I was waking up from sleeping and I felt something under me. I opened my eyes and saw trees in my view, the sun was rising. My head was going up and down from something I was laying. I smelled Hermes cologne faintly and I remembered I hadn’t wanted to go home last night since I felt too ashamed.

I placed my hand on the ground and lifted myself up, looking at Hermes who was asleep. He was shivering a little since he was in his hoodie and boxers. I thought my body heat would make him warm but I guess it wasn’t. I sat myself up, tugging at his shirt I was wearing and his jeans were baggy on me. I had ripped my clothes last night. I was losing a part of me.

I ran my hands threw my hair, grabbing a fist full, and brought my knees up. What is wrong with me? I really thought I was fine, but after last night when I had a scare if I could shift or not, it made me realize how serious this must have gotten. I pulled my hair out of my hair and hit my head, “Idiot, you’re an idiot Jaycee. Why’d you screw it up?”

“Jaycee?” Hermes questioned, his voice groggy.

I hid my face in my head, “I’m losing it, Hermes. My mind, my sanity, the other half of me.”

“No you not.” he said as he yawned.

“You probably think I’m such a freak. I am turning into Lucinda and I don’t want to.” I said. “But the magic, it feels so good.”

“I know it feels good, but it’s dangerous to.” he said. He put his arm around my shoulders, “Let’s get you home—what is this?” he asked as he touched my hair and I lifted my hair to see a big strain of my hair from on top of my hair in front of my bangs was gray.

My eyes widen as I took a sharp breath, taking the strain of hair, “What happened? Why’s my hair turning gray?”

“I don’t know, Lucinda hair never turned gray.” he said. “It’s probably an effect to using so much magic.”

I shook my head, “I’m going gray and I’m only seventeen! Maybe if I dye my hair or have Carmina fix it—“

“Carmina?” he questioned. “I think we should stay away from her.”

“But she’s helping me.” I said as I turned to him. “She only wants to help me.”

“She’s using you, Jaycee.” he said and I opened my mouth, but he shook his head. “No, Jaycee, don’t be in denial. She isn’t helping you, she’s using you.”

“But—but why would she do that?” I asked and he gave me a hard look. I pouted, “Because I’m a werewolf, a Russo. This sucks.”

*

When I walked into house, I was catching my dad just as he came down the stairs. I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly, hugging him like I was a little girl again. “I’m so sorry, daddy, I was such a brat last night.” I said.

“You could have said that last night, your mom gave me the cold shoulder all night.” he said. “What are you wearing?”

“It’s not like that.” I said as I stepped back. “I shifted last night while I wearing my clothes, I was a little out of my head last night but I’m sorry. I realized how wrong I was, I know you would never hurt me. I was being a little brat.”

He raised his hand and cupped my cheek, “You’ll always be a brat, Jaycee, just be a good brat.” His eyebrows came together and he touched the gray streak, “What is this?”

“Uh . . . stress.” I said and he gave me a concern look, opening his mouth. I shook my head, “I don’t want to talk about it, and I’m dealing with it. It should go away Hermes said.” I said, lying.

He put his arm around my shoulders as he sighed heavily and patted my right shoulder as we went into the kitchen, “I got a little news to share.” he said. “That call last night, it was from someone we’ve been waiting on.”

Confused, I looked up at him, “Who?”

“Emily Ralfe.” he said and my eyes widen as I got excited. “Their coming this weekend, Grandpa going to have this big cook out for the gathering. Should be the most interesting gathering in a while.”

“Should be.” I said.

*

I was allowed to stay home from school today and I had spent the last few hours sleeping when there was a knock on my door. I dragged my butt out of bed and down the stairs, “I’m coming!” I yelled when that person knocked again. I scratched my right side of my butt since it itched a little before I opened the door and I met a Carmina. “Oh, hi.” I said.

She smiled at me, “Jaycee, you look well rested.” She had an antique looking bird cage with a white dove inside.

“Uh, yeah.” I said awkwardly as I rubbed my elbow. “What are you doing here?”

“Checking up on my little protégé.” she chuckled. “Can I come in? I have something I want to show you that you might just love.”

“Oh, uh, sure.” I said as I stepped aside and she walked in.

She looked around, “I love this house, you’re father really loved you mother to work to buy her this house. It’s her dream house, not to big but still big enough. He made sure that kitchen was renovated into her dream kitchen and she spent the whole day in the kitchen cooking because she loved it that much.”

“Wow,” I said, chuckling as she turned to look at me. “You really do know everything.”

She grinned, “I could show you, if you like. Have the ability of knowledge and wisdom.”

“Eh, I think my family and friends would get annoyed being around me if I knew everything.” I said, chuckling. “What’s with the bird cage?”

She walked over to the couch and placed the birdcage on the coffee table and I sat on the couch next to her, “Ever heard of Astral Travel, Jaycee?”

I shook my head, “No, I haven’t. What is it?”

“It’s an out the body experience to be able to leave your body into another living thing.” she said and my eyes widen. She grinned, “Interesting, huh? It could be a person, animal, bird, snake, or anything else like that. Would you like to see?” she asked and I nodded, curious and excited. She opened the cage and reach her hand in, gently place her fingers on top of the dove head, and looked into the dove eyes, “Astral.” she whispered.

Her green eyes suddenly turned white and the bird flapped its wing quickly. It walked onto Carmina hand and up her arm until she was out of the cage. The bird flew onto my lap and my mouth formed a small ‘o’ shape as the bird looked up at me.

