I won’t put through that again.” Her words eased my anger.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized for getting all judgmental on her.

“It’s okay. You weren’t suppose to find out like this anyway.”

“Mom, it’s cool. You have fun, alright? I’ll go upstairs and you won’t even notice I’m here. I’ll meet him whenever you think it’s time, there’s no rush.” Mom gave me a toothy smile.

“You have matured for your age.”

“Not really, I’m still afraid of the boogeyman.” Mom laughed shortly.

“I love you.” Her eyes shone with sincerity.

“I love you too, Mom,” I said before yawing. I was tired. I rubbed my face. “What a night!” I blew some hair out of my face. Mom stalked towards me.

“Come here.” She offered her arms and I got up to hug her. She held me tightly. I felt so safe in her arms. Her smell calmed me. “Everything is going to be alright.” Even when I knew that statement was probably wishful thinking, it still calmed me to hear her say it. Mom took a step backwards and held my face with both hands “Now, you’re going to take a warm shower, take two aspirins and sleep, okay? We don’t want you relapsing on the flu.”

“Yes, sir!” I exclaimed, mocking determination. Mom pinched my nose.

“Go,” she shooed me, pushing me to the stairs.

“Can I have some of that chicken? It looks so good.” Mom chuckled at my question.

“Sure, I’ll give you a plate once you’re showered.”

“Thank you!” I kissed her cheek and went upstairs.

As soon as I stepped in my room, everything fell down on me. I had a lot of information to take in. I turned my night light on and sat on my bed. I stared at my closed laptop on the night table.  It brought so many memories to me. I remembered the first I talked to Evan. I was so angry about the rude comment he made about my story. Who could’ve thought I would end up caring about him? A sad smile crept to my lips as I remembered all those nights I stayed up late, talking to him without realizing I was fascinated by him. I wanted to know more and more about him. His mysteriousness dragged me to him. Not to mention how comfortable I felt talking to him, I trusted him for no reason.

I don’t want to see you again…

His cold words made my heart constrict. How long will this hideous overwhelming feeling last? Why did it hurt so much? Even though Mom had told me his depressing story, that wouldn’t ease the pain within. He’d hurt me too much. Why was it so hard to let him go? My eyes watered. Maybe I turned into a masochist without even realizing it. Images of his handsome face flashed through my closed eyes.

“Just be smart enough to know when to give up.”

 Mom’s wise recommendation roamed around my head. How could I know when to give up? Could I bear getting hurt again? How many punches could my heart take? What if Evan didn’t really feel the same way and that was why he kept pushing me away? Maybe I was fooling myself for thinking he actually had feelings for me. Tears streamed down my face.

Love makes us fools.

Sighing, I let myself fall backwards on my bed. I could hear the rain hitting my window’s glass.

Evan…

Evan…

What are you doing right now? Where are you? Are you thinking about me?

What should I do?

Mrs. Strawberry…

I covered my face to sob softly. I was swallowed by the memory of all the things he’d said to me…

You’re the opposite of me.

I like you

You’re beautiful

Writers always leave pieces of themselves on the story.

We’re miles away.

Why would he do this to me? Why would he push me away like this? I wished I could enter his mind, I wished he knew I was more than willing to help him, to be there for him whenever he needed me. I couldn’t imagine the pain he’d endured but I was willing to listen to him. He didn’t have to be alone in this. It could be my way of paying him back for all those nights he listened to my endless babbling. I uncovered my face and opened my eyes. My sight was blurred ‘cause of the tears. I blinked, letting them escape my eyes.

My phone buzzed in my shorts’ pocket. I had totally forgotten about it. I pulled it out to check it. Anticipation made my mouth dry as my eyes landed on the unread texts and mails from Wattpad. I proceed to read the texts but I was instantly disappointed when I read the IDs. There were three texts from Jason and one from Laura. Jason’s texts were from earlier, asking me about Helen’s party. That was probably before I showed up sobbing at his door. Lau was asking if I got home alright. I texted her back telling her I was okay.

Sorrowfully, I checked the email’s list. I felt a pull at the top of my stomach as I read that familiar e-mail:

Dark_poet001 sent you a message:

It is for your own good. I’m sorry.

My own good? Didn’t he know I wasn’t good at all without him? The message was 14 minutes ago. I hesitated about my reply. I didn’t know if I was ready to talk to him. I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted to yell at him. Couldn’t he let me make my own choices? Angrily, I typed a reply:

Why would you play with my feelings like that?

Him: I’m sorry.

Me: Stop saying that.

Him: .….

Me: Why…?

Him: Did you get home alright?

Me: Like you care.

Him: Just tell me.

Me: I’m fine.

Him: Good.

Me: Evan…

Him: You need to forget about me.

Me: No, no until you tell me why.

My heart was racing inside my chest. I literally stopped breathing each time he replied.

Him: I already told you.

Me: You never gave me your reasons.

Him: I didn’t need to.

Me:  You owe me an explanation.

Him: I don’t owe you anything.

Me: Why would you lead me on like that if you felt nothing for me?

Him: I was just fooling around.

I ignored the stabbed I felt in my chest when I read that.

Me: Was this a game for you?

Him: Yes.

Me: I don’t believe you.

Him: I don’t care.

Me: …

Him: I have to go.

Me: Don’t.

Him: I’m sorry.

Dark_poet001 logged off.

Desperately, I searched through my contacts and found his number. I called him biting my lower lip nervously; my heart was going to jump out of my chest.I thought he wasn´t going to answer but after the third ring, I was surprised to hear his sexy voice.

“Hello?”

“Evan, I-”

“Stop this, Jules.” His tone was soft, but tinged with pain.

“I can’t.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want answers… that’s all.” Evan sighed.

“Jules…”

“Evan, please,” I pleaded pathetically. Why did love make us so weak? God, I was being clingy.

“I’m not good, Jules.”

“That’s not true,” I retorted. I heard him sigh again, he sounded so troubled.

“What am I going to do with you?” he whispered, his husky voice sent shivers through me.

“Just be with me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I just… you should get some sleep.” He tried to sound cold but I could still sense the sadness lining his voice.

“Promise me, I will see you again and we will talk.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“Evan…”

“Goodnight, sweet Jules.” He hung up but I still held the phone pressed against my ear. My heart was beating really fast inside my chest. I lay back on my bed and gazed at the ceiling. I was numb for a moment. My phone buzzed in my hand and I raised it to my face. It was a text from Evan; I stopped breathing whilst I read it:

You’re driving me crazy, Mrs. Strawberry.

X M W L X

 A/N: Hello! How are you doing? I hope you're enjoying winter/summer/whatever season is where you live! xD I'm really grateful for everything you've done so far for this story. I love you guys, really!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

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Love,

Arix