“Carmina?” I questioned and the bird nodded.

Carmina body took in a soft breathe next to me and I jumped, looking at her and her eyes were back to normal. She smiled, “Amazing, you should try.” she said as she gently took the bird in her hands and pet its head.

I frowned, “Oh, I can’t.”

She frowned back, “Why not?”

I touched the gray streak, “Don’t you see this? Magic is doing this, I need to take a break.”

She looked at it and chuckled, “I think it’s cool, you got such dark beautiful hair and this makes you look cool. Rockish.” she said as she took the streak of hair. “Jaycee, magic isn’t doing this. It’s your mind, you can’t let it take over. It’s stress and if you’re worried, I understand. But magic isn’t doing this, if you use magic the right way like we are, it won’t ever hurt you. You’re strong, you proved it when you healed Lucinda soul from all the dark magic.”

“Hermes thinks it’s dangerous though.” I said. “That it’s turning my soul dark and I think maybe he’s right.”

“Hermes is a third generationer and maybe if he was doing this stuff, it would taint his soul. You’re a seventh generationer, your body is built for this. Darkness only builds if you’re doing dark magic, but you’re not.” she said.

“But I had a hard time shifting last night.” I said. “I don’t want to lose that big part of my soul, Carmina. It’s giving me crazy mood swings.”

She nodded and smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder, “Alright, I understand. It is too much of me to ask and maybe you are right. I’m proud of you as far as you come, I would never let you tarnish your soul.” she said as she placed her hand under my chin for a moment. She sighed heavily as she put it down, “I just thought maybe you were stronger to handle this kind of stuff. Hermes is trying to make me seem like the bad guy.”

“What?” I questioned. “No, no he isn’t Carmina, he’s just worried about me.”

She frowned, “No, he dislikes me. He thinks I’m using you, but I’m not. I’m only trying to help you improve your power, I’m proud of you Jaycee for telling your family. They deserve the truth. I know I may have scared you that if you use too much magic, you’re wolf side will be destroy or you’ll die, but its take allot. You’re hardly using much of anything, Hermes is just a little jealous he can’t do the things you can.”

I nodded, “What I’m trying to say, but I’m not trying to hurt his feelings. Hermes is a great guy, but I feel sometimes he doesn’t want me to know what I can do. The things I’ve been doing, he can do but I want to learn something he can’t, he gets angry.”

“This is a hard world to live in, Jaycee.” she said. “You just got to live life he best you can and if you love magic, you love it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t. You do love magic?”

I nodded my head quickly, “I do, and it’s like— a rush. A good kind of rush, but I also love being a wolf Carmina. I feel like I’m losing touch with it.”

She smiled and took my hand, “I want to show you something.”

I was pulled into something. It was like being in a dream, but I wasn’t sure if I should believe where I was or not. I was in a forest, an unfamiliar forest. It was bright and sunny, telling me it was either spring or summer.

I heard giggling and I turned around to see a woman maybe twenty-one running down the forest. She had on such a weird dress, like 17th century dress. A Puritan dress. It was a brown color with a brown linen cap. A man chased behind, laughing with her.

They ran passed me, not seeing me at all. My eyebrows furrowed together as I watched them. The man grabbed her by the waist from behind and lifting her up, twirling them. The woman giggled loudly, “Oh Juan, set me down now!”

My face fell as I watched my ancestors act as if they were teenagers.

Juan set the women down and she turned to him, “I will not leave you alone until you say yes to me, Daphne”

“I’ve only known you for three weeks, Juan.” she said.

Juan took her hand and placed it against his chest where his heart would be, “Yet, I feel like I have known you my whole life. If you could only imagine my days before I have met you, it had been dark and empty. You are like the light at the end of the tunnel. I can only get out of this dark cold tunnel if you marry me, be with me forever. I know you’re father has arranged for you to be with that pig blacksmith Henry. Let me save you, I know I don’t have much but I’ll try to give you everything.”

Daphne stared up at Juan, “I know there is something different about you, Juan. You have a secret and I’m scared for what it could be. When I first laid my eyes on you, you were like nothing I have ever laid my eyes on.”

“You won’t like I would tell you.” he said. “Awhile long, almost like in a different life I was a monster and then I was turned into a monster to show myself how evil I was.”

“You are a good man.” Daphne said as she brought her hand up to his cheek.

“Now I am. I am a changed man, but I am a monster. Only you can help me withhold that monster.” he said. He brought his hand up and placed it over hers, “You make me feel like a man again. I love you, Daphne, marry me.”

Daphne smiled, “No matter what you tell me, Juan, good or worse, my answer will be yes.”

Juan smiled and leaned down, kissing her forehead, “I will tell you everything.”

I was brought back to reality and I breathed heavily, “Oh wow.”

“Juan was different after he was turned.” Carmina said. “He was a cruel man before, but after he was turned into a werewolf he was good. I think because he realized he was a monster now along with us but see how he felt sorry for himself? It took you’re family to be proud of what you are, you will always have the pride Jaycee, like it’s going to take pride in being a witch.” she said. “He had Daphne to make him feel brave, Hermes should be here to make you feel brave.”

“Hermes is a good guy.” I said, but this is my life. I brushed my finger threw my hair and took a deep breath as I looked at the dove, “Show me what to do.”